Online dating in 2007 vs now: what happened?

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
I can say that I was a frequent user of OKCupid from 2008-2013 or so - I refused to pay for online dating. I decided to put dating on the back burner in 2014 and haven't been nearly as adamant about it since then.

I did get a lot of dates on there - sometimes two a week. With significant effort, though, and I had to send out dozens of messages at a time until I got a few prospects. The vast majority went OK - as in I called them "pleasant flatlines". We had a nice conversation, but halfway through the date it was pretty obvious that one of us wasn't feeling it (usually her, sometimes me) and we never saw each other again.

I had some good dates that turned into something brief (as in maybe we had a handful of dates before it petered out). I had some good dates that sort of turned into relationships, but we never became official. I also had a handful of nightmare dates.

The common theme here, though, is that it was almost always a waste of time with unserious people, and usually stressed me out. This was pre-Tinder, though - I can't imagine how much worse it is now, and really don't miss it. I'll have to really make myself get into the correct headspace to start making courting women a priority again...sometimes I doubt I ever will.
 

Easy_C

Peacock
I started using only niche, pay walled off sites for that reason. The harder a site is to use the more serious the people on it tend to be.

Same reason the Internet itself became garbage the moment normie-focused “apps” became the default mode of use
 

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
I started using only niche, pay walled off sites for that reason. The harder a site is to use the more serious the people on it tend to be.

Same reason the Internet itself became garbage the moment normie-focused “apps” became the default mode of use
I was a lot less socially adept at the beginning of college (while I was in better shape physically, women sensed that I was a little too excited to date and that never helped me). That said, I was still *really* good at striking up conversations based on a profile and talking them into getting coffee with me. Usually the dates would fail, but enough wouldn't.

Now - it's all pictures. I'd be swiping for a few weeks straight. No thank you.
 
I think women must just be numb to online attention.

When I meet a girl in person, she is typically very interested in me. Much more initiation on her part.

Compare this to online, and you hardly even get noticed. And to be clear, I am not some 6/10 guy... I have an elite physique and a handsome face. Online I feel like I am some out-of-shape loser, Jumping through stupid hoops before the interaction ultimately fizzles out.
 

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
I think women must just be numb to online attention.

When I meet a girl in person, she is typically very interested in me. Much more initiation on her part.

Compare this to online, and you hardly even get noticed. And to be clear, I am not some 6/10 guy... I have an elite physique and a handsome face. Online I feel like I am some out-of-shape loser, Jumping through stupid hoops before the interaction ultimately fizzles out.
I once went on a first date, she didn’t interest me much, but she initiated a second date that I showed up to...had nothing better to do and she was making me dinner. Second one went badly as well and she then sent me a text telling me she wasn’t interested.

I never got that when dating someone I met in a lecture or at work.
 

Coja Petrus Uscan

Crow
Orthodox Inquirer
Gold Member
I think women must just be numb to online attention.

When I meet a girl in person, she is typically very interested in me. Much more initiation on her part.

Compare this to online, and you hardly even get noticed. And to be clear, I am not some 6/10 guy... I have an elite physique and a handsome face. Online I feel like I am some out-of-shape loser, Jumping through stupid hoops before the interaction ultimately fizzles out.

Someone pointed out before that these apps are made for women. There are 1000s of magazines for "men" full of women in various stages of undress. But there are one or two for women, that are mostly bought by homosexualists.

A lot of it is due to the nature of the program. Everything about Tinder, Badoo et. al. is geared towards the short-term and superficial. Even this bubble speech format induces basic conversations. Same with WhatsApp. They attract a certain type. Book worms and latent conservative women are not likely to be on them and soon to be disgusted.

Then, when you have a never-ending stream of messages it is hard for a woman to keep focus.
 

Coja Petrus Uscan

Crow
Orthodox Inquirer
Gold Member
V5i8lWX9fsiS.jpeg


If you have a profile, duty calls.
 

Seeker79

Kingfisher
Imagine being an average American woman in 2022. By the time you are serious about relationship and marriage you are at least 27 but most likely 30 years old. All your 20s was spent building PowerPoints for 60k for a corporation or slaving away in a dead end hourly wage job despite having a college degree with the debt to prove it.

You are most likely fat with BMI above 25. Average American woman is 5’5” at 180 lbs, you are probably within one standard deviation from this.

You probably binge drink on weekends and use wine on weeknights to cope with your job and life stress. You probably do not work out and do not know how to cook. You are probably accumulating toxins that are destroying your liver, kidney, and skin with processed foods. Emotional eating is your coping mechanism.

You have a jaded and cynical perspective on people. You see men as objects (only hot studs with six figures, six pack, and above six feet for me!) or target successful beta men to underwrite your life. You see other women with hatred/jealousy or pity. You have dozens of girlfriends but you all hate each other as you either channel contempt towards your friends with families/children or hate the self-reflection you get from seeing your bitter single friends complain about insane things at weekly boozy brunches.

You have no God and Jesus in your life. Your sense of morality is derived from TikTok, Twitter, and Snapchat.

And I wonder why online-dating doesn’t work in 2022?
 

WatchingWatchmen

Pigeon
Other Christian
And I wonder why online-dating doesn’t work in 2022?
it doesn't work because too many men will have sex with almost any woman, which then inflates woman's self-worth

also, women are clueless when it comes to discerning men's intentions.

Too many men make themselves into victims, but it's a two-way street, men allow bad behvaiour in women and vice versa
 

Blade Runner

Hummingbird
Orthodox
also, women are clueless when it comes to discerning men's intentions.
Mostly, like a lot of other modern things, they want to believe the lie. Critical thinking and self awareness protect against this, but they elevate truth, reality and acceptance of life as result, and thus people don't want to engage in them. That a man 2 points higher or more wants to remain with them is a dream, the quick ego gratification or validation that is the lynchpin of the bad short term decision making seems to be on the basis of a drama and storytelling of what could have been but (if they were honest) wasn't really ever possible.
 

Nordwand

Pelican
Other Christian
Imagine being an average American woman in 2022. By the time you are serious about relationship and marriage you are at least 27 but most likely 30 years old. All your 20s was spent building PowerPoints for 60k for a corporation or slaving away in a dead end hourly wage job despite having a college degree with the debt to prove it.

You are most likely fat with BMI above 25. Average American woman is 5’5” at 180 lbs, you are probably within one standard deviation from this.

You probably binge drink on weekends and use wine on weeknights to cope with your job and life stress. You probably do not work out and do not know how to cook. You are probably accumulating toxins that are destroying your liver, kidney, and skin with processed foods. Emotional eating is your coping mechanism.

You have a jaded and cynical perspective on people. You see men as objects (only hot studs with six figures, six pack, and above six feet for me!) or target successful beta men to underwrite your life. You see other women with hatred/jealousy or pity. You have dozens of girlfriends but you all hate each other as you either channel contempt towards your friends with families/children or hate the self-reflection you get from seeing your bitter single friends complain about insane things at weekly boozy brunches.

You have no God and Jesus in your life. Your sense of morality is derived from TikTok, Twitter, and Snapchat.

And I wonder why online-dating doesn’t work in 2022?
180 lbs at 5' 5"? Please tell me you're joking.
 

MartyMcFly

Ostrich
Other Christian
The average White Woman in the USA is 5'4" 171 lbs. The Average African American woman is 5'4" 185 lbs. IIRC (couldn't find it) the average Asian woman is 5'2" 130 lbs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_body_weight
You would think at these weights, the American women would have the best personalities in the world to compensate for the excess weight. Sadly, this doesn't seem to be the case on average.
 

MartyMcFly

Ostrich
Other Christian
Imagine being an average American woman in 2022. By the time you are serious about relationship and marriage you are at least 27 but most likely 30 years old. All your 20s was spent building PowerPoints for 60k for a corporation or slaving away in a dead end hourly wage job despite having a college degree with the debt to prove it.

You are most likely fat with BMI above 25. Average American woman is 5’5” at 180 lbs, you are probably within one standard deviation from this.

You probably binge drink on weekends and use wine on weeknights to cope with your job and life stress. You probably do not work out and do not know how to cook. You are probably accumulating toxins that are destroying your liver, kidney, and skin with processed foods. Emotional eating is your coping mechanism.

You have a jaded and cynical perspective on people. You see men as objects (only hot studs with six figures, six pack, and above six feet for me!) or target successful beta men to underwrite your life. You see other women with hatred/jealousy or pity. You have dozens of girlfriends but you all hate each other as you either channel contempt towards your friends with families/children or hate the self-reflection you get from seeing your bitter single friends complain about insane things at weekly boozy brunches.

You have no God and Jesus in your life. Your sense of morality is derived from TikTok, Twitter, and Snapchat.

And I wonder why online-dating doesn’t work in 2022?
This is quite cynical, but sadly this might be very realistic as well (especially in big cities). Every woman should read this post and reflect on it and a similar post could be adjusted to fit men as well because both are failing and some reasons are the same and some are a bit different.

As many here point out, I think women are affected more by these issues then men after age 30-35. A average man that never marries or has children will likely feel regret at some point, but he can likely cope mentally better with it than a women in the same situation.
 

SensibleUlan

Pigeon
Trad Catholic
When I tried online dating first time in 2007 it worked. Not that you necessarly met a girl you loved but at least it was easy to get dates and numbers. A guy who looked good and had a mediocre profile (like me) didn't have much problems to get a date the same night as you contacted this girls profile (or she contacted you). Then ofcourse it happened sometimes they you started to argue after one date or two, and then split apart. Or that you didn't even met because you were too busy with either other girls or work or something, or lived too far away from your match at an online dating site. I thought it was quite good and fun to use such a site. Then I met a girl I loved and went to a several year relationship with her. We didn't met on the Internet, but among friends we had incommon.

But after we broke up and I went single in 2014, I went back to a dating site and got an account. And I noticed something. It was incredible hard to get a reply from a girl, despite me being even more muscular than when I used dating sites 6 years earlier.

It seemed like a shift in the purpose of such sites. Girls didn't use online dating to get dates anymore, they used it to just get attention. Or - they were super picky. A friend of mine notice the same.

What happened during the years say 2010-2014? Anyone else noticing it.
Smart phones happened and allowed women to constantly get thousands of messages on the fly and constantly hounded by men. Before it was much less flooded.
 

Jive Turkey

Woodpecker
Orthodox Catechumen
Serious question: what is up with women just firebombing things out of nowhere? I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks. She was pretty nice, attentive, polite, helped me with laundry and cleaning.

We had a minor disagreement, she insulted me to my face, I told her that what she said was rude and she tried to change subject. I made her apologize, she did and then immediately used the same insult again. I told her not to talk to me like that and she perked up for five seconds and then went stone silent and pouted for thirty minutes (we were in public). I drove her back to my place and bid her farewell.

Like literally what is up with this? Not the first time this type of thing has happened to me (inb4 hold frame by ignoring female verbal abuse)
 

mountainaire

Sparrow
Orthodox Inquirer
This may ruffle some feathers. As someone who used to partake, I must say if you participate in online dating in any form, you're feeding the beast system. Yes, even the "Christian" ones.

The only solution is for men to drop out. "Dating" is a modern globohomo term and we all know what it really means. You should be courting a potential wife, not "dating".

Are you going to find a wife on hinge or bumble? Are you going to find a wife the same way you browse used car listings? Women who are wife material are just as put off by the modern dating scene as men are.

Good men and women need to drop out and go back to their local communities to find each other.
 
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