The best of xojane

[scorpion]

xojane is a feminist website where women write about their favorite topics (themselves).

It's also the funniest site on the internet if you're a red pill man.

The unintentional comedy present here is almost hard to believe. These women write so earnestly about their "problems" and in the process confirm as true literally every negative stereotype about modern American women: they're inane, entitled, incredibly narcissistic, highly delusional, lack all self-awareness and riddled with a cornucopia of personality disorders. Some of the articles are so ridiculous that you can't help but burst out laughing. Seriously, this site is fucking hysterical. This thread will be an ongoing collection of the most hilarious and hamsterific xojane articles. I'll get us started with a few:

Gawker Misgendered Me and A Simple Correction Started "Ou"-gate

Any article that begins with the sentence, "One of the most common situations I encounter as a visible genderqueer writing and working online is misgendering," is guaranteed to be fucking gold.

I Got A New Nipple Ring And I Really Want To Show It Off More, But I'm Not Sure How To Do It Without Randomly Flashing People

An attention whore rambles on about her nipple piercing.

I Never Wear Underwear, Even on Public Transportation, Even When I Have My Period

The fuck?

I'm Seriously Considering Going to A New Hairstylist If My Current One Doesn't Stop HAIR SHAMING Me

Did you know that "hair shaming" was a thing?

It's OK to Have Super Specific Dating Requirements -- (I Know I Do!)

A spectacular display of pure hamster by a 30-something future cat lady.

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I'm A Single Mom Who Got Pregnant Again On My First Date In 10 Years

The most horrible thing about this story is the ending, which will make you want to vomit.

IT HAPPENED TO ME: A Drunk Stranger Pretended To Kidnap Me Because He'd Seen It In A Funny Movie

The hamster takes a flirtatious practical joke at a drunken pool party and turns it into an attempted kidnapping.

I Screamed at My Therapist for Asking About My Short Skirt and Then Got Sexually Harassed a Million Times So Maybe He Was Right

Pretty sure this chick is legitimately insane.

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Felt Insecure About My Body, So My Boyfriend Wrote Me This Sexy Size-Positive Letter

A pathetic chubby chasing beta writes his landwhale girlfriend a paean to her fat folds. Seriously.

I Went On A Re-Date And It Was Awful

A carousel rider runs through the entire male population of Los Angeles. Her vagina must look like saddle leather at this point.

The 5 Different "Roles" I Play With Men Who I Am Attracted To: From Femme Fatale to Perfect Wife

A delusional hamster rationalizes her inability to connect with men after years of riding random cock as personal empowerment.

That's all for now.

Be sure to keep the thread bumped with the latest comedy from our liberated sisters over at xojane!

 

[Basil Ransom]

Haha, nice list. This is the proper attitude to take - laughing at how ridiculous they are. You'd be a fool to address them seriously.

Oh, and the 'short skirt' girl doesn't even fucking know what a skirt is. The 'skirt' is a dress, and a rather hideous, unflattering one at that:

 

[A War You Cannot Win]

I thought that dress only had one sleeve until I realized her tattoos blend in with the pattern on the dress.

 

[Kickb]

Looks like she has that thigh gap though:hump:

 

[Professor Fox]

Hey, at least their "Executive Editor" isn't too delusional:

 

[bacon]

Is there a difference between xojane and jezebel?

 

[Professor Fox]

Scorpion somehow missed this gem:

I've Been On Way Too Many Dates and It's Because I Won't Settle

The alternative title of "I'm a dime-a-dozen americunt carousel rider with drug and alcohol problems, a million psychological neuroses, a pathological narcissist, and I won't settle for anything less than a wealthy handsome playboy" was rejected by the editor.

 

[369eyedea]

xojane is a feminist website where women write about their favorite topics (themselves).

can you even call some of the trolls that write such bullshit 'women'
i think leeches on humanity is better
wouldn't touch their authors with a bargepole

 

[DetlefMourning]

Scorpion somehow missed this gem:

I've Been On Way Too Many Dates and It's Because I Won't Settle

The alternative title of "I'm a dime-a-dozen americunt carousel rider with drug and alcohol problems, a million psychological neuroses, a pathological narcissist, and I won't settle for anything less than a wealthy handsome playboy" was rejected by the editor.

I love this gem from that essay:

My auto-rejection policy also applies to men who are not established in their careers. I am not very established in mine and it’s hard for two people to work on both their careers and a relationship simultaneously

It's a general rule of thumb that whatever you want in a dating partner, you had better bring to the table yourself. As a guy, you can't expect to have Victoria's Secret Models that wear a size two if you're a schlubby guy that is 50 pounds overweight and your entire wardrobe comes from the Bugle Boy collection at Walmart. The anti-logic of the Hamster is an awe-inspiring thing to behold.

 

[Thomas the Rhymer]

Scorpion somehow missed this gem:

I've Been On Way Too Many Dates and It's Because I Won't Settle

The alternative title of "I'm a dime-a-dozen americunt carousel rider with drug and alcohol problems, a million psychological neuroses, a pathological narcissist, and I won't settle for anything less than a wealthy handsome playboy" was rejected by the editor.

She seems to have missed the concept that in order to get a man like her dad, she will need to be a woman like her mom.

The article reminded me of this song:

 

[Caligula]

This sums it up, from The 5 Different "Roles" I Play With Men Who I Am Attracted To: From Femme Fatale to Perfect Wife

3) I'm Probably Never Going to See You Again Girl: I might be a bitch. I might be a slut. I might take you to a hotel and have rough sex all night with pretty much zero fucks left to give. Who gives a shit. You mean nothing to me. I'm working out a tension cramp.

5) Terrified of Vulnerability Woman: This is pretty much who I was last night. I really can't imagine opening up my heart in a way that it was once open when I was younger -- because it just seems too dangerous. I want to be in love, but I think I have real issues with the idea of all of the small incremental steps requiring vulnerability that take you from Point A to Point B.

Witness the soulkilled core of a slut. And then they wonder why we like LTRs with younger, less jaded girls.

 

[A War You Cannot Win]

It almost seems like these forums planted a troll there to write over the top parodies of the XO Jane demographic. No wonder these people are so dysfunctional and doped up.

It's a true blessing these kinds of 'women' rarely have kids.

 

[WanderingSoul]

Must be some super thirsty motherfuckers out there to go on dates with these chicks. I can't even imagine how much of a desperate, ugly, out of shape, no game havin, unconfident motherfucker I would have to be to go on a date with one of these chicks. Even BEFORE I found this forum I wouldn't stoop so low.

 

[DVY]

@RioNomad- If you got play only once a year, youd take almost anything. Hence the American bitch male.

 

[Tex Pro]

This thread is gold. These women are truly fucked up. Hopefully, they will commit suicide and end their pathetic lives soon.

 

[Wadsworth]

It's OK to Have Super Specific Dating Requirements -- (I Know I Do!)

A spectacular display of pure hamster by a 30-something future cat lady.

I don't know why feminists dismiss evolutionary psychology, this is pretty strong evidence. She thinks it's natural for men to compete and improve themselves, and she thinks it's her birthright to evaluate men and select the best. She's even given a list of requirements. Could you ever see men giving a list of requirements on a dating site? No, we are more focused on self improvement. This is how these "women" improve themselves -- through partnering.

Just another example of hypergamy. Not only is she apparently unaware that she's proving MGTOW like Barbarossa and Stardusk correct, but never once will she consider her own homely, grotesque appearance. It's an enormous level of solipsism and delusion over in the xoJane echo box.

 

[Sonsowey]

Must be some super thirsty motherfuckers out there to go on dates with these chicks. I can't even imagine how much of a desperate, ugly, out of shape, no game havin, unconfident motherfucker I would have to be to go on a date with one of these chicks. Even BEFORE I found this forum I wouldn't stoop so low.

There are lots of thirsty guys out there.

Guys in the USA have no idea how bad they have it.

 

[scorpion]

It Happened To Me: I'm A Female Pick-Up Artist Who Studied Under Neil Strauss and Mystery

This chick calls herself a female pickup artist because she managed to get herself pumped and dumped by a few notable men:

I seduced the man who was my teen idol rockstar crush -- the man whose video on MTV I used to rush home to vote for on Total Request Live, whose photos I printed off the Internet and hung in my high school locker -- only to find on his tour bus that he was riddled with insecurities so deep that they had destroyed many of his personal and professional relationships.

I had a tryst with a television personality who was stopped for photographs everywhere we went but who was, I discovered, unable to translate his fame into any financial solvency, to the point where it was impossible for us to create a relationship on equal footing.

I dated one of the year’s most artistically acclaimed men and felt my heart break as I witnessed the crippling anxiety he lived with every day, knowing there was nothing I could do to alleviate it. I feel for these men because I see so much of my own fear in them. The difference is that pick-up taught me to ignore that fear and move forward in spite of it.

This is her:

Female game: be hot, flirtatious and openly sexual, and MAGICALLY, guys will want to have sex with you! Holy shit! Mind: blown!

:mindblown2:

The funniest part is that now she is apparently dating Mystery, and is under the impression that she successfully "gamed" him, as opposed to the much more likely scenario of Mystery being tired of the game at this point in his life and content to bang this chick who is hot enough, fairly intelligent and clearly obsessed with him. I'm sure it will come as quite a shock to her hamster when he upgrades to a newer model in a few years, despite her formidable skills as a "female pickup artist".

 

[Teedub]

Haha I could have guessed what the writers looked like before someone posted the pics. Fat? Of course. Tattoos? Most definitely. Stupid expression on face? One hundred percent.

There was an article in the Mail a few days ago about how no amount of "equality" bullshit is ever going to trick the male brain that what is attractive, isn't - and vice versa.

 

[Caligula]

Quoth the female PUA Arden Leigh:

I have become so good at seducing that I am able to keep someone with me even if they’re not a good fit for me, even if they’re never going to treat me well, even if they don’t really want a relationship. It’s a Midas touch.

It's amazing that she doesn't recognize this situation for what it is. She can get pumped and dumped by anyone she wants, but she can't extract commitment. Her hamster blames it on the guys' 'issues' but Occam's Razor says she doesn't stand out from the crowd of young hotties enough to secure the devotion of pinnacle alphas .

She's in for a rough awakening when her looks fade and it hits her that 'girl game' is useless with no youth n beauty. Charm and a disciplined beauty regimen can delay the wall, not hold it off forever.

When you advertise the way she does you attract players. We're the only ones who can masterfully navigate all the tests she throws out.

Extracting commitment takes a different kind of 'girl game', one with a much higher failure rate. She goes for purring, sexually charged femme fatale to catch men's attention. It looks like she fails to switch to commitment-worthy nurturer.

Classic case of: girl bandwagons on to a scene built and maintained by men. She used her feminine charms to get ahead. In an alternate universe she would be a 'queen of the nerds' type somewhere feeding off the attention of fawning geeks at ComiCon.