Only God Can Find You A Good Wife

ICXC

Sparrow
"Only God Can Find You A Good Wife"

Yeah ultimately it comes down to having faith. It's similar to the acceptance principle in stoicism and holds true for the Christian context as well. It's similar if not identical to if you were discerning what is good work for you, God 'tells' us explicitly what he wants via natural law and the Bible. But you can figure out God's will for you simply by looking at your current situation in life. The physiology of the individual can partially determine their temperment as well as their inclinations etc.

So honestly if you wanna get married you need to do a few things ... first off (assuming your Christian/Catholic, which why aren't you? You need to figure that out first, because God want's Holy children of God, not pagan heretics, obviously) but basically if you want a wife and you need to discern God's will for you first off you follow the Ten Commandments (that applies to everyone), THEN you fulfill your duties according to your state in life - which is different for everyone, so don't go looking for a girl or wife if you can't even support yourself first (obviously this is a huge sociological issue, and many men can barely support themselves, and there's a lot to that but it's still what needs done first before looking generally), but you need to sort out your duties in your life first ok, THEN you move on to discerning the nuances of God's will for you.

Some notes I took from a recording by Fr Ripperger that I think is relevant here:

"So, look at your qualities, physical, moral, and spiritual. This points us to where God's will is for us. God endows each of us with qualities for what He wants for us. If you're naturally good at say biology, if it comes easy to you, it may be an indication that God's will is for you to pursue education and work in the medical field. You have to look at what you're good at intellectually. God does not make all people equal, He doesn't want everyone doing the same thing, some people are simply better at different things, if you don't have the qualities it might not be God's will for you. For men with a strong degree of fortitude it might indicate he should have a military career. A woman who is intelligent might be called to homeschool her children or raise intelligent children for society, she should not presume just because she's intelligent she should go out and be a scientist and leave her kids at home, it could be quite the opposite...it could be God wants her to raise very intelligent children...so they can go out and effect the world...

Disposition plays a large part of our discernment...for example if someone isn't disposed towards mechanical work, I don't do it, it doesn't fit me, I find it difficult, I don't like it...becoming a mechanical engineer is probably not God's will for you. You should develop what you do in life based on what dispositions you have. Of course that even needs some qualification because some people have a disposition towards evil things so you have to be careful that you don't do those things, obviously does not will that you do evil. You have to look at your dispositions and qualities and see what God's inclining you towards. God chooses our dispositions and qualities.

The next thing you need to look at are your circumstances. God is ultimately the one who chooses the circumstances you find yourself in. Even though we have some degree of free choice it's ultimately up to God who determines what circumstances we have in life. These circumstances indicate specifically what God's will is for us, where He planted you so to speak. So, you look at the circumstances, where you are sitting in life, where your at in life (who you're with, the location) and sometimes that indicates what you should do.

For example sometimes making money is about being in the right place at the right time, this is not only a matter of talent but reading circumstances, if you're in a position to where you can make a lot of money you should do that, not pursuing it for the wrong reason, but because it's an exercise of a God given talent. Prudence helps us understand circumstances. Maybe taking over the family business is more suitable or something, like taking care of the family business even though you might not make a lot of money. Do what seems to fit the circumstances. Circumstances determine our opportunities, and God determines our opportunities and what He wants us to do by controlling our circumstances. This requires a certain degree of detachment and a certain abandonment to providence.

When say moving across the country and discerning whether thats a good move, you need to look first at the spiritual welfare of all people in involved. If uprooting a family is not going to improve your income perhaps the spiritual reason is not justified, you might have holy grandparents or other brothers and sisters tat might be holy. But maybe moving across the country makes it so your wife could stay at home with the kids then God may be a providing an opportunity for you more in accord with His will. Look at the spiritually, then the monetary.

You have to also look at the graces God is giving you, He gives you graces again based on the specific set of circumstances. God gives more graces to others simply so they can do more than others, you just have to accept that fact also. Some are more talented, intelligent, etc. There is a hierarchy of grace, God intends we will be at different places in Heaven."

When finding a spouse or wife, a lot of it is yeah God's will, but you need to be on the right track first, it doesn't mean you can't 'go looking' - even though 'dating' is a flawed concept, you need to be mindful of your intent and truly brutally honest with yourself. I think going out and asking out girls 'breaks' God's will, it's an attempt to play God and it sort of disrupts the natural flow of order. Again God puts us in specific situations and maybe you can 'go out' and just randomly ask out a girl and maybe it was God's will that you did this, but the notion of freewill and choice and intentionally putting yourself in certain situations to pick up and hit on I think is slightly distorted. I did it for years and years and years similar to Roosh to where you just go around and look to 'hook-up' - I mean, it's pretty twisted ok, but the fact of the matter is you're kind of altering God's overall plan and breaking the rules so to speak. I mean it's a pretty complicated topic ok. Ultimately it comes down to faith and abandonment to providence and relying on God to find you the girl.

Honestly the fact of the matter comes down to this when finding a wife: if she LIKES you its easy...seriously ok, you shouldn't have to 'game' her, because honestly if she likes you you can have the sloppiest game and the worst social skills ever and she makes it easy easy easy. I don't mean to say 'dont try' and let her do everything, but especially now in this day and age when the men are all consumed with throwing themselves on every girl and sucking up to her left and right etc just making her try a bit indicates her actual interest ok. Sadly it took me years and years to figure that crap out, but while some guys might think,"oh, thats obvious" or whatever, it's pretty complicated man, and the truth of the matter is in discerning a wife you need to let her do a lot of the initial work.

Again, I don't mean don't do anything at all whatsoever, but you need to realize that if she genuinely finds you attractive she will make any approach or conversation you do insanely easy. Keep in mind a few initial things though, you're always going to have to approach her first for the most part, unless we are blessed with arranged marriages, you have to make that happen and move the relationship along, BUT after rapport is established it's basically God's will from there man, God's will here being if she is naturally drawn to you, not the act, not the 'game' not the show, but just you in general, if you two naturally click. You can definitely 'fake' this ok, but don't. I use to hate the idea of 'oh just be yourself', but the sad truth is that's the only way to determine God's actual will and the girl He actually wants for you is to actually be yourself. This doesn't mean if you're an a-hole be an a-hole obviously, but realize that if your spending your life with this person the 'act' has to go and while an element of 'seduction' and flirting is for the most part human and normal, I would say love in an of itself should be the focus. I mean she should be your friend and helper ok, trying to extract sex from her under the guise of marriage will fail miserably so I would caution guys who think they just wanna marry her to have sex away from that. Anyways yeah she needs to know her role just as much as you need to know yours, but that comes from discerning who you actually are first and foremost and being honest with yourself.

Unfortunately man, we live in this day and age of 'choice' and while yeah we all think we are 'adult' enough to make our own decisions look how bad the social experiment of 'choice' has failed. Men might think they will only settle for a 10 bombshell, but in reality how hot she is isn't always a good indicator of what you actually want. On paper I might think I want a bombshell hottie but after talking to an average looking girl be way more attracted, so there's really no telling, so again you have to reevaluate expectations. Most men and also girls don't want to lower their standards, they all think they deserve the 'best' or whatever, this is pretty flawed.
 
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ICXC

Sparrow
In the past men and women got together more under God's circumstances and how He positioned them to meet. There's some small town of 5 thousand people, no internet, God's like,"Heh, there's this town fair coming up, I'll make sure Tom goes and also Susie" or whatever. Tom still has to put in the work to get this girl though. Natural law will determine alot; i.e. their biology and temperaments will maybe naturally bring them together, they just 'fit'...but also God's law plays a HUGE part too, Tom and Susie not only biologically fit, but God and them both know they are Catholic or whatever right, and so the girl thinks its 'fated' - and maybe it is. I say the girl thinks it's 'fated' because usually she's the one whose all into the 'romance' of the whole 'first time we met' meme, though the dude can be like that too sometimes.

Anyways there you have it. Go about your life with some logic and reason and use your God given talents to the best of your ability and if you just 'randomly' meet some cutie whose also the same religion (Catholic, because God doesn't will evil, so if your atheist and meet an Atheist girl that's not God's will, that's the devil's will) but yeah if you meet another Catholic girl 'randomly' out and about then maybe it's His will. But obviously if you're 'gaming' hundreds of girls you're probably on the wrong path. God's will is more obvious under random situations. Anyways, I think that's all about accurate.
 
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GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Originally posted on RooshV.com

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For nearly two decades, I believed that game (i.e. pickup) was the best method men could use to find a wife. All a man had to do was master the art of seduction, interact with hundreds or thousands of women, sleep with many of them, and then, as if by magic, one “good” woman will fall in love with him through statistical probability and then he will live happily ever after. This belief was a result of incredible deception—my game efforts blocked the likelihood of a strong pair bond more than not. Now that I’m not running any game or approaching women at all, but serving God instead of the false god of game, my chances of marriage are infinitely higher.

The most common complaint I hear from men about my basic Christian stance against pre-marital sex and the use of game is that it makes the likelihood of marriage “impossible.” Dating and fornication are absolute requirements in order to marry, they insist, because women see them as requirements, and as men we must follow women and do what they want—as if we’re being held at gunpoint—or else we won’t get want we want, because following a woman into sin is acceptable in your quest to create a healthy family. If you approach marriage as a goal, as just as another life checkbox to be completed after losing your virginity, graduating from college, moving out of the house, and getting a career, then you are 100% correct that not having pre-marital sex would block the formation of marriage with a secular woman who is looking to put a checkmark next to marriage, because who is crazy enough to marry someone they haven’t yet diddled under the influence of alcohol?

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In such a case, you will get your marriage, but with a rebellious woman. What you sign up for, quite literally on the dotted line, is a glorified roommate you have sex with and are legally required to provide for, but no more. God will not grace your marriage unless you subvert your worldly desire for marriage, a checkmark, to first serve Him.

Looking back at my experiences with women, I don’t see one that was worth marrying. How could that be? Didn’t I meet a thousand women in my life? Many thousands. I didn’t meet a good woman due to the fact that I was an odious fornicator, and God protects females who have faith in Him away from fornicators. All the women I dated and slept with were in a state of rebellion just like me. They wanted to have sex, I wanted to have sex, and we could fall together for fleeting ecstasy while thinking that we were adding to our lives when we were actually subtracting from it.

When you are in a state of rebellion, you will meet and attract the mirror reflection of yourself. Don’t believe for a second that you are so attractive or smooth that you corrupted a woman who chose God. If that was the case, and a woman who claimed to be walking with Christ slept with you quickly, her faith was for appearances only, to fool you into thinking she’s a “good” girl, and the type of man who can be fooled by a girl of dubious faith is one who has dubious faith himself.



You will fail if you put the search for a wife into your own hands, because out of the many billions of women on this planet, and all the flaws, weaknesses, and warning signs a woman can have, you will never be qualified enough to make the correct choice, no matter how much game you have or how many books you read. Only God can help you make the right choice. If you decide on a wife without faith, she will be decided by your penis. You will try to find a woman who is as physically attractive as you can land, just like every other man on this planet who is blinded by his lust instead of his thirst for Christ. You will spend the prime of your life searching the world for a girl whose value is way above yours, using incorrect standards that will make no bearing on her worth as a wife, and almost certainly fail in the end.

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If you want a checkmark, go talk to a thousand women and persuade one to marry you. If you want arm candy, go to a favela or Asian slum and flash your cash. If you want not to be lonely, go find a woman who is scared of being alone just like you. But by choosing a wife in these ways, you will suffer from terrible regret, because we don’t live by checkmarks, lust, or companionship alone—we live to serve God, which your worldly choice denies.

So does that mean I’ve given up on marriage? Quite the opposite. Before, marriage gave up on me. I wasn’t mature or suitable enough. I was still a boy, though instead of crying out for candy, I cried out for sex, and what fruits could have possibly come from that? Only sex, and a passionate affair here or there that was based more on lust than love. I can tell you that as a 40-year-old man, I have never been in a real relationship. I have never loved a woman as Christ loves me. The incredible quantity of women I’ve talked to in my life has made no difference with that outcome—I could have met fifty thousand women and the result would have been the same.

Since I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, I have not fornicated with a woman. I have approached less than ten women in total, and only did so because they were staring at me and I wanted to see if they were sent by God. I have been on wife interview meetings (i.e. dates) with three women, and used that time to evaluate them for marriage, not to test drive their bodies because I’m enslaved to my passions. With this new approach, I have not had any STD or pregnancy scares. I have not been stood up or treated like dirt. I have not had my heart broken or broken a woman’s heart, and even with these three woman, I arrived closer to the prospect of marriage than the experience of dating innumerable women before them.

The high quantity of interactions you must have with strangers to maintain a sex life is the killer of married life. The fewer women you talk to and get attached to, the better. The less you follow the desires of your passions, the more you can pray to God for help. If He wants me to have a wife, and believes it will aid in my salvation or the salvation of a woman, it will happen without me having to exert any psychological manipulations or strenuous effort. All I have to do is maintain my faith in Him and respond to the woman He sends with the masculinity, abilities, and speech that He gave me as I am. I have no current wife prospects, and don’t know when I will meet a woman again, but paradoxically I’m closer than ever to the prospect of marriage, and only God knows if it will one day happen. I leave it up to Him.

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To a man with little or no faith, my words will have no effect. I must be wrong since I have no wife, and so he will look for flights to Ukraine, Colombia, or Thailand. He will strain to solve his problem himself through his material and sexual powers, and even if he finds a wife, she will be a wife in category only, because she is not bonded to him in any way beyond economics or emotional attraction, and he is only bonded to her because of an easily-broken marriage contract. What will keep them together? What will limit their vices and block out the growing evils of society that attempt to pull their new family apart? Nothing, because it’s only God that can find your wife and keep her by your side. It’s God we first serve when we enter into marriage, an institution that He created for our own good, and it’s God we will be married to even if we don’t happen to marry in this world.

Read Next: 6 Signs That A Woman Is In Rebellion

TX3Z3vEnO_Y

Permalink
I have never loved a woman as Christ loves me.
I have not been stood up or treated like dirt. I have not had my heart broken or broken a woman’s heart, and even with these three woman, I arrived closer to the prospect of marriage than the experience of dating innumerable women before them.

Very heartfelt and poignant article, what stood out to me were these two quotes, even though there were many excellent statements.
Before I got married I kept asking my pastor what it meant for me to love the woman I was about to marry like Christ loves his bride the church. He would talk to me about patience, kindness, unselfishness, and sacrificing for her good. I hope one day you are able to love a woman this way, as Christ loves you. This is a great way for her to realize something of God's love from you and for you to realize something of what it's like for God to love people. I think marriage does that, or at least it should.

The second statement you made I liked a lot because that shows how going in the wrong direction can never get you where you want to go but getting redirected immediately gives you a better chance.

May God bless you!
 

Yishay

Chicken
Food for thought. What if a man is still in the "fun/exploration" phase? Should he quit cold turkey and start praying? What if he feels that later on he would have regrets of not exploring more and exhausting that phase ?
 
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redbeard

Hummingbird
Gold Member
Food for thought. What if a man is still in the "fun/exploration" phase? Should he quit cold turkey and start praying? What if he feels that later on he would have regrets of not exploring more and exhausting that phase ?
Yes. As many men here have seen first hand, there's no end to "exploring." You never quench that thirst or "exhaust that phase." Don't waste your time.

It might help for you to watch Roosh's live talk from last year.
 

Augustus_Principe

Woodpecker
Food for thought. What if a man is still in the "fun/exploration" phase? Should he quit cold turkey and start praying? What if he feels that later on he would have regrets of not exploring more and exhausting that phase ?

Yes. There is no “waning off” fornication. Unless you’re a 65 y.o unhealthy man, the need to fornicate & orgasm by any means necessary will still be in you. There is absolutely no way to stop fornicating & masturbating without asking for God’s help and the Saints intercession. I tried to stop masturbation/watching pornography before returning to God, and every single time I was unsuccessful, as is every single male friend I’ve known. I only started to see success when I started to let God into my life. Suddenly, I felt a great sense of shame and disappointment I never felt before and I stopped watching porn/masturbating all together. It was very easy whereas beforehand I literally thought it was impossible. Also realize that the “fun/exploration” phase is a meme and it’s not real. A man ruled by his passions will never want to stop having “fun”. Even the men who do so are lying to themselves. How many of these same men “stopped exploring” only to get a gf or wife and cheat on her with a girl in the office afterwards? It never ends...so do not believe that saying. It’s propaganda made to to rationalize fornication.

Fornication was the final step for me. I tried “waning off” with an ex gf at the time by decreasing the amount of times I would visit her. Instead of just about every day, I only did 3 days a week, then only weekends, but I realized that I would truly never stop until I quit cold turkey. I always felt the need to fornicate even by decreasing the amount of fornication I was doing. I was wrong in my initial thought of thinking if I fornicate less, it would be easier to quit. It wasn’t.

Finally I prayed and asked for our lords help, along with the Blessed Mother, and it gave me the power to finally stop once and for all. I realized how much my sins were hurting not only my own soul and my ex’s, but how much hurt I was causing our Lord. I stopped and haven’t looked back since. Stop cold turkey and do not delude yourself like I did. The sooner you quit, the better. Also, chastity will become easier as time goes on. The first two weeks will be tough, but don’t get discouraged. God & the Saints will help you if you humble yourself and ask. Once you have a month down, you’ll realize how it easy it is, because of God’s help.

Another tip to lower your lust is to stop looking at female bodies. I know that for us this is hard, especially in today’s age where woman are virtually walking around naked, but it can be done. Start to concentrate only on looking at a woman’s face. If you are looking at a woman from behind, only look at her hair. Do not look lustfully at her body. With time, this will help you lower your passions, which will help you in your overall goal to not want to fornicate and stay chaste till marriage
 
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SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
"Only God Can Find You A Good Wife"

Yeah ultimately it comes down to having faith. It's similar to the acceptance principle in stoicism and holds true for the Christian context as well. It's similar if not identical to if you were discerning what is good work for you, God 'tells' us explicitly what he wants via natural law and the Bible. But you can figure out God's will for you simply by looking at your current situation in life. The physiology of the individual can partially determine their temperment as well as their inclinations etc.

So honestly if you wanna get married you need to do a few things ... first off (assuming your Christian/Catholic, which why aren't you? You need to figure that out first, because God want's Holy children of God, not pagan heretics, obviously) but basically if you want a wife and you need to discern God's will for you first off you follow the Ten Commandments (that applies to everyone), THEN you fulfill your duties according to your state in life - which is different for everyone, so don't go looking for a girl or wife if you can't even support yourself first (obviously this is a huge sociological issue, and many men can barely support themselves, and there's a lot to that but it's still what needs done first before looking generally), but you need to sort out your duties in your life first ok, THEN you move on to discerning the nuances of God's will for you.

Some notes I took from a recording by Fr Ripperger that I think is relevant here:

"So, look at your qualities, physical, moral, and spiritual. This points us to where God's will is for us. God endows each of us with qualities for what He wants for us. If you're naturally good at say biology, if it comes easy to you, it may be an indication that God's will is for you to pursue education and work in the medical field. You have to look at what you're good at intellectually. God does not make all people equal, He doesn't want everyone doing the same thing, some people are simply better at different things, if you don't have the qualities it might not be God's will for you. For men with a strong degree of fortitude it might indicate he should have a military career. A woman who is intelligent might be called to homeschool her children or raise intelligent children for society, she should not presume just because she's intelligent she should go out and be a scientist and leave her kids at home, it could be quite the opposite...it could be God wants her to raise very intelligent children...so they can go out and effect the world...

Disposition plays a large part of our discernment...for example if someone isn't disposed towards mechanical work, I don't do it, it doesn't fit me, I find it difficult, I don't like it...becoming a mechanical engineer is probably not God's will for you. You should develop what you do in life based on what dispositions you have. Of course that even needs some qualification because some people have a disposition towards evil things so you have to be careful that you don't do those things, obviously does not will that you do evil. You have to look at your dispositions and qualities and see what God's inclining you towards. God chooses our dispositions and qualities.

The next thing you need to look at are your circumstances. God is ultimately the one who chooses the circumstances you find yourself in. Even though we have some degree of free choice it's ultimately up to God who determines what circumstances we have in life. These circumstances indicate specifically what God's will is for us, where He planted you so to speak. So, you look at the circumstances, where you are sitting in life, where your at in life (who you're with, the location) and sometimes that indicates what you should do.

For example sometimes making money is about being in the right place at the right time, this is not only a matter of talent but reading circumstances, if you're in a position to where you can make a lot of money you should do that, not pursuing it for the wrong reason, but because it's an exercise of a God given talent. Prudence helps us understand circumstances. Maybe taking over the family business is more suitable or something, like taking care of the family business even though you might not make a lot of money. Do what seems to fit the circumstances. Circumstances determine our opportunities, and God determines our opportunities and what He wants us to do by controlling our circumstances. This requires a certain degree of detachment and a certain abandonment to providence.

When say moving across the country and discerning whether thats a good move, you need to look first at the spiritual welfare of all people in involved. If uprooting a family is not going to improve your income perhaps the spiritual reason is not justified, you might have holy grandparents or other brothers and sisters tat might be holy. But maybe moving across the country makes it so your wife could stay at home with the kids then God may be a providing an opportunity for you more in accord with His will. Look at the spiritually, then the monetary.

You have to also look at the graces God is giving you, He gives you graces again based on the specific set of circumstances. God gives more graces to others simply so they can do more than others, you just have to accept that fact also. Some are more talented, intelligent, etc. There is a hierarchy of grace, God intends we will be at different places in Heaven."

When finding a spouse or wife, a lot of it is yeah God's will, but you need to be on the right track first, it doesn't mean you can't 'go looking' - even though 'dating' is a flawed concept, you need to be mindful of your intent and truly brutally honest with yourself. I think going out and asking out girls 'breaks' God's will, it's an attempt to play God and it sort of disrupts the natural flow of order. Again God puts us in specific situations and maybe you can 'go out' and just randomly ask out a girl and maybe it was God's will that you did this, but the notion of freewill and choice and intentionally putting yourself in certain situations to pick up and hit on I think is slightly distorted. I did it for years and years and years similar to Roosh to where you just go around and look to 'hook-up' - I mean, it's pretty twisted ok, but the fact of the matter is you're kind of altering God's overall plan and breaking the rules so to speak. I mean it's a pretty complicated topic ok. Ultimately it comes down to faith and abandonment to providence and relying on God to find you the girl.

Honestly the fact of the matter comes down to this when finding a wife: if she LIKES you its easy...seriously ok, you shouldn't have to 'game' her, because honestly if she likes you you can have the sloppiest game and the worst social skills ever and she makes it easy easy easy. I don't mean to say 'dont try' and let her do everything, but especially now in this day and age when the men are all consumed with throwing themselves on every girl and sucking up to her left and right etc just making her try a bit indicates her actual interest ok. Sadly it took me years and years to figure that crap out, but while some guys might think,"oh, thats obvious" or whatever, it's pretty complicated man, and the truth of the matter is in discerning a wife you need to let her do a lot of the initial work.

Again, I don't mean don't do anything at all whatsoever, but you need to realize that if she genuinely finds you attractive she will make any approach or conversation you do insanely easy. Keep in mind a few initial things though, you're always going to have to approach her first for the most part, unless we are blessed with arranged marriages, you have to make that happen and move the relationship along, BUT after rapport is established it's basically God's will from there man, God's will here being if she is naturally drawn to you, not the act, not the 'game' not the show, but just you in general, if you two naturally click. You can definitely 'fake' this ok, but don't. I use to hate the idea of 'oh just be yourself', but the sad truth is that's the only way to determine God's actual will and the girl He actually wants for you is to actually be yourself. This doesn't mean if you're an a-hole be an a-hole obviously, but realize that if your spending your life with this person the 'act' has to go and while an element of 'seduction' and flirting is for the most part human and normal, I would say love in an of itself should be the focus. I mean she should be your friend and helper ok, trying to extract sex from her under the guise of marriage will fail miserably so I would caution guys who think they just wanna marry her to have sex away from that. Anyways yeah she needs to know her role just as much as you need to know yours, but that comes from discerning who you actually are first and foremost and being honest with yourself.

Unfortunately man, we live in this day and age of 'choice' and while yeah we all think we are 'adult' enough to make our own decisions look how bad the social experiment of 'choice' has failed. Men might think they will only settle for a 10 bombshell, but in reality how hot she is isn't always a good indicator of what you actually want. On paper I might think I want a bombshell hottie but after talking to an average looking girl be way more attracted, so there's really no telling, so again you have to reevaluate expectations. Most men and also girls don't want to lower their standards, they all think they deserve the 'best' or whatever, this is pretty flawed.
Which recording did you take notes from? I’d like to listen to it as this has been very beneficial to read over again and again.
 

MBell

Sparrow
Woman
This thread has a lot of good insight and I just wanted to relate it the other great article about the differences between worldly and graceful beauty. I dress conservatively and professionally whenever I appeal in public and I focus on my inner beauty which arises from my faith and relationship with God. From your experiences, would you have suggestions on how you can tell if a man is approaching based on interest in inner or outer beauty? Sometimes it is obvious that a man is staring due to lust. However, would anyone suggest a good way of telling if a man in church perhaps has a desire that he feels is based on the will of God? I have kept my distance from engaging in a lot of interactions with men because I am seeking a godly union with a future husband. I sometimes feel this makes it harder to truly read the motivations of a man and I can find myself feeling awkward. I am going to adhere to my plans for pursuing the plans God has for my life but I guess I am looking for feedback on how I can avoid my naivete causing me to miss out on my future husband. Thanks!
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
This thread has a lot of good insight and I just wanted to relate it the other great article about the differences between worldly and graceful beauty. I dress conservatively and professionally whenever I appeal in public and I focus on my inner beauty which arises from my faith and relationship with God. From your experiences, would you have suggestions on how you can tell if a man is approaching based on interest in inner or outer beauty? Sometimes it is obvious that a man is staring due to lust. However, would anyone suggest a good way of telling if a man in church perhaps has a desire that he feels is based on the will of God? I have kept my distance from engaging in a lot of interactions with men because I am seeking a godly union with a future husband. I sometimes feel this makes it harder to truly read the motivations of a man and I can find myself feeling awkward. I am going to adhere to my plans for pursuing the plans God has for my life but I guess I am looking for feedback on how I can avoid my naivete causing me to miss out on my future husband. Thanks!
I think you're going to have to spend ample time with him and see what he talks about and what he wants to know about you. If he never talks about spiritual things then he isn't interested in them, and would only be interested in you for physical attraction.
 

Barron

Ostrich
Gold Member
What do you define as "putting yourself out there"? I attend church regularly, help with my parish, maintain dialogues with people who follow my work online (male and female), and attend social functions when invited. Anything more for me would be secular tactics, but if you use secular tactics, you meet secular women.

While this is true it's not a dealbreaker for me if the girl isn't religious. The natural order is:
God over Christ
Christ over Man
Man over Woman
Woman over Child

Thus a man can lead a woman to the righteous path (while the opposite is impossible). I'm not advocating to wife up a woman with a high body count, but there are many good girls in the world who don't go to church every Sunday.
 

Roosh

Cardinal
Orthodox
While this is true it's not a dealbreaker for me if the girl isn't religious. The natural order is:
God over Christ
Christ over Man
Man over Woman
Woman over Child

Thus a man can lead a woman to the righteous path (while the opposite is impossible). I'm not advocating to wife up a woman with a high body count, but there are many good girls in the world who don't go to church every Sunday.
A woman who does not follow God will only follow a man for as long as she is attracted to him, which does not last long.
 
While this is true it's not a dealbreaker for me if the girl isn't religious. The natural order is:
God over Christ
Christ over Man
Man over Woman
Woman over Child

Thus a man can lead a woman to the righteous path (while the opposite is impossible). I'm not advocating to wife up a woman with a high body count, but there are many good girls in the world who don't go to church every Sunday.
"God over Christ" would only make sense under Arianism
 
"Faithful women are all alike, they think only of their fidelity, never of their husbands." -- Jean Giraudoux

"Chaste women are often proud and froward, as presuming upon the merit of their chastity. It is one of the best bonds, both of chastity and obedience, in the wife, if she think her husband wise; which she will never do, if she find him jealous. Wives are young men’s mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men’s nurses."
-- Sir Francis Bacon, The Essays,
'Of Marriage and Single Life'

For a wife to both see and honor wisdom in her man, she must know wisdom, and what did Wise King Solomon say about women and wisdom?
-- The Secret Shakespeare
 
"Faithful women are all alike, they think only of their fidelity, never of their husbands." -- Jean Giraudoux

"Chaste women are often proud and froward, as presuming upon the merit of their chastity. It is one of the best bonds, both of chastity and obedience, in the wife, if she think her husband wise; which she will never do, if she find him jealous. Wives are young men’s mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men’s nurses."
-- Sir Francis Bacon, The Essays, 'Of Marriage and Single Life'

For a wife to both see and honor wisdom in her man, she must know wisdom, and what did Wise King Solomon say about women and wisdom?
-- The Secret Shakespeare

P.S.
Moreover, what would Paul say about her if he witnessed the gynocentric, phone-staring age in which she craves to get just another 'thumbs-up?'
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
"Faithful women are all alike, they think only of their fidelity, never of their husbands." -- Jean Giraudoux

"Chaste women are often proud and froward, as presuming upon the merit of their chastity. It is one of the best bonds, both of chastity and obedience, in the wife, if she think her husband wise; which she will never do, if she find him jealous. Wives are young men’s mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men’s nurses."
-- Sir Francis Bacon, The Essays, 'Of Marriage and Single Life'

For a wife to both see and honor wisdom in her man, she must know wisdom, and what did Wise King Solomon say about women and wisdom?
-- The Secret Shakespeare

P.S.
Moreover, what would Paul say about her if he witnessed the gynocentric, phone-staring age in which she craves to get just another 'thumbs-up?'
I think he would tell them to get married, bear children and guide the house.
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Originally posted on RooshV.com

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For nearly two decades, I believed that game (i.e. pickup) was the best method men could use to find a wife. All a man had to do was master the art of seduction, interact with hundreds or thousands of women, sleep with many of them, and then, as if by magic, one “good” woman will fall in love with him through statistical probability and then he will live happily ever after. This belief was a result of incredible deception—my game efforts blocked the likelihood of a strong pair bond more than not. Now that I’m not running any game or approaching women at all, but serving God instead of the false god of game, my chances of marriage are infinitely higher.

The most common complaint I hear from men about my basic Christian stance against pre-marital sex and the use of game is that it makes the likelihood of marriage “impossible.” Dating and fornication are absolute requirements in order to marry, they insist, because women see them as requirements, and as men we must follow women and do what they want—as if we’re being held at gunpoint—or else we won’t get want we want, because following a woman into sin is acceptable in your quest to create a healthy family. If you approach marriage as a goal, as just as another life checkbox to be completed after losing your virginity, graduating from college, moving out of the house, and getting a career, then you are 100% correct that not having pre-marital sex would block the formation of marriage with a secular woman who is looking to put a checkmark next to marriage, because who is crazy enough to marry someone they haven’t yet diddled under the influence of alcohol?

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In such a case, you will get your marriage, but with a rebellious woman. What you sign up for, quite literally on the dotted line, is a glorified roommate you have sex with and are legally required to provide for, but no more. God will not grace your marriage unless you subvert your worldly desire for marriage, a checkmark, to first serve Him.

Looking back at my experiences with women, I don’t see one that was worth marrying. How could that be? Didn’t I meet a thousand women in my life? Many thousands. I didn’t meet a good woman due to the fact that I was an odious fornicator, and God protects females who have faith in Him away from fornicators. All the women I dated and slept with were in a state of rebellion just like me. They wanted to have sex, I wanted to have sex, and we could fall together for fleeting ecstasy while thinking that we were adding to our lives when we were actually subtracting from it.

When you are in a state of rebellion, you will meet and attract the mirror reflection of yourself. Don’t believe for a second that you are so attractive or smooth that you corrupted a woman who chose God. If that was the case, and a woman who claimed to be walking with Christ slept with you quickly, her faith was for appearances only, to fool you into thinking she’s a “good” girl, and the type of man who can be fooled by a girl of dubious faith is one who has dubious faith himself.



You will fail if you put the search for a wife into your own hands, because out of the many billions of women on this planet, and all the flaws, weaknesses, and warning signs a woman can have, you will never be qualified enough to make the correct choice, no matter how much game you have or how many books you read. Only God can help you make the right choice. If you decide on a wife without faith, she will be decided by your penis. You will try to find a woman who is as physically attractive as you can land, just like every other man on this planet who is blinded by his lust instead of his thirst for Christ. You will spend the prime of your life searching the world for a girl whose value is way above yours, using incorrect standards that will make no bearing on her worth as a wife, and almost certainly fail in the end.

online-dating-options.jpg


If you want a checkmark, go talk to a thousand women and persuade one to marry you. If you want arm candy, go to a favela or Asian slum and flash your cash. If you want not to be lonely, go find a woman who is scared of being alone just like you. But by choosing a wife in these ways, you will suffer from terrible regret, because we don’t live by checkmarks, lust, or companionship alone—we live to serve God, which your worldly choice denies.

So does that mean I’ve given up on marriage? Quite the opposite. Before, marriage gave up on me. I wasn’t mature or suitable enough. I was still a boy, though instead of crying out for candy, I cried out for sex, and what fruits could have possibly come from that? Only sex, and a passionate affair here or there that was based more on lust than love. I can tell you that as a 40-year-old man, I have never been in a real relationship. I have never loved a woman as Christ loves me. The incredible quantity of women I’ve talked to in my life has made no difference with that outcome—I could have met fifty thousand women and the result would have been the same.

Since I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, I have not fornicated with a woman. I have approached less than ten women in total, and only did so because they were staring at me and I wanted to see if they were sent by God. I have been on wife interview meetings (i.e. dates) with three women, and used that time to evaluate them for marriage, not to test drive their bodies because I’m enslaved to my passions. With this new approach, I have not had any STD or pregnancy scares. I have not been stood up or treated like dirt. I have not had my heart broken or broken a woman’s heart, and even with these three woman, I arrived closer to the prospect of marriage than the experience of dating innumerable women before them.

The high quantity of interactions you must have with strangers to maintain a sex life is the killer of married life. The fewer women you talk to and get attached to, the better. The less you follow the desires of your passions, the more you can pray to God for help. If He wants me to have a wife, and believes it will aid in my salvation or the salvation of a woman, it will happen without me having to exert any psychological manipulations or strenuous effort. All I have to do is maintain my faith in Him and respond to the woman He sends with the masculinity, abilities, and speech that He gave me as I am. I have no current wife prospects, and don’t know when I will meet a woman again, but paradoxically I’m closer than ever to the prospect of marriage, and only God knows if it will one day happen. I leave it up to Him.

man-church.jpg


To a man with little or no faith, my words will have no effect. I must be wrong since I have no wife, and so he will look for flights to Ukraine, Colombia, or Thailand. He will strain to solve his problem himself through his material and sexual powers, and even if he finds a wife, she will be a wife in category only, because she is not bonded to him in any way beyond economics or emotional attraction, and he is only bonded to her because of an easily-broken marriage contract. What will keep them together? What will limit their vices and block out the growing evils of society that attempt to pull their new family apart? Nothing, because it’s only God that can find your wife and keep her by your side. It’s God we first serve when we enter into marriage, an institution that He created for our own good, and it’s God we will be married to even if we don’t happen to marry in this world.

Read Next: 6 Signs That A Woman Is In Rebellion

TX3Z3vEnO_Y

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The ungodly separate the soul from the body, which results in a fractured soul, from sexual abusing one another. The soul is the mind/heart. The mind also is the most powerful sex 'organ'. It is only when the soul is bonded to Christ, that the sexual bonding with one's marriage partner cannot be broken, because, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:9.
What man puts together will separate; "What man tries in vain to join together outside of His will, will last. This applies to being unequally yoked within marriage also.

 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Mikefox, said, "For example even if your religious"

Folks, there is no "if" you're religious, but which religion do you practice? Christ's true religion or one of many man's religions?
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
"Match Maker Prayer:

This is not about me; it's about You. I don't think I can serve You best by myself. I put character before all other marital characteristics. I will not marry anyone who does not share my commitment to You. I want to have at least three children. So, I request that You bring me a lifetime partner who is right for me.
It's simple. It's straightforward. It gets right to the point.

Is this your point?

Be careful what you pray for. God may grant it. When He brings that not-so-gorgeous, not-so-suave person to you as His answer to your prayer, you may decide to keep shopping. If you do, be sure you have not rejected an answer to your prayer. Do not keep the other person in reserve, "just in case."

How often should you pray this prayer? At least once a day. For how long? Until you decide that you don't want to get married. On persistent prayer, read Luke 18:1-7. Take it seriously.

How serious are you about getting married?"


Marriage is the first family, whether God blesses it with children or not, and besides it is not healthy for men to be unmarried, if they can find a suitable godly match.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
"Match Maker Prayer:


It's simple. It's straightforward. It gets right to the point.

Is this your point?

Be careful what you pray for. God may grant it. When He brings that not-so-gorgeous, not-so-suave person to you as His answer to your prayer, you may decide to keep shopping. If you do, be sure you have not rejected an answer to your prayer. Do not keep the other person in reserve, "just in case."

How often should you pray this prayer? At least once a day. For how long? Until you decide that you don't want to get married. On persistent prayer, read Luke 18:1-7. Take it seriously.

How serious are you about getting married?"


Marriage is the first family, whether God blesses it with children or not, and besides it is not healthy for men to be unmarried, if they can find a suitable godly match.
When I shamlessly asked my local church to pray for a wife for me and to not stop until I had one, I was opening myself up to rolling eyes and maybe some criticism but I did it, and prayed until it finally happened, a year later. One time I noticed in the prayer chain my request was not mentioned, and I quickly contacted the pastor to say that this is important to me and I wanted it included every single time until it happened, even if it took ten years or it didn't and I became a laughing stock.
Thankfully, that didn't happen.
 
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