Reasons to call a girl you don’t know well.

Murdock

Sparrow
I know that we all have a lot going on right now and that there are much bigger issues that we’re all dealing with. With that being said, I was thinking that maybe the ladies here could offer some help.

There’s an attractive girl who I’d like to talk to, I’ll call her “Jessica” since I’ve been meaning to re-read Dune. She comes from a good family (immigrants like my parents) and works in a field that most of the people on here would find agreeable if you’re seriously looking for someone. I’ve met her a number of times but never really had a conversation with her. The times that I have been around her were at functions my family was invited to or at a funeral. I’ll admit that I should have tried to start a conversation those times, but she was usually talking to family or helping with something. I spoke to her briefly at a funeral about a month back, but just to say that my friend worked in the same field when someone asked her about work.

For some reason, she’s been on my mind ever since. I seem to see or hear “Jessica” in random places-on tv or when I look something up and see the same name. I’m not just looking things up and hoping to see it-her real name is fairly rare. Maybe this is a sign that I should try to talk to her? The problem is that I don’t have much in the way of a reason to. The only thing I’ve come up with is calling her to ask advice on something for my friend since she’s been in the field a lot longer.

The reason I’m asking the ladies is because I’m worried about looking like some sort of creep or weirdo. This wouldn’t be an issue if she was just a girl I met, but our families know one another so it complicates things. I thought it might be a good idea to get a woman’s perspective on this. Basically, I wanted to ask how it would look if I called up to ask advice for my friend, and then talked with her for awhile? This isn’t just an excuse, she might actually have some information that would be helpful, but it’s definitely not my main reason for calling. If you were single and a guy called you like this would you think he was interested?Are there any other reasons that I could call? Or is this just a really bad idea?

Note: I should point out that I don’t have her personal number, just her family’s house number.
 

messaggera

Woodpecker
Woman
Just be honest. You find her interesting and you are curious if she would be interested in further conversations.

Breaking the Ice
You could break the ice by mentioning you noticed she may be able to provide some advice given the career field she works in; and you thought this would be an opportunity, if she is interested, to further a conversation on mutual interests. Provide your contact information, and let her reach out to you after the initial phone conversation.

If you have her family's phone number what is the appropriate culture expectation of a male calling a female at her family's home?
Back in the olden days when phones were on walls (and there were no cell phones) it was normal for a boy to call a girl at her family's residence. As awkward as it was this is how individuals opened up an opportunity for dialogue.

Have you asked your family members about her family? You could put out feelers through the families to make the introduction, but that depends on the relationship one has with his or her family.

Take some time to think things over and do not let your emotions dictate your initial actions - just be honest- best of luck.
 

Lamkins

Woodpecker
Woman
I like your idea of asking advice for a friend. I probably wouldnt figure it out because I’ve always been dense about that kind of thing, but once I found out I’d think it was adorable. My hubby and I still laugh about how shy we were 30 years ago.
 

islandgirl

Chicken
Woman
Oh how sweet! I love hearing about crushes.
I absolutely feel you should approach her and start a conversation with her, just don’t take it too seriously. Do this twice. The first time you talk to her, keep it casual. When you depart she’ll be wondering why you approached her and if that means you’re interested, and wondering about you in general. Then talk to her again and ask her out if it feels right.
At least this is how I would like to be asked out! It’s awkward for us girls to have to think of saying yes or no on the spot. If you talk to her casually the first time, it will give her time to think about if she’s actually interested in you.
Being approached these days is so rare. She already has an idea of who you are since you’re in the same circles, so it’s not like a random tinder date where you’re interviewing each other.
If she thinks you’re a creep for asking her out she’s either a lesbian or feminist. Don’t message or call, approach her in person :) Good luck!
 

Tex Cruise

Pelican
I know that we all have a lot going on right now and that there are much bigger issues that we’re all dealing with. With that being said, I was thinking that maybe the ladies here could offer some help.

There’s an attractive girl who I’d like to talk to, I’ll call her “Jessica” since I’ve been meaning to re-read Dune. She comes from a good family (immigrants like my parents) and works in a field that most of the people on here would find agreeable if you’re seriously looking for someone. I’ve met her a number of times but never really had a conversation with her. The times that I have been around her were at functions my family was invited to or at a funeral. I’ll admit that I should have tried to start a conversation those times, but she was usually talking to family or helping with something. I spoke to her briefly at a funeral about a month back, but just to say that my friend worked in the same field when someone asked her about work.

For some reason, she’s been on my mind ever since. I seem to see or hear “Jessica” in random places-on tv or when I look something up and see the same name. I’m not just looking things up and hoping to see it-her real name is fairly rare. Maybe this is a sign that I should try to talk to her? The problem is that I don’t have much in the way of a reason to. The only thing I’ve come up with is calling her to ask advice on something for my friend since she’s been in the field a lot longer.

The reason I’m asking the ladies is because I’m worried about looking like some sort of creep or weirdo
. This wouldn’t be an issue if she was just a girl I met, but our families know one another so it complicates things. I thought it might be a good idea to get a woman’s perspective on this. Basically, I wanted to ask how it would look if I called up to ask advice for my friend, and then talked with her for awhile? This isn’t just an excuse, she might actually have some information that would be helpful, but it’s definitely not my main reason for calling. If you were single and a guy called you like this would you think he was interested?Are there any other reasons that I could call? Or is this just a really bad idea?

Note: I should point out that I don’t have her personal number, just her family’s house number.

tenor.gif


This cannot be real. Seeking super-beta oneitis game advice in the Ladies Forum?

Either op REALLY needs old RVF, or someone is screenshot hunting for STW.
 

Atlas Shrugged

Sparrow
Woman
Um just be honest? Hey I like you would you consider a relationship? Obviously not a secular one but no tricks or lies. Only thing that got my attention was dune. I also plan on reading all 6 books again. I don’t bother with the ones his sons wrote after he died. They are not him.
 

Rockym

Sparrow
You do need to have God in your life. He will help you make the best decision.

 

Rob Banks

Pelican
OP, what exactly are your intentions with this girl? Courtship and potential marriage? Or "dating"?

And if it is the former, would she be open to that? Or does she have more of a casual/modern attitude?

It might be a good idea to clear these things up before offering OP advice on how to get close to this woman.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Also, more generally, ladies, what is your attitude towards dating in the modern world? Would you tolerate your sons engaging in modern dating provided that in was with a good Christian girl?

I would argue that modern dating should not be tolerated, but some might argue (with some justification) that a man living in the modern world has no choice but to do "modern dating" unless he wants to end up alone.
 

Murdock

Sparrow
Thank you to those of you who have replied and given your thoughts. I’ll try and get back to everyone but I think that there are two things that I should address first:

tenor.gif


This cannot be real. Seeking super-beta oneitis game advice in the Ladies Forum?

Either op REALLY needs old RVF, or someone is screenshot hunting for STW.

No, it’s real. You and Uncle Clint are free to think I’m a loser if you want. Again, this isn’t just some girl I met at the bookstore or the mall that I decided to hit on. If that were the case I wouldn’t be wasting everyone’s time here.

OP, what exactly are your intentions with this girl? Courtship and potential marriage? Or "dating"?
And if it is the former, would she be open to that? Or does she have more of a casual/modern attitude?

It might be a good idea to clear these things up before offering OP advice on how to get close to this woman.

Thank you for asking this question, I should have been clearer: 100% courtship and potential marriage. I figured that if I talked to her maybe I could get a sense of what she’s looking for. I know that at the very least we were both raised Catholic.

I feel I should mention that I wasn’t exaggerating in my original post that I keep seeing or hearing her name. The problem is that a few weeks after I saw her I tested positive for covid. I then found myself with a lot of time to think and I prayed a lot for some idea of what to do. It’s very possible that I’m just reading too much into this, but I’m still trying to shake off the effects of the illness and I’m having a hard time figuring it out.
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Thank you to those of you who have replied and given your thoughts. I’ll try and get back to everyone but I think that there are two things that I should address first:



No, it’s real. You and Uncle Clint are free to think I’m a loser if you want. Again, this isn’t just some girl I met at the bookstore or the mall that I decided to hit on. If that were the case I wouldn’t be wasting everyone’s time here.

OP, what exactly are your intentions with this girl? Courtship and potential marriage? Or "dating"?


Thank you for asking this question, I should have been clearer: 100% courtship and potential marriage. I figured that if I talked to her maybe I could get a sense of what she’s looking for. I know that at the very least we were both raised Catholic.

I feel I should mention that I wasn’t exaggerating in my original post that I keep seeing or hearing her name. The problem is that a few weeks after I saw her I tested positive for covid. I then found myself with a lot of time to think and I prayed a lot for some idea of what to do. It’s very possible that I’m just reading too much into this, but I’m still trying to shake off the effects of the illness and I’m having a hard time figuring it out.
I hope you contacted her father first, and I know exactly what you mean about seeing and hearing her name.
I'm eager to know what transpired.
 
No, it’s real. You and Uncle Clint are free to think I’m a loser if you want. Again, this isn’t just some girl I met at the bookstore or the mall that I decided to hit on. If that were the case I wouldn’t be wasting everyone’s time here.

However, you are overthinking this. You have her number, don't you? Call her and invite her to some activity you're going to. End of story. Anything else is just a form of apologizing for your intentions, imho. With all due respect to the ladies here the advice in this thread amounts to "be a sneaky snake!" No, be a man and call her, ask her out, and see how it goes.

Edit: I get why you're doing it but asking women if you're creepy...smacks of validation seeking.
 

Elipe

Pelican
However, you are overthinking this. You have her number, don't you? Call her and invite her to some activity you're going to. End of story. Anything else is just a form of apologizing for your intentions, imho. With all due respect to the ladies here the advice in this thread amounts to "be a sneaky snake!" No, be a man and call her, ask her out, and see how it goes.

Edit: I get why you're doing it but asking women if you're creepy...smacks of validation seeking.
Best advice.
 

ginsu

Woodpecker
get contact info send '' hey jessica this is x woul you like to go for a coffee or to x activity sometime ? ''

calling and hiding your main reason behind seeking advice for a friend is exactly what is creepy

no overthinking just send get answer move on from there or not
 

Pointy Elbows

Sparrow
Orthodox
There used to be a short video clip where Roosh tried to "open" a woman and she just waved him away like a fly. What a funny meme; didn't she know she was being approached by one of the world's most famous PUAs?!

Rejection is part of the game. It happens, some guys will laugh at you, but we've all been there (more often than not). Next.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
Weird thread. But yeah, as others have said, you are overthinking it. Just be straightforward. There is no magical formula like “do this, this, this, and this and then you’ll have guaranteed success.”

Like that trope about putting in a certain number of correct “nice guy” coins into the female vending machine and love/sex/dating/marriage falls out.

You’ll be perceived more successfully to call without a pretense. Honesty is always appreciated, even endearing. Just hey, I wanted to call because I’d like to talk with you if you’re interested in getting to know each other better. Then it is in God’s hands.
I hope you let us know how things turn out.
 
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