NYT Article: "What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity"

[Alpha_Romeo]

Blame the men. Hamster's gonna hamster.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/...ove-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

 

[MrTickle]

This link might work better if you get a blank page

https://www.google.com/search?q=mod...ern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity

 

[david.garrett84]

Blame the men. Hamster's gonna hamster.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/...ove-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

OP, this has been repeated ad nauseam and I mean ad nauseam by forum members much more senior than I: established forum protocol is to a) give the correct link, not a blank/dud one like you have, b) post relevant quotes/paragraphs from the article, and c) summarize the key positions if necessary and certainly provide your own commentary.

Dumping links, especially dud ones, doesn't help anyone and many people prefer not to give media rags like the NYT extra views and ad clicks, hence the need for quotations and commentary from you.

http://archive.is/Gbg6A

What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with married men ["But please help me do it, sisters! Justify away for me!"], but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands, annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.

A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced. I hadn’t sought out married men specifically. When I created a profile on Tinder and OkCupid, saying I was looking for no-strings-attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me and I got together with several of them. But many married men messaged me too.

After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix, but with the married men I guessed that the fact that they had wives, children and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.

I was careful about the men I met. I wanted to make sure they had no interest in leaving their wives or otherwise threatening all they had built together. In a couple of cases, the men I met were married to women who had become disabled and could no longer be sexual [Oh, that makes your slutting sooooo much better, hun.], but the husbands remained devoted to them.

...

I am not saying the answer is non-monogamy, which can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. ["But that didn't stop me from having sex with these men."] Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage. What if an affair — or, ideally, simply the urge to have one — can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.

In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether: hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. [Yup, blame the men.] It’s much easier, after all, to set up an account on Tinder.

TL;DR: Middle-aged slut tries to justify her slutting around with married men by falling on her armchair psychologist schtick through a generous stipend from The New York Times. She claims she was sexually intimate with around half a dozen of these guys, but we all know that's a lie.

If ever in doubt, blame the man and presume any issues are a result of his wife's disdain for him.

 

[Gmac]

Isn't this a dupe too? Sounds like it.

 

[dosequis]

You guys are definitely being biased here. If the case had been the opposite, and the article had been about a chad who had fucked a couple of married women you wouldn't have complained about the author and instead about this tattooed married woman in the article instead who tried to rationalize her cheating on her husband saying he would be better off not knowing about the cheating and then talked about alpha fucks beta bucks.

The author is a slut but she's also single, divorced after 23 years of marriage and past her prime so who cares really. It's not like she would have the chance of catching a high value man anyway by being a prude.
You have to be honest and recognize that the problem here is ultimately the men who are cheating and not being honest with their wives. If you have decided to be in a monogamous relationship you should end it before you fuck other women or push it towards an open-relationship for you before you do anything.

 

[rpg]

You guys are definitely being biased here. If the case had been the opposite, and the article had been about a chad who had fucked a couple of married women you wouldn't have complained about the author and instead about this tattooed married woman in the article instead who tried to rationalize her cheating on her husband saying he would be better off not knowing about the cheating and then talked about alpha fucks beta bucks.

The author is now a slut but she's also single, divorced after 23 years of marriage and past her prime so who cares really. It's not like she would have the chance of catching a high value man anyway by being a prude.
You have to be honest and recognize that the problem here is ultimately the men who are cheating and not being honest with their wives. If you have decided to be in a monogamous relationship you should end it before you fuck other women or push it towards an open-relationship for you before you do anything.

Are you a woman?

 

[dosequis]

Are you a woman?

No, I'm just not being a slave to confirmation bias.

If you can describe and give me better arguments why this is mostly the women's fault that these husbands were out cheating while lying to their wives, I will happily change my opinion.

 

[Thersites]

Are you a woman?

In the future, new forum rules will be genetic testing for a new member for having Y chromosome and testosterone levels above 300ng/dL.

 

[dosequis]

Are you a woman?

In the future, new forum rules will be genetic testing for a new member for having Y chromosome and testosterone levels above 300ng/dL.

You shouldn't be the one saying that since you're the one using female tactics with nonsense to win a discussion instead of addressing real arguments and the issue at hand like a man.

 

[Thersites]

You guys are definitely being biased here. If the case had been the opposite, and the article had been about a chad who had fucked a couple of married women you wouldn't have complained about the author and instead about this tattooed married woman in the article instead who tried to rationalize her cheating on her husband saying he would be better off not knowing about the cheating and then talked about alpha fucks beta bucks.

The author is a slut but she's also single, divorced after 23 years of marriage and past her prime so who cares really. It's not like she would have the chance of catching a high value man anyway by being a prude.
You have to be honest and recognize that the problem here is ultimately the men who are cheating and not being honest with their wives. If you have decided to be in a monogamous relationship you should end it before you fuck other women or push it towards an open-relationship for you before you do anything.

Last time a check, this forum is not the morality police that enforce standards of society. Each man has his own moral code and judgement in the eyes of God.

What we focus on this article is the example of women justifying her actions and deflecting the blame of her poor choices as the hamster wheel runs at full speed in her head. We also have not so subtle message that are affairs are okay to have. Which is great justification for females readers of the Times.

 

[dosequis]

Last time a check, this forum is not the morality police that enforce standards of society. Each man has his own moral code and judgement in the eyes of God.

No. Last time I checked, this forum and the manosphere, in general, had a lot of people talking about morality since the belief in moral relativism is something that generally belongs only to leftists and other morally corrupt degenerates full of hypocrisy.

You are trying to say that whatever moral code a man makes up for himself, that is just between him and God, so basically he can do whatever he decides to do in life without ever having to be questioned about hypocrisy.

What we focus on this article is the example of women justifying her actions and deflecting the blame of her poor choices as the hamster wheel runs at full speed in her head.

The one using most of the hamster wheel here is you.

How is it interesting what an old woman does? This author had been married for 23 years, which is far more than most people nowadays. If she stayed faithful to her husband for that long and it didn't work out and she then goes out fucking a few different dudes AFTER trying marriage I don't see it as the worst sin. It's not like she would be able to catch a high value guy anyway and have kids.

But these men were actually in marriages but they decided to lie and betray their loved ones. That is definitely a sin.

You can try to rationalize and hamster wheel that as much as you want, and to make yourself feel better about cheating on a woman you're in a relationship with, but that is actually a far more despicable behaviour.

We also have not so subtle message that are affairs are okay to have.

I've seen many posts who discourage men to cheat on here. So bullshit.

 

[Alpha_Romeo]

Apologies all for the shitty link. It worked fine when I copy/pasted, but I should have tested it after the post was made. Lesson learned.

 

[Going strong]

The horrendous thing is that, apparently there are men out there who would fuck a woman who has been married to another man for 23 years. Why don't they go instead, if their sexual despair is such, to SEA to find a 21 years old chick to fuck, or even to Ukraine to fuck a 27 years old still-quite-beautiful, still slim divorcee? Why fuck a woman married to another man for 23 years? Senseless and disgraceful.

 

[[email protected]]

You guys are definitely being biased here. If the case had been the opposite, and the article had been about a chad who had fucked a couple of married women you wouldn't have complained about the author and instead about this tattooed married woman in the article instead who tried to rationalize her cheating on her husband saying he would be better off not knowing about the cheating and then talked about alpha fucks beta bucks.

The author is a slut but she's also single, divorced after 23 years of marriage and past her prime so who cares really. It's not like she would have the chance of catching a high value man anyway by being a prude.
You have to be honest and recognize that the problem here is ultimately the men who are cheating and not being honest with their wives. If you have decided to be in a monogamous relationship you should end it before you fuck other women or push it towards an open-relationship for you before you do anything.

Fuck yeah man! You tell those misogynistic bastards where to stuff it!!

You should copy/paste your post and send it to the author of this article. I bet you one million dollars she'll sleep with you.

Everyone knows women can do NO wrong. And when they do, just blame it on men. Easy, peasy. How can people NOT realize this?

The White Knights will rise to defend m'lady!

 

[dosequis]

Fuck yeah man! You tell those misogynistic bastards where to stuff it!!

You should copy/paste your post and send it to the author of this article. I bet you one million dollars she'll sleep with you.

Everyone knows women can do NO wrong. And when they do, just blame it on men. Easy, peasy. How can people NOT realize this?

The White Knights will rise to defend m'lady!

Nice straw man.

Of course, women can do wrong but here it was a whole bunch of men cheating and betraying their loved ones while pretending to be faithful. No one here even mentioned that and instead you just pulled the straw man argument. A lot of men here don't want to confront morality and their own behaviour so it's easier to use feminist tactics and call everything beta/white knighting instead of answering the actual points being made.
I don't really see much difference now between you and a cheating slut who calls everyone who calls her out on it for misogynist and hating women.

Now, do you think that is right for men and women to betray their loved ones and who they pretend to be in a monogamous relationship in?
I don't think so, and the same rules obviously apply for both men and women. Try to answer that instead of arguing like a woman.

It's just called logical consistency.

 

[Papaya]

The horrendous thing is that, apparently there are men out there who would fuck a woman who has been married to another man for 23 years. Why don't they go instead, if their sexual despair is such, to SEA to find a 21 years old chick to fuck, or even to Ukraine to fuck a 27 years old still-quite-beautiful, still slim divorcee? Why fuck a woman married to another man for 23 years? Senseless and disgraceful.

Whats amazes me is that a woman who presumably is in her forties would even still have a pussy to fuck. Never considered it. Who knew?

 

[Alpha_Romeo]

The horrendous thing is that, apparently there are men out there who would fuck a woman who has been married to another man for 23 years. Why don't they go instead, if their sexual despair is such, to SEA to find a 21 years old chick to fuck, or even to Ukraine to fuck a 27 years old still-quite-beautiful, still slim divorcee? Why fuck a woman married to another man for 23 years? Senseless and disgraceful.

Low notch count?

/sarcasm

 

[[email protected]]

Fuck yeah man! You tell those misogynistic bastards where to stuff it!!

You should copy/paste your post and send it to the author of this article. I bet you one million dollars she'll sleep with you.

Everyone knows women can do NO wrong. And when they do, just blame it on men. Easy, peasy. How can people NOT realize this?

The White Knights will rise to defend m'lady!

Nice straw man.

Of course, women can do wrong but here it was a whole bunch of men cheating and betraying their loved ones while pretending to be faithful. No one here even mentioned that and instead you just pulled the straw man argument. A lot of men here don't want to confront morality and their own behaviour so it's easier to use feminist tactics and call everything beta/white knighting instead of answering the actual points being made.
I don't really see much difference now between you and a cheating slut who calls everyone who calls her out on it for misogynist and hating women.

Now, do you think that is right for men and women to betray their loved ones and who they pretend to be in a monogamous relationship in?
I don't think so, and the same rules obviously apply for both men and women. Try to answer that instead of arguing like a woman.

It's just called logical consistency.

Sooooo......you're not going to send her your response to the article?

I can do it for you. Bro code and all.

 

[Buck Wild]

Fuck yeah man! You tell those misogynistic bastards where to stuff it!!

You should copy/paste your post and send it to the author of this article. I bet you one million dollars she'll sleep with you.

Everyone knows women can do NO wrong. And when they do, just blame it on men. Easy, peasy. How can people NOT realize this?

The White Knights will rise to defend m'lady!

Nice straw man.

Of course, women can do wrong but here it was a whole bunch of men cheating and betraying their loved ones while pretending to be faithful. No one here even mentioned that and instead you just pulled the straw man argument. A lot of men here don't want to confront morality and their own behaviour so it's easier to use feminist tactics and call everything beta/white knighting instead of answering the actual points being made.
I don't really see much difference now between you and a cheating slut who calls everyone who calls her out on it for misogynist and hating women.

Now, do you think that is right for men and women to betray their loved ones and who they pretend to be in a monogamous relationship in?
I don't think so, and the same rules obviously apply for both men and women. Try to answer that instead of arguing like a woman.

It's just called logical consistency.

I agree with this--can't see how this is really in dispute.

These guys are betraying their spouses and families. Now, of course, their wives aren't fucking them which means they are being dishonored and betrayed as well. But the solution to this isn't to run out and have an affair--it's to make yourself attractive to other women and give your wife a year or so to respond. If you still aren't getting fucked after you've put on 20 lbs of muscle (or lost weight) and learned some Game, then you get a divorce.

The fact that this is considered "white knighting" is evidence of how ridiculous the conversation can get around here at times.

 

[kaotic]

I see MMX has another rival on the forum.

EDIT:

Well that was fast - while I agree we aren't the morality police, Little MMX does have a point of how men can help society fail with the bolded sentence.