NoPorn / NoFap Google Group - For Those Who're Serious

Here I am thinking it's only a trap if I pay for it.
And here I am thinking (after taking a moment to reconsider that statement) that there are at least 4 currencies I can think of more valuable than money, and they're all exchanged for it. And I'm paying with those instead.
And I'm not getting money, I'm getting literally, nothing. Not even 'off' half the time.
But the trap is laid, the currencies that are not money are being paid--but to who? (a tangent for another thread that I consider evidence of higher powers than humanity and our precious systems we build)

Of course a moment of wisdom means nothing until it creates new actions that can become better lifestyles.
And I'm back at square one, reminded of a defect in my thinking which is holding me back--and why I'm here trying to better identify and change it.
"Why give a fuck"? "Why punish myself further."
"Will putting in the effort really pay off"

I'm pushing 40 and still go at it like a teenager. I know it's a problem; but it's also a shield. A bubble, a comfort that hey, I can be independent about not needing to externalize with another person.
How do I get through this conflict--besides trying to realize that if I was comfortable with not changing I wouldn't have taken action I've already and am in this moment, taking to change?
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
I'm past 50 days now, I'm stronger mentally than I realize.
Great work. Keep it up.

The hard thing about NoFap is that once you get to a certain streak (usually 30 days or so), you settle into a routine. You know what temptations to avoid. Conversely, you know what activities you need to do to replace porn & masturbation. Since you're dug into a good routine, you start thinking it's easy.

The reality? It's not.

This is hard, and it's worthwhile to devote yourself everyday to carrying this cross.

Pride comes before the fall rings very true here.
 
The hard thing about NoFap is that once you get to a certain streak (usually 30 days or so), you settle into a routine. You know what temptations to avoid. Conversely, you know what activities you need to do to replace porn & masturbation. Since you're dug into a good routine, you start thinking it's easy.

The reality? It's not.
I'm going to have to put forward the argument the hard part is getting to the 30 day mark.
I don't have the comfort and security of routine and new habits to fall back on. I've looked, but can't really find anything engaging.
I'd appreciate any advice to get there.
EDIT Besides the obvious, which I'm going to state anyway: this group is definitely an inspiration so it's mere presence is a start.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
I'm going to have to put forward the argument the hard part is getting to the 30 day mark.
I don't have the comfort and security of routine and new habits to fall back on. I've looked, but can't really find anything engaging.
I'd appreciate any advice to get there.
EDIT Besides the obvious, which I'm going to state anyway: this group is definitely an inspiration so it's mere presence is a start.
The best way to start is by reverse engineering your relapses.

Think about the last few times you've masturbated or watched porn. How were you feeling? Where were you? What time of day was it? What day of the week was it?

Once you identify the common trends, it's easy to build "guardrails." I'd be glad to help if you'd like.
 
The best way to start is by reverse engineering your relapses.
Think about the last few times you've masturbated or watched porn. How were you feeling? Where were you? What time of day was it? What day of the week was it?
Once you identify the common trends, it's easy to build "guardrails." I'd be glad to help if you'd like.
Okay.
Well, I have a webforum I visit that posts free content I like (among other things) and I visit it quite often. Step one is already obvious to me: remove the bookmark from my browser. It won't prevent me from going to the site entirely, but it will make it harder to access than one single click taking me right where I want to go. This way, typing it in, I'll have a few seconds to think about it and see myself starting something I don't have to finish before it's too late.

The deeper stuff will be harder for me to figure out alone. Thanks for taking interest in mentoring me through this.
When women piss me off it's a trigger. Probably the most common one.
I'm in my room alone.
Time of day is almost irrlevant because I'm out of work, inside most of the time, and always in my room when it happens. It's a chronic daily issue for me right now. 2-3 times average.
But so help me I'm going to learn to stop.

Day 3 nearly done here.
Stay strong. Not hard. I hope the pun is met with the intended humor that sent it :D I've never made it past 5 days, and the first 3 are the most challenging.
 

Rob Banks

Kingfisher
I'm at about 3 weeks. It is easier than I thought (I previously thought it would be impossible and that I would be burning with lust 24/7 if I didn't jack off) but it is not easy. I still have to resist the urge every night and I have trouble sleeping.

When I feel like doing it, I think of how I would be insulting God if I did it, and about the divine punishment I would likely receive.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
OK you're making progress. The first step to fixing a problem is identifying the problem.

Okay.
Well, I have a webforum I visit that posts free content I like (among other things) and I visit it quite often. Step one is already obvious to me: remove the bookmark from my browser. It won't prevent me from going to the site entirely, but it will make it harder to access than one single click taking me right where I want to go. This way, typing it in, I'll have a few seconds to think about it and see myself starting something I don't have to finish before it's too late.
Step #1 - stop going to this website.

I use SelfControl on mac to block websites that tempt you:
I'm sure there's something for PC as well. There's hundreds of browser plugins, apps, whatever that do this.

Twitter is a problem for me. There's so much lewdness on there it's crazy. I had to stop going on because it's so tempting. Do the same.

The deeper stuff will be harder for me to figure out alone. Thanks for taking interest in mentoring me through this.
When women piss me off it's a trigger. Probably the most common one.
I'm in my room alone.
Time of day is almost irrlevant because I'm out of work, inside most of the time, and always in my room when it happens. It's a chronic daily issue for me right now. 2-3 times average.
But so help me I'm going to learn to stop.
Next, get of your room. I know this is difficult with the scamdemic going on, but try your best to go exercise in the park, walk around the block, anything. Being alone is a killer for this challenge.

From there, try to identify what triggers you. "When women piss me off" is only a surface issue...what's REALLY going on there?

Take these first steps and you'll start to figure other things out on your way. Bite by bite!
 
Step #1 - stop going to this website.
Next, get of your room. I know this is difficult with the scamdemic going on, but try your best to go exercise in the park, walk around the block, anything. Being alone is a killer for this challenge.
Blocking myself won't be effective as I've tried it before, and because I am a techie it's too easy to get around it. But willpower and distraction should help.
My willpower isn't that strong. Frequenting this site should help more so long as I don't stay alone in the room too long.

Distraction is usually effective. Getting out more would help if I wasn't so socially anxious normally. I am a bit of a recluse and got used to only going out for work and groceries (with the latter often being procrastinated as long as possible)
Twitter is a problem for me. There's so much lewdness on there it's crazy. I had to stop going on because it's so tempting. Do the same.
When I do go to twitter, that's the last thing on my mind. Often though it can trigger me from the anger thing... figuring out what's really going on is the part I need some outside perspective with. Rather, more than I'm getting now (I have some from a source with better insight.)
90% of my tweets are just cross posts I make from minds.com, but minds isn't free of lewds.

From there, try to identify what triggers you. "When women piss me off" is only a surface issue...what's REALLY going on there?
Wish I knew. But this is the reason I'll avoid twitter more, it's usually a twitter battle with feminists / leftists / thotts that trigger me. Speaking of which, this is from another thread but definitely part of my problem (that much I've figured out on my own) and linked to a lot of my triggers on twitter which ironically aren't lewd in nature.
Example:

Whilst Anger is a useful emotion when faced with an Arduous Present Evil, it has to be tempered and correctly-ordered so you're not reacting to a mild ego wound as if it's World War III, which is highly-useful when we're forced to interact with the world, and particularly-online, in this climate. We can't control the fact that others might disagree with us, but we have definite power over our reaction to that disagreement.
...
So, even in the case of being a 'victim' of child abuse, it is possible to let go of the hatred and anger, of the need to even see yourself as a Victim. If you think think this self-identification works, look at the leftist women who base their future identity around the wound they've received and ask yourself if their lives are something worthy of imitation.
I've never had the opportunity to discuss this link outside of a paid session. And to be honest, I'm debating if those scenarios are ever valid. I appreciate being able to discuss it a little here. But, I'll make a point not to hijack this thread.
 
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Bizet

Woodpecker
"those who are seriously attempting chastity are more conscious, and soon know a great deal more about their own sexuality than anyone else. They come to know their desires as Wellington knew Napoleon, as Sherlock Holmes knew Moriarty; as a rat-catcher knows rats or a plumber knows about leaky pipes. Virtue - even attempted virtue - brings light; indulgence brings fog."

C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity
 

Bartimaeus Rex

Robin
Gold Member
Stay strong. Not hard. I hope the pun is met with the intended humor that sent it :D I've never made it past 5 days, and the first 3 are the most challenging.
Well put. I've gone as far as ~68 days a year and a half ago, but haven't been higher than around 14 since then. Hoping that holding myself accountable to other like-minded people will help.
 
Doubling down. Making it through the second day is becoming a challenge. Waking up.... ready so to speak; any suggestions for what to do with it besides what seems to be, the obvious?
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
Doubling down. Making it through the second day is becoming a challenge. Waking up.... ready so to speak; any suggestions for what to do with it besides what seems to be, the obvious?
Get out of bed and get to work. Go for a walk, do some pushups/jumping jacks/burpees. Have something to do.
 

bali

Pigeon
Is it common to get tired for 24 hours after ejaculation?
I'm worried I might have health problems, low testosterone or maybe heart problems.
Or maybe ejaculation is too strenuous on my body.
I just feel run down and unable to focus, study, or concentrate on anything important.
Could this be some sort of chronic fatigue syndrome symptom?
Whenever I don't fap or ejaculate I have alot of energy to do everyday tasks.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
Is it common to get tired for 24 hours after ejaculation?
I'm worried I might have health problems, low testosterone or maybe heart problems.
Or maybe ejaculation is too strenuous on my body.
I just feel run down and unable to focus, study, or concentrate on anything important.
Could this be some sort of chronic fatigue syndrome symptom?
Whenever I don't fap or ejaculate I have alot of energy to do everyday tasks.
It's possible. The only way to tell is to stop masturbating. Quit for a month and see what happens.
 

Er Miqué

Pigeon
Is it common to get tired for 24 hours after ejaculation?
I'm worried I might have health problems, low testosterone or maybe heart problems.
Or maybe ejaculation is too strenuous on my body.
I just feel run down and unable to focus, study, or concentrate on anything important.
Could this be some sort of chronic fatigue syndrome symptom?
Whenever I don't fap or ejaculate I have alot of energy to do everyday tasks.
Semen is full of nutrients and important stuff and when you ejaculate then the energy to make a new human is extracted from your body in form of semen to impregnate a woman, so that some people feel tired after masturbation should be expected. If you don't ejaculate you'll keep that energy and even gain more, so abstaining from most sexual activity will help you a lot to have the energy you need to do stuff and live a good life.
 

Bizet

Woodpecker
Doubling down. Making it through the second day is becoming a challenge. Waking up.... ready so to speak; any suggestions for what to do with it besides what seems to be, the obvious?
Spend time outside in nature (providing you're living in a part of the world where you're still allowed to do that).
 
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