Thanks, boss

[bucky]

How often do you guys get called "boss" when you're out and about? I get it all the time now, and I'm not a fan. I'm in the US and it seems like it happens almost more often than not if I'm interacting with a younger male cashier who's white or Latino. Also if I'm ordering a sandwich or asking for help finding something in a big box store. Basically anything that requires a short conversation with instructions. I'm in my fifties now, so I suspect it might have to do with my being older. It usually comes off as passive aggressive. Sometimes just a little bit, sometimes so contemptuous that it's very unpleasant.

I don't think I've ever had a black guy call me "boss." They're almost always polite. I suspect heterosexual black guys find passive aggressive behavior like calling someone "boss" unmanly and would just directly threaten violence or worse if they felt the need, but the threshold for that is far higher.

I guess I could just say "please don't call me boss," but I haven't tried that in real life for various reasons. Just letting it go obviously isn't working so far because I'm posting about it.

Anyway, I'm interested in your thoughts and experiences...chief.

 

[Thomas More]

I first heard it used this way when I was a kid in the 70s, on a family trip to Florida. We visited an orange grove, and the old guy there was calling my dad 'boss'. My dad said afterwards that it was just a southern thing.

I think it may have spread since then. I get it sometimes now that I'm older, but to me it's similar to being called sir.

A lot of people don't like being called 'sir' either, but I'm fine with it. When I lived in the south for a few years, it was just basic manners when speaking to a customer, or any man you don't know, that you speak to in public.

 

[bucky]

I first heard it used this way when I was a kid in the 70s, on a family trip to Florida. We visited an orange grove, and the old guy there was calling my dad 'boss'. My dad said afterwards that it was just a southern thing.

I think it may have spread since then. I get it sometimes now that I'm older, but to me it's similar to being called sir.

A lot of people don't like being called 'sir' either, but I'm fine with it. When I lived in the south for a few years, it was just basic manners when speaking to a customer, or any man you don't know, that you speak to in public.

I think a respectful "sir" is fine. If only I could go back to "sir." Letting "boss" go or equating it with "sir" would probably be best but...here I am letting it bother me enough that I'm posting about it.

For what it's worth, the black guys I used to work with once told me that "boss" is the standard way prisoners address correction officers in prison because it's considered highly passive aggressive but also something they can get away with.

 

[Gazza]

Gimme a boss any day before you chief me!

 

[The Penitent Man]

How often do you guys get called "boss" when you're out and about? I get it all the time now, and I'm not a fan. I'm in the US and it seems like it happens almost more often than not if I'm interacting with a younger male cashier who's white or Latino. Also if I'm ordering a sandwich or asking for help finding something in a big box store. Basically anything that requires a short conversation with instructions. I'm in my fifties now, so I suspect it might have to do with my being older. It usually comes off as passive aggressive. Sometimes just a little bit, sometimes so contemptuous that it's very unpleasant.

I don't think I've ever had a black guy call me "boss." They're almost always polite. I suspect heterosexual black guys find passive aggressive behavior like calling someone "boss" unmanly and would just directly threaten violence or worse if they felt the need, but the threshold for that is far higher.

I guess I could just say "please don't call me boss," but I haven't tried that in real life for various reasons. Just letting it go obviously isn't working so far because I'm posting about it.

Anyway, I'm interested in your thoughts and experiences...chief.

This is something I’ve noticed over the past 10 years. I get it mostly with young white guys. I’ve especially noticed it in chain restaurants among the wait staff “what can I get for you boss, “you got it boss,” or “thanks boss.” It’s flippant and disrespectful, especially in a professional setting where a customer should be addressed as “sir.” That’s how I typically address people anyway, yes sir, no sir, etc.

I’ve found the phrase to be borderline antagonistic. With the most egregious offenders, sometimes I’ll reply with a “pal,” a “champ,” or even a “tiger.” I have yet to use it, but I think at some point a “friendo” may be appropriate.

 

[bucky]

Gimme a boss any day before you chief me!

Or "big guy." I've occasionally shot back a "chief" when I get "bossed" but it usually falls flat. You have to time it just right and nail the tone correctly to really make it work.

I'm keeping the possibility of using "champ" on the table, but not sure I want to escalate things to that level. Especially with a preemptive "champ."

 

[bucky]

asdf

I’ve found the phrase to be borderline antagonistic. With the most egregious offenders, sometimes I’ll reply with a “pal,” a “champ,” or even a “tiger.” I have yet to use it, but I think at some point a “friendo” may be appropriate.

Yes, aside from being unpleasant, it's kind of fascinating to examine the nuances of how "boss" gets used in these situations, and by whom. I've been "bossed" multiple times over the last week, seems like at least once every time I've left the house.

First was at a fast food chicken place with my family last weekend. Staff entirely Latino. I needed more napkins. Kind of tough looking young Latino guy behind the counter asked "what do you need, boss?" as I walked up. I wisely let this one go entirely and took my napkins with just a "thanks."

Next was at a big box store, looking for a mouse with a cord to replace the wireless one my kids lost. Flabby-but-not-obese thirtyish white guy with ear gauges, tattoos, and an intentionally bad haircut with his unattractive, tattooed, chubby white girlfriend. "Let me sneak past you, boss" as he walks past me, even though I wasn't blocking the aisle or anything. This one caught me by surprise because I wasn't even interacting with him. Really got under my skin, though.

Last night I was out and about and stopped to get a sandwich. The white guy making it looked about 40 and "bossed" me initially, but then seemed to feel bad about it and chatted amicably the rest of the time about the green onions I asked for on my smoked brisket sandwich saying that sounded good and he'd have to try it, things like that, so it ended up being a pleasant interaction. Oldest guy who's ever "bossed" me, I think. It was also interesting that he very noticeably consciously shifted from passive aggressive to sincerely pleasant for some reason.

I like "tiger" as a retort. Seems to have just the right amount of ridiculousness and contempt, if you wanted to go that route. It would have likely badly escalated any of the three "bossings" I described above though.

 

[budoslavic]

Good post, boss.

Edit. On a serious note, sometime I get called "sir" from time-to-time -- "Hello, sir...what can I help you with?".
Also, in various diners across several states, I noticed female waitresses called me "honey" sometime - i.e., "Would you like more coffee, honey?" or "Ready for your order, honey?".

 

[DanielH]

I've been called boss and I didn't view it as disrespectful but it's good to know that it seems most men whose opinion I respect view it as disrespectful. I default to saying "sir" but I hope I didn't ever cause anyone offense by calling them "boss."

I promise the vast majority of people in the younger generations are not intending offense by calling others "boss." We're just a messed up generation that has lost even the most basic traditions of courtesy unfortunately.

 

[bucky]

Good post, boss.

Edit. On a serious note, sometime I get called "sir" from time-to-time -- "Hello, sir...what can I help you with?".
Also, in various diners across several states, I noticed female waitresses called me "honey" sometime - i.e., "Would you like more coffee, honey?" or "Ready for your order, honey?".

Heh. Same to you, tiger.

I like "honey" from random female workers. I lived in the South (of the US) for some time, so I'm used to it.

 

[ed pluribus unum]

At least "honey" is a term of endearment. I always thought "boss" came from prison culture, where the warden/guards were referred to thusly.

The only guy I recall using the term regularly was the Indian fella who worked at a local chicken tikka place, but I didn't mind. Maybe it's another Canada/US divide thing.

 

[bucky]

I promise the vast majority of people in the younger generations are not intending offense by calling others "boss." We're just a messed up generation that has lost even the most basic traditions of courtesy unfortunately.

That was one reason for this post. I've noticed a shift over what seems to be the last few years. Whereas maybe a decade ago it wasn't particularly common for an employee at a shop or restaurant to call me "boss," when it happened it was always done with obvious contempt. It's possible that it was still coming from its apparent use in prisons that I mentioned above at that time.

Now it seems to be morphing into the default way for younger white and whiteish Latino guys to address boomers, gen X, and older millennials. I think that might be why the 40ish guy I mentioned above changed his tone after initially calling me "boss." He may have realized that I'm not really much older than him, in addition to realizing that I was being respectful and was just hungry and wanted a sandwich, so no need for passive aggressiveness.

 

[budoslavic]

Heh. Same to you, tiger.

I like "honey" from random female workers. I lived in the South (of the US) for some time, so I'm used to it.

Yep, that's where I came across "honey" quite often in the southern U.S. states. Over the years, I have gone to a lot of diners for early morning breakfast whenever I traveled for business. I actually liked the southern hospitality because where I am from (northeast), people can be too serious sometime.

 

[homersheineken]

Sorry to hear that #bossbabe

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

Lol interesting, you'd never hear that in Europe (maybe in UK though), certainly not in Holland. There's 0 regard for authority here (at least in Western/Northern EU).

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

I've been called boss and I didn't view it as disrespectful but it's good to know that it seems most men whose opinion I respect view it as disrespectful. I default to saying "sir" but I hope I didn't ever cause anyone offense by calling them "boss."

I promise the vast majority of people in the younger generations are not intending offense by calling others "boss." We're just a messed up generation that has lost even the most basic traditions of courtesy unfortunately.

But ain't boss a good term? It seems to be a respectful thing, like saying you address someone as higher than you.

 

[DanielH]

But ain't boss a good term? It seems to be a respectful thing, like saying you address someone as higher than you.

A lot of people, especially younger people think this, but keep in mind, previous generations were raised where the standard of respect was higher than "boss." They were raised where the standard was "sir," related to "sire," which would be used to address landed nobility. To this day many children especially in the American South call their fathers "sir."

A "boss" can also be viewed as a person who exercises perhaps undeserved authority, like a taskmaster, such as in the previous example given of a prison guard. In this context, "boss" is a demotion from previous societal norms. Using "sir" and "ma'am" as addresses is basically our version of a formal address in English since we don't have "вы" like the Russians, "Sie" like the Germans, or "usted" like the Spanish.

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

A lot of people, especially younger people think this, but keep in mind, previous generations were raised where the standard of respect was higher than "boss." They were raised where the standard was "sir," derived from "sire," which would be used to address landed nobility. To this day many children especially in the American South call their fathers "sir."

A "boss" can also be viewed as a person who exercises perhaps undeserved authority, like a taskmaster, such as in the previous example given of a prison guard. In this context, "boss" is a demotion from previous societal norms. Using "sir" and "ma'am" as addresses is basically our version of a formal address in English since we don't have "вы" like the Russians, "Sie" like the Germans, or "usted" like the Spanish.

Interesting I didn't knew this. Yeah English is rather different than other European languages since it has no formal form of you. Dutch for example has jij/je as you and then U (with capital, which already signifies respect) as respectful form of you.

 

[God's lonely asperger]

I've been called boss when I was approached by a drunk beggar some months ago. I was walking around somewhere and I heard an increasingly louder "PATRÃO! PATRÃO! PATRÃO!" as I was walking. Outside of that I only see it used by weird people.

 

[bucky]

I've been called boss when I was approached by a drunk beggar some months ago. I was walking around somewhere and I heard an increasingly louder "PATRÃO! PATRÃO! PATRÃO!" as I was walking. Outside of that I only see it used by weird people.

My wife is from Central America and they use "jefe" down there in a similar way too. I just don't recall hearing it nearly as much when we lived in her country as I do in the US now, although I wouldn't say its use was exclusive to weirdos and drunks.