Raising Children in this world

DelMarMisty

Sparrow
Woman
I am not a mother, hope to become one soon if it is the Will of God. I was thinking that many of you are mothers. I was wondering what are some of the reasons why children go astray? What are your experiences? Some children I find are not receptive to God and others are. I had a colleague's child who told her she wanted to be gay with her friend and live with cats. She is 8. How do they get them so young? How can this be avoided?
 

Atlas Shrugged

Pigeon
Woman
Pray. My son was very into church as a child and was baptized around age 10 and had many scripture verses memorized. Like me, he walked away as a teen. Several reasons some being certain toxic family members. BUT once you’re in Gods hands HE will never leave you. My son will make many mistakes like I did and someday God will bring him back. He belongs to God. Hardest thing as a parent is letting go and trusting God.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
TV, Public Education, Peer groups in Public School even Daycare if she got sent there. And Free Will.

Factors as to how they get them so young.
Add Social media. So much is on there celebrating homosexuality and transgender.

Even if you homeschool your kid(s), there will be others they encounter who have permissive parents who expose them to things you would not want your kid subjected to.

My oldest daughter was 8, and a friend from church invited her to a sleepover. The next day, I pick her up, only to find out they had been watching Rated R "FRIDAY THE 13TH" movies, which I would not allow her to watch. The parents were in my Sunday School class!!!
 

Starlight

Woodpecker
Woman
Pray. My son was very into church as a child and was baptized around age 10 and had many scripture verses memorized. Like me, he walked away as a teen. Several reasons some being certain toxic family members. BUT once you’re in Gods hands HE will never leave you. My son will make many mistakes like I did and someday God will bring him back. He belongs to God. Hardest thing as a parent is letting go and trusting God.
Thank you for posting this, it really touched me in a very personal way. My brother is baptized but has suffered from many lifelong internal demons mainly drug addiction and the resulting schizophrenia (which I absolutely believe is a form of possession or at least demonic attacks). I pray for the Holy Spirit to watch over and guide him everyday.

The hardest thing is to trust God and know that His Will, will be done. I really hope my brother still belongs to God.
 
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Atlas Shrugged

Pigeon
Woman
The internet is the worst. His dads mom pushed to get him a laptop to compete with her other grandkids who had one. I didn’t care that he didn’t have one. Well she goes and buys one and that was a big reason for him going off path. And to this day she refuses to acknowledge her part so most all of the family does not talk to her. She messed up a lot of the grandkids on my exes side. Toxic grandmas are the worst. At this point she is forgiven but I’m not talking to her until she can admit she messed up.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
I am not a mother, hope to become one soon if it is the Will of God. I was thinking that many of you are mothers. I was wondering what are some of the reasons why children go astray? What are your experiences? Some children I find are not receptive to God and others are. I had a colleague's child who told her she wanted to be gay with her friend and live with cats. She is 8. How do they get them so young? How can this be avoided?
I can speak from my own experiences as a someone who was a child/teenager who went astray.

I grew up in a broken home. (Bolded because this is by far the most important point).

Parents always in conflict with one another. Dad moved out when I was 12. Divorce finalized when I was 17. No violence or abuse was present. Only verbal conflict and hatred.

I was raised atheist. I grew up believing that death was the ultimate end, that life is meaningless, and that you have to "make your own meaning" (which really means seeking pleasure and/or career success).

I was also fed the lie of "you can be whatever you want in life." Until I was 11 or 12, I legitimately believed I could grow up to be, for example, a professional athlete.

Then, in my teens, when I was introduced to porn and sex, and later to alcohol and drugs, that was it. It was all downhill from there.

I intuitively knew that the message of "Be successful. Make money. Be a productive member of society" was hollow and meaningless, although at the time I could not have put it into words.

So instead, since there was no real meaning (i.e. God) in my life, I turned to pleasure-seeking, which led to the issues I have discussed earlier on the forum, that I am just now, with God's help, beginning to fix.

Misty, you mention your colleague's child who said she wanted to be gay.

Despite what the media wants you to think, the percentage of children who grow up to be "gay" or "transgender" is minuscule, and the vast majority of them likely grew up in very troubled homes.

If you and your husband do even a remotely decent job of showing your future child an example of a healthy marriage, I would not worry about him growing up to be homosexual.

If your child genuinely loves and respects you, then a simple conversation explaining why homoaexuality is wrong should prevent your child from straying in thay direction. Should the child grow up experience those temptations, he is likely to come to you or his father for help, knowing he can trust you.

On the other hand, roughly half of all marriages (at least in America) end in divorce. Roughly half. That is a HUGE percentace.

If your child were to, say, grow up, date casually, and then get into a bad marriage, that is not a problem that can be fixed by merely resisting temptation. By that point, the damage is done. There may even be children involved (i.e. your grandchildren) who will end up deeply damaged.

It is common nowadays for older people to stick to tradition, stay married, and go to church, while their children grow up, leave the Church, move to the city, date around, marry and divorce, etc.

Even within traditional conservative churches, homosexuality is not accepted but divorce and broken families are treated as relatively normal and acceptable.

And for that, the only advice I have is to raise a child not only with the knowledge of Christian doctrines, but also with an example of family unity and loyalty that the child will intuitively internalize in his heart, leading him to naturally reject the evils of casual dating, non-loving relationships, and divorce.

Also, live naturally, ideally rurally, and avoid technology, and dependence on industrial systems, as much as possible (although that is a whole other topic I will not get into right now. @ilostabet has done a great job in other threads explaining why technology is so unhealthy and harmful).

Broken homes are a vicious, repeating cycle. Generation after generation.

You and your husband are already way ahead of your average couple merely by virtue of living Christian lives and genuinelu caring about each other.
 
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Rob Banks

Pelican
Thank you for posting this, it really touched me in a very personal way. My brother is baptized but has suffered from many lifelong internal demons mainly drug addiction and the resulting schizophrenia (which I absolutely believe is a form of possession or at least demonic attacks). I pray for the Holy Spirit to watch over and guide him everyday.

The hardest thing is to trust God and know that His Will, will be done. I really hope my brother still belongs to God.
I don't mean to derail OP's thread, but may I ask, do you talk to your brother? If so, do you talk about faith and spirituality, and is he open-minded about it?

I ask because (as I alluded to in previous post) I have also dealt with lifelong internal demons and drug issues, which I am only recently beginning to overcome by the grace of God.

I was formerly a hardcore atheist not open in the slightest to the idea of God. I may be able to provide some insight on what the kind of help or advice is that your brother would be receptive to, and what isn't (and could potentially make things worse).

Usually, when people have drug issues, it is the result of other, deeper, unresolved issues in their life.

Feel free to PM if you rather talk privately.

I will try and remember to pray for your brother.

God bless.
 
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Kitty Tantrum

Woodpecker
Woman
I also come from something of a broken home/family, but my personal trajectory in life looked fine until about halfway through my first marriage.

(Parents split when I was little, I was raised by my dad.)

My dad went to some pretty great lengths to shelter and protect me (and my siblings) from "the world." He taught me a LOT about right and wrong, discerning the actual truth, etc. "Overprotective conspiracy theorist" - that's my dad according to most people I knew growing up. I was raised to believe in God (albeit not Christian) and with a fairly strict sense of morality. My dad did a lot of things "right" and very much in-line with the general consensus (around these parts) of how girls/young women should be raised.

Some of the things he did right, in my book:

- Planting "seeds of truth." This is to say, even if you don't think you can adequately explain something in terms that a child will be able to understand, if it is an important truth, you tell it to them anyway, in a form that is concise and memorable and authoritative. I can't even tell you how many of my dad's "sound bytes" have come floating back to me after actual decades of not giving them any thought, while my brain was beginning to grasp at related concepts. Some of them have left me quite stunned.

- Homeschooling, and, along with that, allowing my desire for socialization to drive the degree to which I socialized and played with other children (aside from my brothers) - rather than allowing the prescribed "NEED TO BE SOCIALIZED" per globohomo standards to dictate that I be basically thrown to the wolves every freaking day.

- SKEPTICISM. I was taught to question everything, basically. Trust nobody until and unless they've given you a good reason. "Propaganda" is a vocabulary word I learned when I was four. I was taught to see the globohomo establishment for what it is (although it wasn't called that when I was little, lol), taught to question authority... and to never let the feds in if they knock on the door. :sneaky:

- Lots of affection. My dad is not a super affectionate or emotional person (he comes across as standoffish; probably a bit aspie), but he pretty much regarded parental affection/comfort/etc. as a basic human right and a grave responsibility.

- I was NOT EVER taught to "respect my elders" or "respect authority" or "respect XYZ." I was taught that respect is earned, and that "unearned respect" is actually called FEAR. I remember my dad having it out with my grandpa (his dad) one time, because grandpa was demonstrably WRONG about something (a matter of safety, no less) and my dad wouldn't let it stand. Grandpa thought it was out of line and "disrespectful" for my dad to correct him in front of me, and my dad wasn't having it. This is one of the most valuable lessons my dad ever taught me: everybody gets baseline human respect, but nobody gets a free pass for doing things unworthy of respect just because they're old, or because someone else said to listen to them.

Now for what he did WRONG:

- His relationship with my mother.

- Substance abuse/addiction.

Both of these can be filed under "damaged people doing damaged things." My parents had their own familial dysfunctions and traumas. They were both very much a product of their time, and many of their poor decisions were a matter of having never learned better. I suspect there are a lot of things God won't hold against them, when all is said and done.

That doesn't change the fact that these decisions and behaviors have far-reaching material consequences. Whatever it is (alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, etc.) might seem like "just one small vice, and I can compensate for it by doing everything else right..." - but it's NOT. There are no small vices. Even if the vice itself is hidden, the effects spill out all over everything.

Both of my parents modeled a highly dysfunctional way of relating to other people. They used substances recklessly in ways that impaired their judgment and their baseline ability to protect and provision. Their weird relationship (lived together but kept separate rooms, never married, openly screwed around on each other, fought a lot, very turbulent) did not give me any reasonable foundation to build on. ESPECIALLY since neither of them ever went back and condemned that lifestyle or cited it as a reason their relationship failed. The addiction gene apparently skipped me, but when my first husband wanted to have an open marriage - wouldn't you know it, the fact that I'd been aware of my own parents doing that nonsense when I was a kid, set me up to rationalize it instead of balking at it.

As a parent, it's not possible to "hide" addiction and immorality from children in such a way that they are not impacted. Even if they are ignorant of the specific activities and details - and even if they are unsuspecting - the way these behaviors influence EVERYTHING in the complex web of cause-and-effect related to parental decision-making is fundamentally disastrous.

One of those "concise truths" my dad imparted when I was too young to understand, but which hit me hard later, was when he told me that the whole "point of it all" is for every generation to try to be better than the last (in terms of correct living and being a good person), and to teach the same to their children. I think his words were "I try to do better than my parents did, and I hope you try to do better than I did."

It's a good sentiment, but in the spirit of doing better than my own dad did, I'll say that the idea of your kids "doing better than you did" should NEVER be used to justify your own incorrect behavior. It should never be used as an excuse to not get yourself as right with God as you possibly can. You can't just pay lip-service to righteous living. Kids can FEEL hypocrisy in their bones, I'm convinced.

(I could probably write a much longer post about my mother, but I'mma leave that one alone for now... :laughter:)
 

Luna Novem

Woodpecker
Woman
I am not a mother, hope to become one soon if it is the Will of God. I was thinking that many of you are mothers. I was wondering what are some of the reasons why children go astray? What are your experiences? Some children I find are not receptive to God and others are. I had a colleague's child who told her she wanted to be gay with her friend and live with cats. She is 8. How do they get them so young? How can this be avoided?
I believe that mom being at home is important. Homeschooling is important; church is important. Parents staying together is important. Nothing is a guarantee.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
I also come from something of a broken home/family, but my personal trajectory in life looked fine until about halfway through my first marriage.

(Parents split when I was little, I was raised by my dad.)

My dad went to some pretty great lengths to shelter and protect me (and my siblings) from "the world." He taught me a LOT about right and wrong, discerning the actual truth, etc. "Overprotective conspiracy theorist" - that's my dad according to most people I knew growing up. I was raised to believe in God (albeit not Christian) and with a fairly strict sense of morality. My dad did a lot of things "right" and very much in-line with the general consensus (around these parts) of how girls/young women should be raised.

Some of the things he did right, in my book:

- Planting "seeds of truth." This is to say, even if you don't think you can adequately explain something in terms that a child will be able to understand, if it is an important truth, you tell it to them anyway, in a form that is concise and memorable and authoritative. I can't even tell you how many of my dad's "sound bytes" have come floating back to me after actual decades of not giving them any thought, while my brain was beginning to grasp at related concepts. Some of them have left me quite stunned.

- Homeschooling, and, along with that, allowing my desire for socialization to drive the degree to which I socialized and played with other children (aside from my brothers) - rather than allowing the prescribed "NEED TO BE SOCIALIZED" per globohomo standards to dictate that I be basically thrown to the wolves every freaking day.

- SKEPTICISM. I was taught to question everything, basically. Trust nobody until and unless they've given you a good reason. "Propaganda" is a vocabulary word I learned when I was four. I was taught to see the globohomo establishment for what it is (although it wasn't called that when I was little, lol), taught to question authority... and to never let the feds in if they knock on the door. :sneaky:

- Lots of affection. My dad is not a super affectionate or emotional person (he comes across as standoffish; probably a bit aspie), but he pretty much regarded parental affection/comfort/etc. as a basic human right and a grave responsibility.

- I was NOT EVER taught to "respect my elders" or "respect authority" or "respect XYZ." I was taught that respect is earned, and that "unearned respect" is actually called FEAR. I remember my dad having it out with my grandpa (his dad) one time, because grandpa was demonstrably WRONG about something (a matter of safety, no less) and my dad wouldn't let it stand. Grandpa thought it was out of line and "disrespectful" for my dad to correct him in front of me, and my dad wasn't having it. This is one of the most valuable lessons my dad ever taught me: everybody gets baseline human respect, but nobody gets a free pass for doing things unworthy of respect just because they're old, or because someone else said to listen to them.

Now for what he did WRONG:

- His relationship with my mother.

- Substance abuse/addiction.

Both of these can be filed under "damaged people doing damaged things." My parents had their own familial dysfunctions and traumas. They were both very much a product of their time, and many of their poor decisions were a matter of having never learned better. I suspect there are a lot of things God won't hold against them, when all is said and done.

That doesn't change the fact that these decisions and behaviors have far-reaching material consequences. Whatever it is (alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, etc.) might seem like "just one small vice, and I can compensate for it by doing everything else right..." - but it's NOT. There are no small vices. Even if the vice itself is hidden, the effects spill out all over everything.

Both of my parents modeled a highly dysfunctional way of relating to other people. They used substances recklessly in ways that impaired their judgment and their baseline ability to protect and provision. Their weird relationship (lived together but kept separate rooms, never married, openly screwed around on each other, fought a lot, very turbulent) did not give me any reasonable foundation to build on. ESPECIALLY since neither of them ever went back and condemned that lifestyle or cited it as a reason their relationship failed. The addiction gene apparently skipped me, but when my first husband wanted to have an open marriage - wouldn't you know it, the fact that I'd been aware of my own parents doing that nonsense when I was a kid, set me up to rationalize it instead of balking at it.

As a parent, it's not possible to "hide" addiction and immorality from children in such a way that they are not impacted. Even if they are ignorant of the specific activities and details - and even if they are unsuspecting - the way these behaviors influence EVERYTHING in the complex web of cause-and-effect related to parental decision-making is fundamentally disastrous.

One of those "concise truths" my dad imparted when I was too young to understand, but which hit me hard later, was when he told me that the whole "point of it all" is for every generation to try to be better than the last (in terms of correct living and being a good person), and to teach the same to their children. I think his words were "I try to do better than my parents did, and I hope you try to do better than I did."

It's a good sentiment, but in the spirit of doing better than my own dad did, I'll say that the idea of your kids "doing better than you did" should NEVER be used to justify your own incorrect behavior. It should never be used as an excuse to not get yourself as right with God as you possibly can. You can't just pay lip-service to righteous living. Kids can FEEL hypocrisy in their bones, I'm convinced.

(I could probably write a much longer post about my mother, but I'mma leave that one alone for now... :laughter:)
I really liked this post. A lot of truth there.

However, I do not agree that "living a better life than the previous generation" is a healthy idea. It goes hand-in-hand with the idea of societal "progress" (i.e. technogical advancement, godlessness, etc.) and also leads parents to spoil their children with material gifts.

"I work two jobs so that my child can go to college."

"I married and had children at a young age, and I experienced economic hardship. I do not want my child to experience that."


I have never heard a parent say "I studied theology so that my son could become a priest." or "I gave away all my possessions/wealth in order to set a good Christ-like example for my child, and also so that he would experience strife and difficulty and become a stronger person for it."

It is always about one's children having more material possessions and having an easier life than their parents. This is the mentality that created the Boomer generation, which the Boomers in turn used when raising their kids.

I'm not saying you meant it this way. But as you pointed out, even in the way you meant it (your dad wanting you to be a better person than him morally), it is still often used by parents as an excuse to not do their best.

Again, all of thos goes hand-in-hand with the idea of "progress."
 

Kitty Tantrum

Woodpecker
Woman
It is always about one's children having more material possessions and having an easier life than their parents. This is the mentality that created the Boomer generation, which the Boomers in turn used when raising their kids.

I'm not saying you meant it this way. But as you pointed out, even in the way you meant it (your dad wanting you to be a better person than him morally), it is still often used by parents as an excuse to not do their best.
YES.

This is an excellent point. My dad definitely didn't mean it in terms of material success (he's the closest thing I know personally to a legit ascetic, though we have very different religious beliefs at this point), but I've noticed that most people DO mean it that way ($$$) when they say those sorts of things.

This also highlights another thing that I noticed about a lot of those "truths" that my dad has dropped over the years: very often, these are literal truths (when interpreted correctly) which he himself has misinterpreted or misapplied in some way. I usually figure these things out by making the same mistakes and stupid decisions he made, but being sober and present enough to realize and understand why it's BAD. :oops::confused:

That being said... I do happen to be undertaking to study theology, and eschewing material possessions/wealth, so that I might steer my sons toward Priesthood if they do not desire to marry and raise families (I considered becoming a nun when I was a girl - but that would never have been "socially acceptable" in my bubble, and I've always resented that). It's a mighty big undertaking from where I've started and I can't speak about it in the past tense - but now you've heard from at least one who is trying! :)
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
The internet is the worst. His dads mom pushed to get him a laptop to compete with her other grandkids who had one. I didn’t care that he didn’t have one. Well she goes and buys one and that was a big reason for him going off path. And to this day she refuses to acknowledge her part so most all of the family does not talk to her. She messed up a lot of the grandkids on my exes side. Toxic grandmas are the worst. At this point she is forgiven but I’m not talking to her until she can admit she messed up.


I know someone whose stepdaughter bought grandkids smartphones, no parental locks. The 12 year old boy must have found some porn sites, and started raping, sodomizing, BDSM, etc., his younger 6 and 9 year old sisters. The grandma called the cops against grandpa's wishes, and the boy is in a juvenile prison now. If grandpa had his way, everything would have been swept under the rug. And the pedophile boy would be free to rape other kids.
 

DelMarMisty

Sparrow
Woman
I know someone whose stepdaughter bought grandkids smartphones, no parental locks. The 12 year old boy must have found some porn sites, and started raping, sodomizing, BDSM, etc., his younger 6 and 9 year old sisters. The grandma called the cops against grandpa's wishes, and the boy is in a juvenile prison now. If grandpa had his way, everything would have been swept under the rug. And the pedophile boy would be free to rape other kids.
I think you need to go. Troll.
 
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