Regulation what your girl wears?

This girl I’ve been seeing and am unofficially engaged to doesn’t like the fact that I expect her to dress slightly more conservatively.

Is an off shoulder dress appropriate to wear to a meeting with clients? She says in her industry (advertising) its normal and I shouldn’t have a problem with it. I also noticed the other day that she wore a cute dress which showed a little cleavage and a decent amount of makeup to meet 2 of her colleagues and one client who are all males (which I didn’t get to know until later) at a bar. I obviously made a big issue out of it.

Is this me just being insecure or is there something more to it? Should I insist that she doesn’t show that type of skin when she isn’t with me?
 

Just linking to this thread where there is talk about male friends. My girl told me that a male friend of hers (ex-colleague) who has asked her out in the past and she has rejected but is still good friends with asked her over to this new apartment that he's moved into. She said no but now she's telling me that its because she's scared of what I would say. She also asked if I would be okay if she went to meet him. What should I say?
 

NoFunInAus

Kingfisher

Just linking to this thread where there is talk about male friends. My girl told me that a male friend of hers (ex-colleague) who has asked her out in the past and she has rejected but is still good friends with asked her over to this new apartment that he's moved into. She said no but now she's telling me that its because she's scared of what I would say. She also asked if I would be okay if she went to meet him. What should I say?
Nothing. Move on.
 

bucky

Ostrich
None of those sound like good signs to me, to be honest. Both my wife and the women in my past who I now realize were marriage material dressed modestly without my having to ask them. For example, my wife will wear yoga pants in the house because they're comfortable but she wouldn't dream of walking around in them in public. My "good" ex from when I lived in the former USSR wore longer skirts and never wore anything sleeveless even though that's how most Russian and Ukrainian girls dressed.

Wanting to go over to some guy's apartment alone sounds pretty bad too.

I'm not sure what you do about any of this though. I'm assuming this is an American woman you're talking about, and what you're describing just sounds like how the vast majority of American women behave. My ex-wife did more or less all the same things and I'd tell her I didn't like it, and she'd even change outfits and not hang out with male friends (or at least lie to me and tell me she was going to see a female friend) but looking back I feel like I'd already lost the battle just because I had to tell her.
 

Pelagius

Robin
This is one of those situations where if you were her priority she would dress as you please, but if she is not submissive to your leadership then your suggestion for her to change her appearance or environment will be met with resistance.

Note too, the moment that you engage in this battle you cannot back out. If you have overtly shown displeasure at her dressing provocatively and she does not change it and you give in, then she has won the war and your status as a leader is demolished and her hind brain is telling her that you have given in and she now has full reign.

I would leave her because i've been there, my friends have been there and it's not a path worth going down. I get that sounds extreme but you really would thank me later.

Side note

A lot of traditional men suffer hard when they date a secular woman because she wants to continue living the life she always has including how she dresses and her weekly GNO and girls trips abroad and all of the activities her single friends want to drag her on. Unless you are her Alpha she knows that she can find multiple guys that will encourage all of this behaviour so she holds the cards.

I actually have a funny story about this. I attend two churches, one that is near me that I go to every week and one in a village area connected to my family.

When I go to the one in the city most women are on the older side, but the younger ones that do attend are all clearly the leaders in their relationship and they dress like they are trying to seduce. We are talking full GNO makeup, phone in one hand, wallet bursting out of the back pocket of tight fitting jeans and constant readjusting of their look.

When I go to the village one (and perhaps I'm just lucky) but the church is full of younger people all dressed so nicely. The church radiates a warm feeling and everyone is like one big family. The married younger couples all have the same dynamic, the man is not some caricature version of an Alpha, but just a nice physically strong man and the woman looks adoringly at her man like these photos people share in the threads about couple dynamics. The single women too, are all fully engaged on the service and aren't fidgeting or talking over the service.

But it isn't just one couple it's 5/6 of them and I was puzzled for a while before I asked around and it made sense.

If a woman is raised traditionally and her parents did a proper job then the only things in her life are God, Husband, Children and she will be overjoyed with this and have all she ever needs to be happy.

If you take a secular woman though, she wants a career, she wants her own money, God comes second or third, children must wait, Exes can be friends and boyfriends are convenient emotional support providers - she has been told these things are the most important and you will need to contend with that for the rest of your relationship.

Example: When one of those village couples fell on really hard times because of Corona, her wife was supportive and they prayed to God for the strength to get through it and nothing changed.

When one of my friends fell on less hard times because of Corona, they had a huge argument and the woman said that she knew this would happen when she gave up her job and her friends and that she blamed him for everything - and then they broke up.

This is how most secular relationships are, the endless quest for more excitement, more money, more experience until there isn't any and then the tingles are gone.

You can try to change a secular woman but for that you need find a way to be more important than all of the messaging she's had since the beginning of her life.
 
Thank you for the replies. I have made my displeasure known in the past and now she says that I have “put a thought in her head” about being conscious of dressing but she still does stuff like this.

@bucky I’m an Indian who lives in India. So worse than an American woman. Upper middle class Indian women are pretty terrible.

My question is why does she have to dress up so much for her colleagues? Does she enjoy the attention or what?
 
Is an off shoulder dress appropriate to wear to a meeting with clients? She says in her industry (advertising) its normal and I shouldn’t have a problem with it. I also noticed the other day that she wore a cute dress which showed a little cleavage and a decent amount of makeup to meet 2 of her colleagues and one client who are all males (which I didn’t get to know until later) at a bar. I obviously made a big issue out of it.

Woman more commonly wear off the shoulder dresses in business these days but usually the slobs or low class ones...and people will tolerate her wearing that to a meeting but even in America the other professions there will quietly look down on her and possibly you. If she's dressing like that to work than she's more concerned about her comfort or sexual appeal and can't get to business. I wouldn't want that attitude in my life or in my office.
 

bucky

Ostrich
Thank you for the replies. I have made my displeasure known in the past and now she says that I have “put a thought in her head” about being conscious of dressing but she still does stuff like this.

@bucky I’m an Indian who lives in India. So worse than an American woman. Upper middle class Indian women are pretty terrible.

My question is why does she have to dress up so much for her colleagues? Does she enjoy the attention or what?
Yes, it's the attention. Women are like that.

In India you're obviously dealing with cultures, languages, and social structures that are very different from the US, but I think in any place or culture this type of behavior in a woman is a very bad sign. Just a thought, but I suppose you could try a milder variation of what Heartiste used to call "dread game." That is, heavily imply that you'll leave her if she continues to dress that way or show interest in other guys, without directly saying that you'll leave her. If she gets it and doesn't change, you just aren't that important to her. Painful realization, sure, but better to have it now than after you marry her as I did with my ex.

Regardless, if things don't change decisively I agree with the other guys' opinions that you probably shouldn't stay with her.
 
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The thing is we’ve been together for almost 2 years now and it’s my first serious relationship. Before that I was in my go through the entire city phase.

She took every step from making sure we were exclusive and then in a relationship and finally unofficial engagement where she asked me to consider marriage (cause she turned 26 and in her culture women should be married by 27 and her parents wanted her to get an arranged marriage) and I said yes. So it’s not very easy to just let her go like that.
 

Jive Turkey

Sparrow
I am very, very hesitant to offer relationship online, because there are always two sides to every story, and without knowing the dynamics and context of your relationship, such as your character, and her character, it is very hard to say what would be a good move here.

With that being said, in the past when I have looked to the internet for help with relationship issues, it was because I felt like my side wasn't being taken into consideration, and I came to the internet to look for "strategy" about how I should handle what was really a bullshit situation.

In my opinion, a relationship should be a partnership, and even though the man should be in the lead that doesn't mean that the woman's wants or preferences get ignored. For example, if I was spending too much time, or getting too much attention from a certain girl, to the point that it was making my girlfriend (priority) jealous or insecure, it would be a pretty easy decision for me to stop the friendship, because my primary relationship is so much more valuable to me. I am more concerned about my girlfriend feeling secure and valued, than some transient friendship that will most likely just lead to temptation down the road.

Of course, when you are dealing with a woman, it usually isn't like dealing with a man, and you can't just say "Hey, I would do this for you, so you should do this for me", and the woman says to herself "Yea, that is reasonable", and you go about your lives. Woman tend to place an inordinate amount of weight upon their feelings and preferences relative to those of their partners, at least secular ones do. I've never dated a committed Christian.

In my opinion, and according to a few girls I've talked to, women like to play games by dressing up and "playing with the idea" of going to another man's apartment just to make their partners angry or jealous. Women just find it entertaining to make their partners angry or frustrated. Quite sad to say, but I have heard first hand that this is true.

With these things in mind, I see three scenarios. 1). She wants to cuck you. 2). She doesn't want to cuck you, but she doesn't care if her actions make you uncomfortable. 3). She is immature and is trying to make you upset on purpose.


I want to reiterate that you know your girl better than any forum members here do, so take our opinions within the context of her character, but in my mind, you shouldn't get engaged to a girl who is giving you these kinds of issues before the wedding ring.
 

CamelJockey

Pigeon
Just finished reading all the comments and just saw your other post about her asking if it is OK to go over some guy's apartment.... I know you probably won't do it since it's extreme and you're invested, but cut this girl off immediately. If a woman even considers going to another man's apartment alone, she's completely disregarding you, and thinks there's nothing wrong with that. Save yourself the heartache later when you realize she's been sleeping with that guy in his apartment because you told her it was ok to go there.
 
An ex of mine tried to wear a voluptuous dress with red lipstick to my family's easter sunday gathering.

I told her she would be out of place in that outfit, even though my family is not very religious. I dropped it after a single comment, and of course she wore it anyway.

Probably one of three times I made a suggestion like that. Needless to say, she NEVER forgot. In the breakup, she cited how I was always controlling what clothes she wore :laughter:
 

lunchmoney

Woodpecker
None of those sound like good signs to me, to be honest. Both my wife and the women in my past who I now realize were marriage material dressed modestly without my having to ask them. For example, my wife will wear yoga pants in the house because they're comfortable but she wouldn't dream of walking around in them in public. My "good" ex from when I lived in the former USSR wore longer skirts and never wore anything sleeveless even though that's how most Russian and Ukrainian girls dressed.

Wanting to go over to some guy's apartment alone sounds pretty bad too.

I'm not sure what you do about any of this though. I'm assuming this is an American woman you're talking about, and what you're describing just sounds like how the vast majority of American women behave. My ex-wife did more or less all the same things and I'd tell her I didn't like it, and she'd even change outfits and not hang out with male friends (or at least lie to me and tell me she was going to see a female friend) but looking back I feel like I'd already lost the battle just because I had to tell her.
I was noticing so many women this weekend in public (grocery stores, mall, etc) wearing revealing clothing that their men they were with apparently had no issue with. Sign of the times.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Literally the day I started dating my fiancé, she told me she wanted to buy a new wardrobe of modest dresses and start wearing a head covering at least in church. I never even had to suggest it. YMMV.
Good for both of you. My wife dresses modestly but she looks good in everything and doesn't spend a lot of money on the clothes she buys. I don't try to control what she pays and if she asked me if she could buy something more expensive than usual I would say yes.

I mean, women can dress modestly and still catch the eye of any man, especially the men who see her clothing style as suggesting something about her, which it is.

I see women with good figures in the gym wearing clothes that tell me they are showing off and probably trying to attract a guy, if they are single. Then the type of excercises they do in those clothes make everyone stop what they are doing to gawk....at least I have noticed that!
 
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