Prayers and advise for family crisis-drug addiction

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
My family and I just had a huge bomb dropped on us this week. Just found out my brother has been kicked out of his home where he lived with his wife and two children (12 & 9). He was caught doing some morally bad (semi-criminal) things. I won’t go into detail but it’s the kind of thing that would surface at tax time and it turns out he’d spent a considerable sum on drugs over the last year. His wife is livid and may keep the kids from him and the rest of our family. We don’t know when we will see them again.

I love my brother and we’re very close but i had no idea of any of this. He has always been sort of a rogue person and I’m surprised he ever married or had kids to begin with. It never seemed in his nature. Anyway he is going through a tough time right now and dealing with health (addiction), family (possibly divorce), and legal (IRS) issues all at once.

If anyone can share prayers, or personal stories/advice, I would much appreciate it. I’m just devastated right now.
 

Luna Novem

Woodpecker
Woman
Praying for your family. You are not alone in this. My ex-husband is a heroin addict. I had to leave him in 2008. Unfortunately he has not changed. On the other hand, I have a brother-in-law who is almost three years clean and doing amazingly. I pray that your brother will realize his need to give the drugs up. I hope your sister-in-law would continue to let your family see the kids.
Don't feel bad or stupid that you didn't know this was going on. I did not know my ex was an opiate addict until he got arrested for prescription fraud... and we lived together.
 

Lamkins

Woodpecker
Woman
I have no advice, but you all are in my prayers. Hopefully this will enable to straighten things out.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
Thank you for the prayers and replies.

For what it’s worth, one good thing has come out of this crisis over the past couple of weeks. I had a heart to heart with my brother and got him to start praying again himself! I’m proud of him and know that God will get him through all of this.
 

dragonfire00

Sparrow
Woman
My family and I just had a huge bomb dropped on us this week. Just found out my brother has been kicked out of his home where he lived with his wife and two children (12 & 9). He was caught doing some morally bad (semi-criminal) things. I won’t go into detail but it’s the kind of thing that would surface at tax time and it turns out he’d spent a considerable sum on drugs over the last year. His wife is livid and may keep the kids from him and the rest of our family. We don’t know when we will see them again.

I love my brother and we’re very close but i had no idea of any of this. He has always been sort of a rogue person and I’m surprised he ever married or had kids to begin with. It never seemed in his nature. Anyway he is going through a tough time right now and dealing with health (addiction), family (possibly divorce), and legal (IRS) issues all at once.

If anyone can share prayers, or personal stories/advice, I would much appreciate it. I’m just devastated right now.
I'm sorry that this is happening. From personal experience as I've dated someone who I found out was an addict your brother will need to WANT to get help himself as well as with the help of God. This is why at AA/NA meetings they tell them to believe/acknowledge "a higher power" since people who do that have a higher success rate than the ones who believe in nothing.

Its within the rights of SiL to keep the kids safe if he does not recover. My personal beliefs is that addiction is like a sickness (it is a choice as well but once you're in the throes I treat it like disease in terms of divorce) so if the addict gets help hopefully the marriage can last but also be prepared that she doesn't have those beliefs. I do hope he can come out of this and get his family back but if he chooses to continue you need to have some boundaries yourself so you do not enable his behavior. This may mean when he uses he's not allowed to stay at your house, definitely do not give him any money, etc. This might seem like unsupportive/mean behavior to your own family but it is actually more helpful since it will help him hit his rock bottom (if this isn't it) quicker and also helps you not get entangled in it since addicts not in recovery do things they wouldn't normally do to get drugs.

I'm not sure what exactly he was taking but recovery is a lifelong pursuit as it's easy to slide back into old ways due to the chemistry re-wiring of the brain that happens during drug use. The original withdrawal is not where the real work begins. In some ways w/d is helpful to remind the person of how terrible the drug is. After the original w/d is over there is something called PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) and is where the real work begins. It manifests in depression, anxiety, feeling a void, cravings etc. It can last for weeks to months and a major reason why rehabs aren't effective. This is why it's so important to get back in touch with God, and also it is helpful to start a hobby to keep busy and exercise (that helps bring endorphins back. since drugs artificially create more his brain will have to pay the piper- so he won't have has many which is how PAWS traps people into relapsing. Another thing to watch is starting a new addiction, could be alcohol, cigarettes, pornography, video games, gambling, to fill the void. He will be more susceptible to this in the beginning.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
I'm sorry that this is happening. From personal experience as I've dated someone who I found out was an addict your brother will need to WANT to get help himself as well as with the help of God. This is why at AA/NA meetings they tell them to believe/acknowledge "a higher power" since people who do that have a higher success rate than the ones who believe in nothing.

Its within the rights of SiL to keep the kids safe if he does not recover. My personal beliefs is that addiction is like a sickness (it is a choice as well but once you're in the throes I treat it like disease in terms of divorce) so if the addict gets help hopefully the marriage can last but also be prepared that she doesn't have those beliefs. I do hope he can come out of this and get his family back but if he chooses to continue you need to have some boundaries yourself so you do not enable his behavior. This may mean when he uses he's not allowed to stay at your house, definitely do not give him any money, etc. This might seem like unsupportive/mean behavior to your own family but it is actually more helpful since it will help him hit his rock bottom (if this isn't it) quicker and also helps you not get entangled in it since addicts not in recovery do things they wouldn't normally do to get drugs.

I'm not sure what exactly he was taking but recovery is a lifelong pursuit as it's easy to slide back into old ways due to the chemistry re-wiring of the brain that happens during drug use. The original withdrawal is not where the real work begins. In some ways w/d is helpful to remind the person of how terrible the drug is. After the original w/d is over there is something called PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) and is where the real work begins. It manifests in depression, anxiety, feeling a void, cravings etc. It can last for weeks to months and a major reason why rehabs aren't effective. This is why it's so important to get back in touch with God, and also it is helpful to start a hobby to keep busy and exercise (that helps bring endorphins back. since drugs artificially create more his brain will have to pay the piper- so he won't have has many which is how PAWS traps people into relapsing. Another thing to watch is starting a new addiction, could be alcohol, cigarettes, pornography, video games, gambling, to fill the void. He will be more susceptible to this in the beginning.
Thank you for your words and insights. This is very helpful right now. He’s been vague about his addiction, but from what I gather, it is cocaine and pills (opioids).
His wife is a great mother and she does have every right to keep the children safe right now. My brother has not always been the greatest husband ever and this is for sure the last straw. I’m surprised she has put up with some of his behavior for this long.
It’s going to be a long road for him, but I think he realizes he can’t get away with things anymore. It’s hard to explain, but he and I are close. He can BS just about everyone in his life about his true nature but he and I have always been able to be clear with each other.
 

Vigilant

Woodpecker
Woman
Almighty God our heavenly Father, we thank Thee that Thou hast given us so great a hope and security. We thank Thee that we are not alone, that even when we sleep the Holy Spirit works in us, intercedes for us, and prays for us. Deliver this family from bondage into freedom for Thy kingdom; in Jesus name, amen.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
Thank you for your words and insights. This is very helpful right now. He’s been vague about his addiction, but from what I gather, it is cocaine and pills (opioids).
His wife is a great mother and she does have every right to keep the children safe right now. My brother has not always been the greatest husband ever and this is for sure the last straw. I’m surprised she has put up with some of his behavior for this long.
It’s going to be a long road for him, but I think he realizes he can’t get away with things anymore. It’s hard to explain, but he and I are close. He can BS just about everyone in his life about his true nature but he and I have always been able to be clear with each other.
That's really tough. You should get a better idea of what's he addicted to and how long. Most pill junkies move on to heroin / fent because it's cheaper and a better high. You should also see if he's also just smoking and snorting, or if he's injecting. Opiates rewire the reward mechanism in the brain, so the longer he's doing it, the harder it will be to come off it. My experience with addicts is they have to want to stop. There's not much you can say and do for them unless they do. Unfortunately, it often takes absolute rock bottom for that to happen.
 
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