Thanks Roosh for writing this.
I relate strongly to your observations, end of my 20s I was captivated by Buddhism, spent quite some time in a monastery even.
After some time I got very nervous, which I couldn't really explain at the moment.
the point of life is to “enjoy” it in the here and now
I wasn't able to enjoy it anymore, sitting and breathing and I felt I went wrong but couldn't fix it. How I see it now is that the nihilism sucked the life out of me. I felt good in away, 1 meal a day, calm, no screens, no internet.
When the newness of the experience wore off. The monastery, the experience, the buddhist monks, the discontent grew.
Philosophically the wheel of Dukkha was the most discussed symbol. Trying to break the cycle of suffering.
en.wikipedia.org
It is opposed to the word
sukha, meaning "happiness," "comfort" or "ease."
And this concept took hold in me in the years after. Dukkha bad, Sukha good.
Then I ran into health problems, constant pain, unsolvable and the collapse set it. How to find Sukha, when you get pain?
My pride loved the notion of reaching existential “enlightenment” through my own works without having to submit my will or ego to a higher power.
So I tried to fix the pain with the means available obsession, sex, eating.
If the outlook is, life is about comfort, happiness and ease. We are in a big problem.
Then a loved one passed away and got buried from the Catholic church. I expected endless pain and sorrow as the modernists taught me, but God gave me community, family, love and kindness.
Then my journey to Christianity began. I now see that God meets me in the soil. When I'm broken. Not faking brokenness. Broken. Humble. Not as an act, but broken to humbleness. In pain. Suffering is of great importance. Not as a goal. But joy grows in suffering. It's such a paradox to my original way of thinking and living life.
To give an example I have a friend who is getting in the tantra, ayahuasca, yoga, psychology, alternative therapy scene and seeing him scares me now. In a certain way he seems happy, acting light and he seems to feel more happy most if the time. But I find it impossible to relate to him nowadays.
He told he has panic attacks at night sometimes, but his psychologist told him not to talk about it. Knowing this just makes me feel so sad for him.
This is why the rapture doctrine is so dangerous
It's weird and it scares me. Modernism, starting in the enlightenment thinks it can remove the pain of life. No more racism, everybody equal, everyone happy.
It appeals to those who fail to see the need for spiritual labor.
I think modernism, enlightenment is an amputation of life. It misses half of it. Denying sorrow, pain, brokenness, darkness. Is there light when there is no darkness. Can flowers grow in the air? Without the dark soil full of worms and decaying plants?
Nowadays I can cry again, feel softness, weakness in the light of God, power in the soil.
Ordered the book! Thanks man