Serious inquiry - Should adult offspring learn of Mom's abortion(s)

Mike_Key

Sparrow
I write this with a bit of hesitation due to the sensitive topic of abortion, murder. It is now known that families across the USA are slowly learning of abortions within their own families from prior decades. This is similar to families learning of Adoptions, secret adoptions within their family from decades past.

It happens like this:

A woman (call her Ms. Independent) had an abortion(s) "confides" or is asked by "Grandmother", her mom about said woman's past life. The Grandmother then shares this information with her very own mature children, siblings of Ms. Independent. "You should know that your sister had an abortion" or " ... you should know that she (Ms. Independent) had two (2) abortions".

Now these are adult siblings of Ms. Independent, all these individuals are in their 30s or 40s. The mature siblings are shocked but old enough to take the newly learned information in stride.

Keep in mind, from what I've heard - news within families is being shared of women having had one (1) on the low end to upwards of four (4) abortions.

Question:

Should "adult" children of Ms. Independent - should the adult offspring that are between the age of 18-30 - should they learn of Ms. Independent's past abortion(s) or should those simply be kept secret, top secret?

Also, keep in mind that this Ms. Independent isn't necessarily some belligerent feminist but, too, could just as easily be 'happily' married and named Mrs. Abigail Lynn Smith.

A first follow-up question maybe - in what manner would the topic arise, so as to not be weird? There could be many such instances; such as when a close family member or a father has to explain himself on certain topics such as "divorce", "mom's history", "who was mom", "did mom have a rough upbringing?", etc.

I submit that if, today, a daughter asks a Mom who was born in the 70's, 80's and 90's if said Mom had an abortion - I suppose that the Mom would lie, if she wanted to shroud the truth. It's almost certain that this has already happened in families across the country.

Too, I wonder what are the ramifications of or for a daughter or son learning about mom's abortion(s)?
If this is a heathen family, I suppose that they couldn't care less and have deeper problems.

John 3:16
 
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It depends on the kid. I was low key grateful when I found out. It’s like, damn, I made it. It’s best to tell them as early as you can instead of waiting. Maybe high school years.
 

bucky

Pelican
I don't know. It's a good question though. There have been two fairly important women in my life who I later found out had an abortion, and it forever changed my feelings for them to a mix of something like pity and horror. One is on her way to becoming a nun, and although I'm not generally in favor of clerical celibacy I can imagine that maybe it's a fair sacrifice to repent of what she did. For both, when I think about it, I pray that God somehow eventually forgives them.

Do most guys on the forum feel this way about women who have had an abortion, and more importantly, what would be the ramifications of feeling this way about your own mother?
 

Rob Banks

Kingfisher
Similar question:

What if you had an older brother or sister who your parents violently murdered (or hired a hitman to murder) prior to your birth?

Do you have the right to find out?
 
Should "adult" children of Ms. Independent - should the adult offspring that are between the age of 18-30 - should they learn of Ms. Independent's past abortion(s) or should those simply be kept secret, top secret?
I think, unless you have good cause to do so, it's not wise to air someone's dirty laundry. There are times when you have to. For example, if a pedophile moves into your neighborhood, it's important for the parents to know so they can protect their children.
But in the case of someone committing an abortion, I don't think their adult children will necessarily benefit from that information. We're going to be judged for every idle word that comes out of our mouth (Matt. 12:36), so we have to ask ourselves, "Is revealing this person's sin going to be helping anyone?" And if the answer is no, then I see no cause to do it. In this case, you might permanently hurt the kids' relationship with their mom; or worse, cause them to justify their mom's actions in their minds.
 

Mike_Key

Sparrow
I think, unless you have good cause to do so, it's not wise to air someone's dirty laundry. There are times when you have to. For example, if a pedophile moves into your neighborhood, it's important for the parents to know so they can protect their children.
But in the case of someone committing an abortion, I don't think their adult children will necessarily benefit from that information. We're going to be judged for every idle word that comes out of our mouth (Matt. 12:36), so we have to ask ourselves, "Is revealing this person's sin going to be helping anyone?" And if the answer is no, then I see no cause to do it. In this case, you might permanently hurt the kids' relationship with their mom; or worse, cause them to justify their mom's actions in their minds.
All great replies ... but this one I'll respond to first.

Dr. Laura on Satellite radio often says “Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you have to repeat it.” I can believe some of this, to an extent.

I'll add to your great scripture a couple more. To add to your perspective, lets consider the scripture that says:

Matt 7:1-2

1
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.


But I once heard a commentator say, “In our modern times, no one wants to judge – how’s that working out for you?”

They were referring to urban crime or the 72% illegitimate births in the Black community or that 70% of single mothers (all races) produce babies that turn into Prison convicts, strippers and drug users.

See men, non-corrupt men and non-Knaves, we work hard. We judge ourselves big time. We are yet sinful but we have great successes, too, against temptation and sin. I’m sure God loves those moments in our lives. Yet from the Old Testament we read:

Isaiah 64

6 All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;


But Verse five says:

5 You come to the help of those who gladly do right, who remember your ways.

So the intent is not to openly, gleefully and continually shame women that have had an abortion (and enjoy doing it, No); rather the spirit is to not allow this shameful act to proliferate in one’s family. Why have nieces and sisters killing more babies than already has happened in anyone family? Judging may very well keep women thoughtful and ponderous. Keep in mind, we aren't judging their soul as to whether they are saved or not saved. It's feels more like correction, as they advise in the epistles.

In John 8:11 – we read “Go, and sin no more”.

10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,”Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”


People almost never repeat this part of the Scripture, why? They always say “Don’t cast stones”.

But I submit that most men, we wouldn’t have an abortion if it was on our side of the Gender divide, but a certain percentage of women have one or multiple – and openly share the news with people. I recall three (3) women in their early 20s telling me they had an abortion. I think they did this as a weird way of ingratiating themselves with me … so as to get to know me and me - to know them. So whether you and I want this news to stay Top Secret or not … the news is out there and it will be known. My hope is when and where it’s known by family members – they take it as a moral guidepost to take the right path, to be Sin free and to live righteously.

People talk and people judge, no two ways about that. People are hypocrites too, all people. We repent and move on. Now if we can talk about substantive points. I don’t mean that directed toward you, but to people in general. That is typically how I debate with people. That method is removing criticism of hypocrisy off the table. Often times people don’t know how to debate and react to that … sadly people have lost the ability of discourse.

Now, one more point. The IUD is a copper metal piece that is Birth Control, inserted into a Woman’s vagina onward to the Uterus. It kills a baby and people argue it is an abortion device and abortions happen. Imagine a woman dies and goes to heaven to find that she has 10 to 15 aborted babies in heaven all due to that invention, the IUD. I sadly knew a woman that had an IUD. She eventually separated from her husband and in the process it was learned (Again, because people get hurt when their wife cheats and they share all the news) that she was have 2 different affairs (2 different men) on or against her husband. The story is sick and sad, so I’ll spare you the details. Anyhow, this woman, I believe she had an IUD for 3 to 4 years.

Anyhow, lastly, I believe that a daughter or many daughter, being talkative, will and have asked ... "Dad, ummm, do you happen to know if Mom ever had an abortion?"

What is a dad to say, if he knows the answer is Yes?

I'm sure in some open families, the daughter directly asks the Mom.

John 3:16
 
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Mike_Key

Sparrow
Similar question:

What if you had an older brother or sister who your parents violently murdered (or hired a hitman to murder) prior to your birth?

Do you have the right to find out?
Wow, this is a most interesting take ...

For some reason, this reminds me of a story. A woman divorces her husband. She alienates the kids from said husband. She and her extended family tell the children that their father was a murderer. That their father murdered their Grandfather – i.e. the Mom’s dad. He, the Grandfather was surely dead. The question became, how did it happen.

Well, well, well … those kids grew up and were obviously literate having grown up in the USA. They learned to read. Well, one of the kids looked up the supposed murder case. They looked up public records and court documents. It turned out that the Grandfather fired the first shot, shooting the father – the divorced man – in the back. The wounded father went to retrieve a long-rifle. As the father returned to the approach of the Grandfather – he, the father, falls down to die due to a heavy loss of blood. Prior to going unconscious, he fired one accurate round from the rifle that killed the Grandfather, in self-defense.

Mom lied …

So family secrets come out, inevitably to what result, hopefully good ones and not detrimental to the command “Honor your Father and Mother”.

: )

John 3:16
 
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