Overcoming addiction

[cyborg1337]

Hey friemds,

This is a difficult topic for me, But here goes, I'm a married man with two children.

However, I really struggle with a prostitute addiction. I just cannot shake it off. I go for long periods fine (this time a year) and then all of a sudden really bad urges that I cannot control myself. I'm constantly trying prayer and turning to God, it works but then I start slipping again and back to square one.

This is an inner battle I am really struggling with. Every time I ask for forgiveness and make a promise I won't do it again, but I do the same mistake again.

I have little faith in the modern healthcare system, and do not want to get involved with any sort of counselling with them.

I really need some advice here.

Thanks,

 

[newcomer]

I am so sorry, friend. That sounds like a very bad spot to be in. Would not want to be in your place.
How did you got into this in the first place? Did you used to go when you were single, or after you got married if you dont mind me asking?

 

[cyborg1337]

I am so sorry, friend. That sounds like a very bad spot to be in. Would not want to be in your place.
How did you got into this in the first place? Did you used to go when you were single, or after you got married if you dont mind me asking?

Thanks brother. I started when I was single, I had a close friend who did it on a regular, and kept bragging on about it. So I went with him the first time, and the second time.... until I was hooked.

 

[KoolDoon]

There is no easy solution to that. Maybe you should start writing down your emotions and thoughts, it does not even have to be about your addiction. Or another hobby/passion. Do you have an elder or priest at your Church you can talk to? Try to replace your bad desires with a good desire for art or something that fits you, building things for example. Prayer always helps.

 

[cyborg1337]

Thanks good suggestions. Since a child I've been quite prone to anxiety.

I am really into physical fitness, so I follow a schedule around that.

The urges come on at the most tempting times, for example during my commute back home from the office...

The constant bombardment of females in semi-nude clothing in society (UK), on social media etc... also makes it worse.

Right now - I am in a cycle of prayer > repent > sin and repeat.

 

[KoolDoon]

Do you spend much time with your wife and kids? Every time you feel that evil urge, you could look at a photo of them to remind you what is really important in your life. That should be enough motivation not to go prostitutes. I know, it is easier said than done.

 

[cyborg1337]

Thank you. This is actually a really good idea - Having a picture of them to look at, everytime I'm away from the house.

 

[KoolDoon]

You could also start a couple of social and family activities that keep you too busy for prostitutes.

 

[elixirhtc]

I think you need to spend more time with your family and try to go outside with them and improve your social activities with your friends ..

 

[cyborg1337]

So I am spending weekends and evenings with them.

After a period of refraining I get strong urges again, the more I try to suppress them the more they grow. It’s the same as if you’re addicted to cigarettes, and you get the withdrawal symptoms.

It’s a cycle which I’m finding hard to break for good.

Thanks to the posters here for not being judgmental.

 

[darknavigator]

I'm a sex addict (porn, masturbation and prostitution) and I considered myself a hopeless case.

I'm a Catholic and what helped me was returning to the Sacrament of Penance (Confession) after decades away from the sacrament.

I now operate on the basis that I have free will and that I can do anything I want, however, I have to make myself accountable to God and to another human being (a priest). I very rarely look at porn and I'm someone who would spend hours daily viewing pornography. I haven't fornicated or masturbated in four years - this is incredible to me! I'm still a work in progress, but I'm a thousand times better than I was.

You live in the UK so I'm going to assume that you are an Anglican? Make an appointment to see your minister and tell him everything that you have been engaging in. If you're a member of another denomination then go and tell your priest / deacon / minister. If you're an atheist or an agonistic then go and tell a therapist. Be brutally honest. Don't hold anything back. Accountability is the key IMO.

Note: this accountability process is an ongoing process.

 

[cyborg1337]

Thanks brother. This gives me hope, I too feel like a hopeless case and your achievement of 4 years is brilliant, well done.

Can I ask though, do you feel like the addiction is always there just buried deep down - but it's always present somewhere...

Yeah I'm from the UK and I'm of monotheist faith (but not Christian). I don't have a priest/scholar to refer to.

I really like your point about accountability - I need to have a think about that...

 

[darknavigator]

"Thanks brother. This gives me hope, I too feel like a hopeless case and your achievement of 4 years is brilliant, well done"

Thank you for your kind words - you are not a hopeless case!

Can I ask though, do you feel like the addiction is always there just buried deep down - but it's always present somewhere...

Yes, I have also had issues with alcohol misuse - I definitely believe that I have an 'addictive personality'. Also, your anxiety issues might play a part - some experts believe than a lot of addiction problems stem from anxiety issues. I tend to get very anxious as well. I think that I have been using alcohol and sex (porn, masturbation, fornication) in order to 'self medicate'.

I really like your point about accountability - I need to have a think about that...

It's imperative that the person you talk to is trustworthy. For example, Catholic priests are bound to silence by the 'seal of confession' and 'client confidentially' is part of a therapists code of conduct. I don't know how other religions operate?

Change is DAUNTING, but when we view it as an ongoing process then it gets much much easier. For example, I try to go to confession once a month and as a result the compulsions became less and less powerful as time went by. It's a process!

12 Step programs (AA, NA etc) are big on accountability (Step 5 - 'Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs').

You can beat this!

 

[Aleksandar]

My advice will be a bit different:

You need to have a physical practice, that will transmute the energy of lust into love for God. I know it seems too esoteric or strange, but it's the only way for most people, if you really want to resolve the problem and not fight it constantly.

For example, when you get those thoughts and want to visit a prostitute, you do 100 prostrations while mentally repeating the Jesus Prayer. If it's still not working, the physical aspect has to be even more difficult (100 prostrations aren't easy as well). St. Benedict had to jump naked into a bush of sharp thorns and stinging nettles to curb the lust he had for a woman and he's a Saint. You can and should include fasting, either intermittent or constant, that's going to extinguish the fire of lust, since you will have less energy and you will have to focus.

Do not disregard the physical aspect, you have to fight the body with physical methods. What's happening to you is both a mental and hormonal imbalance and it takes a while to resolve.

Second thing is this: you have to understand why are you addicted to prostitutes, which void are they filling? You will have to contemplate this deeply and when you understand it, you have to fix that shortcoming in a normal, Godly way. You owe this to your family.

Keep us updated with your progress, you will win this battle with God's help, but only if you accept it.

 

[Roosh]

Adultery is a mortal sin, and you must pray to God to help stop this behavior immediately. Which Church are you a member of? It's not enough to just pray for forgiveness. You must remit your sin through the sacrament of confession.

 

[Lawrence87]

I think the first step, if you haven't taken it yet would be to join an Orthodox church. Get baptized or chrismated and participate in the sacraments, follow the advice of the priest. Christ started a church, and He is the head of the church. The church exists to heal sinners. Going it alone won't give you much help.

Once you are in the church, speak to the priest about your addiction. My suggestion would be to read the Akathist to Saint Mary of Egypt every day without fail for 40 days (but ask the priest about it). Saint Mary of Egypt was a sex addict and a prostitute, who was saved by the grace of God. She then became a holy Saint capable of incredible feats through her repentance. If anyone can help you in this problem it would be her.

 

[cyborg1337]

Thank you brothers for all your replies. I’m really very grateful you have taken the time to post.

I am not of Christian faith, but of another monotheist faith however I can still relate to the spiritual advice given here. It is sincere.

Thinking about it, one sin has also led to many other sins repeatedly.

There is a lot I need to reflect on and learn as pointed out; fom a mental, spiritual and historical perspective.

I hope this thread serves useful for other men in my position.

 

[The Beast1]

Thank you brothers for all your replies. I’m really very grateful you have taken the time to post.

I am not of Christian faith, but of another monotheist faith however I can still relate to the spiritual advice given here. It is sincere.

Thinking about it, one sin has also led to many other sins repeatedly.

There is a lot I need to reflect on and learn as pointed out; fom a mental, spiritual and historical perspective.

I hope this thread serves useful for other men in my position.

I can't help you fellow Muslim / Jewish brother.

However, I too am a dirty coomer that loves the female form. Thankfully, I have found something of an answer to this through St Paul. It might help you too.

Seek release through your wife.
This is the only release that is pleasing to our Lord and Savior. When you feel an urge to go whoring, take your wife, and seek to maximize her pleasure by being as sexually gratuitous as possible within the confines of your marriage. Toys, roleplay, you name it. Go full ham.

Do this a couple of times and you can train your urges to want to seek out your wife instead of loose women.

You will stray from time to time but always go back to your wife. You will find that stready path pleasing once more.

Work on correcting your lack of faith in Christ Jesus and you'll find an even stronger reason to remain faithful to your wife.

Good luck.

 

[paternos]

I can tell you my experience.

I learned I was in a constant state of fear before I saw the true order.

This fear took many forms, restlessness, the feeling of waking up and not knowing what to do, fear in professional sense, I should make a career, fear in school, did I do well? The restless feeling. Which woman do I want? The need to feel more. Get more career. More women. More sex.

What is this fear?
It's a spiritual problem. When I deny God and deny the true order of things and there is no alignment.

Accepting god
When I don't accept God practically as the main guide in my life. I am lost. And I get to that well known natural state of existential fear. For example in the commute back home and before somebody told me I did something great at work. I get overconfident. At that moment I make myself god. I am king. At that moment the spiritual tie is broken. And everything will flow in. Lust. Fear. Self-Obsession.

I don't belief in the existence of addiction. Addiction is a lie made up by industry. Where worldly powers parasitically make money that promise to fix us. It also keeps us trapped. It's a lie. When we say we have an addiction, we have an excuse for denying god and keep doing the same over and over again.

The answer is simple. Get back to god. Restore the connection, the order at that moment. So when lust enters, accept you are wrong. This is what I do.

This message most self declared "addicts" don't want to hear. They postpone: "I'll do that tomorrow". You have a choice though and you know it. And me too. I either choose god or I choose the devil. It's that simple.

You know the moment you walk in the door of the prostitute you choose the devil, and that's why you feel so bad.

What I do practically:
- First I restore the order - I renounce my sins, seeing that I am just a small failing servant getting self-obsessed disappearing in the immense light of god. Breaking my self-centered spell. Sometimes I write as well, a confession to paper. My self-obsession is sometimes hard to break.
- Breathing - I close my eyes and breath deeply. Feeling my lungs fill, the oxygen flow for a few minutes. Reconnect.
- Bible - I read the bible in the moment. When I'm with holy texts most worldly needs disappear instantly.

So I always have a small bible and a notebook with me for this reason.

When lust or fears enters, it's a signal to me, I need to restore the order of things.

And for you I suggest to accept Christ, Christ is the perfect example of the divine relationship, how to relate to the worldly powers, by denying him as a source of inspiration to find peace, you deny yourself a great inspiration to break the devilish spell.

Wish you strength brother.

 

[droughtmeat]

I have to questions:

1. Are you really addicted to prostitutes or do you simply want to cheat on your wife with no consequences? Because if you cheat on her with a "normal" woman you're more likely to get caught and of course you have to invest more time and effort by going on dates etc.

2. Do you exercise? I remember from overcoming porn addiction I essentially went completely overboard with my training. I'm talking randomly leaving the house at 2 a.m to do hill sprints or to go my 24h gym to do squats and deadlifts although I had already done those very same exercises that day. But there was no other way to kill the urge. Sure, this will make your libido skyrocket. However, you'll basically have no choice but to let that super libido out on your wife and she will probably thank you for it.