Serious financial dilemma

SeekingTruth

Kingfisher
Catholic
This is pretty easy. Mainly you have to not care what she or others thinks of you, especially when you decide to leave her as well as creating a life of frugality (which is a must here.). Also, being frugal will, with time, strengthen you as you realize you don’t need anything of this world...a spiritual gain.

-get rid of girl
-start to cut major expenses (this includes downsizing your car if you have a large car payment)
-setup a budget. Identify monthly income. Write down every expense including insurance (look at what you’ve spent money on in the last year to help). You will need to make sure you have POSITIVE monthly cash flow or the debt will just worsen, it’s simple math.
-pay off highest percent interest rate debt first. Also simple math. Do not only pay minimums on credit cards.
-work on ways to increase income. I know you already have student debt, but I went back to school at your age and it paid off well.
-learn other ways to make income besides W2 wagie jobs. Think real estate. Tons of podcasts and books to get started. Start a small business. What skills do you have? Take advantage of your gifts.
 

canuckj

Woodpecker
Other Christian
Thank you, I appreciate the optimism.. Especially right now when everything is dark; bills piling up, cards maxed out, price of everything going up.. It's almost as if time itself has sped up! I know it's just my perception because of my situation but still lol
If I could offer you some hope it is that you are still young and can turn this around easily. You still have 30 years to save and invest. I think everyone has already offered you sound advice on the relationship. Regardless of your choices I think people here care and want to see the best for you.
 

cosine

Woodpecker
Your priorities have to be getting yourself together:

1. Fix your expenses as best you can. Be frugal.
2. Consider changing careers, getting re-educated. Maybe it's a new trade, maybe it's a coding bootcamp, maybe it's upskilling whatever you currently do.
3. When you have paid off debts and have some cash, you get to think about investments.

You can tell her about how you have things you have to do, maybe how you are envisioning #3, improving yourself, and "I'd really love to go vacation to ____ with you or ____ restaurant or ____ activity, but I am really focusing on my future for a little bit right now. This is just what I have to do right now".

If she stays, great. If she leaves, well, she was going to anyway. Ultimately you have to fix your situation and be detached from whether she is patient while you improve yourself.
 

Australia Sucks

Kingfisher
Other Christian
In my mind one thing wrong with these whole thread is there seems to be a lot of guys (including the O.P.) with expectations of the woman providing the O.P. with financial support. That is an inversion of the natural order. Its not a woman's job to financially support a man. And yes I get that she is older than him and earns more money but I feel based on what the O.P. said that she is contributing fairly considering that she is the woman.

She is paying for the holidays, restaurants, etc which I feel is generous of her, but she is not providing for his living expenses and quite frankly why should she?

He is the man so its his job to provide for himself (and to some extent his girlfriend) and not rely on a girlfriend to do so. Fair is fair. If we lambast women for being feminists then we must lambast men for failing to fulfill their masculine role.
 

Renzy

Pelican
Catholic
In terms of setting up a budget and getting out of debt, I've been using YNAB (https://www.youneedabudget.com/) for years. It's set up in a way that really forces you to track your spending.

It's way too easy to just spend money without realizing how much is going out the door for restaurants, clothing, fun stuff, etc. and I've found that YNAB helps my wife and I be hyper aware of how our money is being spent because you're entering transactions manually as you spend the money. It may sound onerous, and it can be an adjustment at first, but every time we go out to eat, fill up the gas tank, make any kind of charge, I enter the transaction. Doing so is a constant reminder of how much money was budgeted for various categories and makes you slow down and think before you spend.
 

cosine

Woodpecker
In terms of setting up a budget and getting out of debt, I've been using YNAB (https://www.youneedabudget.com/) for years. It's set up in a way that really forces you to track your spending.

It's way too easy to just spend money without realizing how much is going out the door for restaurants, clothing, fun stuff, etc. and I've found that YNAB helps my wife and I be hyper aware of how our money is being spent because you're entering transactions manually as you spend the money. It may sound onerous, and it can be an adjustment at first, but every time we go out to eat, fill up the gas tank, make any kind of charge, I enter the transaction. Doing so is a constant reminder of how much money was budgeted for various categories and makes you slow down and think before you spend.
What gets measured, gets improved.

MyFitnessPal tracks calories. You can add things easily like, "Chipotle chicken burrito bowl with queso" and it just adds all the calories and macros automatically. If you have repetitive meals, like a cup of coffee, 4 eggs cooked in a teaspoon of butter for breakfast, it lets you quickly save the meal so that adding it only takes a few seconds each day. You see how your calories add up and can maintain a good diet much more easily.

TrainingPeaks for endurance athletes. I know of Triathlon coaches who can pretty accurately predict athletes' top race times simply by looking at their training data as it tracks miles, elevation, heart rates, power, etc.

I have a google doc to track all of my forms of money. My bank accounts, investment accounts, debts, etc all form one column. Every month, I create a new column. Looking back at months and years of progress is incredibly satisfying.



In particular, tracking money month over month forced me to really re-evaluate the job I was in from 2017-2019. I was not in magaman's position, but I was very unsatisfied with my rate of progression given that I'd like the resources to start a family. It led me to learn to code, which I was struggling to do while also working a stressful job. So, I ultimately decided to just quit and go all-in on a coding bootcamp, which has worked out incredibly well for me.
 
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magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
Hi guys. Just wanted to resurface for a bit to say that I’ve been busy working 7 days a week for the past month and I’m slowly but surely re-establishing my savings account and staying caught up on my bills. Actually, I’m ahead in a way because I’m nearly two months away from my next set of payments.

Someone said something about escaping W2 wage slave type of jobs and I would love to do this except I’m not exactly sure how to go about that. I know for right now I do have to stick with this job (and I’m also in the process of trying to get a second job) and I plan to tough it out for a while to establish a big savings and pay off debts. I looked into Amazon FBA a little bit and I was wondering if anyone here had experiences either good or bad with that. I know I’ll need some capital for that but maybe eventually that could be an option for a future business of mine.

As far as the girl, she’s been a non-factor more than a factor these days. We work different schedules and when she’s off, she usually does side gigs or goes to visit friends, both being out of town because she doesn’t really know anyone here. So that doesn’t put us around each other much at all.
 

inthefade

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
In terms of setting up a budget and getting out of debt, I've been using YNAB (https://www.youneedabudget.com/) for years. It's set up in a way that really forces you to track your spending.

It's way too easy to just spend money without realizing how much is going out the door for restaurants, clothing, fun stuff, etc. and I've found that YNAB helps my wife and I be hyper aware of how our money is being spent because you're entering transactions manually as you spend the money. It may sound onerous, and it can be an adjustment at first, but every time we go out to eat, fill up the gas tank, make any kind of charge, I enter the transaction. Doing so is a constant reminder of how much money was budgeted for various categories and makes you slow down and think before you spend.
I love YNAB old version (YNAB 4) before they went to the ripoff subscription model. Fortunately they do not force you to upgrade.

As far as the girl, she’s been a non-factor more than a factor these days. We work different schedules and when she’s off, she usually does side gigs or goes to visit friends, both being out of town because she doesn’t really know anyone here. So that doesn’t put us around each other much at all.

Dude, just rip the bandaid off.
 
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C-Note

Hummingbird
Other Christian
Gold Member
Someone said something about escaping W2 wage slave type of jobs and I would love to do this except I’m not exactly sure how to go about that.

There most likely are a number of trades in your community in which there are not enough people. I know that in my county there is sometimes a one month wait or more to get an electrician to the house because there aren't enough of them. Through a combination of government assistance and employer/union apprenticeship programs, you should not even have to pay for your schooling to get certified in a trade, whether it be welding, electrical, plumbing, elevator repair, escalator repair, handyman, asphalt/pavement machine operator, exercise machine repair, high power line maintenance, utility technician, firetruck mechanic, heavy machine mechanic, glass/window repair, etc, you name it.
 

magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer

There most likely are a number of trades in your community in which there are not enough people. I know that in my county there is sometimes a one month wait or more to get an electrician to the house because there aren't enough of them. Through a combination of government assistance and employer/union apprenticeship programs, you should not even have to pay for your schooling to get certified in a trade, whether it be welding, electrical, plumbing, elevator repair, escalator repair, handyman, asphalt/pavement machine operator, exercise machine repair, high power line maintenance, utility technician, firetruck mechanic, heavy machine mechanic, glass/window repair, etc, you name it.
Exactly. I went about trying to learn and get into the trades the wrong way by going the educational route when I should have sought out employer/union apprenticeship programs. I'm not sure where you live but in my neck of the woods, there are certain trades that are actually flooded with people, which drives down the wages and makes it tough to get a foot in the door. I'm talking the most popular trades like electrician, plumber, HVAC, carpenter, etc.. Everyone that has a truck/van and a minimal aptitude are trying to get into these trades and employers here often times have 2-3 year experience requirements at the least. There may be a true shortage in some places but employers here for the most part don't necessarily behave as if there is one, from my experience anyway.

Machine operating would be a realistic path for me right now because my job is for the city doing beach maintenance so once I move up a little bit, they can help me get a CDL. They also have positions for mechanics for firetrucks/heavy machines too because it's the city so. I'm not so sure if I have a mechanical aptitude though; Just because I can operate something doesn't necessarily mean I would be good at working on the components but who knows, maybe one day I can give it a try just to see if I can do it or not. I'm not sure if they train people for mechanics but they have to train people to operate the machines obviously.
 

C-Note

Hummingbird
Other Christian
Gold Member
Machine operating would be a realistic path for me right now because my job is for the city doing beach maintenance so once I move up a little bit, they can help me get a CDL. They also have positions for mechanics for firetrucks/heavy machines too because it's the city so. I'm not so sure if I have a mechanical aptitude though; Just because I can operate something doesn't necessarily mean I would be good at working on the components but who knows, maybe one day I can give it a try just to see if I can do it or not. I'm not sure if they train people for mechanics but they have to train people to operate the machines obviously.
Working for the city should give you an "in" for other municipal jobs or training programs, either trade/wage grade, or salaried office jobs. Does your city have an agreement with the county government, nearby cities, or the state government in which you're eligible to apply for their job openings as a "status" candidate? Once you're "in" (have status) in the government system, you should be able to start zig-zagging your way up the ladder of government employment. Your city also likely offers training programs for municipal employees for certain career tracks.

You might have to start out in an unpleasant job, such as at the municipal animal shelter, working maintenance at the sewage treatment center, the landfill, or something like that, but you shouldn't have to stay in the job for too long if you're constantly applying for other municipal jobs that come open and for training programs with open slots. Don't be afraid to apply for positions that you don't think you're qualified for. Make them tell you no. Don't tell yourself no.

If they do have an opening for firetruck maintenance training program, I say give it a try. You don't know how you'll do until you try it. If they, the city, is paying for the training, there's very little risk involved for you.
 
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magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
Well, after working two and a half months straight at this gig, I called in and told them I didn’t feel good and at first everything seemed cool but now it seems like I may have to have a doctors note and a COVID test. As of right now, it doesn’t look too good as far as the job goes but I honestly didn’t think it would be a big deal to miss one day after working every single day for two and a half months.

As far as the financial situation, it hasn’t improved dramatically but it hasn’t gotten any worse. I have some money saved up so I’m not in any immediate danger. The girl and I have been doing stellar lately, things have been pretty good. I feel like I really impressed her by working as hard as I did and she is going to help me out with money because I’ve been more communicative with her and putting in more effort work wise. As far as my Dad goes, well, he was pretty happy with me until now because I messed this opportunity up but honestly, working seven days a week non-stop is.. excessive, haha.

The truth about me is this.. I have the desire to learn but I’m just not good at much. I don’t have mechanical/electrical aptitude, I don’t have nursing aptitude, I do have some aptitude and general interest for computer stuff but I’m continuously told that there’s no money in it and that “everyone’s doing it”. Not by people on here obviously but like in real life. I could definitely have another job by next week no problem with the current climate but it’ll just be another “W2 wagie” type of thing, as someone else on here put it.
 

GuitarVH

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Well, after working two and a half months straight at this gig, I called in and told them I didn’t feel good and at first everything seemed cool but now it seems like I may have to have a doctors note and a COVID test. As of right now, it doesn’t look too good as far as the job goes but I honestly didn’t think it would be a big deal to miss one day after working every single day for two and a half months.

As far as the financial situation, it hasn’t improved dramatically but it hasn’t gotten any worse. I have some money saved up so I’m not in any immediate danger. The girl and I have been doing stellar lately, things have been pretty good. I feel like I really impressed her by working as hard as I did and she is going to help me out with money because I’ve been more communicative with her and putting in more effort work wise. As far as my Dad goes, well, he was pretty happy with me until now because I messed this opportunity up but honestly, working seven days a week non-stop is.. excessive, haha.

The truth about me is this.. I have the desire to learn but I’m just not good at much. I don’t have mechanical/electrical aptitude, I don’t have nursing aptitude, I do have some aptitude and general interest for computer stuff but I’m continuously told that there’s no money in it and that “everyone’s doing it”. Not by people on here obviously but like in real life. I could definitely have another job by next week no problem with the current climate but it’ll just be another “W2 wagie” type of thing, as someone else on here put it.

So let me get this straight - you worked for 75 days in a row then called in sick one day (likely due to exhaustion and fatigue) and now the company/municipality treats you like a medical leper and/or fires you? These conditions don't seem much better than actual slavery and might even be worse.

This interference into people's personal health by employers is wicked beyond measure. Out of the hundreds of valid health reasons people have had for thousands of years to take a simple little sick day, your employer wants a doctor's note and a fake, fraudulent PCR test to be done. They could just as easily require a colonoscopy to be done in the future for someone deemed guilty of feeling under the weather.

I'm just outraged on your behalf. So can you go back to this job or is that it?
 

C-Note

Hummingbird
Other Christian
Gold Member
The truth about me is this.. I have the desire to learn but I’m just not good at much. I don’t have mechanical/electrical aptitude, I don’t have nursing aptitude, I do have some aptitude and general interest for computer stuff but I’m continuously told that there’s no money in it and that “everyone’s doing it”. Not by people on here obviously but like in real life. I could definitely have another job by next week no problem with the current climate but it’ll just be another “W2 wagie” type of thing, as someone else on here put it.
Seriously? What's the real reason you don't want to work in a trade? Is it a lack of confidence? Get in there and get it done. Read the recent thread in this forum about one of our members who just went into HVAC work.
 

magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
So let me get this straight - you worked for 75 days in a row then called in sick one day (likely due to exhaustion and fatigue) and now the company/municipality treats you like a medical leper and/or fires you? These conditions don't seem much better than actual slavery and might even be worse.

This interference into people's personal health by employers is wicked beyond measure. Out of the hundreds of valid health reasons people have had for thousands of years to take a simple little sick day, your employer wants a doctor's note and a fake, fraudulent PCR test to be done. They could just as easily require a colonoscopy to be done in the future for someone deemed guilty of feeling under the weather.

I'm just outraged on your behalf. So can you go back to this job or is that it?
There's a chance I can go back.. Right now it's not a very big one nor am I sure I want to. I've never had such a big deal made about a sick day before. They've called several times and left voicemails asking if I had went to see a doctor, even after I notified them that I wouldn't be there. Perhaps being a municipality is part of it but for a supposedly red area, it seems a little much. Especially since I'm just working a contract through a temp agency, I'm not actually a municipal employee.. though I could have been after another week or so. It's a 3 month contract and I've already worked at least 2 months plus the obvious overtime. It's like @inthefade has said in other threads.. no one is making you take the test nor take the vaccines and play their games. I'm choosing not to play their games and I will continue to not do so.
 

magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
Seriously? What's the real reason you don't want to work in a trade? Is it a lack of confidence? Get in there and get it done. Read the recent thread in this forum about one of our members who just went into HVAC work.
I have zero aptitude and spent money to find that out. Yeah, I read about @MichaelWitcoff getting into HVAC and I couldn't be happier for him. I hope and wish him the very best in his endeavor, he's a great guy. If it works out then that's awesome but if not, then it's not a big deal to me. I already know the man that he is and he has nothing to prove to me or anyone else here.
 

magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
Hey guys. I'm about a week late to report this but I did the deed. I broke up with the girl. I told her that she needs to be free to live her life how she wants to, where she wants to and that I do not have the resources to give her the lifestyle she desires. I also told her that I'm not fit to be in a relationship right now, which we could all agree with.

I thought about it a lot and it set in with me that she ultimately wasn't serious about getting a place with me and living a more settled life. Her priorities were not that of what I believe they should have been and once I realized things weren't going to change (except maybe for worse), that's when I made the decision.

She's not angry, in fact she still wants to be with me but I'm not talking to her for the most part. I'm being short and sweet and making her understand that I need to work on myself before I can worry about being a relationship with anyone, not just her. There was clearly conflict in how I wanted to live my life and the direction I wanted to go in as opposed to what she had in mind. It was a choice between me and her. I chose me so here we are.

Relations at home have been rocky but starting to level out and become better than they have been all year. Not to say that things are perfect nor will they ever be especially after what's transpired these past several months but things are beginning to look up in a big direction.

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone that chipped in and gave advice, even if it was sometimes harsh. These are hard times (and will only get harder) and I don't need any more problems than I can afford/stand; Physically or mentally.
 

magaman

Kingfisher
Orthodox Inquirer
Let's be honest here, not that we weren't being so already;

I'm not the Orthodox Christian that Roosh wanted. I'm not the protege the Michael would have taken in. I'm not the son my Mom wanted otherwise she wouldn't have walked out. I'm sort of the son my Dad wanted but I feel like he more so accepted me because he had to rather than wanted what I am now.

If you're not favored or selected then it's on you to prove yourself. This world does nothing but take and it will do so in increasing amounts, if you let it.

I was right to break up with that girl and I'm thankful that I did, even if it wasn't in the most professional way.

There's another that would kill to be with me and honestly I'm not sure why I'm not with her already. Whoever told me "Just get in there and get it done" gave the best advice and should be rewarded. I'm a damn fool. Love can make you or destroy you and I see that now
 

GuitarVH

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Let's be honest here, not that we weren't being so already;

I'm not the Orthodox Christian that Roosh wanted. I'm not the protege the Michael would have taken in. I'm not the son my Mom wanted otherwise she wouldn't have walked out. I'm sort of the son my Dad wanted but I feel like he more so accepted me because he had to rather than wanted what I am now.

If you're not favored or selected then it's on you to prove yourself. This world does nothing but take and it will do so in increasing amounts, if you let it.

I was right to break up with that girl and I'm thankful that I did, even if it wasn't in the most professional way.

There's another that would kill to be with me and honestly I'm not sure why I'm not with her already. Whoever told me "Just get in there and get it done" gave the best advice and should be rewarded. I'm a damn fool. Love can make you or destroy you and I see that now

Based on everything you explained about your situation, you definitely did the right thing breaking up with your ex. Don't be so hard on yourself about your family situation. Hopefully things will improve all around.
 
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