Should I have more children?

toast

Chicken
Hi, long time no post, but often lurker.

I'm late 30s and have two young kids. I'm acutely aware that by the time they are just getting on in life, I'll be about to hit my 60s. And while I plan to be healthy and active, who knows what life may throw my way - my stepfather died in his 50s for example.

There is no doubt having family is great, but it is also a heavy load. My intuition tells me that one does not regret having many children and I believe that the third will be our last - my wife is not much younger than me and her health may be affected by further child bearing. But I keep imagine being later in my life, I can't believe I'd regret bringing another soul into the world.

I'm interested if there are any in this forum that have asked themselves similar questions? And what did you decide? I see a lot of large US families online and I don't know how they do it! I suppose extended family is supportive (which I don't have much of living abroad).

Is it simply a case of me being afraid of more hard work? Perhaps a question for myself.

Any thought or input appreciated, thanks.
 

BasilSeal

Kingfisher
Catholic
Gold Member
There is no more rewarding life work than raising a family to complement and share in your faith. That said, with your wife, pray for discernmemt. Seek your guidance from God, and you can't go wrong.
 

Jaybosan

Pigeon
Protestant
Children are a blessing. I think it is prudent to think ahead to the future, and it's commendable that you are worrying about being there for your children. On the flip side, when you and your wife are older and run into health issues, you will be less of a burden to your children, the more of them there are. My wife and I haven't been blessed with children yet, and we have had similar concerns as we are not getting any younger. I find Matthew 6:26 helpful for those moments: "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
 

toast

Chicken
Thank you, I often feel spiritually distanced, but I will do my best.

Thank you for the quote, it helped. We tried for a long time and weren't sure we were even able to have children. I hope that you are gifted with them one day.

Thank you both for the response I will have to think more on this.
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Crow
Orthodox Inquirer
Take into account that the world around us is descending at a rapid pace. In 10 years it won't be LGBTXYZ but LGBTABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPXYZ+++, among other crazy stuff, limited freedom, extreme cancel culture, fake pandemic after fake pandemic, hyped up fake climate change and so on. If you live in a healthy environment and you think you can shield your kids from society's craze than you could do it, although you have a fair point that you want to be in your children's lives and you're not the youngest. What if something happens to you, who's gonna raise them? Will they be thrown to the wolves of society, modern education, destructive social media, media and culture? Who's going to replace you and is he fit to do so, with a strong hand and a strong frame? Otherwise you're likely to lose your children to destructive society.

Bottom line is can you take the burden of guiding your children through the darkness that is coming rapidly and is already here, or would your focus be better on the children you already have.
 

Max Roscoe

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
Excellent comment @Viktor Zeegelaar

There is sometimes a knee-jerk reaction to the anti-family secular society, of a weird "more is better" view on children in some communities. It culminates in things like the Duggar family, who have a weird sort of conservative worship going on around them, when I don't see much about them to like.

I value family for its QUALITY, not its QUANTITY. Each child in a family is a new source of joy, happiness, and spiritual growth. But I have often seen the other side--parents naturally spend less and less time on each subsequent child (this is not necessarily wrong, but simply a fact: they are often over-paranoid about the first, raise the second normally, and can sometimes neglect those coming later).

But that was still ok in a normal society with basic Christian principles and values. You didn't really *need* to be a hovering helicoptor parent, nor should you. But in this dark and evil world, are you better fortifying your existing family against the coming spiritual war? Assisting your children in their search for spouses and starting families of their own? Or bringing more people into your family?

I have a friend with 3 daughters, 2 of whom have decided they are lesbians. Now, there's no telling what would have been if he stopped at 2, and diligently prepared them against a world of evil, but it is a point to consider. A man has limited physical, temporal, and spiritual resources to spend. Pray to God, discuss with your wife, and have spiritual discernment on your family. None of us can tell you how many children you should raise.
 

Cr33pin

Peacock
Other Christian
Gold Member
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Jaybosan

Pigeon
Protestant
Bottom line is can you take the burden of guiding your children through the darkness that is coming rapidly and is already here, or would your focus be better on the children you already have.
Chaos usually comes in at the end of an empire, but I don't see this as an excuse to put off having kids. I think it resembles the servant burying his talent because of the fear of the wrath of his master. I deeply regret waiting as long as I have to settle down and start trying. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, and though the latest iterations are extreme, all generations have faced temptation. Perhaps history will prove me wrong, but I believe now is a good time to have children for the glory of God.
Re: Max Roscoe
For me, it's as simple as the Bible saying to be fruitful and multiply. The punishment of Onan also gives me pause. That said, I know multiple Christian couples who only have one child, and have had repeated miscarriages (some seemingly vaxx-induced and some not). The emotional and physical toll on them I can only imagine, and I pray for them.
 

get2choppaaa

Hummingbird
Orthodox
Children are a blessing from God.

Men should have as many as they can with their wives.

My Dad was 38 when I was born, my Mom was 39 and 41 with my brother.

They sure seemed to be happy to have had us despite the later age.

As far as the work question for yourself... Don't be a wimp. There's never enough work to be done and you'll never make enough money. Don't let that fear beat you into submission from growing your family.
 
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