Older Guys: What Are Your Challenges Dating Younger Women?

[Salinger]

For those of you over 40, what have your experiences or challenges been like when dating women under 30?

Do you lie about your age up front?
Do you get along with her friends?
Have you met her parents and what was their reaction to you dating their daughter?
Do you hate her music and constantly fight over the radio dial?
Did you both enjoy the same activities when going out?

One of the girls I dated from a few years back was in her late 20s while I was over a decade older than her. We met through an online dating service. She was a 6.5 at best so I wasn't really that into her and at the time and just wanted some dating practice.

I hated her music and always made her listen to 80s songs instead. She also had this thing about keeping me away from her friends as she didn't trust them around guys she dated. Probably thought I'd cheat on her as the only time she suggested doing something involving her friends was when we went on a double date.

When I first met her, I lied about my age. Weeks later, I revealed it one night at a restaurant before dinner arrived. She said, "Wait...I need a moment to process this." That was followed by a slew of questions about why I lied...etc. She then had to go talk it over with her shrink to see what she said about the whole thing. Her shrink told her the age difference was no big deal so we continued to date until we mutually broke up a few months later.

These days, I'm still unsure about how to handle the age problem. Ideally, I want to just tell the truth up front but I'm at the age now where that will scare off a bunch of the younger ones.

Anyhow, what are your experiences like with these younger women?

 

[SlickyBoy]

It'd be tough for you to effectively handle the age problem since foreign travel is pretty much shut down. Check back in a couple of months.

 

[kel]

I'm not over 40, but one of the girls I'm seeing now is ten years younger than me. It's not so bad, but there is a little awkwardness in social references and stuff. I'm going to make myself sound much older than I am here, but honestly I think part of it is just "kids these days and their durn smartphones" - she's just part of the zoomer generation that's even more poorly socialized than mine was.

Never lie about your age, in any event. Never lie about anything, really. Too much work. If your reality isn't good enough, you need to either improve that reality (where possible, age not so much) or accept when it's a limiting factor in a given situation. When it comes to dating, I expose as much potentially negative or disqualifying information about myself up front. You want to rapidly filter.

 

[Papaya]

As an older guy you need to flaunt your resources and lock down a good one.

No hymen. No Charmin

 

[It_is_my_time]

I will face this soon, I hope, being I am in my early 40's and want children. I think my age limit would be 32 or 33 when it comes to dating just due to child birthing issues for women 35+.

In doing so, my biggest worry will be when they ask "how old are you?". So I have researched this but never tried it.

I think my answer would be "the perfect age for me to settle down" (so they know my intentions of settling down and also so they realize that 40 looks different on different men). When she says "how old is that?" I would then say my age with confidence, because I know for me I was not ready to settle down until now and I am now at the perfect age.

If she has an issue with it, I would say "you might find a guy as good as me, but finding a guy as good as me, as calm and mature as me, with my vast resources, is extremely difficult. But it is a choice you have to make." And again say this with confidence and also in a way she knows that if she makes a deal out of it I will gladly walk away.

I don't know if this would work or not, but in my mind that is how I would play the "how old are you?" question I will face.

 

[Papaya]

This issue was discussed ad naseum in the previous iteration of the forum.

I wont attempt to recap all of it but will say this. If you answer directly as youre indicating above you will very very likely get nowhere

A better approach IME is to answer the age question with a question of your own.

Example of the "pivot" concept

" Im an established experienced and accomplished man with a lot to offer. The question isn't how old am I but rather is how mature are you?"

 

[Long Haired Samson]

What would a man need to lie about his age? A young woman will either like older men or she will not. If she is not into older men then she is not worth your time if you are an older man.

 

[Dusty]

They don’t understand Max Headroom references.

 

[FullThrottleTX]

Lying about age says you're insecure about it. I should correct myself, lying about your age to appear younger - that's insecure.
Being cocky/funny about your age, say if you're 42 and telling her you're 56, that shows confidence.

I'd rather be evasive in a funny way than try to mask what my real age is.
Age is rarely a problem with chicks. It only becomes a problem when you're being try hard to hide it.
If you're a fun guy, a girl will want to hang out with you. Being older is actually an advantage, most chicks don't want to date 25yo dudes.

With online dating, age is a problem due to algorithms that cockblock you. I wouldn't advise a man in his 40s who wants to date 20yos to bother with online dating.

 

[Freebird Flying]

I think it matters more how you look than your actual age, unless you're doing online dating. For online dating, I would def. recommend changing your age if you want to get results with younger girls in certain parts of the world.

If you're doing real interaction, in person, then it won't be much of an issue IMO. Let's say she asks your age, then I consider that a strong IOI (indicator of interest).

I have lost a girl before because it was too high, and after that, I've always used a number that I think maximizes my marketability with target demographic, but willing to change adjust the number from time to time depending on the age and profile of the girl I'm chatting with. I would usually tell the girl later after I have a sexual relationship established if I want to keep seeing her, because I'll already have quite a bit of leverage. And I can justify my actions because I think it's shallow for a girl to dismiss me based on my birthdate if I'm cool otherwise and she's already attracted.

 

[Kicktor]

I don`t think it`s nessesary to change your age while online dating, younger girls like money, so could just write that you`re a millionaire.

 

[Hypno]

Once you internalize that you actually can date younger women, it becomes very easy to do.

If you are candid about your challenges, other forum members may PM you and tell you their experience. I had some do that, and it was incredibly helpful. I could visualize myself having their success (because they were similarly situated to me), and eventually I did. Things like what you tell her about your age, appearance, clothing, etc. become mere details. The key is to believe you can do this.



Certain websites or locales can be helpful because they allow for self-selection of women seeking older men.

 

[It_is_my_time]

From my limited experience, one problem seems to be USA women v. women I meet from other countries. Maybe it is all the Anglosphere or maybe even the entire "west" (Anglosphere + Western Europe), but with foreign women they seem to see age as a benefit.

I am sure there are some great women in the USA who are 27-32 and don't mind at all getting into a relationship with a good man who is in his 40's. This is where I will start looking. But if I strike out here I will look for women from other countries. In my experience women not from the USA are more interested in guys that are older than them because they were raised with common sense and appreciation for men. These women realize men who are older have more of what they need, maturity, patience, financial resources, and a calming presence.

 

[JoeSomebody]

I'm 34 but let me put in my 2 cents...

My current gf just turned 23. Prior to her, my last dozen or so experiences were all with girls under the age of 30, with a good amount between 20 and 25. Mind you, I met everyone of these girls in person from jump, no online dating.

I do not bring up age unless they ask me, and I usually beat them to the punch anyways by asking conversational questions like where they go to university if they appear to be under 25 or so. If they are 25 or under I usually go with that I'm 28 off the bat. This works for me almost always works because most people (men and women, young and old), assume I'm under 30. If they are over 26, say 28-29, I tell them my real age. Reason for this is there's less of a social stigma if there's a smaller age gap as opposed to say a 10 year one. It's largely situational. With foreign girls from non-Western nations (Latin America, Balkans, Eastern Europe,) the stigma is much less generally speaking. In America, the UK, and the likes, a 10 year age gap could be problematic. Problematic because of what her peers and society think mostly, and potentially her parents if it gets serious. It seems to be less about what the girl thinks.

My current gf is from Latin America, 23 as I mentioned earlier, and has been in the US less than 4 years. I told her my real age off the bat and it wasn't a problem.

She is a live-in nanny and doesn't has minimal friends. She attends a nonsense English school, and works full-time. Not much time for recreation. A good thing.

We were going to fly down a few weeks ago as I wanted to meet her parents and family and see who she comes from, what is her family like etc., but everything got put on hold due to the current situation. I've met her extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc.) and she always tells me they always are asking about me. So I'm certain I have at the very least, subtle approval.

We never fight over the radio in the car. We either play what I want, or ride in silence and talk. Occasionally she puts on her Latin pop and stuff, which I usually don't mind in small doses.

Far as activities go, there really is zero clash. I lead and she follows. Camping, hiking, where to eat, etc. It's really that simple. Be the man and on top of your shit and they will follow.

As you get older, it absolutely gets harder to get younger women, especially when you are over 40. That's life. A BIG thing you can do is to keep yourself looking as young as possible. Taking care of your skin, sleep, athletics, alcohol consumption, and overall lifestyle are a few things you need to be on top of to keep you looking 5 to 10 years younger. This will help you right off the bat.

Younger girls also want someone who is FUN. Don't get too philosophical with them and be a little carefree while maintaining frame and responsibility. Have things going on in your life. A 22 year old hottie doesn't want to hear about a 401k plan and the likes. You can slowly bring in your maturity, wisdom, and that you have all your ducks in order, AFTER the initial rapport is established and she starts to commit to you. That is when you can really lead, guide, and potentially mold her into what she NEEDS to be, not wants to be.

 

[Papaya]

From my limited experience, one problem seems to be USA women v. women I meet from other countries. Maybe it is all the Anglosphere or maybe even the entire "west" (Anglosphere + Western Europe), but with foreign women they seem to see age as a benefit.

I am sure there are some great women in the USA who are 27-32 and don't mind at all getting into a relationship with a good man who is in his 40's. This is where I will start looking. But if I strike out here I will look for women from other countries. In my experience women not from the USA are more interested in guys that are older than them because they were raised with common sense and appreciation for men. These women realize men who are older have more of what they need, maturity, patience, financial resources, and a calming presence.

Again...all of this was covered before exhaustively in the old game forum. 18-25+ girls in the West aren't looking for security: "Entertainment" (in its broadest sense) via attention is their priority: social status + fun are "goals"

And youre correct. To your point, its usually past 25 when a woman who starts to get an inkling that their "value" is on the decline that they'll even begin to think about reality.

But its really not entirely their fault. For the last 3 generations western culture has been foisting the delusion on women that they have plenty of time and that they age (to paraphrase the great Patrice Oneal) "like wine" (fallacy) instead of "like bread" (the harsh truth).

Nearly aspect of society now perpetuates this narrative. Look at higher education for example. An 18 yo girl is encouraged even expected to defer adulthood and can easily do so because the system pays for it (in the short term) via loans. Then of course once she's out of college she's goy to put that degree to work and "enjoy" her career. Meanwhile she's wasting her best eggs and being told not to worry...she has plenty of time

Again its been stated ad naseum. Dating apps have exacerbated the "problem" (its only a problem for men that want to marry or in majority cases get laid but cant).
" Dick On Demand" has made women's satisfaction ( be it via sex or just attention) easier than ever.

And men are being conditioned to believe that they should be happy accepting damaged goods. And theyre doing that only reinforces the narrative.

Dont fall for it

All of the above are just heuristics. Difficult does not mean impossible. There are younger women who actually want a traditional family role. I believe the pendulum is swinging the other way

But like anything else in life if you want to "get lucky"

[img=300x300]https://www.brainyquote.com/photos_tr/en/s/seneca/377999/seneca1-2x.jpg[/img]

 

[Dilated]

^My experience as well. I’m pushing 40 and all of the foreign women I have met (mostly S. America) view my age as a positive (mature in their words).

 

[SlickyBoy]

From my limited experience, one problem seems to be USA women v. women I meet from other countries. Maybe it is all the Anglosphere or maybe even the entire "west" (Anglosphere + Western Europe), but with foreign women they seem to see age as a benefit.

I am sure there are some great women in the USA who are 27-32 and don't mind at all getting into a relationship with a good man who is in his 40's. This is where I will start looking. But if I strike out here I will look for women from other countries. In my experience women not from the not IN the USA are more interested in guys that are older than them because they were raised with common sense and appreciation for men. These women realize men who are older have more of what they need, maturity, patience, financial resources, and a calming presence.

Again...all of this was covered before exhaustively in the old game forum. 18-25+ girls in the West aren't looking for security: "Entertainment" (in its broadest sense) via attention is their priority: social status + fun are "goals"

And youre correct. To your point, its usually past 25 when a woman who starts to get an inkling that their "value" is on the decline that they'll even begin to think about reality.

But its really not entirely their fault. For the last 3 generations western culture has been foisting the delusion on women that they have plenty of time and that they age (to paraphrase the great Patrice Oneal) "like wine" (fallacy) instead of "like bread" (the harsh truth).

Nearly aspect of society now perpetuates this narrative. Look at higher education for example. An 18 yo girl is encouraged even expected to defer adulthood and can easily do so because the system pays for it (in the short term) via loans. Then of course once she's out of college she's goy to put that degree to work and "enjoy" her career. Meanwhile she's wasting her best eggs and being told not to worry...she has plenty of time

Again its been stated ad naseum. Dating apps have exacerbated the "problem" (its only a problem for men that want to marry or in majority cases get laid but cant).
" Dick On Demand" has made women's satisfaction ( be it via sex or just attention) easier than ever.

And men are being conditioned to believe that they should be happy accepting damaged goods. And theyre doing that only reinforces the narrative.

Dont fall for it

All of the above are just heuristics. Difficult does not mean impossible. There are younger women who actually want a traditional family role. I believe the pendulum is swinging the other way

Even in the current coronavirus environment, I am not optimistic that things are changing or will change much - not without an incredibly intense period of pain, so great that it once again forces a value shift back to fertility. It's a trend half a century in the making, with an exponential acceleration the past two decades - they want fun from 18-25, with college, "career," and eventually, when the eggs are old or maybe they already cranked out a kid or two, a beta to pay for it all.

As for finding a woman overseas somewhere and bringing her back, do that and you'll only create an American woman within about three months of her arrival. Then she dumps you to move up the ladder and you start all over, assuming you can afford to after the divorce.

The reason she was different in the first place is because the value of men is different where she is. You lose that the minute she resides where your value is lower. If you want a foreign bride, go there and stay there - but that's a taller order than most American guys can handle.

At the risk of getting off topic from where this forum is now geared, do your research before wifing up a 27-30 year old American woman who is far more likely to see you as a flesh wallet. Your self description (if you were referring to yourself, that is) as a "good man" is already a red flag to me - imagine how many more red flags they see in your body language and overall approach.

 

[Papaya]

1. Have your shit together as a high value man

2. Know how to and choose a woman carefully

3. Understand "game" principles in the context of the nature of women and a long term relationship


If you dont manage the immutable fundamentals above then all the other details like where "she's from" and "where you live" are academic regardless.

 

[BigFellow]

I agree with JoeSomebody that it is a good idea to take care of your health to try to appear younger. I try to limit my alcohol consumption. Alcohol seems to accelerate aging. I also want to stay thin. When I was younger I wanted to be on the heavier side as I had a perception that girls don't like scrawny guys. However, at this point I want to appear young and staying thin definitely makes one appear younger. My metabolism is starting to slow and I am going to have to start working harder at this.

Here are some potential challenges that an older man pursuing a younger woman might face:

1. My hair turning gray. My hair is brown but there are a few gray hairs if you look closely. I have tried putting coconut oil and lemon juice in my hair to prevent or reverse graying, but that didn't seem to accomplish much. Then again maybe I should be more aggressive with that. I have heard of some people dying their hair with coffee (preferably decaf), but I haven't tried that. I've heard it works for some people but not others.

There are toxic hair dyes at the store but I don't want to use those. Even the supposedly "natural" hair dyes have warnings that say "Do not allow the product to get in your eyes or it will cause blindness." That is scary. Why in the world would I rub something in my hair when it could cause blindness just by dripping into my eye?

2. Going bald. From what I know, baldness is mostly hereditary, so it's difficult to control. I would not want to take a testosterone-reducing drug like Propecia just to prevent baldness. I have a suspicion that working a stressful office job can potentially cause baldness or contribute to it, although I haven't carefully studied that.

3. The girl's father. I am wondering how I would deal with the prospect that the girl's father is almost the same age as me. That seems kind of intimidating. I am currently 36 years old; if I have a friend or peer who is 44, and I want to date his 19-year-old daughter, is he going to receive that well? I imagine it would get even harder when I get into my forties and the girl's father is even younger than I am.

4. Locating very young women. They seem hard to find. If you go online, they don't seem to have a lot of very young women. Maybe they're all busy pursuing college boyfriends? Maybe it's an algorithm that's blocking me? If I visit a college campus and start prowling around, that probably wouldn't go too well. I could try to become a professor and the girls might be attracted to me, but that wouldn't work either because I wouldn't be allowed to date them. I have thought about joining a college fitness center to meet younger women though. Occasionally you can find a college that will sell gym memberships to people in the community. And if you're an alumnus you would be eligible for an alumni membership.

5. Unsound political/cultural views. When I was kid, homosexuality was considered a perversion. The worst thing in the world was to be gay. Nowadays kids are brought up being taught that homophobia is wrong and that homosexuality is perfectly okay. So if I pursue a much younger woman, she is part of this new immoral and debauched generation and probably supports same-sex marriage.

6. She has immaturity or lack of manners, or she is interested in things that aren't interesting. She may be interested in talking about Justin Bieber or some stupid pop culture like that. Staring at her phone instead of talking to me, using incorrect grammar and lazy modern-day abbreviations (LOL, etc...) are potential challenges. However, point #6 is something I'm not as worried about because I have the red pill. She's my property, I'm in charge of her, I can take her phone from her, I'm her boss. If I look at the woman as my equal then this stuff becomes a problem. If I look at her like she's a child and put her in her place, then I can deal with it.

Just like I wouldn't want to be around a child or children if I had to treat them as my equals. If I am in charge of the kids I can deal with them. The same goes for a young woman. She is sort of like a child.

 

[velkrum]

Funny..there was a time on this forum when I got push back for stating that youthful looks and attractiveness are THE MOST important factors for dating women of all ages.

When it comes to culture, cooperation and pleasantness foreign has ALWAYS been better than American

Depending on how attractive you are, dating women from 18-60 should not be a problem.

Shockingly I have found American women 18-23 to be the easiest and more open to relationships. Upper 20's women are drowning in guys or looking to settle down and have a family.

When it comes to music, younger women have access to songs of all prior generations and are familiar with classics. If a girl likes you she will happily enjoy what ever you enjoy without complaints.

Activities are a non-issue if you're both athletically fit and adventurous people.

Parents/family members won't care about your age difference if they see how happy their daughter/sister/cousin etc.
is in the relationship.

If you're nice, attractive and financially successful (75k/yr), they will see you as part of the family and welcome you with loving arms.

...and finally, younger women will be proud to show you off to their friends. She should constantly be setting dates for events/dinners or get togethers with her friends/family.