Suggestions on dealing with specific types of male behavior

[Vigilant]

Hi everyone,
I wanted to get perspective and general advice on how to navigate certain behaviors I encounter in daily life. I know it has been discussed about how men use endearing phrases which isn’t a big deal to me. However, when things pass words and are instead behavior, I have more questions. How do you give a man a hint in the workplace or your neighborhood (ie persistent neighbor) that you are not interested in but will continue to interact with in the future? They won’t just be a one-time interaction in life so I feel like they have to be handled a little differently. For example, a delivery person that comes to the workplace with packages and is too friendly/flirty even after it’s been made clear (in a respectful way) that there is no potential.How have you all dealt with such situations or would you recommend doing so? Thanks.

The biblical principle here is one of Proverbs 25:17. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Preventative measures would be to practice godly boundaries with everyone, and this will carry over to males too. Usually if males disrespect a woman's boundaries, she most likely has this issue with anyone who is more dominant, whether male or female.

I empathise with those whom are more timid or refined, as they are more easily taken advantage of.

But what do those boundaries look like? Biblical principles will grow one's confidence in being unapologetic, along with being gracious. However, being gracious has its boundaries as well.

Discernment is choosing which is the best of what would be wise.

In an age of immaturity, we are all like children trying to be adults.

This too is my struggle, revolting upstream like a salmon against the force of an 'autistic' culture.

 

[christie2]

In summary: NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION and observe how alpha males behave with other men!(Non-verbal communication accounts for 97% of communication and we women need to remember that men generally don't have a 6th sense like we do. As such, we need to treat them accordingly a.k.a assertive and clear, and not like we would treat a woman we might be having issues with)

Caveat: Below I'm not saying act like a bitch at all. My trick is always to try and imagine the classiest/best version of myself and try to emulate how she would react. It's more about having that air of confidence and self-respect, and ensuring that my behaviour demonstrates that I expect that same respect from them too. Don't try to accomodate their flirting or whatever behaviour makes you uncomfortable. Generally, you're no-one special to them. They just take what you will let them get and putting an end to that behaviour will not make any difference to them. They'll just move onto the next woman who lets them behave that way, so don't stress over it. Men are not like women!!

So - here's how I do it:

I'm a female in my 20's that works in a multi-national company that is mostly males (atm I project manage a team of 18 and there is only 1 other female). Whilst overall I am treated with the utmost respect, I do have to deal with the outliers every so often (3 in the past 6 months - and please note I do my best to not give off the wrong impression and so I genuinely do not believe I am at fault when the situation arises).

As such, my opinion on this has changed over time and this is in part due to my growing understanding of men.

I used to try and deal with those behaviours in a way that accomodated the situation so as not to make it awkward. However, if you've tried that and the guy is still clearly not getting the message my tactic now is to just go completely ice-cold. Not overtly rude, but I literally do not engage them in anything they say that goes beyond the scope of work and or context - and that includes allowing for awkward silences and making it obvious you are avoiding them. Even cutting the conversation short, changing your voice tone and the biggest one - not smiling or laughing when you're uncomfortable with what they've said. Sit in the awkwardness of what they said but don't make it 'too' obvious you're doing it. Just as if their chat is kind of boring and so you're not engaged.

Obviously - I am NOT saying to be mean and or rude but stand your ground. Just don't engage them.

This shock tactic has proved enough for them to stop behaving in that manner with me and even making the effort to be more courteous. In the end, I have a good working relationship with all 3 (and more from all previous years).

I believe that in most cases, so long as you keep being friendly/courteous, the guy will not get the message. They are not like women who have that 6th sense, and we need learn to act accordingly!! Non-verbal communication accounts for 97% of communication so once their behaviour stops eliciting a pleasurable response from you they might start thinking with their heads again and start accomodating THEIR behaviour to the situation. As a result, over time you end up having a normal working relationship and that boundary has been drawn without you actually having had to talk about it.

Takes less time than you might imagine too. Also, if they do end up having a negative reaction, unless they are in some position of power, what can they really do?

Anyone else agree or have anything further to add?

I agree. This works every time, exactly the way you described how to act by settling into the awkwardness until they get the hint to start being more courteous/respectful.

I've always known its so unnatural to be out in the workworld.

But when needed, this will be an effective and good way to respond to unwanted behaviour in the way that you described it, KC123.

 

[TexasJenn]

Be all business, don't entertain conversation, no eye contact, cold demeanor, find any excuse to exit the scene (pretend meeting, phone call, errand, whatever).

 

[IconWriter]

Maybe have someone with you next encounter so when you rebuff him gently or not, you have a witness and perhaps "protection." Some people are too dense to get it and being more direct than being polite is called for.

 

[FutureCatLady]

Be all business, don't entertain conversation, no eye contact, cold demeanor, find any excuse to exit the scene (pretend meeting, phone call, errand, whatever).

This. Exactly this. Don’t engage or initiate. If you have to be very cold. If he still doesn’t get the hint then be assertive and tell him straight up what the deal is. If you can, try to dodge the man in question as much as possible. If it is not work related then have your husband or boyfriend do the task for you or at least take him with you. Most men know not to flirt with a woman infront of her husband/boyfriend.