NoPorn / NoFap Google Group - For Those Who're Serious

Rob Banks

Pelican
I have been trying to quit jerking off and all forms of lust. I am also new to the faith and I’m dealing with a lot of demons as I have discussed in other threads.

I can go weeks or even a month without beating off, watching porn, or anything. But the lust does not go away. It gets stronger.

I am a former drug addict, and when you quit drugs, the desire fades over time and eventually it is gone. With lust, that does not happen because the sex drive is so deeply ingrained in us.

The more I analyze my life, the more I realize that my inability to control lust is pretty much the cause of all my problems. It’s why I lost my wife. It’s why I got into drugs. It’s why I have been violent in the past.

Short of castrating myself, I don’t see how I can rid myself of these desires.

At one point I was jerking off once every 3 or 4 days and also meditating a lot. That is when I was most able to control the desires. Now, I am following my priest’s advice to stay away from Buddhist meditation and also avoid masturbation altogether. But what happens now is that the desires build up over weeks until I can’t contain it and I do something reckless.

I know that the Christian answer is that these desires need to be controlled, but how do I do that?
 
I don't really agree that meditation is inherently bad, but some forms seem dangerous. Visualization meditations, kundalini meditation, and some mantra/TM stuff seems like it could be dangerous. I've seen it mess with people in ways. However, other techniques, like simply being aware of breath and thoughts and trying to return to basic sense awareness of our breath does not seem inherently dangerous to me. It is simply a technique for changing our physiology from a more stressed out, fight-or-flight, to a relaxed, parasympathetic state. Of course, this kind of meditation is like any tool that CAN be abused. If our hearts are dark, this kind of meditation can just inflame our darkness.

I often do some deep breaths and just try to tune into my body for a few minutes before I pray. It calms me down and focuses my prayer. If any kind of visualizations or thoughts come up, I try to return to my breath... or if that fails I say the Jesus prayer.

I have a lot of meditation experience before becoming Christian. I don't see it as inherently bad, but a lot of techniques inflame the ego and passions and should be avoided. Other types of meditation CAN be useful, but IMO prayer is more important.
 

Errol

Pigeon
I know that the Christian answer is that these desires need to be controlled, but how do I do that?
Regarding meditation, JLP's silent prayer is essentially a de-easternized form of meditation.
I haven't stuck with it long enough to comment on it, but I was doing it first thing on waking when my work was particularly stressful two months ago, and I think it helped me keep some perspective and calm.

@Roosh has commented on using the Jesus prayer several times.
I've taken up the habit of repeating it myself to kill temptation, and while sometimes are longer than others, it does work.
While its more popular in the eastern churches, its so old it has plenty of tradition in the west too, and by nature of being Christian, we should all believe there is power in calling on the name of Our Lord.

Of course, nature abhors a vacuum, so you should probably think about redirecting that energy somewhere else.
Right now has been tough for me since I haven't been exercising regularly what with gyms being closed, and having suffered a personal injury in the past year that prevented me from lifting.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
I have been trying to quit jerking off and all forms of lust. I am also new to the faith and I’m dealing with a lot of demons as I have discussed in other threads.

I can go weeks or even a month without beating off, watching porn, or anything. But the lust does not go away. It gets stronger.

I am a former drug addict, and when you quit drugs, the desire fades over time and eventually it is gone. With lust, that does not happen because the sex drive is so deeply ingrained in us.

The more I analyze my life, the more I realize that my inability to control lust is pretty much the cause of all my problems. It’s why I lost my wife. It’s why I got into drugs. It’s why I have been violent in the past.

Short of castrating myself, I don’t see how I can rid myself of these desires.

At one point I was jerking off once every 3 or 4 days and also meditating a lot. That is when I was most able to control the desires. Now, I am following my priest’s advice to stay away from Buddhist meditation and also avoid masturbation altogether. But what happens now is that the desires build up over weeks until I can’t contain it and I do something reckless.

I know that the Christian answer is that these desires need to be controlled, but how do I do that?
IIRC you're Catholic. How's your prayer life? How often are you praying the Rosary? How often are you praying...at all?
 

Mikeyd03

Sparrow
I relapsed a few days ago. Feels really shitty, but will pick up and go again.

It becomes very clear to me how insidious this habit is when I zoom out and look at my timeline and relationship with pornography. I mentioned before that I had started to use porn to achieve orgasm back in early college.

Prior to starting this habit I was different person. More social, more motivated, overall just more passionate about life. But then I zoom out further and recall that the first time I had viewed porn was back in early middle school.

I was curious....and I just wanted to see what it was all about. But the point is I remember how I felt after the first time I watched porn as young boy....

Pure shame.

Comparing that feeling to how I felt after a few years of using porn.....

There was no shame. Just lust. Just desire.

That's what porn does. I felt very ashamed the other day when I relapsed. I hate to share it on here with you guys. But hopefully this feeling will veer me in the right direction next time.
 

Lazuli Waves

Woodpecker
I'm looking for an accountability partner. I think this might be the only way for me to knock this shit off.
I have never used this app, but it's worth looking into: https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/cant-beat-your-porn-addiction-this-new-app-is-for-you

I saw on app on their site that would connect you with someone else, so everytime you looked at porn, that person would know. If you have a friend you can trust, you could do that with them. I'm sorry that I'm unable to find the app, but maybe you can find it on LifeSite. If you or anyone else wanted, I can be your accountability partner.
 

Lazuli Waves

Woodpecker
I have been trying to quit jerking off and all forms of lust. I am also new to the faith and I’m dealing with a lot of demons as I have discussed in other threads.

I can go weeks or even a month without beating off, watching porn, or anything. But the lust does not go away. It gets stronger.

I am a former drug addict, and when you quit drugs, the desire fades over time and eventually it is gone. With lust, that does not happen because the sex drive is so deeply ingrained in us.

The more I analyze my life, the more I realize that my inability to control lust is pretty much the cause of all my problems. It’s why I lost my wife. It’s why I got into drugs. It’s why I have been violent in the past.

Short of castrating myself, I don’t see how I can rid myself of these desires.

At one point I was jerking off once every 3 or 4 days and also meditating a lot. That is when I was most able to control the desires. Now, I am following my priest’s advice to stay away from Buddhist meditation and also avoid masturbation altogether. But what happens now is that the desires build up over weeks until I can’t contain it and I do something reckless.

I know that the Christian answer is that these desires need to be controlled, but how do I do that?
It is great that you stopped using drugs and being violent. That's a big accomplishment. When you say inability to control your lust, do you mean thoughts or actions?
 

westernman

Pigeon
I think what a lot of people miss here is the importance of environment.

If you are in a depressing situation, with no meaningful social interactions (chronic loneliness) you will seek out the most inteste feeling of connection, lust.

I have gone for months at a time, and years while in a serious relationship without porn/masturbation. however, the past ~4 months that I have been living with parents, I find it damn near impossible to go just 3 days. This is the path that having no wife/GF, no social life, no job, and no progress pulls us towards. It is very hard to resist and is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 

((()))

Pigeon
I have never used this app, but it's worth looking into: https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/cant-beat-your-porn-addiction-this-new-app-is-for-you

I saw on app on their site that would connect you with someone else, so everytime you looked at porn, that person would know. If you have a friend you can trust, you could do that with them. I'm sorry that I'm unable to find the app, but maybe you can find it on LifeSite. If you or anyone else wanted, I can be your accountability partner.
Thanks I downloaded that app. We'll see if it helps.

I appreciate your offer on being an accountability partner, everyone around me thinks I'm crazy for trying to stop that nasty habit. "bruuh you're crazy there's nuthin bad in masturbatin u read too much into your jewish conspiracies"
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
IIRC you're Catholic. How's your prayer life? How often are you praying the Rosary? How often are you praying...at all?
I try to pray the Rosary near daily, but honestly when BS happens in my life I often get unmotivated and stop praying.

In my experience, once I already have the urge to fap (or engage whatever other vice) prayer doesn’t really make it go away.

I’ve come to the realization that inability to control lust has (directly and indirectly) led to all the other issues I’ve discussed on the forum, including drug addiction, violence/anger issues, and losing my wife.

I’ve managed to cut a lot of other bad habits out of my life (drugs, violence) and have replaced them with good habits (church, prayer), but lust is the one vice I haven’t been able to control, and it continues to fuck me over to this day.

I guess it’s a mixture of the degenerate cultre we live in and my natural inclination towards lust.

Since I became religious, I’ve actually had streaks of weeks at a time where I don’t yield to lust, so clearly God is helping me in some way. But it’s not enough. It’s like giving up drugs or any addiction. Total abstinence is the only acceptable result.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
I try to pray the Rosary near daily, but honestly when BS happens in my life I often get unmotivated and stop praying.

In my experience, once I already have the urge to fap (or engage whatever other vice) prayer doesn’t really make it go away.
Stop thinking of prayer as a remedy and think of it as prevention. Ask God to help you with this challenge before the urges begin.

When you only pray when you need help, that's like a girl who only calls her Dad when she needs money. Not good.

I'm speaking from experience. The only times fighting lust becomes easier are when I'm praying daily, first thing in the morning, no matter what. We all have BS in our life, and God knows that, so get it done regardless.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Stop thinking of prayer as a remedy and think of it as prevention. Ask God to help you with this challenge before the urges begin.

When you only pray when you need help, that's like a girl who only calls her Dad when she needs money. Not good.

I'm speaking from experience. The only times fighting lust becomes easier are when I'm praying daily, first thing in the morning, no matter what. We all have BS in our life, and God knows that, so get it done regardless.
The times I’ve prayed in the morning (or at any point in the day before the urges start), it has been easier to avoid the vices.

Do you feel like it gets easier with time? Like, if I don’t fap for 6 months, am I still gonna have to fight the urge every day?

My experience (from going 2 or 3 weeks without) is that the first few days are the hardest, but even after several weeks I still get the same urges every day. It’s just that my body is more used to fighting it and not giving in. But it doesn’t ever actually go away. There’s never a day where I don’t think about sex.

Contrast that to hard drugs (which I quit last year, save for a few unfortunate relapses), where the first month or so is hard and you think about it a lot, but after that it becomes easy to the point where the urge to use is nonexistent.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Also, I would say that being active helps somewhat, but not a lot.

Being active out in nature (e.g. camping, hiking) helps a lot, but being active in a non-natural environment (e.g. working in a warehouse, computer programming, video editing) does little to help with lustful urges.
 

westernman

Pigeon
Do you feel like it gets easier with time? Like, if I don’t fap for 6 months, am I still gonna have to fight the urge every day?

My experience (from going 2 or 3 weeks without) is that the first few days are the hardest, but even after several weeks I still get the same urges every day. It’s just that my body is more used to fighting it and not giving in. But it doesn’t ever actually go away. There’s never a day where I don’t think about sex.

Contrast that to hard drugs (which I quit last year, save for a few unfortunate relapses), where the first month or so is hard and you think about it a lot, but after that it becomes easy to the point where the urge to use is nonexistent.
I think this is telling. I don't think we can compare a substance addiction to the drive to have sex. We are given that drive to motivate us to form families and procreate. That won't, and shouldn't go away.

On the other hand, a pornography addiction is similar to drugs. The urges to watch porn DO go away, but are replaced with healthy thoughts of the desire to procreate with a woman.

I haven't watch porn in years, but I do suffer from fantasizing about women I am texting with online in a sexual manner.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
The times I’ve prayed in the morning (or at any point in the day before the urges start), it has been easier to avoid the vices.

Do you feel like it gets easier with time? Like, if I don’t fap for 6 months, am I still gonna have to fight the urge every day?

My experience (from going 2 or 3 weeks without) is that the first few days are the hardest, but even after several weeks I still get the same urges every day. It’s just that my body is more used to fighting it and not giving in. But it doesn’t ever actually go away. There’s never a day where I don’t think about sex.

Contrast that to hard drugs (which I quit last year, save for a few unfortunate relapses), where the first month or so is hard and you think about it a lot, but after that it becomes easy to the point where the urge to use is nonexistent.
Yes and no.

Yes in that it does become easier. Once you recognize & implement the patterns & routines that help you stay away from lust, your yolk becomes lighter. For example if you go to a gym with lots of barely clothed women, and stop going...your urges will decrease from the lack of stimulus. Or maybe you get horny when you don't exercise, so you start lifting weights everyday...you get my point. You can engineer your life and your habits to avoid temptation.

I've found that after 90 days things change. You start feeling "normal" even on days you don't watch porn or masturbate. The drive becomes more of an itch. I'm not sure what happens, if your brain actually "resets" or what, but you just get used to not receiving the huge dopamine dump.

However I still answer "no" in that the lust doesn't completely "go away," and I doubt it ever will. Like many men here, I was exposed to hardcore pornography as a young teenager. The damage done by more than a decade of constant porn use, in combination with my developing brain, will take much more than 90 days to undo. Streaming porn is a powerful drug, and I doubt we've even scratched the surface on all of the negative consequences.

Which sucks but...what are you going to do about it? I try not to whine about it, but see it as an opportunity to help other men who've had similar experiences as I have.

All we can do is take things one day at a time.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Yes and no.

Yes in that it does become easier. Once you recognize & implement the patterns & routines that help you stay away from lust, your yolk becomes lighter. For example if you go to a gym with lots of barely clothed women, and stop going...your urges will decrease from the lack of stimulus. Or maybe you get horny when you don't exercise, so you start lifting weights everyday...you get my point. You can engineer your life and your habits to avoid temptation.

I've found that after 90 days things change. You start feeling "normal" even on days you don't watch porn or masturbate. The drive becomes more of an itch. I'm not sure what happens, if your brain actually "resets" or what, but you just get used to not receiving the huge dopamine dump.

However I still answer "no" in that the lust doesn't completely "go away," and I doubt it ever will. Like many men here, I was exposed to hardcore pornography as a young teenager. The damage done by more than a decade of constant porn use, in combination with my developing brain, will take much more than 90 days to undo. Streaming porn is a powerful drug, and I doubt we've even scratched the surface on all of the negative consequences.

Which sucks but...what are you going to do about it? I try not to whine about it, but see it as an opportunity to help other men who've had similar experiences as I have.

All we can do is take things one day at a time.
I would say I feel less “normal” on days when I do fap.

The only way I could feel “normal” is if I were having real sex, but that option is fucked (at least for now) for reasons of my own doing.

I believe God is demanding me to control my lust before He will give me my life back. I have had several experiences which point to this being the case.

The demon of lust is the ugliest of all because it makes you no better than the beasts.
 
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I relapsed a few days ago. Feels really shitty, but will pick up and go again.

It becomes very clear to me how insidious this habit is when I zoom out and look at my timeline and relationship with pornography. I mentioned before that I had started to use porn to achieve orgasm back in early college.

Prior to starting this habit I was different person. More social, more motivated, overall just more passionate about life. But then I zoom out further and recall that the first time I had viewed porn was back in early middle school.

I was curious....and I just wanted to see what it was all about. But the point is I remember how I felt after the first time I watched porn as young boy....

Pure shame.

Comparing that feeling to how I felt after a few years of using porn.....

There was no shame. Just lust. Just desire.

That's what porn does. I felt very ashamed the other day when I relapsed. I hate to share it on here with you guys. But hopefully this feeling will veer me in the right direction next time.
Interesting point. Looking back I recall similar feelings. Couple weeks in myself now... not counting days. When I think about porn I remember Corinthians 6:17-20:

"17But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

Why would you sin against your own body? Don't do it. Be better brothers.
 

Mortay

Sparrow
Snapped my 5-month streak last month. Lost all my powers and my connection with God. Do not break!! Worst mistake I made. The moment you do, you convince yourself it's ok to do it again. This type of rationalizing kept me in a fapping limbo for about 3 weeks. I would get 2 days here and then I would break. 1 day there and then break. I am now 1 week back on the wagon. It's been tough and I feel a spiritual set back. I have more brain fog, laziness, and lack of clarity than I did before. The worst part is the guilt and shame knowing you are engaging in mortal sin.
 
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