Older Guys: What Are Your Challenges Dating Younger Women?

[griffinmill]

I'm 41. For the past five years I've only dated younger girls. Between 26-32.

Do I lie about my age? Yes. I say I'm 35. I am in shape, a full head of non-receding hair, and the only thing that has gone grey is the chin area on my beard, so I keep it short.

I would presume that for some of the girls I've dated it wouldn't have mattered that I was older than 35, and could have been honest. I was actually honest with one girl last year after a few weeks of dating. She wasn't happy I had lied, but still continued to see me.

I've looked after myself over the years so don't look 41. I have had one recent girl raise her eyebrow at the age I told her I was, so I guess I'm getting to the stage where I'm not going to be able to lie anymore.

I am wanting a potential family - and if I reveal my real age I'm going to have to consign myself - especially in the UK - to 45 year old divorced, fat single moms.

If I'm on dating apps, I easily match with girls between 20-30 (outside of the UK).

Lying about your age creates its own challenges, because if you meet a girl you're wanting to get serious with, there's no way you can prolong the lie. You're going to have to be honest with her, and that could potentially sour things.

I always bring up Jared Leto when people talk about the age issue. Jared Leto is a very attractive guy to girls and you only have to go on to his Instagram to see the comments from girls of all ages. He's 48 years old. 48! But he doesn't look it, and that's all that matters.

 

[Snag87]

I'm 32 and claim 26/27. Never had anyone question it as I easily pass for twenties physically. Couple of issues though:

I recently had a conversation with a guy at work. We see each other daily but had never interacted. Halfway through the conversation he said "Wow you're older than I thought." I asked him how old he thought I was and he replied "I thought you were in your twenties but now that I talk to you I can tell you're older"

So while I may be able to pass for twenties physically, my maturity level and demeanor may betray me.

I was recently dating a girl. Things were going well. Then one day I received a notification that someone had viewed my mylife profile. I contacted the girl later that day and she told me she no longer wanted to see me. Pretty obvious who viewed my profile.

 

[kel]

Just don't lie. If you have the health and vitality of a twenty-something and the maturity and shit-togetherness of a thirty-something you are the ideal male. Lean in to it.

 

[velkrum]

If you ALREADY have good genetics (good looking face, 5'8 and up) women will not care about your age.
Your focus should be:

• Muscular physique
• Excellent Skincare routine
• Excellent Haircut (that complements the face)
• Excellent Facial grooming (that complements the face)
• Excellent Hygiene
• Form fitting clothing (Doesn't need to be expensive)

If you're a healthy, wealthy guy with poverty genetics (poor facial aesthetics, 5'7 or below) you will not be able to date/keep attractive American women (18-30). Your pool will be limited to average/below average upper 30's and beyond.

Taking care of yourself and having good health means NOTHING to women without an attractive face and a minimum 5'8 height.

 

[BigFellow]

If you ALREADY have good genetics (good looking face, 5'8 and up) women will not care about your age.
Your focus should be:

• Muscular physique
• Excellent Skincare routine
• Excellent Haircut (that complements the face)
• Excellent Facial grooming (that complements the face)
• Excellent Hygiene
• Form fitting clothing (Doesn't need to be expensive)

If you're a healthy, wealthy guy with poverty genetics (poor facial aesthetics, 5'7 or below) you will not be able to date/keep attractive American women (18-30). Your pool will be limited to average/below average upper 30's and beyond.

Taking care of yourself and having good health means NOTHING to women without an attractive face and a minimum 5'8 height.

As a man, I'm not a fan of wearing clothes to try to enunciate my body. I think tight-fitting clothing is gay. I have trouble finding a suit these days, with all of these modern "slim-fit" trends and pants that choke my crotch. Men's clothes should fit. They shouldn't be too baggy, but they shouldn't be too tight either. It's the woman who is supposed to be more focused on her figure.

 

[kel]

Not tight, but tailored. And especially up top, if you've got a nice physique (and if you don't, why not?) you want to show that off tastefully.

 

[velkrum]

I have trouble finding a suit these days, with all of these modern "slim-fit" trends and pants that choke my crotch.

If you have a lean/muscular physique with a bubble butt there is NOTHING you can do about crotch bulge unless you buy a dense loose fitting fabric like khaki or baggy non-stretch jeans.

I too am very self conscious about that but, as a consolation, it's like being the hot girl with low self esteem.

In your own head you will feel uncomfortable but the rest of the world either LOVES it (women) or doesn't notice (men).

and like kel said, you should be tailoring your clothes, not just formal or semi-formal gear.

 

[pk9090]

I remember when I was 27 or 28 in a hostel in Berlin, I was talking with this girl and having fun and told her my real age, she soon left me and went to talk to someone, she was 18.

For the most part I just avoid <21 girls after that.

 

[Blade Runner]

If you ALREADY have good genetics (good looking face, 5'8 and up) women will not care about your age.
Your focus should be:

• Muscular physique
• Excellent Skincare routine
• Excellent Haircut (that complements the face)
• Excellent Facial grooming (that complements the face)
• Excellent Hygiene
• Form fitting clothing (Doesn't need to be expensive)

If you're a healthy, wealthy guy with poverty genetics (poor facial aesthetics, 5'7 or below) you will not be able to date/keep attractive American women (18-30). Your pool will be limited to average/below average upper 30's and beyond.

Taking care of yourself and having good health means NOTHING to women without an attractive face and a minimum 5'8 height.

"poverty genetics", I laughed out loud :icon_biggrin: :bigsmile:

 

[Aizen]

"poverty genetics", I laughed out loud :icon_biggrin: :bigsmile:

Funny terminology, but also a bit of a red pill. A lot of people are unfortunately born with bad genetics, likely from a lineage of disgenic peasants.

That's just life.

 

[Blade Runner]

It doesn't seem like the culture in the West (let's say USA) will change quickly enough for older guys to have the opportunity/lack of social objection, such as in other places do, around the world. How do you see your role in the post covid world then, given the issues with (international) travel that may be coming? I know this is a very big topic with multiple best guess scenarios, but I'm sure you all have thought about it. A simultaneous topic is the new economic realities pushing women into even survival mode, one less based on family formation, as others have stated. That may have been appetizing for the old forum, but less so for the new.

 

[Papaya]

"First joo get de money, den joo get de powah..."

"...den joo get de gweman"

 

[iOneIndividual]

I'm only 38, but I find with women being bombarded with options and materialism more than ever now that no women under 30 will even pay attention if I greet them, and for the ones who are paid to (like cashiers) they all but ignore me during the scripted interactions they must have, and when I divert from script in any way at all it's like 'screw you just get out and let the next one through'

 

[Salinger]

5. Unsound political/cultural views. When I was kid, homosexuality was considered a perversion. The worst thing in the world was to be gay. Nowadays kids are brought up being taught that homophobia is wrong and that homosexuality is perfectly okay. So if I pursue a much younger woman, she is part of this new immoral and debauched generation and probably supports same-sex marriage.

This is the sort of topic I was looking to talk about when I started this thread.

I frequent a hipster coffee shop where the girls there are probably the type to not care so much what their friends think as far as dating older men. I'm not talking blue hair here but probably more like left of center.

Unfortunately, dating these women who aren't as interested as their right wing counterparts are in what society thinks of their choices also presents its own set of challenges. And that would be that most of these women are steeped in Leftist bullsh*t, including believing that homosexuality is perfectly normal.

I already experienced this once before when I was 40 and dated a girl who was a freshman in college. While she didn't seem to have a problem with how old I looked (probably thought I was around 35), she made it known upfront that she believed in the rights of gays. Not sure why she put that out there but it almost seemed to indicate that she was looking for something more than a fling and didn't want to get involved with someone who disagreed with her politics.

Most of us here are probably looking for something long-term, or at least 6 months, and keeping up a false front or zipping your lip when she brings up politics will most assuredly be a problem.

 

[313jay]

Good thread fellas I’m enjoying reading it.

 

[Vladimir Poontang]

Asks, what are your politics? (It was painful to type that)

 

[lunchmoney]

Curious to hear how guys overcome logistics challenges when dating (i.e you live on one side of town, she lives 30 min away).

 

[iOneIndividual]

5. Unsound political/cultural views. When I was kid, homosexuality was considered a perversion. The worst thing in the world was to be gay. Nowadays kids are brought up being taught that homophobia is wrong and that homosexuality is perfectly okay. So if I pursue a much younger woman, she is part of this new immoral and debauched generation and probably supports same-sex marriage.

This is the sort of topic I was looking to talk about when I started this thread.

Interesting.

I'm horribly under experienced in dating, I'm going to be up front about that--and it's why I'm here first and foremost. Rather, it's what drew me here but I can already see it's not what is going to keep me coming back for more.
I like that. It's probably a good sign of some sort of seed trying to sprout in order to grow.

What disappoints me with the younger generation being 'SO open minded' is if they're SO open minded why can't we reach center with them? I admire their passions and share some of them, but in a broader way. I grew up with a member of my extended family being openly gay but my immediate family being somewhat close minded of it and sheltering us in a Catholic household. That being said, I am not supportive of gay issues, but I do not feel compelled to condemn gay people (I hope this doesn't get me banned, but I think I'm following the rules)

So why can't these rainbow haired people see that their alliance doesn't need to be against people who aren't part of it? Why draw lines in the sand?
My uncle died in 2001, but he was a kind man and never did anything gross or weird around me and my sister--the perhaps most open thing he did once was hug his boyfriend in front of us and maybe, a peck like you'd give your own grandma. I had no problem with that. He was respectful, and the respect was mutual. Why can't cultures co-exist without conflict?

And on the other side of the coin:
Why can't people who embrace organic food and veganism openly talk about the effects genetically modified food can have on the human body -- including possible sexual side effects affecting attraction? There's a lot of evidence to support that homosexuality isn't natural at all but is a response to environmental factors....

But you even suggest that and it's all homophobic this and that. Why is it so harmful to study these things truly unbiased?

 

[Salinger]

To those older guys who grew up going on dates where the woman didn't carry a cell phone with her, how do you cope now with these girls constantly looking at their phone while they're out with you?

If you tell her to put the phone away, what has been their reaction?

 

[Gimlet]

I already experienced this once before when I was 40 and dated a girl who was a freshman in college. While she didn't seem to have a problem with how old I looked (probably thought I was around 35), she made it known upfront that she believed in the rights of gays. Not sure why she put that out there but it almost seemed to indicate that she was looking for something more than a fling and didn't want to get involved with someone who disagreed with her politics.

Seems to me she does not *believe* in anything just yet, but wants to sound like she does. Believing in the rights of 2% of the population isn't worthy of an announcement. Unless that is all you have.