Should I Be Actively Searching for a Woman?

[Sanctus]

Should I Be Actively Searching for a Woman?​

You absolutely should if you are serious about finding a quality woman. Competition for quality woman is very high...and expecting to meet them as you going about your daily life for most men is delusional in my eyes. That is unless of course you are living in a city that is full of quality women walking around the areas you frequent. As someone has said, a quality woman isn't going to fall out from the sky...no matter how hard you may pray for it. Anything worth having in life requires hard work...and a quality woman is no exemption. Best of luck.

As someone who lives in a big city, the quality of the women here is just awful. Honestly blackpilling at times.
Walk down a busy street on a Saturday and you'll see exactly how strong the influence of Satan really is. Remember, women are being programmed to be left-wing and hedonistic by default.

 

[muscacav]

As someone who lives in a big city, the quality of the women here is just awful. Honestly blackpilling at times.
Walk down a busy street on a Saturday and you'll see exactly how strong the influence of Satan really is. Remember, women are being programmed to be left-wing and hedonistic by default.

I can attest to that. The big city together with the legal system black pills you to the point of completely losing the motivation to find a woman.
Maybe finding a non-vaxxed woman in a small town could be much less risky but I digress.
Also, don't go looking for a woman if you can't stay restful at home in a friday night. If you are feeling emotionally needy, then finding a woman is like going empty belly to the grocery store (not a good idea).

 

[skeptic]

Sitting home doing attitude is a recipe for disaster, God made man to thrive, you should absolutely be approaching women and putting yourself in situations to meet them. Go to church, go to parks, etc. But unfortunately the digital World has destroyed the civilized world. There isn’t even any places for me to advice you to meet women, it’s something I’ve asked myself, where the hell to meet women offline? If you have an answer by all mens do it

 

[skeptic]

Part of my problem is that all the normal avenues to meet women are shut down right now due to the "pandemic". Group activities that a man could normally use to meet women, like volunteering, dancing, meetup.com events, etc. are practically nonexistent in my area now. Everything is virtual.

"Daygame" feels a little awkward when most women are wearing masks even when they are outside.

Going to the gym and walking in the park are unnecessary for me because I have a squat rack at home, and I live in the country.

But I suppose these are all just excuses that I've made for myself, and I will have just have to put in more effort if I decide to look for one. I agree, I'll look for more opportunities to talk to women that I come across.

In the meantime, I'll focus more on self-improvement.

I agree with the first part of all the Avenues of meeting women being closed off. The thing is that even if you “put in more effort,” women are not, they’re staying home watching Netflix so I don’t think you’re just putting a bunch of excuses. Things are just hard right now, maybe we should all just give up and run instagram game already cuz maybe it’s the best way to meet quality women at this point

 

[Pilgrim of the East]

I agree with the first part of all the Avenues of meeting women being closed off. The thing is that even if you “put in more effort,” women are not, they’re staying home watching Netflix so I don’t think you’re just putting a bunch of excuses. Things are just hard right now, maybe we should all just give up and run instagram game already cuz maybe it’s the best way to meet quality women at this point

aren't all relevant restrictions alrady lifted?

I'm not American but what about dating sites for Christians? And I thought that there were plenty of mega churches in the US, statistically it shouldn't be problem to find a couple of viable girls

 

[muscacav]

aren't all relevant restrictions alrady lifted?

I'm not American but what about dating sites for Christians? And I thought that there were plenty of mega churches in the US, statistically it shouldn't be problem to find a couple of viable girls

Most restrictions are lifted but I see fewer and fewer people outside. Maybe people are slowing getting out of their caves after all the inflicted abuse.

 

[skeptic]

aren't all relevant restrictions alrady lifted?

I'm not American but what about dating sites for Christians? And I thought that there were plenty of mega churches in the US, statistically it shouldn't be problem to find a couple of viable girls

Restrictions are lifted but the digital world has taken over, things are just not the same. Everyone is in their online job or online school, online fake relationships, posing for their social media accounts. Very little real interactions left or activities to really join, no one is serious about getting out of their phone. Everyone says to want “real life” but things just never happen, they stay stuck with the digital. This is the case for members or this forum, Christian’s, atheists, etc

Yeah I think Christian dating sites shouldn’t be ruled out at this point. Every man should be doing everything possible to put themselves out there

 

[Blade Runner]

I can attest to that. The big city together with the legal system black pills you to the point of completely losing the motivation to find a woman.
Maybe finding a non-vaxxed woman in a small town could be much less risky but I digress.
Also, don't go looking for a woman if you can't stay restful at home in a friday night. If you are feeling emotionally needy, then finding a woman is like going empty belly to the grocery store (not a good idea).

When you get to my age (I'm not really even old) you constantly ask yourself is the ROI of going out with non-friends (also small circle since so many deluded materialists are out there) is worth it at all, so this doesn't even become an issue. The key is having common activities if you aren't getting matched through a religious connection, but again, the religious people in the US hardly care about a man who is successful, they just want some age match because they have the material (they think) covered. It's sorta silly but I do see why it happened - Gen X and older couples naturally met in the old USA, so they have no clue about how destructive the gynocentric culture is for men and women. I hear examples all the time of these types letting their daughters "go to NY" or some other nonsense, as if the world is the same as it was 30 years ago. Amazing, but normies are gonna normie.

 

[Blade Runner]

aren't all relevant restrictions alrady lifted?

I'm not American but what about dating sites for Christians? And I thought that there were plenty of mega churches in the US, statistically it shouldn't be problem to find a couple of viable girls

The more and more I think about it this may be the only real avenue. Skeptic was right on the last couple of posts (I disagreed with him before that) but he got banned, sadly.

 

[Akaky Akakievitch]

Forgive me for the length but I hope people find something in it:

---

As an inquirer into Orthodoxy, I realise that my primary focus needs to be on my principle marriage with the Bride of Christ: uniting with the Orthodox Church Herself. This is the foundation. God willing, this happens sooner rather than later! But I have been humbled many many times while attempting to start this process and thrown sideways and lengthways by the evil one, so patience is needed. Please pray for me.

Once this has been established, I will begin praying for a spouse.

Regarding those who are already Orthodox or wish to find their spouse desperately, I will share with everyone this bible passage along with additional commentary sent to a friend recently, and a short prayer below to use - I hope it will aid in your search for the perfect spouse to spend the rest of your life with, as it concerns the power of prayer in general:

---

This is a note from Theopylact of Bulgaria commenting on Matthew 21:21-22 (some of it found in Orthodox Study Bible - see the whole thing here):

21-22. Jesus answered and said unto them [the disciples], Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree [he caused the fig tree to wither away through his divine energies, see Mt 21:18-20], but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

- Theophylact of Bulgaria: Great is the promise which Christ makes to His disciples, the ability to move mountains, if only we are not ambiguous in faith, that is, we do not hesitate. Whatever we ask, unhesitatingly believing in God’s power, we shall receive. One might ask, "And if I ask for something unprofitable, and foolishly believe that God will give me this, will I indeed receive this unprofitable thing? How is it that God is said to love mankind if He would fulfill my unprofitable request?" Listen then. First, when you hear "faith," you should understand that it means not "foolish faith" but "true faith"; and when you hear "prayer," understand it to mean that prayer which asks for things profitable, such as the Lord gave to us when He said, "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one," and petitions of similar nature. Then consider the words "doubt not," [literally, "be ye not divided," me diakrithete]. For how could a man who is united with God as one and not divided or separated from Him, how could that man ask for something unprofitable? So if you are undivided and inseparable from God, then you will ask for and receive things which are profitable for you.

---

Orthodox Prayer to Find a Spouse (source)​

All-Good and Merciful Lord, I know that any enduring happiness in my life dependeth upon my wholehearted love for Thee and upon mine actions according to Thy holy will in all things; wherefore, direct my soul, O God, and fill my heart. I seek to please Thee alone, for Thou art my Creator and my God. Preserve me from pride and self-love. Let reason, modesty and chastity adorn me. Idleness is hateful unto Thee and breedeth vice; grant unto me the inclination to be fruitful in labor, and bless Thou my work.

Thy law commandeth that man and wife live in chaste matrimonial union; wherefore lead me, Holy Father, to this blessed calling not for the satisfaction of passions but unto the fulfillment of Thy commandment; for Thou hast said that it is not good that man should live alone and, having created woman as his helper, Thou blessest them to be fruitful and multiply that they may fill the earth.

Hear my humble prayer, which ascendeth unto Thee from the depths of my heart: Grant unto me an honest and pious spouse that, through our love and harmony, together we may praise Thee, our Compassionate God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages.

Amen.

---

Also this article is helpful:

Finding an Orthodox Spouse | A Russian Orthodox Church Website

As Orthodox people, we should be at least as serious as the servant in the parable when it comes to the critical question of selecting a spouse. The Orthodox faith presents us with two alternative paths for our life: life in the community of a married family, or life in the community of a...

www.pravmir.com

 

[Blade Runner]

Anything can happen, and I encourage everyone to pray for everyone else in these strange times, but the cold hard facts unfortunately are that we have had a great run of peace and materialism for decades, and that has led to greater focus on worldly things, generalized rejection of faith and tradition, and subsequently markedly hurt, or dare I say even destroyed in many ways, family formation. What we traded for in terms of hot wars or difficulty in survival we got back in return greater materialism, political and cultural degradation, and a cratering of high value/feminine women.

 

[Doraemon]

Forgive me for the length but I hope people find something in it:

---

As an inquirer into Orthodoxy, I realise that my primary focus needs to be on my principle marriage with the Bride of Christ: uniting with the Orthodox Church Herself. This is the foundation. God willing, this happens sooner rather than later! But I have been humbled many many times while attempting to start this process and thrown sideways and lengthways by the evil one, so patience is needed. Please pray for me.

Once this has been established, I will begin praying for a spouse.

Regarding those who are already Orthodox or wish to find their spouse desperately, I will share with everyone this bible passage along with additional commentary sent to a friend recently, and a short prayer below to use - I hope it will aid in your search for the perfect spouse to spend the rest of your life with, as it concerns the power of prayer in general:

---

This is a note from Theopylact of Bulgaria commenting on Matthew 21:21-22 (some of it found in Orthodox Study Bible - see the whole thing here):

21-22. Jesus answered and said unto them [the disciples], Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree [he caused the fig tree to wither away through his divine energies, see Mt 21:18-20], but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

- Theophylact of Bulgaria: Great is the promise which Christ makes to His disciples, the ability to move mountains, if only we are not ambiguous in faith, that is, we do not hesitate. Whatever we ask, unhesitatingly believing in God’s power, we shall receive. One might ask, "And if I ask for something unprofitable, and foolishly believe that God will give me this, will I indeed receive this unprofitable thing? How is it that God is said to love mankind if He would fulfill my unprofitable request?" Listen then. First, when you hear "faith," you should understand that it means not "foolish faith" but "true faith"; and when you hear "prayer," understand it to mean that prayer which asks for things profitable, such as the Lord gave to us when He said, "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one," and petitions of similar nature. Then consider the words "doubt not," [literally, "be ye not divided," me diakrithete]. For how could a man who is united with God as one and not divided or separated from Him, how could that man ask for something unprofitable? So if you are undivided and inseparable from God, then you will ask for and receive things which are profitable for you.

---

Orthodox Prayer to Find a Spouse (source)​

All-Good and Merciful Lord, I know that any enduring happiness in my life dependeth upon my wholehearted love for Thee and upon mine actions according to Thy holy will in all things; wherefore, direct my soul, O God, and fill my heart. I seek to please Thee alone, for Thou art my Creator and my God. Preserve me from pride and self-love. Let reason, modesty and chastity adorn me. Idleness is hateful unto Thee and breedeth vice; grant unto me the inclination to be fruitful in labor, and bless Thou my work.

Thy law commandeth that man and wife live in chaste matrimonial union; wherefore lead me, Holy Father, to this blessed calling not for the satisfaction of passions but unto the fulfillment of Thy commandment; for Thou hast said that it is not good that man should live alone and, having created woman as his helper, Thou blessest them to be fruitful and multiply that they may fill the earth.

Hear my humble prayer, which ascendeth unto Thee from the depths of my heart: Grant unto me an honest and pious spouse that, through our love and harmony, together we may praise Thee, our Compassionate God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages.

Amen.

---

Also this article is helpful:

Finding an Orthodox Spouse | A Russian Orthodox Church Website

As Orthodox people, we should be at least as serious as the servant in the parable when it comes to the critical question of selecting a spouse. The Orthodox faith presents us with two alternative paths for our life: life in the community of a married family, or life in the community of a...

www.pravmir.com

Thank you for this. I was not aware that there are prayers and church teachings about future marriage and spouse.

I'm bumping this thread since I have the same question. I am aware that Roosh stated multiple times that discussion about dating, game and PUA are not allowed. In fact in other threads when some posters asked about advice on women, Roosh, Samseau, and several posters replied that they should ask their priests and pray to God.

I know what they meant by this, that ultimately everything happens by the will of God. For example Roosh and Edelweiss despite their advanced game techniques are not yet able to get married and start a family. But MichaelWitcoff is able to find a compatible wife when he least expected it and he attributed it to Divine Providence.

But on the other hand I don't think just purely praying and believing in God without doing anything regarding finding a woman for marriage is correct. For example:
You want to get strong? then lift some weights
You want to be more intelligent? study more and read some books
You want to lose some weight? then eat less, etc.

What I meant is in all aspects of life at least we need to do some concrete actions.

And before anyone asks, yes, my intention is to find a woman to marry and have children with.

What I'm really asking is, should I actually put effort into looking for my future wife, or should I just continue to go about my life as usual and keep my eyes open?

I have no problem with living the rest of my life as a celibate if that's what God wishes for me, but I don't expect Him to hand my future wife to me on a silver platter without me putting in any effort whatsoever.

In summary my questions are the exact same one as OP's above. Been wondering what is the correct thing to do? I am in my late 20's and starting to running out of time and options.

 

[Akaky Akakievitch]

Thank you for this. I was not aware that there are prayers and church teachings about future marriage and spouse.

I'm bumping this thread since I have the same question. I am aware that Roosh stated multiple times that discussion about dating, game and PUA are not allowed. In fact in other threads when some posters asked about advice on women, Roosh, Samseau, and several posters replied that they should ask their priests and pray to God.

I know what they meant by this, that ultimately everything happens by the will of God. For example Roosh and Edelweiss despite their advanced game techniques are not yet able to get married and start a family. But MichaelWitcoff is able to find a compatible wife when he least expected it and he attributed it to Divine Providence.

But on the other hand I don't think just purely praying and believing in God without doing anything regarding finding a woman for marriage is correct. For example:
You want to get strong? then lift some weights
You want to be more intelligent? study more and read some books
You want to lose some weight? then eat less, etc.

What I meant is in all aspects of life at least we need to do some concrete actions.


In summary my questions are the exact same one as OP's above. Been wondering what is the correct thing to do? I am in my late 20's and starting to running out of time and options.

Strangely we both replied to each others posts at the exact same time.

I believe that as with all things, we should seek the Royal Path, the middle way. We should accept and carry out God's will in our lives, which means submitting ourselves to Him in all things, but also keep pursuing the things we need and want in the world, as long as they are spiritually beneficial.

This is taken again from Blessed Theophylact's commentary of Matthew's Gospel quoted above (Chapter 7):

7-8. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. In what has preceded the Lord has commanded us to do great and difficult things. Here He shows us how these things can be accomplished: through unceasing prayer. For He said, "Ask," that is, "keep asking," meaning, "ask continuously." [my emphasis] For He did not say, "Ask one time." Then He affirms what He has said by an example from everyday life.

I believe I read somewhere that the more accurate translation to this famous verse from Greek is "keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking", rather than "ask, seek, knock" in singular format. This better implies that we must keep pursuing and actively searching for the things that we desire, in accordance with God's will:

9-10. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? Here He teaches us that we must not only ask in a fervent manner, but we must also ask for things that are profitable for us. For, He says, when your children ask for things that are good for them, such as bread and fish, you give them what they are seeking. So too must you seek from God what is profitable for you, that is, spiritual things and not things of the flesh.

Saint John of Shangai & San Francisco said something upon similar lines to Fr Seraphim Rose in the early 60's (when he was known as Brother Eugene), regarding his Orthodox magazine and certain topics that were seen as controversial or sensitive to address. Saint John told him to pursue whatever he wanted, and that if God was displeased, He would place certain obstacles in the way to stop him from going any further. We could apply this to all things in life. Let's say we want to get really physically fit, but it starts challenging our pride, so God might allow a certain injuy that refrains us from going further in our physical conditioning, to humble us and remind of us of what's more important in life. But if God approves of our actions, then they will continue without disturbance. This is a sensitive area but hopefully you get the gist of what I'm saying.

So in summary, we should pursue the things that we need or want, understanding who we are and our unique set of circumstances, but also to do everything with a conscious awareness of God's will and His omnipresence in our lives, being aware of how He might be trying to communicate something to us regarding our actions and their impact on ourselves and others.

 

[scrambled2]

I've been looking at the threads here about Russian speaking girls, one thing I cannot find is Ukraine is rather a no-go zone. Where are the Ukrainian eligible ladies at? I imagine they are temporarily housed in Poland or Germany, but would they be online still, looking for potential western husbands? Are they all over the streets of Berlin?

This is for the sacrament of marriage of course.

 

[WesternPilgrim]

When I was single and actively searching it seems I had no problem meeting women they were just not quality women. Once I stopped caring and focusing myself to God I happened to meet my wife at a talk about spiritual life. I would recommend to go to the right places where you at least have a chance at meeting a Christian girl and then if it happens God will allow it. It requires a little work to attend an event but for some reason if you enter an event being sociable but not trying too hard women get drawn to you.

This seems like a great example of what would be the proper middle way. Many guys seem to think that if you stop 'actively searching for a woman' you automatically live like a monk. But "seek first the kingdom of God" doesn't necessarily always mean to sit at home, read Scripture and pray. There are other things Christ wants us to do. What that is for each of us is between you and God, and your church of course. Frankly, I think if you do not have the gift of celibacy; than you should simply study the commandments of Christ and perform them, whatever they imply in your life. This will often mean you have to interact with others. "Seek first the kingdom of Christ and all these things will be added unto you" is a promise of God. God will give you what you need and asks you not to worry about it. At the same time, the reverse is also true. If you are not serving God then you cannot count on the promise that is attached to that.

I was 100% dedicated to being single for life when I met my girlfriend.

I honestly think that something like this is more likely to happen than people think. Because 'birds of a feather flock together' people who want to serve God will be drawn to each other. And the best wife is in this context. People need to believe the promises of God.

I'm not American but what about dating sites for Christians? And I thought that there were plenty of mega churches in the US, statistically it shouldn't be problem to find a couple of viable girls

Megachurches are a bad place to look for a wife because they are teeming with false teachers who will never produce a mature Christian woman in their audience. However, I wrote elsewhere on this forum about tips for Protestants to find a proper church where they can possibly find a good wife.

 

[Easy_C]

I think I might have posted here, but here is an important point.

A "traditionally" feminine woman will want you to seek her out. They probably will expect you to notice, approach, and woo them.

So do it.

 

[SeaEagle]

I think I might have posted here, but here is an important point.

A "traditionally" feminine woman will want you to seek her out. They probably will expect you to notice, approach, and woo them.

So do it.

A lot of secular relationships I had were with girls who initiated things. They never worked out.

I do think modern women don't know how to appear receptive, and expect cartoonishly cocky men to hit on them with pickup lines. They have just as poor social skills as men these days and can barely hold conversations.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but it seems women below my standards have no issue initiating, and women at my standards are standoffish and entitled.

I don't have the self esteem to get rejected constantly in this quest (which is futile as learned by experience).

Edit: My Father met my Mother by waving her down while she was driving with her friends to ask her out. I can't imagine doing that. Perhaps I lack strength and resilience.

 

[Jive Turkey]

A lot of secular relationships I had were with girls who initiated things. They never worked out.

I do think modern women don't know how to appear receptive, and expect cartoonishly cocky men to hit on them with pickup lines. They have just as poor social skills as men these days and can barely hold conversations.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but it seems women below my standards have no issue initiating, and women at my standards are standoffish and entitled.

I don't have the self esteem to get rejected constantly in this quest (which is futile as learned by experience).

Edit: My Father met my Mother by waving her down while she was driving with her friends to ask her out. I can't imagine doing that. Perhaps I lack strength and resilience.

Your dad probably just had higher test than you. Test levels have been falling, but T makes you feel confident and bold

 

[Blade Runner]

I do think modern women don't know how to appear receptive, and expect cartoonishly cocky men to hit on them with pickup lines. They have just as poor social skills as men these days and can barely hold conversations.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but it seems women below my standards have no issue initiating, and women at my standards are standoffish and entitled.

I don't have the self esteem to get rejected constantly in this quest (which is futile as learned by experience)

They could do it but don't hone a skill because they are told not to, or don't practice it - at all. If you do quite well as a man, the odds of you approaching or trying to get connected with someone who you believe to be up in your area (and remember, her looks pass quite quickly big scheme of things) is low due to the lack of accommodation of these women in combination with the constant attention they get - it is all the same thing, or self-reinforcing.

There are above average men (looks wise) even 6 feet and above, making six figures - far more than people think. Most of these guys don't want female 6s, unless they were the most nurturing and accommodating women of all time, and I don't see that here, or perhaps ever in my life. If the guy is white, he'll probably get good to fantastic attention from girls of other races, for obvious reasons. White girl 7s who aren't a mess regarding a potential wife are crazy rare, and the other version of a 7 might be a 22 year old just due to man's primal urges for procreation, but again, good luck getting those or maintaining them at this point in the west, either.

On a few of the other threads lately the discussion (which was joined by a few female posters) of these topics got difficult due to people talking past one another. I come from the point of view as a tall successful man, so I'm sure my expectations are reasonable to high(er). I can explain why it's an issue, and the answer is small number of what I'm looking for. The christian part is a piece of that, as well. But let's say our female friend poster at large is average ... I understand that she is very cognizant, especially if she is in her 20s, of the high number of men that are around that are very average or not active, less manly, etc. But again, I'd challenge the idea there still aren't a good number of men/average guys for a pleasant or well behaved, average woman. But here we also get to the point that keeps coming up - you want mature, good men who are ahead in careers and don't have a bleak future? Look to 8-12 years older than you. I don't get it, we have all manner of solutions for the "problem" but it keeps coming back to the "demands" of women that I can't even verify have objective qualities that the opposite sex desires.