Today i admitted to myself that there is an inescapable pull towards god, something that started nearly 10 years ago looking back
In the smallest ways and growing gradually, now i see the pace of it, and because i'm already 60/70% of the way there i know its unavoidable
So while i am not yet there i know what's ahead of me in the future, since everything happened in this way so far i will just let things unfold naturally
One way i would describe it is like getting caught at the top of a sales funnel / inverted pyramid I had tons of room to move around in, live the way i want, think the way i want
As time goes on the pyramid / funnel narrows, the space in where i am totally free to do as i please narrows. Some ideas / behaviors are lost because i can't convince myself that i can keep on doing it and you invest / buy into it
Its learned through experience and seeing the suffering it can lead to when indulged in, the good way to life is pretty straight and narrow
I have had some very hard times dealing with health problems in the past and still struggle today, that's also why i train everyday, eat healthy and do what i can. Because i know i have to compensate for the inevitable ups and downs that i endure throughout the years
i was just thinking over some things and why it is that i always manage to pull through, i feel as if nothing can ever kill my spirit because of those hard times i have had in the past, i can take several months of agony all the while patiently waiting for things to get better
Each time becoming more confident in my ability to bounce back from rock bottom
Anyone that's been severely ill knows its torture, exhausting and hits your spirit hard, but i never thought about giving up. a lightbulb went off
Its not so much that I'm heading towards meeting god for the first time. I'm only discovering that he was there with me all along during those hard times.
After this realization I started to cry, i thought all this after one of those nights where i got 4 hours of sleep again due to these health problems that come up once in a while. All we can do is keep going
Now i don't remember the last time i cried, it could be more than a year or so, so it seems significant.
As someone who went from understanding the benefits of religion/faith objectively for maintaining stable society, but who couldnt empathically understand what it was like for someone to have faith. I tried it, by asking people but i just didn't get it.
To starting to feel something, i have a different perspective on atheists now. They live in a completely different reality. You can't expect or tell someone to simply believe in god. Its like telling a color blind person to simply see color. Connections need to be made inside that person and its not something they can do themselves by snapping their fingers or wishing it was so. I know because I tried it.
Thank you for reading.
In the smallest ways and growing gradually, now i see the pace of it, and because i'm already 60/70% of the way there i know its unavoidable
So while i am not yet there i know what's ahead of me in the future, since everything happened in this way so far i will just let things unfold naturally
One way i would describe it is like getting caught at the top of a sales funnel / inverted pyramid I had tons of room to move around in, live the way i want, think the way i want
As time goes on the pyramid / funnel narrows, the space in where i am totally free to do as i please narrows. Some ideas / behaviors are lost because i can't convince myself that i can keep on doing it and you invest / buy into it
Its learned through experience and seeing the suffering it can lead to when indulged in, the good way to life is pretty straight and narrow
I have had some very hard times dealing with health problems in the past and still struggle today, that's also why i train everyday, eat healthy and do what i can. Because i know i have to compensate for the inevitable ups and downs that i endure throughout the years
i was just thinking over some things and why it is that i always manage to pull through, i feel as if nothing can ever kill my spirit because of those hard times i have had in the past, i can take several months of agony all the while patiently waiting for things to get better
Each time becoming more confident in my ability to bounce back from rock bottom
Anyone that's been severely ill knows its torture, exhausting and hits your spirit hard, but i never thought about giving up. a lightbulb went off
Its not so much that I'm heading towards meeting god for the first time. I'm only discovering that he was there with me all along during those hard times.
After this realization I started to cry, i thought all this after one of those nights where i got 4 hours of sleep again due to these health problems that come up once in a while. All we can do is keep going
Now i don't remember the last time i cried, it could be more than a year or so, so it seems significant.
As someone who went from understanding the benefits of religion/faith objectively for maintaining stable society, but who couldnt empathically understand what it was like for someone to have faith. I tried it, by asking people but i just didn't get it.
To starting to feel something, i have a different perspective on atheists now. They live in a completely different reality. You can't expect or tell someone to simply believe in god. Its like telling a color blind person to simply see color. Connections need to be made inside that person and its not something they can do themselves by snapping their fingers or wishing it was so. I know because I tried it.
Thank you for reading.
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