Paternity issue from past- need advice

Cortés

Woodpecker
Gold Member
Hey guys. I really could use some advice right now. My trusted friends are giving me immoral and poor counsel about this, need something level headed.

January 2019, I was in Colombia traveling around as the degenerate I was in those days. I met one girl and spent about a week with her. I blocked her when I left the city. Then this January, she contacted me to tell me that she gave birth in November, and that I'm the father.

Some of the circumstances seem a little bit ridiculous and quite a reach for me to be the father. For example, the last few days I was with her she had her period. So the days leading up to that she was not very fertile. Also, a 44 week pregnancy seems a bit long. The baby has blue eyes and seems white, but aside from those basics he doesn't look like me at all. She gave birth in November but did not contact me until January. I think it is suspect that she did not attempt to contact me during her pregnancy or around the time of birth.

Part of the reason why I left her at the time was because I caught her in a few lies. She complained that she couldn't talk to her grandmother because she had no phone. I gave her an old beater phone I brought with me. I caught her the next day trying to sell it on facebook. Not a very trustworthy person.

The only reasons that I think I might be the father are that the timing is possible, and the baby looks like whitish. The city I was in doesn't see tons of tourists.

She has agreed for me to do a paternity test, but she freaks out at any implication that I am not the father. I am hesitant to do it, mostly because it is very expensive, and there is a good chance I doesn't arrive (there's slim chance packages get reliably delivered to her ghetto neighborhood).


Since hooking up with her, Ive really come to God and am voluntarily celibate. I consider this situation an act of punishment from God for my fornication and past sins.

The coronavirus fiasco just makes this all worse. She's out of work and has zero Income for the foreseeable future. I would send her a bit of money for the baby if I knew he was mine, but I can't bring myself to send her money with all the doubts I have.

What do I do? Any advice welcome.
 

Captain Gh

Ostrich
Gold Member
Now to be completely honest... I'm currently still in what can be considered my degenerate phase ( I simply consider myself an inactive PUA) Now I already know I'll be labelled a Cuck for giving you this advice... but if you got some $$$... I would advise you to help out minimally BUT THAT'S IT!! However... if you're the kind of dude who catches feeling easy for these Hoes... then stay as far away as you can from her... especially if you're wealthy!! That's a Must

To be around the type of women you're talking about takes a serious level of emotional coldness which borders on Psychopathy! If that ain't you... then keep it movin! And don't let her guilt trip you about the baby until it's proven that it's yours! Until then... don't even think about it! There's another Stone Cold Player... or a Simp you'll come along to help her! If you ain't the Stone Cold... then don't be the Simp!!
 

La Águila Negra

Kingfisher
Your friends' advice is to cut all contact I suppose?

A 100 percent certainty outcome is needed in this case. Blue-ish eyes are not uncommon in Colombia, nor is white skin. Assuming now that you were the only foreigner she has slept with. I wouldn't take those facts as proof of anything, especially as a baby's eyes and skin tends to darken quite a bit in the year after birth

Again, 100 percent disclosure is needed to settle this. Only paternity tests can give you that.

I suggest you go there after the travel ban is lifted. Don't let her know you are coming, it's better to catch her off guard. Just show up. Don't stay at her place of course, rent an apartment or stay at a hotel. Don't let her know where you are staying. Offer her a paternity test at one of the clinics in Colombia.

If she turns down your offer you could always do one of those [bold] 23andme tests [/bold] . Order the testkits online (one for yourself as well) and take them with you. From what I have heard they are pretty accurate at establishing familiar relations between different participants.

For that test you just swab the cheek mucosa. You could do it whenever she is at the bathroom

If the child does turn out to be yours, i feel like you will be entering a world of pain and frustration

Good luck
 

SilentOne

Woodpecker
Let me get this straight. You blocked her, then she reached out and contacted you? This does not compute.

Anyhow I wouldn't give her a dime without actual proof the child is yours. Nothing. Don't get emotionally attached and do not care about her silly outcries about you claiming the child might be someone elses, get the paternity test done in a reasonable amount of time. You're going to have to wait for awhile since we have a travel ban. After that, if it's yours you have to man up and take care of the child. Send her money when you can and visit your child consistently. As of now, do not budge. Stay distant until you can confirm the legitimacy. This transition is going to suck having a child living in a different zip code from you.

Now if it turns out that this child isn't yours, figure out how to block her better. Preferably permanently! She'll find another sucker to help raise her child.
 

Cortés

Woodpecker
Gold Member
Captain Gh said:
Now to be completely honest... I'm currently still in what can be considered my degenerate phase ( I simply consider myself an inactive PUA) Now I already know I'll be labelled a Cuck for giving you this advice... but if you got some $$$... I would advise you to help out minimally BUT THAT'S IT!! However... if you're the kind of dude who catches feeling easy for these Hoes... then stay as far away as you can from her... especially if you're wealthy!! That's a Must

To be around the type of women you're talking about takes a serious level of emotional coldness which borders on Psychopathy! If that ain't you... then keep it movin! And don't let her guilt trip you about the baby until it's proven that it's yours! Until then... don't even think about it! There's another Stone Cold Player... or a Simp you'll come along to help her! If you ain't the Stone Cold... then don't be the Simp!!
I didn't catch feelings for her, and I never had trusted her. Dealing with her can be a pain in the ass. Shes a pretty manipulative person.

I wouldn't fall for a guilt trip normally, but with this I would hate myself if he was my son and I had abandoned him completely.


La Águila Negra said:
Your friends' advice is to cut all contact I suppose?

A 100 percent certainty outcome is needed in this case. Blue-ish eyes are not uncommon in Colombia, nor is white skin. Assuming now that you were the only foreigner she has slept with. I wouldn't take those facts as proof of anything, especially as a baby's eyes and skin tends to darken quite a bit in the year after birth

Again, 100 percent disclosure is needed to settle this. Only paternity tests can give you that.

I suggest you go there after the travel ban is lifted. Don't let her know you are coming, it's better to catch her off guard. Just show up. Don't stay at her place of course, rent an apartment or stay at a hotel. Don't let her know where you are staying. Offer her a paternity test at one of the clinics in Colombia.

If she turns down your offer you could always do one of those [bold] 23andme tests [/bold] . Order the testkits online (one for yourself as well) and take them with you. From what I have heard they are pretty accurate at establishing familiar relations between different participants.

For that test you just swab the cheek mucosa. You could do it whenever she is at the bathroom

If the child does turn out to be yours, i feel like you will be entering a world of pain and frustration

Good luck
Yeah they told me to cut contact and forget about it. I can't do that, but I also can't Western Union her money every month until quarantine ends and I can do a paternity test. I agree that it would be wise to do the test in Colombia rather than thru the mail.
 

Hypno

Crow
I wouldnt recommend that you shirk your responsibilities, but don't fall for a scam either. The odds that you fathered a baby are quite low, like 10-1 or 50-1 against. Its far easier for her to be scamming you. Why did she wait until the birth to contact you? Did you see pictures of her pregnant? Kid is probably her sisters or cousins or neighbors. Do you think you were the only guy she slept with?

I had a fraternity brother who got scammed sort of like this. He had sex with a girl. She calls him up several weeks later and says she is pregnant and needs money for an abortion. He sends it to her, thinking he is off the hook. He finds out later she was never pregnant and she pulled this scam on multiple guys.

BTW, if its really weighing on your conscience, a DNA test is 99 bucks on ancestry.com. She can put the kids' DNA up there. You could then have yours tested privately and see if it matches. But this is far more likely a scam.
 
Cortés said:
I am hesitant to do it, mostly because it is very expensive,
I once spent over $500 to get an evaluation of a house I wanted to buy and flip. Did not buy the house, it was filled with defects. I considered the $500 money well spent.

"Very expensive" compared to how many years of support payments and nagging doubts?
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
In my opinion, if it is your kid, being involved in the kid's life is just as (if not more) important than financial support.
 

Brodiaga

Ostrich
Gold Member
So the last few days you were with her she was on her period. Also her pregnancy lasted 44 weeks (more than 10 months). If you believe this chick I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Most likely she either thinks that of all the guys who banged here around the time she got pregnant you are the most financially stable and the easiest target. Or maybe she already tried to hit up other guys who banged her including the real father and you are the only option left.
 

Papaya

Crow
Gold Member
Brodiaga said:
So the last few days you were with her she was on her period. Also her pregnancy lasted 44 weeks (more than 10 months). If you believe this chick I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Most likely she either thinks that of all the guys who banged here around the time she got pregnant you are the most financially stable and the easiest target. Or maybe she already tried to hit up other guys who banged her including the real father and is collecting from as many of them as she can .
^Fixed


ed pluribus unum said:
Cortés said:
I am hesitant to do it, mostly because it is very expensive,
I once spent over $500 to get an evaluation of a house I wanted to buy and flip. Did not buy the house, it was filled with defects. I considered the $500 money well spent.

"Very expensive" compared to how many years of support payments and nagging doubts?
^This is good advice. The most expensive test I see online is less than $120 with average being $99. That sounds like a great piece-of-mind investment. If it turns out youre not the father its a cheap price to pay for the lesson and permanent removal of a manipulative biznitch from your life




Additionally , if it were me Id tell her you are going to pay for the test and do the right thing for the child if he's yours, but that if it comes back as not mine I was going to let all of her friends, family, etc know that she's a slut. Chances are you'll never hear from her again
 

LINUX

Ostrich
Gold Member
Cortés said:
I consider this situation an act of punishment from God for my fornication and past sins.
This has nothing to do with God.

This is the cause and effect from the biological process of meiosis.

I would fly to Bogota and take care of this in person at a laboratory there.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Brodiaga said:
So the last few days you were with her she was on her period. Also her pregnancy lasted 44 weeks (more than 10 months). If you believe this chick I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Most likely she either thinks that of all the guys who banged here around the time she got pregnant you are the most financially stable and the easiest target. Or maybe she already tried to hit up other guys who banged her including the real father and you are the only option left.
There's no harm in verifying, though.

OP wouldn't want to live his whole life with a doubt that he might have a kid out there who he mistakenly abandoned.

If OP is not the father (which is very likely), he has nothing to lose by insisting on a paternity test.
 

paninaro

Kingfisher
You need a man on the ground to resolve this. Hire a local lawyer in that town. The US embassy can refer you to one if you don't know where to start, but beware embassies often recommend "top-shelf" law firms. Another way to find one is look up the chamber of commerce in that town, then look at their member list and find a lawyer that way. The cheaper ones are usually 1 or 2-man shops, but that also means you'll get good service.

They can both arrange for the test by showing up at her door with the swab, and also make you aware of your parental rights, if the baby is yours and you choose to assert them. Custody varies widely by country, which is why you need someone familiar with local laws to advise you.

If she balks at this, you know she's pulling a scam. Just make sure _you_ choose the lawyer not her, or she'll pick some friend she knows who is a lawyer and you'll get scammed that way.
 
OP, why would you shirk a paternity test?

Get one done.

Unless you have something to hide.

You can have a muddled mind, not doing one.

Or, can clear your conscience by paying to get it done.
 

Captain Gh

Ostrich
Gold Member
Cortés said:
Captain Gh said:
Now to be completely honest... I'm currently still in what can be considered my degenerate phase ( I simply consider myself an inactive PUA) Now I already know I'll be labelled a Cuck for giving you this advice... but if you got some $$$... I would advise you to help out minimally BUT THAT'S IT!! However... if you're the kind of dude who catches feeling easy for these Hoes... then stay as far away as you can from her... especially if you're wealthy!! That's a Must

To be around the type of women you're talking about takes a serious level of emotional coldness which borders on Psychopathy! If that ain't you... then keep it movin! And don't let her guilt trip you about the baby until it's proven that it's yours! Until then... don't even think about it! There's another Stone Cold Player... or a Simp you'll come along to help her! If you ain't the Stone Cold... then don't be the Simp!!
I didn't catch feelings for her, and I never had trusted her. Dealing with her can be a pain in the ass. Shes a pretty manipulative person.

I wouldn't fall for a guilt trip normally, but with this I would hate myself if he was my son and I had abandoned him completely.

Yeah they told me to cut contact and forget about it. I can't do that, but I also can't Western Union her money every month until quarantine ends and I can do a paternity test. I agree that it would be wise to do the test in Colombia rather than thru the mail.
That line is all I needed to know! You're clearly not a SIMP... but (yeah there's a But) you ain't a Stone Cold K***er who doesn't give a whut as well... and this Broad knows there's a chance to reel you in...even if you might not be the father down the line!

You SHOULD stay the Hell away from this Broad... but let's be realistic here... you started a thread about it...so there's a strong chance you contact this broad & actually Help Out... regardless if the kid is yours!

Now I know you're thinking Hell Nah I ain't doing s**t if this kid ain't mine... but when this chick's gonna give you d**e the next time you see her... reason will fly out the window like a fastball from Greg Maddux!

Even contemplating this is a mistake in my mind... but if you ain't broke, and are relatively stable with no substance issues... this wouldn't be a life ending type of mistake!

Now if I was in your position with some good change to my name... I'd help out a bit... have fun... and when it would be official the kid ain't mine... I'd stick around a bit... try to lead her down the right path... leave a bit of savings to her name (as long as you're Good) and then bounce when something better comes along! This right here is the absolute best scenario possible if you contact this broad, unless the kid is yours, which is highly unlikely with the picture you painted from this Broad

If you even have a hard time imagining this because it seems too Cold to you... then stay in your lane... delete her # and change your phone # ASAP to avoid her getting in touch with you & move on! It's all fine & dandy being a playa... but there's a price to pay in this Game... and you're living it this very moment!
 

Papaya

Crow
Gold Member
Far-Right Dog Whistle said:
OP, why would you shirk a paternity test?

Get one done.

Unless you have something to hide.

You can have a muddled mind, not doing one.

Or, can clear your conscience by paying to get it done.
Sees user ID...looks for hidden message in haiku-ish 1st post

 

griffinmill

Kingfisher
Cortés said:
Since hooking up with her, Ive really come to God and am voluntarily celibate. I consider this situation an act of punishment from God for my fornication and past sins.
Stop bringing order and conspiracy to chaos.

To the point at hand. I'd say the child is not yours but you are the best (and possibly wealthiest) sucker she has met in the past year or two, and the easiest to pin this on.

No matter how expensive, you're going to have to get a paternity test as soon as you can, and deal with the consequences whatever they may be.
 

joost

Kingfisher
Think about the person you are for "hanging out" with such creatures, specially cumming inside them. Did she say she was on the pill for you to think it was okay?

According to your description, the chances of you being the father are close to zero. For a woman to choose you to take care of her (not yours) baby it's not because she thinks you'll be the best father/husband but because you'll be the best sucker.

She might be texting dozens of blokes she've been having sex with and scamming the hell out of them. Most might be sending her a "small" sum before doing a test.

So think about the person you are for hanging out with such despicable person without dignity, morals and integrity.


Enough with preaching. As for the solution:
Do not send her a dime. You don't want to contribute to the problem (scamming whores).
Buy online those mentioned kits and send it to her address. There's not way for her to cheat it. If the kid is really yours, she will send the kit to the lab and they will give you the results. If the kid is really yours, she will do it without thinking "to prove she's right". Don't fall for the crap excuse "he's questioning my reputation BS".

You can talk to her and explain your (plenty of) reasons for not believing the baby is yours. That you'll send her a testing kit. It's fast and she does not have to pay a dime. But if the baby is not yours...

@PapayaTapper gave great advice:
Additionally , if it were me Id tell her you are going to pay for the test and do the right thing for the child if he's yours, but that if it comes back as not mine I was going to let all of her friends, family, etc know that she's a slut. Chances are you'll never hear from her again
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
↑ Why would OP want to never hear from her again? So he can live his life with a nagging doubt that maybe the kid was his?

I agree with everyone who said you need to go to Colombia (provided that you can afford it) and get a paternity test done ASAP (in Colombia and in person, not through the mail).

Do not give this woman a dime, but verify to make sure the kid is not yours. On the off chance that he is yours, be prepared to make some big sacrifices.
 
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