Family Orthodox marriage and family life

Viktor Zeegelaar

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Came across this vid and got my mind going that it would be interesting to hear stories about Orthodox men who are married about their marriage and family life. John Chrysostom called the family a little church. That is a great way of putting it. Something I would especially interested in is how you men deal with an Orthodox marriage and family life in times of societal decline more rapidly than ever. For me I'm struggling to get myself together being single without a family, it's hard to imagine how it is when one also has the responsibility for wife/family.

 

Don Quixote

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
I'd like to have some discussion about this too. I am in a serious relationship but very conflicted because marriage will draw me into the world more, but can also be a blessing I think. But also, I am not ready for marriage because my soul is still broken and I have a long long way to go before I believe I am capable of having a family. So not sure what to do in the meantime, with the relationship I have...
 

Prores

Chicken
Orthodox
When I got married and started a family, God blessed us more. We started our marriage in a basement apartment 6 years ago, barely scraping by working service industry jobs. Now that we have a child we find that we are better off in every way. God's been generous to us. And like Patrick said above, pray every day. Stick to the prayer rule your spiritual father has given you.

We don't think much about the social decline or the coming threats, we pray that God would protect us and we try to keep our thoughts simple.
 

Eusebius Erasmus

Pelican
Orthodox
My parents are Protestant and hostile towards Orthodoxy. This has led to a lot of conflict between my parents and me, especially now that I have kids: my parents are opposed to my wife and I raising our kids Orthodox, since they believe that we are in a ritualistic cult.

Just something to be aware of. I now don’t speak to my parents. If you have non-Orthodox family members, prepare for conflict.

As for societal decline, we don’t think about it too much since we homeschool, but our eyes are open to it.
 

DanielH

Pelican
Orthodox
Well I haven't even been married a full year yet but I can say something that has helped my wife and I was her quitting her job and becoming a homemaker. I can focus more on my job while she can do the household chores that I hate and read up on Christian parenting books. We pray together in the evening and before meals.

Before covid, conflict with parents and in-laws would typically come from how you want to raise their grandkids (we will home school which causes conflict) as well as religious and political issues. My wife and I already disagreed with our parents and in laws on these topics but now there is a new division in families - your stance on covid and vaccinations. This division also impacts friendships, so newlywed life in the age of covid has seen us lose relationships with family and friends. Your task as the head of the household is to negotiate these landmines and not to give in and to reassure your wife. @Eusebius Erasmus I empathize with you on this one although my situation isn't nearly as bad.

Being Orthodox and finding friends can be tough - it's a very niche interest in America. When most guys talk about sports or trucks I just have to sit there silent and nod along.

A big question for new couples is where you want to ride out the societal decline. I would like to live close to one of the parishes that never closed, but due to my local governments and lack of ROCOR parishes nearby that is hard to find.
 

lskdfjldsf

Pelican
Orthodox Catechumen
Gold Member
Well I haven't even been married a full year yet but I can say something that has helped my wife and I was her quitting her job and becoming a homemaker.

My wife did the same. She can't imagine her life otherwise and feels much more fulfilled in her role as a wife and mother. She's mentioned it being like a secret our grandparents knew about, but society today wants to keep hidden from everyone.

No childcare expenses, children not being raised by strangers, fresh and healthy home-cooked meals every day, harmony in the household, and even my own sense of value as the breadwinner is more defined. It's far easier to lead spiritual lives with this arrangement.
 

Eusebius Erasmus

Pelican
Orthodox
Well I haven't even been married a full year yet but I can say something that has helped my wife and I was her quitting her job and becoming a homemaker. I can focus more on my job while she can do the household chores that I hate and read up on Christian parenting books. We pray together in the evening and before meals.

Before covid, conflict with parents and in-laws would typically come from how you want to raise their grandkids (we will home school which causes conflict) as well as religious and political issues. My wife and I already disagreed with our parents and in laws on these topics but now there is a new division in families - your stance on covid and vaccinations. This division also impacts friendships, so newlywed life in the age of covid has seen us lose relationships with family and friends. Your task as the head of the household is to negotiate these landmines and not to give in and to reassure your wife. @Eusebius Erasmus I empathize with you on this one although my situation isn't nearly as bad.

Being Orthodox and finding friends can be tough - it's a very niche interest in America. When most guys talk about sports or trucks I just have to sit there silent and nod along.

A big question for new couples is where you want to ride out the societal decline. I would like to live close to one of the parishes that never closed, but due to my local governments and lack of ROCOR parishes nearby that is hard to find.
Do you have kids? If so, expect your situation to get much worse.
 

tractor

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Technically, I'm in a half-Orthodox/half-Lutheran marriage. Can be tough at times but better than half-atheist/half-Lutheran :laughter:

What do you mean exactly by "putting yourself together" as a single man? Because being married - especially, being married to someone who shares with you some fundamental moral positions - can bring some very positive results. Being married is not just two persons in love as sodomites claim.

"And the two will become one flesh"

Being married - especially being married with kids - demands a great degree of self-sacrifice, which makes you a better man! Being married and having kids can actually help you put yourself together. Kids are like a little tool given by God that help keep some of your demons (laziness,
idleness, egoism) away.

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
 

Eusebius Erasmus

Pelican
Orthodox
Technically, I'm in a half-Orthodox/half-Lutheran marriage. Can be tough at times but better than half-atheist/half-Lutheran :laughter:

What do you mean exactly by "putting yourself together" as a single man? Because being married - especially, being married to someone who shares with you some fundamental moral positions - can bring some very positive results. Being married is not just two persons in love as sodomites claim.

"And the two will become one flesh"

Being married - especially being married with kids - demands a great degree of self-sacrifice, which makes you a better man! Being married and having kids can actually help you put yourself together. Kids are like a little tool given by God that help keep some of your demons (laziness,
idleness, egoism) away.

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Exactly, thank you for this.

I wouldn’t call myself put together before marriage, but after getting hitched and having kids, I am much more conscientious and prudent with money, and am developing patience and true confidence.

Also, now that I have a son, I'm working out and am motivated to get strong, so that he has a good example for a father.
 
Last edited:

tractor

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Exactly, thank you for this.

I wouldn’t call myself put together before marriage, but after getting hitched and having kids, I am much more conscientious and prudent with money, and am developing patience and true confidence.

Also, now that I have a son, I'm working out and am motivated to get strong, so that he has a good example for a father.

That's the way it is. I remember last winter, when Covid was "in the making", I wanted to purchase some new gear (boutique effects for the electric guitar) and was very angry because I couldn't afford it. You know, I was on the entry-level salary, my wife was on her maternal leave and we had some purchases for our son to make - not rich. The next thing that happened was the China virus and I was left with even less money. I took it as a friendly reminder from Our Father, repented and started denying myself useless pleasures.
 

thetruewhitenorth

Sparrow
Orthodox
Well I haven't even been married a full year yet but I can say something that has helped my wife and I was her quitting her job and becoming a homemaker. I can focus more on my job while she can do the household chores that I hate and read up on Christian parenting books. We pray together in the evening and before meals.

Before covid, conflict with parents and in-laws would typically come from how you want to raise their grandkids (we will home school which causes conflict) as well as religious and political issues. My wife and I already disagreed with our parents and in laws on these topics but now there is a new division in families - your stance on covid and vaccinations. This division also impacts friendships, so newlywed life in the age of covid has seen us lose relationships with family and friends. Your task as the head of the household is to negotiate these landmines and not to give in and to reassure your wife. @Eusebius Erasmus I empathize with you on this one although my situation isn't nearly as bad.

Being Orthodox and finding friends can be tough - it's a very niche interest in America. When most guys talk about sports or trucks I just have to sit there silent and nod along.

A big question for new couples is where you want to ride out the societal decline. I would like to live close to one of the parishes that never closed, but due to my local governments and lack of ROCOR parishes nearby that is hard to find.
Hi there,

Im glad I found this thread. Im married, we're both Orthodox, my wife converted from Catholicism.

We're expecting our second child soon and my wife really wants to quit her job and be a homemaker and home school our kids.

Im somewhat worried if we can pull it off on one pay cheque.

Just wondering, how do you manage your budget? Did you find new ways to save when your wife became stay at home mom? Is it tough for you to live on one salary?

Thank you
 

Eusebius Erasmus

Pelican
Orthodox
Hi there,

Im glad I found this thread. Im married, we're both Orthodox, my wife converted from Catholicism.

We're expecting our second child soon and my wife really wants to quit her job and be a homemaker and home school our kids.

Im somewhat worried if we can pull it off on one pay cheque.

Just wondering, how do you manage your budget? Did you find new ways to save when your wife became stay at home mom? Is it tough for you to live on one salary?

Thank you

A few tips:

1. Get rid of your TV subscription.

2. Cut down on trips to restaurants. Cook at home and grow a vegetable garden.

3. Get a cheaper car.

4. Move far from the city to a cheaper, safer location.

5. Get a side gig.

I've implemented these tips, with varying degrees of success.
 

thetruewhitenorth

Sparrow
Orthodox
My wife did the same. She can't imagine her life otherwise and feels much more fulfilled in her role as a wife and mother. She's mentioned it being like a secret our grandparents knew about, but society today wants to keep hidden from everyone.

No childcare expenses, children not being raised by strangers, fresh and healthy home-cooked meals every day, harmony in the household, and even my own sense of value as the breadwinner is more defined. It's far easier to lead spiritual lives with this arrangement.
So great to read a story like yours. At times, me and my wife feel like its us against the world. We cant relate to probably 90% of people we come across.

Soon, my wife goes on a mat leave, and God willing, she wont return to work, but will be raising our kids full time.
 

DanielH

Pelican
Orthodox
Hi there,

Im glad I found this thread. Im married, we're both Orthodox, my wife converted from Catholicism.

We're expecting our second child soon and my wife really want to quit her job a be a homemaker and home school our kids.

Im somewhat worried if we can pull it off on one pay cheque.

Just wondering, how do you manage your budget? Did you find new ways to save when your wife became stay at home mom?

Thank you
Hi, we definitely have made a lot of budget cuts. We no longer have any subscriptions whatsoever. This means no cable, no Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, nothing. We use an antennae tv and honestly I'd like to ditch that. We're ditching two cars including my expensive lease that I got before I met my wife for one affordable SUV which should last us a long time and be suitable for a family. I work from home so there's no need for two cars. We canceled our gym membership and I got a bicycle - she already had one, and I use a pullup bar. We go on a lot of walks. We eat out less than once a week - we save money on food now that my wife can cook more, and we have a fairly large vegetable garden. I ditched the smartphone for a nokia and a GPS to stay focused. We're also planning on moving to an area with a far lower cost of living. I'm also planning on getting a side gig like @Eusebius Erasmus suggested. My work schedule is very flexible so I can do more.

Basically just cut everything you don't need. Something like a vegetable garden provides exercise, recreation, and food which most people pay a lot for. This all requires some creativity but it's worth it.
 

thetruewhitenorth

Sparrow
Orthodox
A few tips:

1. Get rid of your TV subscription.

2. Cut down on trips to restaurants. Cook at home and grow a vegetable garden.

3. Get a cheaper car.

4. Move far from the city to a cheaper, safer location.

5. Get a side gig.

I've implemented these tips, with varying degrees of success.
We've never had cable, so that is not an issue. Trips to restaurants became very rare at this point - I regularly cook at home and this year for the first time we had a small veggies garden. But its operational only throughout the summer due to climate.

We did move to a smaller, safer city. Im thinking about possibly saving on a car insurance by using only one car (we have two).

Our biggest expense has been it seems various trips. So that more likely will have to end.

Anyhow, I believe, where there's a will, there's a way, this and Lord's help of course.
 

thetruewhitenorth

Sparrow
Orthodox
Hi, we definitely have made a lot of budget cuts. We no longer have any subscriptions whatsoever. This means no cable, no Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, nothing. We use an antennae tv and honestly I'd like to ditch that. We're ditching two cars including my expensive lease that I got before I met my wife for one affordable SUV which should last us a long time and be suitable for a family. I work from home so there's no need for two cars. We canceled our gym membership and I got a bicycle - she already had one, and I use a pullup bar. We go on a lot of walks. We eat out less than once a week - we save money on food now that my wife can cook more, and we have a fairly large vegetable garden. I ditched the smartphone for a nokia and a GPS to stay focused. We're also planning on moving to an area with a far lower cost of living. I'm also planning on getting a side gig like @Eusebius Erasmus suggested. My work schedule is very flexible so I can do more.

Basically just cut everything you don't need. Something like a vegetable garden provides exercise, recreation, and food which most people pay a lot for. This all requires some creativity but it's worth it.
Thank you for the reminder to ditch our mobile data plans. I discussed that with my wife. We both want to keep our smartphones but switch to the cheapest talk and text plans. That might save us around 90$ per month.

And download off line google maps for driving. I also found Costco membership is actually make you spend more than you need. So we're not renewing that.

I also hope that I will start receiving more in tax return given I'll have three dependants on hand.
 

tractor

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Hi there,

Im glad I found this thread. Im married, we're both Orthodox, my wife converted from Catholicism.

We're expecting our second child soon and my wife really wants to quit her job and be a homemaker and home school our kids.

Im somewhat worried if we can pull it off on one pay cheque.

Just wondering, how do you manage your budget? Did you find new ways to save when your wife became stay at home mom? Is it tough for you to live on one salary?

Thank you

Indeed, great tips from @Eusebius Erasmus and @DanielH.

Basically, it's about sacrificing a lot. It's not a sacrifice to give away your last shirt, buy a new one instead while going in debt. I'm still trying to persuade my wife that sometimes it's either a new pair of good shoes for our boy or her gluttony.

I think it's not as bad as it can seem. My family is considered poor by the German standards but we're not starving and don't have any debt.
 
Top