Please Pray for Rob Banks

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've received a message from the family of forum member @Rob Banks.

I don't have any details right now, other than that @Rob Banks has had an accident and has been unconscious in the ICU for about three weeks (no detectable brain activity).

He's posted a lot about his personal issues on the forum. We had been exchanging messages for a while because I have some specific familiarity with some of what he has been through and struggled with, and I've come to think of him as something of a wayward little brother who is always needy for attention... and had started wondering why I hadn't heard from him in a while.

Would anyone who sees this please take a moment to pray for a miracle for him? For healing of body and mind - but also for his soul. I hope and pray that he pulls through, but he could be fighting his last battle right now, on the inside.

I'm sure his family could use prayers for comfort as well.

Thank you, and God Bless.

 

[PineTreeFarmer]

Life is so fragile. Praying.

 

[fortyfive]

I don't remember a time before when there were so many announcements about someone's death or hearing about people going to die.
Every week something.
Also, almost everyone around seems to be unwell with some flu-like sickness.

Happy people, pregnant women, and newborn babies somehow disappeared from society. Times changed. Definitely.

I will pray for Rob Banks.

 

[ChristFollower1111]

I was exchanging messages with him for awhile as well. I'm so sorry to hear this and hope and pray that he will be okay. Thanks for sharing.

 

[EntWife]

Any updates? I hope his condition has improved.

 

[Kitty Tantrum]

Cardiac arrest. He was found unresponsive on the night of December 2nd. I'm told that things aren't looking good, but his family is fighting to keep him on life support to give him a chance to pull through and come out of it.

Apparently there was no evidence that he'd used drugs/overdosed that night. But Rob was not secretive about his history of drug use/addiction, so the natural suspicion is that drugs were involved somehow. I know he has had a lot of stress in his life recently, which is a compounding factor on top of the way drug use over time runs the body ragged.

I seem to remember him even "joking" about stress and worry and bad habits (especially impacting sleep) giving him a heart attack. It's especially sad to think that addiction might have caught up to him in this way during a time when he was actually clean.

(As far as I know, he didn't take any of the COVID vaccines. He certainly didn't want to.)

I'm sad. I don't really have friends I talk to regularly, as I guess it takes a certain sense of humor to tolerate me well in conversation. Rob has always been someone I could message like "hey gaytard," and he'd just be like "hey fatty." He really does remind me a lot of my actual little brother. I want him to be okay.

Thank you all for praying for him and his family.

 

[Ah_Tibor]

He messaged me a few times, too. It's funny (not haha funny), I was thinking about starting an adult homeschooler thread and thought about him a few days before you made the post.

 

[EntWife]

You know, so far three different women have said that he was messaging them. Poor guy must have needed a mother.

His health situation sure doesn't sound good. I hope he pulls through. Thanks, Kitty, for the update.

 

[messaggera]

You know, so far three different women have said that he was messaging them. Poor guy must have needed a mother.

There were times we would discuss his situation, and I think he just wanted someone to talk to, and to not change his mind about his decision. I feel really bad for not engaging more through messages.

If anyone on this forum ever needs just to talk things out and/or is looking for support please do not hesitate to reach out through private messaging. How ever I can help just let me know.

May God give Rob's family strength and the knowledge to help Rob during this difficult time.

 

[Luna Novem]

Praying that he is in the arms of God no matter his outcome.

I'm sorry for the grief you're encountering, Kitty. My hope is that this has a happy ending. <3

 

[EntWife]

There were times we would discuss his situation, and I think he just wanted someone to talk to, and to not change his mind about his decision. I feel really bad for not engaging more through messages.

If anyone on this forum ever needs just to talk things out and/or is looking for support please do not hesitate to reach out through private messaging. How ever I can help just let me know.

May God give Rob's family strength and the knowledge to help Rob during this difficult time.

You absolutely should not feel bad. He had reached out to at least three other women, and possibly some men as well, on the forum. It sounds like he received lots of support. You have a husband and children who have to be your first priority after God.

Please don't feel bad, just pray. Prayer is far more helpful for him than any amount of online chatting would have been anyway.

 

[Starlight]

Rob’s turning out to be a bit of a “ladies man” lol.. We messaged a few times (briefly) about my own brother’s struggles with drug addiction. He is a good person and has a good heart. I think all we can really hope for is that God’s will be done. I pray for God to have mercy on him and give him peace.

 

[Kitty Tantrum]

Poor guy must have needed a mother.

He has talked about how his parents were permissive/tried to be more like friends instead of really parenting when he was a kid. So there is truth in this.

Prayer is far more helpful for him than any amount of online chatting would have been anyway.

And a lot of truth here as well. He and I have talked fairly extensively, and I have had to tell him that when my life is busy and I don't have much time, that time is probably almost always better spent praying for him than talking.

I feel really bad for not engaging more through messages.

But I "know that feel." Even though he and I did talk a fair bit, I still feel bad. I'd sent him a message on the first and got a couple messages back, but hadn't found time to reply to those. Which is normal for me. I really do spend a lot of time praying for him, but have much less time for typing and messaging - and he did seem to want someone to talk to.

He told me recently that he had started finding more support IRL as well, including from the Church. I was glad to hear this because I yelled at him all the time to do that.

Rob’s turning out to be a bit of a “ladies man” lol..

I've teased him about being a girl for the way he uses the ladies' forum and goes around seeking female perspective. I don't feel bad about that.

I do believe that in spite of his various issues, he's a good chap with a good heart who has been continually struggling to better himself and get closer to God.

Wherever he is now, I'm sure he appreciates all your prayers.

 

[Starlight]

I've teased him about being a girl for the way he uses the ladies' forum and goes around seeking female perspective. I don't feel bad about that.

What? I said he is a “Ladies Man” … as in a man that likes and gets along well with ladies… not a girl or “girly” or whatever…
It was meant as a complement.

 

[Kitty Tantrum]

What? I said he is a “Ladies Man” … as in a man that likes and gets along well with ladies… not a girl or “girly” or whatever…
It was meant as a complement.

Oh, I got that. Just a juxtaposition of perspectives there, sorry that wasn't clear. I ribbed him about it because I see it as attention-seeking behavior (goes along with needing mothering I suppose) and he'd asked my opinion (and he mostly agreed with me).

(I count him among my friends in large part due to his ability to laugh at the mean/sarcastic/poking-fun sort of way I often say things and then cut to the core issue.)

I think it would bring him a fair bit of comfort though, to see himself spoken of kindly by the ladies he's messaged.

So when he wakes up one day (I'm still trying to think really hopefully here), you'll all be elevated in his esteem and he'll be mad at me for practically calling him a girl again publicly.

 

[Atlas Shrugged]

Well you can make it number 4. Although it was at the beginning and not for long. Never did look at the link he provided. I hope he is ok.

You know, so far three different women have said that he was messaging them. Poor guy must have needed a mother.

His health situation sure doesn't sound good. I hope he pulls through. Thanks, Kitty, for the update.

 

[Luna Novem]

Well you can make it number 4. Although it was at the beginning and not for long. Never did look at the link he provided. I hope he is ok.

This was my experience as well ("at the beginning and not for long"). I judge DMs from men on a case-by-case basis. Quick, business-like DMs with a specific purpose are all right in my book; DMs of a more personal and back-and-forth nature are off-limits in my world as a married woman. (No judgment on anyone else, this is just how I personally choose to conduct my boundaries with DMs). Rob was reaching out and wanting advice regarding his prior relationship via my perspective as a married woman; I had to tell him that I could not advise via DM but would be happy to help on the public forum. He was very respectful of my wishes at that point and did not push the issue.

 

[Ah_Tibor]

Oh, I got that. Just a juxtaposition of perspectives there, sorry that wasn't clear. I ribbed him about it because I see it as attention-seeking behavior (goes along with needing mothering I suppose) and he'd asked my opinion (and he mostly agreed with me).

I got the impression he was looking for a female perspective regarding wife issues.

(Women like to talk, generally speaking. I'm ok with talking to dudes online, my husband can poke through my email if he wants and I low-key think my actual brother may be lurking here haha)

 

[EntWife]

Well you can make it number 4. Although it was at the beginning and not for long. Never did look at the link he provided. I hope he is ok.

Actually, you're number 6. Luna Novem is number 7.

 

[EntWife]

This was my experience as well ("at the beginning and not for long"). I judge DMs from men on a case-by-case basis. Quick, business-like DMs with a specific purpose are all right in my book; DMs of a more personal and back-and-forth nature are off-limits in my world as a married woman. (No judgment on anyone else, this is just how I personally choose to conduct my boundaries with DMs). Rob was reaching out and wanting advice regarding his prior relationship via my perspective as a married woman; I had to tell him that I could not advise via DM but would be happy to help on the public forum. He was very respectful of my wishes at that point and did not push the issue.

Every married couple has to decide how to approach this.

For Treebeard and myself, we regard private messages between either of us and the opposite sex as inappropriate. It's like the online equivalent of going off alone with another guy "just to talk".

The exception of course would be the mods on forum business, and I'd keep that short and sweet too.

Again, every couple has to set their own boundaries. This is what works for us.