Relationship with a Neurotic Woman

get2choppaaa

Pelican
I married a neurotic/narcisistic person once. Her faith was weak, I failed to recognize that some people's red flags are not just warnings, but obvious indicators of future actions. My own pride made me think i could change her negative behavior with time and cues. There is no changing someone who doesnt want to change, especially if they have a mental condition.

It will not get better. You will not wind up on top of the situation. And God forbid you have children with her. It will be hell on earth to get that sorted out. (Trust me I know) You will wind up a co-dependent relationship and emotionally crushed when she leaves and takes half your shit or when you force enough fights by sticking up for youself that she calls the cops on you and ruins your life.

My advise is to leave and dont let the door hit you in the ass. A woman who goes through your phone, refuses to allow you to enjoy the things that you value (bball group) will only suck the life out of you and if you ever had children with her, she would smother them and use them against you when you guys fight (trust me here, I know)

Just get out politely, but quickly. Dont let it get emotional/nasty... I'd just start planning your withdrawal and then execute before you move in together.

Whatever you do, don't put her in a situation where she can do some weird stuff like claim you assaulted her ect...

Good luck mate!
 

thedream

Sparrow
There is a lot of good advice here.

OP I am in a similar situation. I relate to you a lot.

I hope you will find the clarity you seek on what to do for the future.

For the posters here who left a woman like this, how hard was it to do if you had kids?

Were you able to still maintain a good relationship with your children?
 

Enoch

Ostrich
Many female insecurities go away when they can redirect their energy onto a newborn and family. Not saying to marry this woman but if the fundamentals are good I think motherhood puts away some of the bad stuff and reinforces the good stuff.
 

ball dont lie

Kingfisher
Gold Member
You can't make her happy. She has to be happy on her own terms. She is not, or you wouldnt be here trying to figure out what to do.

Listen to the wisdom of all these guys here. We've been there and it was terrible.

Let someone else try to save her. Life is too short to spend much of your time trying to make someone happy, when you should just enjoy the time with them. If someone isnt making your life better, then they shouldnt be in your life.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
There is a lot of good advice here.

OP I am in a similar situation. I relate to you a lot.

I hope you will find the clarity you seek on what to do for the future.

For the posters here who left a woman like this, how hard was it to do if you had kids?

Were you able to still maintain a good relationship with your children?
With kids, a woman with RED FLAGS will try to use them as pawns against you whether you are living together or separately.

My older daughter and I are close, but her sister is a narcissist, just like her mother, and neither my older daughter nor I have anything to do much with her.
 
You could become even more neurotic and then pivot into aggressive sex. Just an experiment! Imply that you tolerate her mood swings as long as you are getting what you want
This is possibly the worst advice I've ever seen on this forum. In addition to RVF now promoting Christian morality, the post is basically telling you to reward her bad behavior with sex. Slavery to lust results in no regard for one's own well-being.
 

jonNorth

Sparrow
This is possibly the worst advice I've ever seen on this forum. In addition to RVF now promoting Christian morality, the post is basically telling you to reward her bad behavior with sex. Slavery to lust results in no regard for one's own well-being.

Actually my impression was that she felt he wasn't passionate enough about her. He mentioned that she thought he didn't love her. My experience is that women want to be passionately desired and even lusted after. Keep in mind this is not a woman he just met. Some will believe you are losing interest if the sex is not constant and of good quality, and they may even initiate the breakup themselves at that point. Don't underestimate the importance of sex in keeping a relationship healthy. Perhaps I worded it poorly but that was the underlying idea.

The morality of sexual relations outside of marriage would be a different discussion. Which leads into another thought that the poster has been dating a woman for over a year. By that time certain biological functions were intended to have been carried out but they were not, which in my experience can lead to mixed emotions and unexplained feelings of being in limbo. Perhaps ending things is best, but it is worth considering alternative points of view
 

jonNorth

Sparrow
Does a woman who insists you sin to be with her care about you?
My point was they want to be sexually desired and to feel like the relationship is healthy. The fact that this couple is not married or having children within marriage could very well be the root of the mixed emotions and feelings of limbo. An above poster made a good point about female insecurities going away after giving birth and directing their energies towards raising children. Perhaps her biology is wanting this but has been denied. And this relates to Roosh talking about dating being a dead end waste of time. Seems like the poster should marry this woman or end the relationship, which appears like he already knows. So you are not wrong and make a good point
 
My point was they want to be sexually desired and to feel like the relationship is healthy. The fact that this couple is not married or having children within marriage could very well be the root of the mixed emotions and feelings of limbo. An above poster made a good point about female insecurities going away after giving birth and directing their energies towards raising children. Perhaps her biology is wanting this but has been denied. And this relates to Roosh talking about dating being a dead end waste of time. Seems like the poster should marry this woman or end the relationship, which appears like he already knows. So you are not wrong and make a good point
If the biological urge for children is leading her to desire sex (which is usually what that is, pleasure aside) then they should get married and stop using birth control. Problem solved.
 

CynicalContrarian

Owl
Gold Member
The following is not directed at the OP on any personal level.
It is a general statement for across the board.

https://twitter.com/TellYourSonThis @TellYourSonThis
Feb 24 Quote:
Women with weak men are frustrated, angry and combative.
Women with strong, righteous men are kind, vibrant, and feminine.
Women need men to be at their best.
You can tell a lot about a woman by her attitude.
If she's unpleasant, chances are she's not romantically fulfilled.


It is even worse if the girl had an absentee if not abusive father.
Girls from broken homes who have poor relationships with their fathers are not viable options.

Unless you like the drama...

Thankfully. One does not usually need to get to know a chick in order to gauge if she had a weak father.
Brightly coloured hair, unusual piercings, tattoos, an OnlyFans account or similar. Or any need to project themselves online (Instagram selfies / Twitch). Are all red-flags indicating poorly brought up girls.
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
I think you need to avoid the sex thing all together if you can. Not gonna pretend to be a saint about my own premarital sexual behavior, to include my current relationship (whom has also been going with me to the Orthodox Church as a result of our relationship) but sex always complicates your vision to see a person clear eyes and dampens your critical thinking when in a relationship.

Its possible to be in a relationship and have had sex premaritally and work towards salvation... But if it's a major element in a relationship with a girl who is either bpd or some other crazy.... You're asking for ruination and a miserable entrapment.

Trust me.
 

Steiner

Pigeon
Been there.
Pray on it.
And then run, run fast.
Be ready for the craziness to peak after the breakup, there will be a day of calm. Then she will show up at your place randomly crying.
Again, been there moment - don't get back together with her a month or two later because you haven't been absolutely attacked by random women. Will take some time to find your peak masculine form again. Then, never let that slip, even into the next LTR.
Good luck brother, wouldn't wish it on anyone but you'll see it through.
 

thedream

Sparrow
The following is not directed at the OP on any personal level.
It is a general statement for across the board.

https://twitter.com/TellYourSonThis @TellYourSonThis
Feb 24 Quote:



It is even worse if the girl had an absentee if not abusive father.
Girls from broken homes who have poor relationships with their fathers are not viable options.

Unless you like the drama...

Thankfully. One does not usually need to get to know a chick in order to gauge if she had a weak father.
Brightly coloured hair, unusual piercings, tattoos, an OnlyFans account or similar. Or any need to project themselves online (Instagram selfies / Twitch). Are all red-flags indicating poorly brought up girls.

I appreciate that you posted this not only for its content but also for its respect for the OP.

My own experience has shown me that it's too easy to blame yourself for the situation. When in reality, it has very little to do with YOU.

Issues like this seem to stem from very deep problems.

I have heard that a woman like this can be a good wife with the right man. But I have never actually seen that. Not saying it doesn't exist, just I have yet to see it with my own eyes.
 

Waverer

Robin
I think it's a bit of a shock (in a very good way) the first time you get in a serious relationship with a woman who isn't high neuroticism. Probably because their neuroticism is off-putting and sabotages relationships, high N women are perhaps a lot more likely to be available, so it's easy to date a disproportionately high number and then think that is just how all relationships are. But when you find a single girl who isn't high N, wow, what a difference.
 
In the past few months, I realized that my girlfriend is highly neurotic. By neurotic, I mean that she is prone to negative feelings, mood swings and needs constant reassurance. Everything I do or say is put under scrutiny, and she usually manages to interpret it in the worst possible way. It is draining and leads to frequent major fights over small things. The gist is always that she doesn't believe that I love her. However, I do love her and want(ed) to marry her.
There were some early indicators but since I was (and still am) crazy about her, I dismissed them. E.g. she confessed to going through my phone on the 2 or 3 date. Or she got super upset, when she learned that I still had pictures of my ex-girlfriends (like 10-year-old pics from a holiday in Mexico, nothing crazy).

We have been together for a little less than 1.5 years and for the past 6-8 months, we had at least 1 major argument/week. Sometimes even more. I'm at a loss on what to do here.

Normally, I would have ended the relationship a while ago, as I'm rather drama-free and like my life this way. However, right from the start, I thought that I had finally found my future wife. She is beautiful, caring and smart. By all accounts, she is a good girl: She wants to be a homemaker and enjoys the traditional role division. No parties, no drugs, no ex-boyfriends. She enjoys spoiling me with her affection, her cooking skills and, I believe, would never leave me.

What's your experience with neurotic women? Has anybody experienced a similar situation?
I say dump her unless she agrees to be on HRT (hormone replacement therapy), these types of people usually have hormonal imbalances which is what causes their neurotic attitudes.

This type of woman is not worth the effort because their chemically imbalanced brains make them impossible to manage and they cannot help it without medication because these problems are caused by defects in the endocrine system which are caused by genetic mutations.

Sometimes the genetic mutations are so severe that they cause tumors in the endocrine glands that need to be surgically removed and given additional chemo or radiation therapy.

She will have to get an MRI of her endocrine glands before taking any medication to rule out the possibility of endocrine tumors.
 

ben1

Pigeon
In the past few months, I realized that my girlfriend is highly neurotic. By neurotic, I mean that she is prone to negative feelings, mood swings and needs constant reassurance. Everything I do or say is put under scrutiny, and she usually manages to interpret it in the worst possible way. It is draining and leads to frequent major fights over small things. The gist is always that she doesn't believe that I love her. However, I do love her and want(ed) to marry her.
There were some early indicators but since I was (and still am) crazy about her, I dismissed them. E.g. she confessed to going through my phone on the 2 or 3 date. Or she got super upset, when she learned that I still had pictures of my ex-girlfriends (like 10-year-old pics from a holiday in Mexico, nothing crazy).

We have been together for a little less than 1.5 years and for the past 6-8 months, we had at least 1 major argument/week. Sometimes even more. I'm at a loss on what to do here.

Normally, I would have ended the relationship a while ago, as I'm rather drama-free and like my life this way. However, right from the start, I thought that I had finally found my future wife. She is beautiful, caring and smart. By all accounts, she is a good girl: She wants to be a homemaker and enjoys the traditional role division. No parties, no drugs, no ex-boyfriends. She enjoys spoiling me with her affection, her cooking skills and, I believe, would never leave me.

What's your experience with neurotic women? Has anybody experienced a similar situation?
My ex wife was like this and it was an absolute disaster. She divorced me over feelings she could not articulate and which there was nothing I could do to remedy the perceived problems she had with me. I lost my kids and now pay her over $1100 per month in child support while my kids are in public schools.

I highly recommend that you break up with this girl. You need a quiet and submissive woman who loves you.
 

BoiBoi

Pelican
OP here. Thanks for the replies, some good food for thought.

I didn't have the energy to respond as the last weeks were a bit rough. About 2 weeks ago, I had a planned surgery done. Nothing life-threatening, but severe enough that I can barely put on socks myself. Pain, crutches for 3-4 weeks, sleepless nights. The full recovery will take many months.

Initially, my girlfriend was very supportive. She took good care of me in every regard. However, this didn't last too long. 3 days after the surgery, we had a first argument. It was about me not proactively offering to call her a cab. Instead, she had to ask for it. I know, so terrible.

Then it really escalated 2 days later. The backstory is that she doesn't want me to talk about our relationship troubles with my close friends. I told her that I disagree, and I did it anyway. She got mad and wanted me to call a close friend to tell him that it was wrong to talk to him about my relationship problems. To make it even better, she wanted to be in the same room during the call to be able to listen to the conversation... Obviously, I told her that I wouldn't do this. She got super upset and threatened to leave if I didn't comply. I stood my ground but told her to stay. At one point, I literally said: Please stay, let's talk about this. It didn't help. She was very emotional and eventually left the flat with doors banging, leaving the gimp on crutches in the hallway.

Honestly, I was shocked. It was beyond me how she could leave like that. I cannot even put my shoes on alone, and she leaves because of hurt feelings? Hurt feelings because I have a different opinion and didn't want to lie to my best friend?
Anyway, she called a few hours later to apologize but the damage was already done. The next day, she showed up unannounced to check on me. I send her away.

She has been texting and calling me, saying that she knows that she made a mistake, that it's all her fault, etc. I'm still gimping around and only leave the house for doctor's appointments. I'm still in disbelief. At the same time, I really would like to believe her claims. However, I cannot deal with her emotions at the moment since I don't trust that she can control herself.

We haven't spoken in a few days and I still don't know what to do. I still love her and miss her a lot. At the same time, I cannot expose myself to more drama. Yeah, my life really sucks right now.
 
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