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Notes From The First Bug Man
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<blockquote data-quote="paternos" data-source="post: 1548773" data-attributes="member: 24137"><p>Great article Roosh. I though recognize too much of myself in the bug man.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>For the last 10 years I have felt spiritually empty in this sense. My routine of work, hookup sex, porn, high-rise city apartment, travel. My only reprieve where the few days a year I spent in a monastery. To the outside world I faked a happy existence while barely kept standing.</p><p></p><p>Covid society broke me mentally and physically. I got in a burn out, dental problems, stress.</p><p></p><p>My anger is taking a hold of me, which gets me angry again, because my judgment tells me I should be calm, I'm disgusted by the system, feeling I'm living in a hell of a police state, the country I live in is full of speed bumps, trajectory control, cars with automatic photo systems fining cars parked in the wrong spot, vax mandates, being locked up, not allowed to fly or cross border because of the flu. I can't see the beauty anymore. The screens are filled with perversions and self congratulatory politicians. It's an absurd situation.</p><p></p><p>Covid is also laying bare my lack of courage. To step outside the bug man existence, on the one hand I hate it, on the other hand I'm fearful to leave it. I feel I can never go back to my old existence, but I also don't know how to pursue.</p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>I know this feeling. Maybe the last year I'm a bit less of it, but I recognize this behaviour in my work.</p><p></p><p>Prayer, God, Church is becoming a larger part of my life, but I have to get used to it, the bug man is still in me judging this newly developing side. The Bugman in me wants to believe he knows everything, he is god, but if I look from a little distance the sadness comes over me.</p><p></p><p>How did I waste 10 years of life? And then right after, I don't want to think about it now, tomorrow I'll think about it. Time passing by in bug man existence.</p><p></p><p>Feeling small and crushed, crafting an intellectual worldly identity, making others belief it, desiring to overpower to feel anything.</p><p></p><p>It's a tree on bad soil giving rotten fruit. </p><p></p><p>Me picking up the bible the last year, going to church is destroying any illusion of grandiosity I have. To be honest I find it hard. I'm looking at myself and thinking, man what did I do, what ruins I created along the road. Sickening.</p><p></p><p>Not a lot is left.</p><p></p><p>I tried to read Dostojevki in the past but found it too confronting, and I wanted comfort. I now know why.</p><p></p><p>Have a great day men.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="paternos, post: 1548773, member: 24137"] Great article Roosh. I though recognize too much of myself in the bug man. For the last 10 years I have felt spiritually empty in this sense. My routine of work, hookup sex, porn, high-rise city apartment, travel. My only reprieve where the few days a year I spent in a monastery. To the outside world I faked a happy existence while barely kept standing. Covid society broke me mentally and physically. I got in a burn out, dental problems, stress. My anger is taking a hold of me, which gets me angry again, because my judgment tells me I should be calm, I'm disgusted by the system, feeling I'm living in a hell of a police state, the country I live in is full of speed bumps, trajectory control, cars with automatic photo systems fining cars parked in the wrong spot, vax mandates, being locked up, not allowed to fly or cross border because of the flu. I can't see the beauty anymore. The screens are filled with perversions and self congratulatory politicians. It's an absurd situation. Covid is also laying bare my lack of courage. To step outside the bug man existence, on the one hand I hate it, on the other hand I'm fearful to leave it. I feel I can never go back to my old existence, but I also don't know how to pursue. I know this feeling. Maybe the last year I'm a bit less of it, but I recognize this behaviour in my work. Prayer, God, Church is becoming a larger part of my life, but I have to get used to it, the bug man is still in me judging this newly developing side. The Bugman in me wants to believe he knows everything, he is god, but if I look from a little distance the sadness comes over me. How did I waste 10 years of life? And then right after, I don't want to think about it now, tomorrow I'll think about it. Time passing by in bug man existence. Feeling small and crushed, crafting an intellectual worldly identity, making others belief it, desiring to overpower to feel anything. It's a tree on bad soil giving rotten fruit. Me picking up the bible the last year, going to church is destroying any illusion of grandiosity I have. To be honest I find it hard. I'm looking at myself and thinking, man what did I do, what ruins I created along the road. Sickening. Not a lot is left. I tried to read Dostojevki in the past but found it too confronting, and I wanted comfort. I now know why. Have a great day men. [/QUOTE]
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