Relationship with a Neurotic Woman

piceaabies

Pigeon
I'm in a similar situation, in that my GF is highly neurotic. Except we don't fight anymore since six months or so ago-
The key in my opinion is to be very attentive and learn how your woman works, and then slowly expose some of her counter-productive behaviours to her. Also learn how to make her feel like you're not going to abandon her.
 

king bast

Kingfisher
We have been together for a little less than 1.5 years and for the past 6-8 months, we had at least 1 major argument/week

What else has changed for the 2 of you around that time frame? Perhaps covid measures became more onerous and one or both of you became a step closer to despair?
We know that women shit test at the best of times to determine if their man is solid, and the last year has been especially trying, so we should expect shit tests to escalate accordingly.
 

BlastbeatCasanova

Kingfisher
Sounds horrible. I’d get out while you still can. Really, if she doesn’t have the aforementioned “happy gene” I just don’t see the point; the chances of things improving are very small. And I understand where you are coming from, because the most beautiful woman I ever dated was negative and neurotic, talk about a roller coaster. There are women out there who are actually happy and positive by default.
 

epps_1920

Pigeon
My ex girlfriend was highly neurotic. We didn't have many arguments, but her extreme neediness (she also was in heavy debt) really led me to having no regrets when I ended the relationship. I'd move on to someone else, you'll be glad.
 

CharlsMile

Chicken
No, she never met her father. He left her mother before she was born.

No, she didn't share anything like that.

While I was reading your thread, first thing that came to my mind was: What is her relationship with her father?

It's very important to understand how a woman was treated by her father because is how she's gonna see her boyfriend/husband.

In her case, she never met her father, which is very sad and of course, not her fault. Unfortunately she carries a unconscious feeling about being abandoned, probably she doesn't realize (it's a deep root) so her damaged soul transforms that feeling into being depressed, upset, angry at men for not reason.

It's clear you love her and you see many good things about her (every human being has good things).

Its hard to deal with this sort of situations, it requires a lot of faith and understanding, so if your goal is to help her I would suggest two things:

1. You're gonna have to be extremely patience and spiritually strong.(both qualities connect each other)
2. Pray God for awareness so you'd be a good leader for her and eventually, she'd realise of what is the real problem. (Forgiveness)

Last thing but also important, is she taking birth control pills? Because that messes women's behavior too.
 
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big poppa

Kingfisher
Gold Member
While I was reading your thread, first thing that came to my mind was: What is her relationship with her father?

It's very important to understand how a woman was treated by her father because is how she's gonna see her boyfriend/husband.

In her case, she never met her father, which is very sad and of course, not her fault. Unfortunately she carries a unconscious feeling about being abandoned, probably she doesn't realize (it's a deep root) so her damaged soul transforms that feeling into being depressed, upset, angry at men for not reason.

It's clear you love her and you see many good things about her (every human being has good things).

Its hard to deal with this sort of situations, it requires a lot of faith and understanding, so if your goal is to help her I would suggest two things:

1. You're gonna have to be extremely patience and spiritually strong.(both qualities connect each other)
2. Pray God for awareness so you'd be a good leader for her and eventually, she'd realise of what is the real problem. (Forgiveness)

Last thing but also important, is she taking birth control pills? Because that messes women's behavior too.

I am in a relationship with a girl who definitely has neurotic tendencies. She was on birth control when we met and then for about 6 month of our relationship. She stopped taking birth control with my encouragement and I have noticed huge improvements in her behaviour. Our arguments have decreased by probably 80% in both frequency and intensity.
 

Jive Turkey

Sparrow
I am in a relationship with a girl who definitely has neurotic tendencies. She was on birth control when we met and then for about 6 month of our relationship. She stopped taking birth control with my encouragement and I have noticed huge improvements in her behaviour. Our arguments have decreased by probably 80% in both frequency and intensity.
The pill has a brutal effect on a woman's personality, and they push it on girls for literally everything from acne, to period pain, to irregular menstruation, even as early as 12 or 13 girls have been prescribed hormonal birth control
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
In the past few months, I realized that my girlfriend is highly neurotic. By neurotic, I mean that she is prone to negative feelings, mood swings and needs constant reassurance. Everything I do or say is put under scrutiny, and she usually manages to interpret it in the worst possible way. It is draining and leads to frequent major fights over small things. The gist is always that she doesn't believe that I love her. However, I do love her and want(ed) to marry her.
There were some early indicators but since I was (and still am) crazy about her, I dismissed them. E.g. she confessed to going through my phone on the 2 or 3 date. Or she got super upset, when she learned that I still had pictures of my ex-girlfriends (like 10-year-old pics from a holiday in Mexico, nothing crazy).

We have been together for a little less than 1.5 years and for the past 6-8 months, we had at least 1 major argument/week. Sometimes even more. I'm at a loss on what to do here.

Normally, I would have ended the relationship a while ago, as I'm rather drama-free and like my life this way. However, right from the start, I thought that I had finally found my future wife. She is beautiful, caring and smart. By all accounts, she is a good girl: She wants to be a homemaker and enjoys the traditional role division. No parties, no drugs, no ex-boyfriends. She enjoys spoiling me with her affection, her cooking skills and, I believe, would never leave me.

What's your experience with neurotic women? Has anybody experienced a similar situation?
Run, Forrest, run!!!!

You want a woman to compliment your life, not be the focus of your life. Impossible to be the best version of yourself if you have to constantly be distracted dealing with her mental health issues.
 

Waverer

Robin
You want a woman to compliment your life, not be the focus of your life. Impossible to be the best version of yourself if you have to constantly be distracted dealing with her mental health issues.

I like this wording. It sums it up. You think you won't be comforting any woman when bad need happens? When there are deaths in the family? When you worry about the kids? That is being a man. But massaging her ego about worries that are entirely internal, and smoothing over mental health issue? That is beta male enabler behaviour.
 

nagareboshi

Woodpecker
Based on the excellent replies in this thread, I would suggest the following ideas:

1. Try talking to her outright about her unconscious abandonment issue which OBVIOUSLY comes from her father. Remember that people are not slaves to their circumstances and can improve and change themselves.

2. Ask her if she really has a desire to change, because it's something that interferes with your relationship and your love. This isn't about a "let's meet in the middle" compromise. She needs to really identify that this personality trait of hers is evil and causing her to miss out on her once-in-a-lifetime happiness.

3. Are you Christian? Is she Christian? If not, become Christian and start practicing.

If all three of these fail, then I feel you have "really tried your best" to amend the situation and can get out of there. I would STRONGLY suggest not to simply ignore the issue, but face it head on and just demand that she changes a behavior which is straight up odious. Also don't be afraid to tell her that it's related to parenting, since it may actually help her introspection journey.
 
This is a tough pill to swallow my friend, but I support the finding a life raft on the Titanic strategy in this situation. Maybe make the exit in steps to see if there is any change / how does she react to the pull back (think game for example). I have done this personally with a relationship that lasted 4 years, not just 1.5. It's a cold calculation in the end. Would your happiness be much greater, not just slightly better overall, for the next 20-30 years where you have some youth remaining. It was neuroticism that killed it in my case. I say that some women can have 99% amazing lives and still find the 1% that is wrong, while others can have the reverse all together while still being sharp and have humility. Do not accept the former. Any person can make this choice at any time.

Edit - With respect to the happy gene, this is just femininity 101. If a woman does not have this, she is tending towards the masculine, for better or for worse. Why do you think MSM popular media demonize men who ask girls to "smile more" as though this is actually some kind of rape culture insanity? Making women into fake stoics is the inversion narrative, and will never work any more than a bio man can bear a child.
 
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In the past few months, I realized that my girlfriend is highly neurotic. By neurotic, I mean that she is prone to negative feelings, mood swings and needs constant reassurance. Everything I do or say is put under scrutiny, and she usually manages to interpret it in the worst possible way. It is draining and leads to frequent major fights over small things. The gist is always that she doesn't believe that I love her. However, I do love her and want(ed) to marry her.
There were some early indicators but since I was (and still am) crazy about her, I dismissed them. E.g. she confessed to going through my phone on the 2 or 3 date. Or she got super upset, when she learned that I still had pictures of my ex-girlfriends (like 10-year-old pics from a holiday in Mexico, nothing crazy).

We have been together for a little less than 1.5 years and for the past 6-8 months, we had at least 1 major argument/week. Sometimes even more. I'm at a loss on what to do here.

Normally, I would have ended the relationship a while ago, as I'm rather drama-free and like my life this way. However, right from the start, I thought that I had finally found my future wife. She is beautiful, caring and smart. By all accounts, she is a good girl: She wants to be a homemaker and enjoys the traditional role division. No parties, no drugs, no ex-boyfriends. She enjoys spoiling me with her affection, her cooking skills and, I believe, would never leave me.

What's your experience with neurotic women? Has anybody experienced a similar situation?
I had a high functioning BPD (incredibly dangerous) ex wife and had a 2 year girlfriend who was very neurotic possibly BPD too. They both masked it very well the first 12-15 mos of the relationship.
My best advice to you is to get out now as in yesterday........ leave no track don’t look back.
 
Years ago, one of Roosh’s wingmen from the early days, Chateau Heartiste, aka Roissy, wrote an article on how to handle femme fatales.

We’re not talking about your stereotypical vixens that show up in movies or games. These women are a set of strong personality types who have a greater than average ability to manipulate you emotionally and take you for a ride, if you don’t have enough experience dealing with them.

Femme fatales come many types, the gold digger, the amazon, the eternal ingenue and, in your situation, the waif/neurotic.

Heartiste’s series on fatales is a great read. Not only does he describe all the things neurotics do to make you miserable, but he gives advice to men on how to guard themselves against these women.

An excerpt:

“There is the more vocal Neurotic type, who is probably very intelligent and a high achiever (think Plath, left, or Wurtzel, bottom left, both excellent students), who probably suffers from depression and will do her best to ensure that you do as well...

Forget worrying about gold-diggers, men. It’s these ladies who will find a way to make you miserable every time. The ones on the Neurotic end of the spectrum will wear you out trying to take care of them when they’re sick; worry you to death with threats of suicide; make an idiot of you as you try to amuse them with silly jokes or make them feel loved with romantic gestures; persuade you spend all your time and money trying to make them happy.

None of it will ever be enough. And then they will leave you for someone else, or have to go for drug or alcohol treatment, or decide that they need to be on their own for a little while.”

Doesn’t those descriptions sound familiar? The last neurotic I dealt with made an idiot of me for going out of my way to do something nice for her. Whether it was getting her a gift, trying to make her laugh or being supportive. Not only did she fail to appreciate my kindness, she punished me for it.

Read the rest of the article:

https://heartiste.org/2008/09/16/how-to-handle-femmes-fatales/

An extra bonus. Heartiste’s post was written as a reaction to an blog post on femme fatales from a writer named Clio. She shut down her blog years ago, but I found the post on the wayback machine. Here’s the link. She goes into more detail about neurotics.

https://web.archive.org/web/2011111.../07/heartbreakers-5-waifneurotic-revised.html

One last point about neurotics that I almost forgot...you’ll find large numbers of them represented from a certain group or tribe as Roosh would put it. Keep that into consideration if you end up dating a Jewish girl. All those stereotypes about them being overbearing mothers? Well, they’re just semi retired neurotics who moved on from torturing their boyfriends and husbands. Now they do it their kids. Especially their sons.
 
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credenhill

Chicken
I married a woman like that 22 years ago. I was walking on eggshells for all that time. (there is a book by that name that you should read if you plan to stay with her because that is what your life will look like)
We had two great kids who don't talk to me right now (because they live with her for now, and would be in serious trouble if they did)
Now, I am free of her (divorced) and every day I wake up happy, just not to have to worry about all that behaviour anymore.
It won't change, and it is called borderline personality, and you will be gaslighted (look it up)
If I knew then, what I know now, I would definitely not have married her. And, we were in love etc at the time.
Good luck :)
 

jordypip23

Ostrich
Gold Member
An ex of mine who happened to be Jewish of course had BPD & was extremely neurotic. Absolute nightmare (even had cops called on me for no reason before). OP, please proceed with caution & ideally you'll move on to greener pastures.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
Based on the excellent replies in this thread, I would suggest the following ideas:

1. Try talking to her outright about her unconscious abandonment issue which OBVIOUSLY comes from her father. Remember that people are not slaves to their circumstances and can improve and change themselves.

2. Ask her if she really has a desire to change, because it's something that interferes with your relationship and your love. This isn't about a "let's meet in the middle" compromise. She needs to really identify that this personality trait of hers is evil and causing her to miss out on her once-in-a-lifetime happiness.

3. Are you Christian? Is she Christian? If not, become Christian and start practicing.

If all three of these fail, then I feel you have "really tried your best" to amend the situation and can get out of there. I would STRONGLY suggest not to simply ignore the issue, but face it head on and just demand that she changes a behavior which is straight up odious. Also don't be afraid to tell her that it's related to parenting, since it may actually help her introspection journey.
Most women with DADDY ISSUES, BPD, BIPOLAR, NARCISSISM, SOCIOPATHY, etc. cannot be fixed. Most licensed therapists hate dealing with patients like that, since everything is someone else's fault, not theirs.

They might be able to suppress their true nature for a year or two, being a Chameleon to appear the perfect woman for you. What you are now seeing is her true self, which is most likely very from the woman you first started dating.

You cannot WHITE KNIGHT and try to fix her problems for her because they will be ENDLESS.

Here is a YT video link of a crazy woman who tried to poison her husband:

 

Thriller

Woodpecker
Gold Member
run before you knock her up.

100%
Most women with DADDY ISSUES, BPD, BIPOLAR, NARCISSISM, SOCIOPATHY, etc. cannot be fixed. Most licensed therapists hate dealing with patients like that, since everything is someone else's fault, not theirs.

OP you're dealing with a woman one or more of the aforementioned conditions. We've all been there. I know it's painful to lose a sunk time/energy investment and it's hard to break a habit, but choose yourself and be courageous brother!
 
100%


OP you're dealing with a woman one or more of the aforementioned conditions. We've all been there. I know it's painful to lose a sunk time/energy investment and it's hard to break a habit, but choose yourself and be courageous brother!
This. Bigly. Well put. With my experience it turns out what I was angry about was the loss of time. A woman is nothing if not a time thief.
 
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