No good deed goes unpunished

[Hazaer]

Hey guys, I would like to hear your response if a girl asks for simple favours. Something annoying happened and would be good to hear your opinions. This is the scenario.

She wants you to open the door for her friend. She is cooking and lets assume she has her hands full. You know her and you do it for her. No word of thanks from her.

Assume that she is your housemate.

So what would you say to her before and after opening that door to maintain your frame and stop her from taking advantage in the future while not being too condescending.

A general response to all such petty requests would be good.

My 2 cents:

The alpha thing to do here is not to share a living space with some random female in the first place.

It sounds like the woman is training the guy to be in her friend zone.

The guy should say 'I'm not your butler.' and walk away and basically be a dick. He can say things like, 'I am only your housemate. I am not obligated to be your friend.'

This might however ruin the atmosphere in the house the guy and the girl are sharing.

It's better not to be friends with women, and also not to share living space with them if they are not family.

Yeah, not sharing living spaces with girls would be the ideal situation but since I am living in a mixed gender style dorm, it is unavoidable. Also, being pretty new to game, I am seeing these situations as opportunities to develop the right frame to women, especially those looking to take advantage.

The above suggestion by Leonard is good. I will test it out.

For a verbal retort, I am thinking something playful yet letting her know she cant order a guy around. Perhaps, 'Sure, but it will cost you.' or something like that.

I am not sure if there is a thread for this somewhere for such situations, please direct me if you are aware of that.

All suggestions are welcome.

 

[Leonard D Neubache]

...
For a verbal retort, I am thinking something playful yet letting her know she cant order a guy around. Perhaps, 'Sure, but it will cost you.' or something like that.
...

The important question is "would she do the same for you?" This in fact shouldn't be a question. If you're the only one responding to requests then that's an issue. You should regularly be asking her to do tasks for you of a similar value, even if those tasks are not necessary. "Can you get me a coke from the fridge?" Etc.

I don't like asking people to do things for me (even little stuff) but it's important to make sure that these small favours are not a one way street.

If you're on swearing terms then I'd suggest conceding small tasks only, accompanied with sarcasm to the effect of "jeez, you're such a fucking burden".

Of course, without knowing the person in question it's hard to give advice on something this nuanced.

 

[Hazaer]

...
For a verbal retort, I am thinking something playful yet letting her know she cant order a guy around. Perhaps, 'Sure, but it will cost you.' or something like that.
...

You should regularly be asking her to do tasks for you of a similar value, even if those tasks are not necessary. "Can you get me a coke from the fridge?" Etc.

I don't like asking people to do things for me (even little stuff) but it's important to make sure that these small favours are not a one way street.

If you're on swearing terms then I'd suggest conceding small tasks only, accompanied with sarcasm to the effect of "jeez, you're such a fucking burden".

Of course, without knowing the person in question it's hard to give advice on something this nuanced.

Thats a good test to see if they reciprocate.

Most of the times, these are girls you know pretty well. Not on swearing terms but you see them every day, like in class for example but are not really part of their inner circle.

 

[EDantes]

Disagree but I think there is truth in it, namely:

Many people do "nice things" with selfish motives (Jesus spoke of the Pharisees in the Bible) covertly expecting a reward; some people naturally distrust these people, often for good reason (just as they would the cheesy infomercial pitchman or used car salesman)

Doing "nice things" for people who aren't reciprocating in some way is foolish, and if people trick themselves into think they're doing it without any selfish motive then they're fooling themselves or simply trying to look "holier than thou".

In some parts of culture (in females especially) generosity is essentially the "bragging right" (while in men it is typically competence or power), so you'll see women doing "altruistic things" but from a purely competitive standpoint (to "look more generous" than other women) rather than any real underlying principle.

 

[Deepdiver]

My Grandfather had a good rule:

Buy the first drink, cigar or meal and then see how if and when they reciprocate.

No reciprocity - never say a word just cut them out of your life.

Example if I take a woman out for a romantic dinner...

I fully expect her to invite me over within a week for a home cooked meal (No - Chinese take out does not matter), netflix and chill... otherwise next plate in the stack.

 

[RedPillUK]

That phrase is so sick and mentally unhealthy I don't even like seeing it as a thread title so I had to come in and say something. Only someone who doesn't understand people would believe this. You will never make any friends with this mentality, take this view if you want to be a lonely sociopath for the rest of your life.

I can't really think of any purely good deeds that I've done that I've been punished for off the top of my head, however I don't normally do good deeds for people that I don't know or might fuck me over.

Also the amount of value that's been added to my life by doing good things for people has been truly spectacular and unexpected. Sometimes you make friends with someone by chance, they offer you a beer, you meet up again next time you turn up with your own beer, then they offer you their place to stay. A lot of good friendships are formed this way.

If your so called good deeds are punishing you, you might want to look at what you're doing and who you're doing it for.

 

[Walker]

My Grandfather had a good rule:

Buy the first drink, cigar or meal and then see how if and when they reciprocate.

No reciprocity - never say a word just cut them out of your life.

Example if I take a woman out for a romantic dinner...

I fully expect her to invite me over within a week for a home cooked meal (No - Chinese take out does not matter), netflix and chill... otherwise next plate in the stack.

Now that women earn their own money this rule sucks.

In 2016 you start by having her pay for the first outing, then reciprocate if she does it without breaking your balls.

 

[kavakid]

When a woman first meets a guy, will she trust him more if he is :
A) arrogant and self centered.
B) nice and accommodating.

And which one is she more likely to be attracted to, at first?

The answer is ....
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......
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A. Arrogant and self centered.

Why does she trust him more? Because he's probably being his authentic self so at least she knows what she's getting. He's not going out of his way to please her so he probably doesn't have ulterior motives.

The nice guy could be really nice. Or he could be a creep who will turn into a stalker etc. He may be acting just to get in her pants.

Why is she attracted to the arrogant guy? Because he probably doesn't need her for validation. He's more likely to have plenty of dating options. He doesn't care if she likes him and that's a turn on.

Now, there is a balance. Obviously you can't be self centered all the time. And you should help people out when warranted, especially if you're in a relationship. And some women want a nicer guy, and others don't.

I aim for nice, but strong.

I don't need to be an asshole just to prove I don't need her. But if she needs help for some minor thing, I will make jokes and generally make it entertaining for myself while encouraging her to handle it on her own. The longer I've known her the more I'm likely to go out of my way to help.

 

[Khan]

I disagree with that phrase, it has a nearly hamster-like sound to it.

Yesterday, while waiting in the checkout line in a supermarket, I let a group of construction workers move in front of me. I had a full cart, they had just a couple of lunch items. I thought to myself, why should they waste 5 minutes of their hard-earned lunch break while waiting for me to finish unloading and paying, so I let them move in front.

According to the phrase, that was a beta move and I'm supposed to get punished for it. Come on, what a load of rubbish. Anyone who has such an outlook on life should get it out of his system asap, it won't do him any good that's for sure.

 

[Dalaran1991]

Any who believes that saying needs to ask himself « have I benefitted from good deeds done to me by other people ? »

I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the innumerable help and generosity of many people, to whom I’m always ever grateful, and I have remained friends with them until this day. Some of them were strangers when we met. Not to mention help from many RVF whom I've never met.

I started a thread about kindness and being a redpill man, and its good to see most members do not think they are exclusive:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-51366.html

TL, DR: One day I was in the metro and there was this family, the little girl was crying. So I took a napkin and gave it to her. The smile that blossoms from her face and the tears washing off were among the most beautiful things I’ve seen in my life. Talked to the family, they’ve just been robbed. Good experience for both parties. It costs me what? A napkin to brighten a child’s day?

I think those of us who are in a position/situation to exert generosity should do so, selectively of course. The world is shitty enough as it is and we don’t need to contribute more to the misery.

Of course, we are sensible enough (I hope) to know the difference between generosity and badshit insane white knighting. That ex-marine who tries to “save” a woman then getting shot was not generous, he was dumb, arrogant and reckless.