Should I Be Actively Searching for a Woman?

Seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and all other these things will be added unto you - Matthew 6:33

So, no, don't actively search for a wife. The Lord loves patience and perseverance when he asks us to trust Him. I know this because I am so bad at it LOL

Christ be with you
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
That's a great quote from Richard Cooper. Men should do the same thing when picking a woman, but in the opposite way. Women are already winners at the start line, so hang out there and pick the winners. Don't settle for the losers nearing the finish line.
This is quite insightful. It's something he would recommend too. He's honing in on the clear reality of life which is, "Women are, men must become."

It's weird that these statements draw such ire because they are just biological concepts and in that sense are amoral. I think the issue is the petty universals that people want to believe about the world go against all evidence; things like fairness and other such non-definable ideas. Of course, they never apply these ideals to the real world, so in the world of women trying to "achieve" there is this likening of them to men, which is why women act surprised in their 30s and men (blind to women until they cross the finish line a "winner") are like, "Why would I marry an old woman"? Because of this materialism (everyone chasing a career), there is no honesty about what role the sexes really have, or sh.ould have, or god forbid acceptance of the reality.
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
I was 100% dedicated to being single for life when I met my girlfriend.
Some of the people on the board make it seem like there is some strategy that works, and I think the whole thing is a mystery. I don't think one end of the spectrum (going out constantly and to less than optimal places - for LTR - to find available women), which is generally shunned around here, or not doing anything and just hoping God plops a magical girlfriend in your lap (the other end of the spectrum), work. I am willing to be corrected and am totally fine being wrong, but my understanding of the situation is pretty clear: you are much less likely to get good outcomes in less than fertile soil. Can God work through that? Sure. It just goes against my better sense and reasonable analysis that you somehow get rewarded if xyz, as if there is some transactional interaction happening. Again, the flip side of this is that God will actively work against you if you are some version of a player - many of these types were softened over time and can make a decision to be a proper husband, and who says it has to be with some other "sinner" of the same variety? I find that oddly magical thinking.

One thing I will say though, that I think all will agree with, is that you can't go wrong repenting and seeking God, whatever the outcome. The problem I have is that there will be some reward or some punishment. There are too many examples of this not being the case in every scenario. Older men have been marrying younger women for time immemorial. What is happening now is that the culture stops it from happening, generally speaking, so the ground (culture) has to be right for there to be a good chance for it.

One final thing, I'll say in closing. No one on the internet knows exactly how reasonable or unreasonable one's expectations are in what they seek. I would guess on average, the doubt that many have (they are right probability wise) is appropriate - but my suspicion in the west is that many successful men exist (some don't want to get married, no doubt) that are locked out purely due to what this particular culture thinks 20 year old women and 40 year old men should or should not be doing. And if we are honest that modern times are more corrupt and generally stupid, it makes perfect sense that this line of thinking is also stupid and untrustworthy.
 

ball dont lie

Kingfisher
Gold Member
I have a family member that married a woman 20 years younger than him - and they met at church. So it happens and I was not at all surprised when it did.

On the other hand - she was a recent immigrant from a place I often recommend for guys here.

If you are not the kind of man that a woman would be interested in then you need to do some serious work - confidence comes from success, so you need to work. On your body, health, career, your hobbies that bring you joy but the success in them also brings you confidence.

Then you need to be talking to women. If you never talk to women your chance of a great catch falling from the sky is zero. God is not sending great women to monastic hermits on mountain tops.
 
That's a great quote from Richard Cooper. Men should do the same thing when picking a woman, but in the opposite way. Women are already winners at the start line, so hang out there and pick the winners. Don't settle for the losers nearing the finish line.
That's why I long ago gave up. My SMV is very low and it's not hard to do better. I live in an area (South Florida) where there's a ton of money and status. I have neither.
I did accidentally meet someone a 4 years ago and we were together for a year. Ultimately my lack of upward mobility and my reluctance to change that made her move on.
 
What about a guy like me who just does not get along at all with the women of his area / state ??? What should I do ??? I am now in my early 40's. In my area / state , men who are in their 40's are only popular with chicks if the guy is rich or famous or rich & famous. I am solid / steady middle class. Decent looking. I am 6-4 inches tall. I don't have anything in common with the women in my area. They are on the other side of the fence. I am on the right side of the fence , and they are on the left side of the fence. They love to hurl insults at men , they are very sarcastic and rude , very bitchy too. They are not fun to be around.

I don't have much of a social life. I did most of my socializing when I was in my teens and twenties. The women in my area just love to be bitchy and very argumentative with me. It is a mutual dislike that we have for each other. Like I said , I just do not get along with the women in my area at all. I never bonded with them. They are not easy at all. It's just a myth that liberal feminist women are easy. They are the exact opposite of easy , sometimes I wonder if they are lesbians who like to go on "dinner & movie" dates with men , just so that they can have someone to argue with for a few hours.

It's kinda like they can't get mad at their boss or co-workers , so they will argue constantly - non-stop with a guy , and be a total bitch to him , just so that they can blow off some bottled up steam and pent up rage that they have and feel towards men. Feminists are like that. The women in my area are the most undesirable feminist bitches from hell!
 

Bright_Sun

Pigeon
I have a family member that married a woman 20 years younger than him - and they met at church. So it happens and I was not at all surprised when it did.

On the other hand - she was a recent immigrant from a place I often recommend for guys here.

If you are not the kind of man that a woman would be interested in then you need to do some serious work - confidence comes from success, so you need to work. On your body, health, career, your hobbies that bring you joy but the success in them also brings you confidence.

Then you need to be talking to women. If you never talk to women your chance of a great catch falling from the sky is zero. God is not sending great women to monastic hermits on mountain tops.

Part of my problem is that all the normal avenues to meet women are shut down right now due to the "pandemic". Group activities that a man could normally use to meet women, like volunteering, dancing, meetup.com events, etc. are practically nonexistent in my area now. Everything is virtual.

"Daygame" feels a little awkward when most women are wearing masks even when they are outside.

Going to the gym and walking in the park are unnecessary for me because I have a squat rack at home, and I live in the country.

But I suppose these are all just excuses that I've made for myself, and I will have just have to put in more effort if I decide to look for one. I agree, I'll look for more opportunities to talk to women that I come across.

In the meantime, I'll focus more on self-improvement.
 
Part of my problem is that all the normal avenues to meet women are shut down right now due to the "pandemic". Group activities that a man could normally use to meet women, like volunteering, dancing, meetup.com events, etc. are practically nonexistent in my area now. Everything is virtual.

"Daygame" feels a little awkward when most women are wearing masks even when they are outside.

Going to the gym and walking in the park are unnecessary for me because I have a squat rack at home, and I live in the country.

But I suppose these are all just excuses that I've made for myself, and I will have just have to put in more effort if I decide to look for one. I agree, I'll look for more opportunities to talk to women that I come across.

In the meantime, I'll focus more on self-improvement.
Try Tinder and the other online dating apps. If you have "deep pockets" try seeking arrangements , or you could try international dating , etc. If you are looking for a Christian woman try the Christian online dating apps. I have heard success stories about the Filipina Cupid dating app. Just giving you some advice and trying to help you out. :)
 

Bright_Sun

Pigeon
This is a secular resource that may help shed some light on some of the stuff you mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/user/EntrepreneursInCars

Disclaimer: Again, this guy is secular and does not give Christian-based advice - he is primarily focused on materialism and status. Generally, he and his guest speakers take a "fornicate-with-multiple-women-in-your-20s-and-don't-even-consider-marriage-til-mid-to-late-30s" attitude.

That being said, there are nuggets that these guys are keen on bringing up that expose the modern-day dynamics between well-meaning men, who want to be monogamous moral husbands/fathers, and the majority of modern women bought into careerism, hypergamy, etc.

Thanks, I've seen that guy's channel before, and I've watched tons of videos from other Youtubers like him over the past few years that talked about self-improvement, entrepreneurship, game, etc.

I like the general idea about using your 20s to improve your body and finances, but what made me question that narrative was reading about the idea that people should marry younger. Not sure if that applies to men as well as women, but I thought I read that while reading some traditional Christian articles.

I guess the reason I started this thread was that I felt uncomfortable with my lack of experience with women. I'm not considering fornication, of course, but I think I'll just focus on getting more comfortable with talking to the women I happen to see when I do go out instead of just ignoring them like I usually do. Perhaps that will lead me to meeting the right woman to marry.
 

Bright_Sun

Pigeon
Try Tinder and the other online dating apps. If you have "deep pockets" try seeking arrangements , or you could try international dating , etc. If you are looking for a Christian woman try the Christian online dating apps. I have heard success stories about the Filipina Cupid dating app. Just giving you some advice and trying to help you out. :)
I'm pretty sure the general consensus is that dating apps only work for men in the top percentile of looks, not to mention the disproportionate male-to-female ratio.

I'm not ugly by any means, but I'm not a Chad or Tyrone on steroids.

But who knows, I might give those Christian dating apps a shot and see what happens. Never know til you try.

International dating is a no-go right now due to the lockdown, which is a bit of a shame, since I've seen some Filipina girls on those sites that seem feminine and virtuous, and I'm also half-Filipino, so race wouldn't be much of an issue.
 

ZAMSKI

Robin

Should I Be Actively Searching for a Woman?

You absolutely should if you are serious about finding a quality woman. Competition for quality woman is very high...and expecting to meet them as you going about your daily life for most men is delusional in my eyes. That is unless of course you are living in a city that is full of quality women walking around the areas you frequent. As someone has said, a quality woman isn't going to fall out from the sky...no matter how hard you may pray for it. Anything worth having in life requires hard work...and a quality woman is no exemption. Best of luck.
 

DeWoken

Robin
That's why I long ago gave up. My SMV is very low and it's not hard to do better. I live in an area (South Florida) where there's a ton of money and status. I have neither.

What about a guy like me who just does not get along at all with the women of his area / state ??? What should I do ???

Ummm...move?
It can show bravery and resourcefulness to relocate to a new area. So if you can swing it, combine "improve dating" with "move to a more conservative area where I can be more self-sufficient". That is if you think you have exhausted your options where you're at.
 
DeWoken ,
I am stuck in my area / state , mainly because I have both of my parents living in my area , they are divorced , but they both are in their 70's and they need me to help them out. I am an only child , I do have a gay step-brother though. He is impossible to get along with , and a radical leftist. At this point in time , after reading several self help books for men , I don't feel that my life would improve with chicks if I moved. I am in my early 40's , and I am Middle Class , I make decent money , but I am not rich. In America , men who are in their 40's are usually only popular with chicks if they are rich or famous or both. Thanks for the advice though. It is greatly appreciated! :)
 

DeWoken

Robin
@Baron_Gangrelle,
I hear you, for many of us moving is out of the question. Taking care of family is a good Christian duty.

Another suggestion - also apt to be shot down - is getting involved in protest groups that push back against the lockdown. I say this because women are attracted not just to men with resources and power but also to those with the cajones to do something.

Not to bring back the buried horse of Game, but there is always a new angle presenting itself in this evolvi... ever-changing reality of ours. If you are satisfied but bored with your work and social situation your sense for opportunity might get numbed. This, besides being disadvantageous in seizing opportunities, also in itself becomes unattractive, no matter your financial situation. As we feel civilization getting closer and closer to various collapses you have to ask yourself, "am I prepared to lead a family through that?". Because I think that more than ever she will be placing importance on that answer. Sure, be a dependable worker and a man of good character and all that, but also sharpen yourself up a little. Learn new skills.

But yeah, don't get fired or put in prison, that's probably not going to help your luck ;)
 
@Baron_Gangrelle,
I hear you, for many of us moving is out of the question. Taking care of family is a good Christian duty.

Another suggestion - also apt to be shot down - is getting involved in protest groups that push back against the lockdown. I say this because women are attracted not just to men with resources and power but also to those with the cajones to do something.

Not to bring back the buried horse of Game, but there is always a new angle presenting itself in this evolvi... ever-changing reality of ours. If you are satisfied but bored with your work and social situation your sense for opportunity might get numbed. This, besides being disadvantageous in seizing opportunities, also in itself becomes unattractive, no matter your financial situation. As we feel civilization getting closer and closer to various collapses you have to ask yourself, "am I prepared to lead a family through that?". Because I think that more than ever she will be placing importance on that answer. Sure, be a dependable worker and a man of good character and all that, but also sharpen yourself up a little. Learn new skills.

But yeah, don't get fired or put in prison, that's probably not going to help your luck ;)
DeWoken ,
Great advice and input that you gave me and everyone else. I thank you for being a very well rounded Red Pilled Christian who has common sense. :)

Western Washington is about as deep blue as the San Francisco Bay Area is. The majority of the women in child bearing age who are either decent looking or not full blown leftist feminists , were vehemently against Donald Trump in 2016 and also in 2020 in my state. They suffered from Trump derangement syndrome. The lockdowns and quarantines up here , it was the far left socialist Governor Jay Inslee who makes those decisions. The women supported him for his re-election , they vote straight ticket democrat. My state legalized abortion in 1970 , which was 3 years before Roe vs. Wade was legalized. They ( the women ) do not agree with or support the Political Right. Gen X , Millennials , I am not sure about Generation Z.

I do have the cajones to do something like prepping and survivalism. I have actually been preparing ever since 2013. I stocked up and did some prepping back in 1999 when I thought that Y2K was going to happen. I also got into several heated arguments with chicks about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. My former friend told me that I ruined my chances in getting laid. I responded to him - "That after finding out what America hating leftists they were , I lost all romantic interest in them". I felt that the U.S. Armed Forces did the right thing by killing Al-Zarqawi and Saddam Hussein and also when we finally killed Osama Bin Laden in 2011.

The women I talked to were the heavily indoctrinated yet at the same time attractive Millennial college gals who had gone to College at Western Washington University up in Bellingham or U.W. in Seattle or Bothell or W.S.U. in Eastern Washington or Evergreen College in Olympia.

If I was brave and bold and fearless and heroic , they would quickly either lose romantic interest in me or argue with me when we would have discussions about how we are nearing the times of The Rapture and Armageddon. The second coming of Christ is going to happen at the very latest 2045. My mother became a Christian Conservative in 1991 when she and my Father broke up. She makes more sense than my Father does , he watches MSNBC and he uses and says the Lord's name in vein , basically every time I talk to him. He needs to do some soul searching. I have tried to teach him the Gospel and teachings of Christ , but he just doesn't believe that Jesus is real.

My mother and I have had several very good discussions about the Rapture and Christ's second coming. She took the right path in 1991 when she got divorced , my Father decided to take the wrong path in life in 1991 , and he has been living with his best friends wife ( now ex wife ) ever since July 20, 1991. My wicked evil step-mother changed my Father and turned him into a hardcore leftist , very similar to Chris Mathews who was the news anchor / host of Hardball on MSNBC.
 
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DeWoken

Robin
It's kinda like they can't get mad at their boss or co-workers , so they will argue constantly - non-stop with a guy , and be a total bitch to him , just so that they can blow off some bottled up steam and pent up rage that they have and feel towards men. Feminists are like that. The women in my area are the most undesirable feminist bitches from hell!
"Know when to walk away", says the Gambler. The bottom line is you don't have to put up with it if you don't want to. Or, does she hold some power over you? Did you do something wrong? It can be difficult to break old habits, I recommend keeping a private journal.

I don't have much of a social life. I did most of my socializing when I was in my teens and twenties. The women in my area just love to be bitchy and very argumentative with me.
That needs fixing then. Women have ways of picking up on flaws like this quickly. Find some based Christian fellowship or other good men's group. I don't know you but, to be frank, you sound like you're coming a little unglued. Woman or no woman, God doesn't want us to live our lives in isolation. There are of course many good threads on RVF to participate in, maybe some of them will help you (I see you have only participated in this thread so far). But in-person fellowship cannot be replaced.
 
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Some of this advice is just downright secular and detrimental to finding a Christian wife.
"Just use tinder, bro"
"Look at this guy who says to just bang bitches when you are 20 and then move on, because women are stupid and look for winners"

It is men's responsibility to set the rules and be spiritual leaders. This will not happen, if you are so immature in your 20's to just look for fleshly desires and then hope to come by a really good, trad girl in her early 20's when you are 40. It just does not work like that, for the most part.

On Christian dating sites, I find, there are quality women, but it is harder to interact, in a sense, because the priorities are different and one statement can throw something off (e.g. "I think the blessing of homos was right" or "I do not think a strong Church is necessary" ,or simply "I am an Adventist" ;)). Additionally, you really have to already talk about morals, marriage and kids before you meet. This is completely different to secular dating, where verbal and non-verbal cues are really important at the start.

I agree with the people here that first and foremost you have to serve God, your career and your well-being. Never masturbate, fast regularly, work hard, do not be lazy, pray the rosary every day, go to Church as often as you can etc. Obviously you will fall short, but why do us Catholics have confession, if not for that? ;) If one does most of these things, women will come. This is the "passive" side.

I think one also has to try out Christian dating and courting to get used to it. It is like having job interviews, where, at the first one, you invariably stumble and then get better and better at it and land a job. Also, a cold approach might help, but this is significantly harder at church in these times, I understand. This would be a more active part without seeming to be needy or desperate. Just my two cents. Have a nice day.
 
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