As an amusing diversion I thought I'd translate some of her statements, taken from the article, into the English of the real world. I enjoy these translations from Hamsterese into English.
"Even though he doesn't realize it, deep down in his lizard brain, when a man asks a woman how old you are, they really don't want to know your age, they want to know how many eggs you have left."
Translation: "I am the one who has the lizard brain, and find it useful to project this onto men. I am heartbroken and forlorn that all of my eggs are gone."
"Fifty-year-old females have passed their child bearing years. Yet middle aged Peter Pans wake up with thinning hair and expanding waistlines to find their female contemporaries no longer desirable, because their wombs have no prospective residents. Those men believe their future namesake will be conceived by the supermodel they just haven't met yet."
Translation: "My last fuck was a middle aged Peter Pan with thinning hair and an expanding waistline. He lost interest in me very quickly, because I'm barren and a harpy. He still has a chance to conceive children with a supermodel, but I don't."
"A 58-year old date of mine who had an 8-year old son AND an 8-year old grandson, told me he wanted a woman he could have a child with. So, after me he dated someone who was 39. He said, "I would have picked someone younger, but I promised my 38-year-old daughter I wouldn't date anyone younger than her."
Translation: "My 58 year old friend has options, and I'm ravaged with jealousy that I don't."
"Sure, he's only one guy, but women my age who still want a male partner may feel ignored by the compulsion of biology for men to mate with someone who can procreate."
Translation: "It's hard for me to deny nature and biology, but I'll keep on trying, and maybe it will work."
"When I saw the 2004 film, Door in the Floor, midlife beauties (then in their late 40s) Kim Bassinger and Mimi Rogers had sensual nude scenes. I admired their bravery and exemplary figures. Meanwhile, the audience gasped with the same surprise and amazement as the special effects moments from a Star Wars film. What will audiences think about Jennifer Aniston in 10 years?"
Translation: "I lead an empty life and console myself by living my dreams and fantasies through the lives of celebrities. Fantasizing about make-believe characters written into movie scripts is a safe outlet for me."
"Lauren Hutton (now 69), supermodel to my generation, posed nude at 62. She said at the time: "It's really important that women understand not to listen to a 2,000-year-old patriarchal society." She added, "There once was a proverb that said, 'It's the old fiddle that plays the sweetest music.' Also, most women my age have great taste in music, growing up in the first era of albums and turntables, music stores and The Beatles."
Translation: "A ghastly old hag once posed nude...could I pull it off? There must be some value that I have. I keep looking for that value, but it's becoming harder and harder to locate."
"Inspired by my unnoticed peers, I wrote a novel, The Last Place She'd Look about a woman turning 50, her efforts to become noticed in the world, and ultimately to find happiness and a fulfilling relationship, but not without some mishaps and ego bruising along the way. In trying to console my female friends by presenting a literary figure they could identify with, it seems male readers said the book spoke to them. Now I have a whole crew of men who view me with different eyes."
Translation: "To console myself in my misery, I wrote a bullshit book that no one cares about. If I just keep writing my pleasant fantasies, they will eventually come true."
"When I think of female contemporaries I wonder, why is a woman who is confident, with a self assured sexual ease, invisible, ignored and undesired on her local landscape? Is it that men and boys want naive girls they can control? Should we ask George Clooney?"
Translation: "I wish I had been born a man, especially George Clooney."
"So the next time a man sees me or any of my mid-life female friends out in the world, he should LOOK AT US. Then smile and say, "Hello." He'll be in for an astonishing surprise."
Translation: "Maybe threats will work. I'm so desperate, that maybe if I just find something I can accuse these men of, they will notice me."
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