Secular Lifestyles Create Ceaseless Anxiety

Roosh

Cardinal
Orthodox
Originally posted on RooshV.com

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When I lived without God, I seemed to experience a weekly crisis or drama that would make me doubt if I was living in the right away. I would try to improve my life program but then a new crop of problems would arise. Today, as I aim to live according to God’s will, life is hard but smooth, without the upsetting tensions, doubts, or anxieties of the past. It turns out that the more I serve God, the less I need Him to bail me out of problems or worries that are the result of my own doing.

If you pursue women for fornication, your anxieties will be endless. Are you attractive enough? Is your style fashionable? Do your biceps look big? Is the Tinder algorithm only showing you ugly women? Do you know what to say to an attractive woman? Did you build enough chemistry for her to desire seeing you again? Why is it taking so long for her to text back? Why did she disappear after sex? Did your body not satisfy her in bed? What is the itchy rash around your groin?

When you pursue sin, and that sin could be fornication, greed, or pride in the form of status, your life will become more about mitigating the problems that come from those pursuits than experiencing any sort of happiness you envisioned from the initial fantasy of being sexually successful, rich, or high status. If you think about how many books and online resources exist that teach men how to pickup girls (I wrote many), it’s clear that a goal of fornication is anything but “natural” if it’s defined as something that is inborn to our spirit and doesn’t require hundreds or thousands of failed attempts to get right. The same goes with money: many people are spending their entire lives mastering the art of getting dollar bills to reproduce, but they remain far from reproducing themselves.

To a person without faith, my current life is boring. There is no excitement. I wake up, pray, read, and sit in front of the computer for my daily toil. I eat two meals a day, make a few political tweets, watch some basic entertainment at night, and then go to bed, yet I don’t have any problems that stem from this life. I may seem alone to you, but with God in my life, I’m less alone than even when I was with a sexually exciting woman. I may seem to receive no pleasure, but watching a cardinal bathe in a stream on a warm day gives me more joy than when I attended a packed nightclub while under the influence of lust and alcohol. My senses are not titillated, and while it’s possible I eat too many sweets, I train myself not to seek things of this world to give me pleasure. God will not let me suffer needlessly, and as long as I’m patient, He will give me harmless pleasures that exceed those I sought from my own will.

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The biggest crisis I’ve experienced in the past year is signing a rental lease for a house that was previously used as a crack house. I had to leave because it was not properly decontaminated, but even that experience had fruits, for I gained enough information to know exactly what type of rural home I want to live in. Though I have nothing the world would covet, and I’m not exactly swimming in material wealth while living in my mother’s apartment, I don’t suffer from problems that come from my own doing because I now make decisions that are based on my desire to serve God instead of my own passions and lusts. Most of the problems I do face are external to me, coming from other people or powers, or from the limitations of my own flesh, but not through my own secular choices. Life is hard enough on its own when you walk with Christ, so imagine how much more difficult you make things when you decide to walk by your own feeble and stupid will.

If you’re down and feel that nothing seems to go your way, or you feel that things are grossly “unfair” in spite of having food, shelter, and relatively good health, it’s because you are making decisions that are disconnected from God. We will always be faced with difficulties, tribulations, and illnesses, but if you embark on a certain goal and feel stymied every step of the way, and you have not sought the blessing of God for that endeavor, you may have received the blessing of Satan instead.

My will was so strong and my desire for sex so high that I fought to overcome innumerable obstacles to achieving a career of fornication, but it all came to an ignoble end anyway. We’ll see what God has in store for me from this point on, but at least now I know that any obstacle I face on my walk with Christ is righteous and worth overcoming, instead of being a method of my own destruction like it was before.

Read Next: 8 Personal Defects That Allowed Me To Worship Fornication For 18 Years

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Whatever lifestyle I lead, lately I feel like I'm tired of everything and I don't want to continue like that. Recently, I have been feeling more and more depressed and anxious. I tried alcohol and I understood that it was wrong and I did not know what to do to cope with my inner pain. In the end I decided to try drugs and this made my situation even worse and my friends helped me. They told me about red bali kratom and I decided to try this substance because it was safer and more effective and its relaxing effect was amazing.
 

Coja Petrus Uscan

Hummingbird
Gold Member
There is a ceaseless anxiety in seeking of the world. When you consume, you are anxious for more and better; and not to receed. When you don't consume you are anxious for something and become particularly sensitive to your relationship to others' worldly exploits.



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Towgunner

Kingfisher
Great post Roosh. Agree with all the above. I had a similar experience with fornication. I was in my late twenties when I started to tire of my sexual exploits. Sex became boring. The courting process, the act of fornication itself...lost its novelty. It all seemed routine by then. That's when I "discovered" this path leads to nowhere. Oddly, I was more or less at my peak when this occurred. Every time I went out I'd take a girl home. But this left me empty and desiring more.

"They" seem to promote this lifestyle as liberating, which is at best misleading and is, in all actuality, a lie. First, one must realize that you'll always be serving under a master(s), and, so true liberation is impossible. Life itself is a form of confinement. And so the popular meme of liberation from personal restraints, which almost always includes removing sexual restraint, is moot. Because, by renouncing, for instance, the wisdom of Chasity, on the grounds that it restricts personal freedom et al (tm), one will find himself invariably under the dictatorial thumb, if you will, of their perversions. And so you end up still being restrained. So, its not an issue of liberation even though its disguises itself very well in this regard.

When I arrived at my "peak", I found no liberation. I found nothing and nothing is not worth your life. At the very least, make your life about something. Today, sex is so misunderstood its criminal. When I read the culture I see sex as the only objective. And like many things perverted by the secular left there's a bit of truth at work here. For sex is the objective, its just not the casual meaningless sex "they" fanatically promote.

It starts with the misconception that sex exists only for pleasure. True there are now several forms of contraception that enable this falsity to take its grip, which in turn makes it hard to argue against. But, contraception is merely a prosthetic. And therefore, any true conversation about sex must necessarily omit it in order to derive truth. Sex is about procreation. Procreation is innating wired into every person because its intertwined with personal survival. We're on a very deep and fundamental plane. You may die either soon or far in the future, but, you will die and therefore you will violate the first mandate of any sentient being, which is to survive. You're only ability to ostensibly "survive" is through procreation. I think the evidence that sex is for procreation is ipso facto and I have no patience for those that believe otherwise. Its not a mandate so much, rather, a prerogative and an important one at that. Because it keeps us centered, not to mentioned, civilized. And so sex is the objective, but, only from a survival point of view.

Wanton gratuitous sex, on the other hand, is not. Years ago, I judge myself on how many women I slept with. I called this "my stats". Whether she was a keeper or not, regardless of outcomes, if I had sex with her I felt, at that time, satisfied because if nothing else it helped my stats. And this cost me. I lost out on genuine relationships.

Another thing to mention is that we are not who we are at 19 or 25 or 28. We're a continuum of self over time. And time changes us. This is why the cross dressing issue is so emphatically horrible, because we change. Our bodies change our internal chemistry changes. Apropos, our libidos change. My libido is no where near what it used to be. This is important for all people to appreciate, because, your sex drive in your early life is domineering. And left unchecked it leads to nowhere and so it is vital to promote a fuller understanding incorporating your future self to keep you from going to nowhere. This is wisdom.

Moreover, its important to mate wisely. Because it follows...if sex is for procreation and procreation is function of your survival, then, optimizing your offspring's survival is paramount. This can only be achieved by mating wisely, in other words, finding the absolute best mate with the best combination of attributes because it will be these attributes that will be passed along genetically.

This is the proper configuration of a mating paradigm. And, boy, are we very far from that. Today's mating protocol, as it is distributed by our culture, has an uncanny similarity to several other aspects of "modern" life "they" push, such as eating. Eating is a necessary component to survival and, so, its similar to sex. The culture's attitude to eating is identical to sex. More, more and more and fast and now and on demand. Today's mating paradigm is like fast food. Casual sex is nothing more than a double whopper baconator super sized extreme meal. Its nearly irresistible at first, but, afterwards, one is left feeling guilty and sick. Less appealing is grilled asparagus with a properly portioned salmon fillet. Yet, the latter will nourish you completely resulting in long term benefits and, above all, lasting fulfillment.

I'll end with this. I now have a family with kids. I am completely satisfied with my wife and even more satisfied with my kids. I would rather eat glass than go to a club on a Friday or Saturday night then be away from my family. I may seem I'm unrecognizable to my former 26 year old self, but, not so fast. It was only a few short years later at 28-29 that I quickly saw my life as a blank pit of nothing. How things have changed.
 
Great post Roosh. Agree with all the above. I had a similar experience with fornication. I was in my late twenties when I started to tire of my sexual exploits. Sex became boring. The courting process, the act of fornication itself...lost its novelty. It all seemed routine by then. That's when I "discovered" this path leads to nowhere. Oddly, I was more or less at my peak when this occurred. Every time I went out I'd take a girl home. But this left me empty and desiring more.

"They" seem to promote this lifestyle as liberating, which is at best misleading and is, in all actuality, a lie. First, one must realize that you'll always be serving under a master(s), and, so true liberation is impossible. Life itself is a form of confinement. And so the popular meme of liberation from personal restraints, which almost always includes removing sexual restraint, is moot. Because, by renouncing, for instance, the wisdom of Chasity, on the grounds that it restricts personal freedom et al (tm), one will find himself invariably under the dictatorial thumb, if you will, of their perversions. And so you end up still being restrained. So, its not an issue of liberation even though its disguises itself very well in this regard.

When I arrived at my "peak", I found no liberation. I found nothing and nothing is not worth your life. At the very least, make your life about something. Today, sex is so misunderstood its criminal. When I read the culture I see sex as the only objective. And like many things perverted by the secular left there's a bit of truth at work here. For sex is the objective, its just not the casual meaningless sex "they" fanatically promote.

It starts with the misconception that sex exists only for pleasure. True there are now several forms of contraception that enable this falsity to take its grip, which in turn makes it hard to argue against. But, contraception is merely a prosthetic. And therefore, any true conversation about sex must necessarily omit it in order to derive truth. Sex is about procreation. Procreation is innating wired into every person because its intertwined with personal survival. We're on a very deep and fundamental plane. You may die either soon or far in the future, but, you will die and therefore you will violate the first mandate of any sentient being, which is to survive. You're only ability to ostensibly "survive" is through procreation. I think the evidence that sex is for procreation is ipso facto and I have no patience for those that believe otherwise. Its not a mandate so much, rather, a prerogative and an important one at that. Because it keeps us centered, not to mentioned, civilized. And so sex is the objective, but, only from a survival point of view.

Wanton gratuitous sex, on the other hand, is not. Years ago, I judge myself on how many women I slept with. I called this "my stats". Whether she was a keeper or not, regardless of outcomes, if I had sex with her I felt, at that time, satisfied because if nothing else it helped my stats. And this cost me. I lost out on genuine relationships.

Another thing to mention is that we are not who we are at 19 or 25 or 28. We're a continuum of self over time. And time changes us. This is why the cross dressing issue is so emphatically horrible, because we change. Our bodies change our internal chemistry changes. Apropos, our libidos change. My libido is no where near what it used to be. This is important for all people to appreciate, because, your sex drive in your early life is domineering. And left unchecked it leads to nowhere and so it is vital to promote a fuller understanding incorporating your future self to keep you from going to nowhere. This is wisdom.

Moreover, its important to mate wisely. Because it follows...if sex is for procreation and procreation is function of your survival, then, optimizing your offspring's survival is paramount. This can only be achieved by mating wisely, in other words, finding the absolute best mate with the best combination of attributes because it will be these attributes that will be passed along genetically.

This is the proper configuration of a mating paradigm. And, boy, are we very far from that. Today's mating protocol, as it is distributed by our culture, has an uncanny similarity to several other aspects of "modern" life "they" push, such as eating. Eating is a necessary component to survival and, so, its similar to sex. The culture's attitude to eating is identical to sex. More, more and more and fast and now and on demand. Today's mating paradigm is like fast food. Casual sex is nothing more than a double whopper baconator super sized extreme meal. Its nearly irresistible at first, but, afterwards, one is left feeling guilty and sick. Less appealing is grilled asparagus with a properly portioned salmon fillet. Yet, the latter will nourish you completely resulting in long term benefits and, above all, lasting fulfillment.

I'll end with this. I now have a family with kids. I am completely satisfied with my wife and even more satisfied with my kids. I would rather eat glass than go to a club on a Friday or Saturday night then be away from my family. I may seem I'm unrecognizable to my former 26 year old self, but, not so fast. It was only a few short years later at 28-29 that I quickly saw my life as a blank pit of nothing. How things have changed.

If Man were only made for ceaseless and endless rutting, eating, sleeping and pooping. God would have allowed us to remain satisfied in it.

Rabbits are made this way. And several other Animals function this way too. But not us. We are made in his Image and hence we are to live an existence of great dignity and honor. Hence sex is confined to wedlock and there is much joy and comfort in that.

God intended sex to be a symphony especially for us. A great Masterwork like the greatest of Architecture. This is the marital vision that God presents to his people in the Book mainly in the book of the "Song of Solomon" at its foundation. And in its higher iteration built on top of that an illustration of the relationship between God and his Church. And I think that foundation is crucial to the Spiritual vision that it ultimately presents.

And in a few lines in (Proverbs 5:15-20)

God must have been very passionate about it to dedicate a whole book to the goodness that marriage was meant to be. It is made to be so beautiful. Its the most finely made food that so many of mankind turned into total slop or completely destroyed ruining it in the process.

That's what being promiscuous or being totally frigid ultimately ends up being.

It is clean and tasty water from an exclusive fountain that is neither meant to be polluted in any way, shared with anyone else or meant to be inadequate or completely dry.

But we ultimately must find our completion by our communion with Him

We are made in such a way that God would indwell our bodies. For our bodies are his Holy Temple as much as the Highest Heaven are his Throne.
 

messaggera

Woodpecker
Woman
Are secular marriages stable?

“He’s a wonderful man and a loving father and I like and respect him, but I feel really stagnant in the relationship. I feel like I’m not growing and I’m not willing to stay in a marriage where I feel stagnant for the next 30 years.”

It turns out that people who have more diversified social portfolios, that is, a larger number of people that they go to for different sorts of emotions, those people tend to have overall higher-quality life. This is one of the arguments in favor of thinking seriously about looking to other people to help us, or asking less of this one partner.

“Hell yes. I want to ask my spouse to help make me feel loved and give me an opportunity to love somebody else and also [be] somebody who’s going to help me grow into an ideal, authentic version of myself.

It is not the responsibility of the spouse to make the other spouse grow into an ideal, authentic version of oneself. Instead trials and tribulations should be embraced as a part of growing into the image of Christ. Nor is it the responsibility of the spouse to make the other spouse happy.

A marriage that puts Christ at the center will eliminate the issues outlined in this article, We Expect Too Much from Our Romantic Partners.[article]

Our society is cultivating adult individuals to be dependent on other individuals rather than looking to Christ as our Saviour, the truth and the way of life.

If you’re down and feel that nothing seems to go your way, or you feel that things are grossly “unfair” in spite of having food, shelter, and relatively good health, it’s because you are making decisions that are disconnected from God. We will always be faced with difficulties, tribulations, and illnesses, but if you embark on a certain goal and feel stymied every step of the way, and you have not sought the blessing of God for that endeavor, you may have received the blessing of Satan instead.
 
Are secular marriages stable?



It is not the responsibility of the spouse to make the other spouse grow into an ideal, authentic version of oneself. Instead trials and tribulations should be embraced as a part of growing into the image of Christ. Nor is it the responsibility of the spouse to make the other spouse happy.

A marriage that puts Christ at the center will eliminate the issues outlined in this article, We Expect Too Much from Our Romantic Partners.[article]

Our society is cultivating adult individuals to be dependent on other individuals rather than looking to Christ as our Saviour, the truth and the way of life.


We have a general culture where expectations, especially on the part of women, of what a relationship will entail, have ballooned into the stratosphere.

A historically decent enough average everyday "good man" just isn't good enough unless he fulfills the role of a therapist, life coach, etc., and helps her navigate the mess she created for herself in her formative years and early adult years.

A marriage between two broken people does not equal one intact person. Too many people are looking to others to piece them back together after a lifetime of mistakes.
 

messaggera

Woodpecker
Woman
We have a general culture where expectations, especially on the part of women, of what a relationship will entail, have ballooned into the stratosphere.

A historically decent enough average everyday "good man" just isn't good enough unless he fulfills the role of a therapist, life coach, etc., and helps her navigate the mess she created for herself in her formative years and early adult years.

Yes. I tend to agree that women who are controlling (not submissive) in a relationship have higher expectations that will not be met; because the man is not stepping into the role of leader, but rather being controlled or manipulated.

A "good man" can fall victim to a controlling woman while dating if she sees him as someone who:

helps her navigate the mess she created for herself in her formative years and early adult years.

But this "good man" may not realize the evident personality conflict until years into marriage.
 
Yes. I tend to agree that women who are controlling (not submissive) in a relationship have higher expectations that will not be met; because the man is not stepping into the role of leader, but rather being controlled or manipulated.

A "good man" can fall victim to a controlling woman while dating if she sees him as someone who:



But this "good man" may not realize the evident personality conflict until years into marriage.

How people behave during courtship is essentially their best behavior and the best they will ever be.

If courtship entails break-up/make-up drama, dump them and move on.

If courtship entails any sort of high maintenance psycho drama, dump them and move on.

Suicide threats? Dump them and move on. Unless it is a genuine depressive episode, then consider proceeding with caution. But if it is a cry for attention or a move to try to "win" an argument.

Controlling behavior, constant arguments, insecurity, anxiety, looking through your phone or computer. Dump them and move on.


No woman is ever going to go from controlling high maintenance drama queen, before a wedding, to docile pleasant demure housewife after a wedding. The only thing that will change is once you are married you are now unable to make a clean break from her and keep your assets intact. A woman who is a drama queen during courtship is giving you a preview of what married life with her will be like [it will probably be somewhat worse] and a preview of what the protracted contentious divorce from her will ultimately entail once you reach a point where you can absolutely no longer tolerate her and decide it is time to finally divorce.

Much of the divorce angst in our society comes from men marrying women they know are absolute trash, but they still marry them because they are timid and truly believe "I do not deserve better."

My father said he knew my mother was a train wreck disaster, she threatened suicide on the first two dates, spent the first two dates going over all of her childhood and familial problems, caused some dramatic scenes, he went on to marry her anyway. She had affairs with 11 different married men [she only would go with married men] that he was able to confirm, during years 2, 3, 4, and 5 of their marriage. I am glad he ultimately divorced her, got full/sole legal and physical custody, she was put under a child support order [which she didn't pay], her wages were garnished, she ruined her reputation in the professional community of the state and she moved to another state to work. From about age 11 forward I hardly saw her or spoke with her. We spoke occasionally and saw each other occasionally from age 26 to 29 before I finally cut her off [for good] and we have not spoken in approximately 5 years.
 
You gotta love when a 30 year-old solid 4 (lookwise) with kids is looking for a guy that: will look after her kids, must be practical, have humour, earn 100k+ a year, have a nice car, must be 180cm+, very slim, very muscular, must be generally fit, must be positive. No wonder we have so many bachelors :D
We have a general culture where expectations, especially on the part of women, of what a relationship will entail, have ballooned into the stratosphere.
 
You gotta love when a 30 year-old solid 4 (lookwise) with kids is looking for a guy that: will look after her kids, must be practical, have humour, earn 100k+ a year, have a nice car, must be 180cm+, very slim, very muscular, must be generally fit, must be positive. No wonder we have so many bachelors :D


While women's expectations of what they want from a man in a relationship were ballooning into the stratosphere their waistlines were ballooning forward.


If a woman of the sort you describe were to ask me if I made over $100,000 per year I might say, "yes I do, but not for you."

Although it is generally best to never discuss money with a woman. Women tend to have a willingness to try to stage things, such as accusations, with men who have money, the way some folks pull in front of fancy cars and spike their brakes.
 

bucky

Ostrich
When you pursue sin, and that sin could be fornication, greed, or pride in the form of status, your life will become more about mitigating the problems that come from those pursuits than experiencing any sort of happiness you envisioned from the initial fantasy of being sexually successful, rich, or high status.
This pretty much paraphrases Ecclesiastes, and it's so true. I wish I'd understood when I was a young man that very, very few things in life really matter: the few women and friends you'll truly love, your children, maybe a few intellectual accomplishments and experiences with beauty through art and nature and, of course, your relationship with God. Everything else is vanity, more trouble than it's worth.
 
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