The Official RVF No Contact Thread

Mrredsquare

Woodpecker
Hey fellas, looking for some advice from more experienced men on my current situation.

Just ended things with a girl i was seeing for around 6 month, i was honest from the start on how things would go and I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. She agreed and wanted to become fuck buddies and me teach her how to be a woman (which i did a good job of i think) she is mid 20's I'm early 40's.

But she started to fall in love and became jealous and clingy with constant texting like girls do. So i ended things a few nights ago in person on the best terms i could. I did it for her sake, I've blocked her on all types of communication because i know she'll just continue to reach out to me.

The tricky part is that we're in the same social circle and i can see she's crushed, heartbroken and been constantly crying. She messaged a mutual friend and wants to chat one last time about something (probably wanting closure).

I care for this girl and hate to see her upset. Is there anything i could say to make her feel better or is it just a waste of time and energy?
 

Investment Bro

Woodpecker
Gold Member
Mrredsquare said:
Hey fellas, looking for some advice from more experienced men on my current situation.

Just ended things with a girl i was seeing for around 6 month, i was honest from the start on how things would go and I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. She agreed and wanted to become fuck buddies and me teach her how to be a woman (which i did a good job of i think) she is mid 20's I'm early 40's.

But she started to fall in love and became jealous and clingy with constant texting like girls do. So i ended things a few nights ago in person on the best terms i could. I did it for her sake, I've blocked her on all types of communication because i know she'll just continue to reach out to me.

The tricky part is that we're in the same social circle and i can see she's crushed, heartbroken and been constantly crying. She messaged a mutual friend and wants to chat one last time about something (probably wanting closure).

I care for this girl and hate to see her upset. Is there anything i could say to make her feel better or is it just a waste of time and energy?

Not to sound heartless - but the crying is just her way of expressing her emotions so she'll get over it. She'll monkey branch out to another man soon enough, and then she'll be his problem.

You did the right thing by ending it upfront, you do not owe her any closure.
 
Mrredsquare said:
Hey fellas, looking for some advice from more experienced men on my current situation.

Just ended things with a girl i was seeing for around 6 month, i was honest from the start on how things would go and I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. She agreed and wanted to become fuck buddies and me teach her how to be a woman (which i did a good job of i think) she is mid 20's I'm early 40's.

But she started to fall in love and became jealous and clingy with constant texting like girls do. So i ended things a few nights ago in person on the best terms i could. I did it for her sake, I've blocked her on all types of communication because i know she'll just continue to reach out to me.

The tricky part is that we're in the same social circle and i can see she's crushed, heartbroken and been constantly crying. She messaged a mutual friend and wants to chat one last time about something (probably wanting closure).

I care for this girl and hate to see her upset. Is there anything i could say to make her feel better or is it just a waste of time and energy?

They get upset, they express it in that moment, then something new comes along and they're not upset.

You have to understand that while a man's emotional state tends to endure like a season, a girl's emotions are more similar to weather patterns. At one moment it's stormy, within a few hours it's sunny, next day partly cloudy, then sunny again, and so forth. For women in their glorious youth, these changes in emotions are what they live for.

When you understand in your bones that girls emotions, from joy to infatuation to despair, are fleeting and reactive it becomes easier to let them pass by and take them as they come instead of taking them to heart.

And since you mentioned it, it has been my experience without exception that the post-parting 'closure talk' is a wasted effort and takes the dynamic of a girl clawing for attention, drama, or both. It's an instinctual power play where they are basically looking to measure what effect their absence has had on you so that their reptile brains can get a sense of the strength of their pussy power for drawing in a man.

Don't take the bait. Real closure is obtained by walking away and maintaining distance. No contact for a period of time after a separation is generally the best way to achieve that.

Edited : Just saw in your post that you met with her and it was unfruitful after all.
 

Oak

Robin
Delta said:
Had another relapse of soul-crushing depression and nostalgia tonight.

90% of chicks you talk to are impossible to bond or connect with. Im-fucking-possible. They're cold. They're listless. They're vapid. They're lazy. Their ability to pair-bond with a man of comparable value is utterly destroyed by all the dick they've taken from men out of their league who were reaching down for an easy lay.

After a certain amount of racking my brain to try and manufacture a connection with girls who just refuse to meet me halfway, I reach a breaking point. My brain just says "this is fucking ridiculous" and floods my system with a rush of hormones that make me want to give up on trying futilely to create new bonds, and instead just crave to relive the last true bond I had- with my ex.

The problems that led to the demise of my last relationship- problems that seemed overwhelming at the time- now seem like nothing compared to the problem of trying to find another girl who I can love, who can love me back, and whose company I can genuinely enjoy.

This is a really good post.

This is the hardest part of a breakup, at least in the anglospere. The scarcity of women even capable of pair-bonding with men and forming the emotional bonds you once had.

It makes the old relationship feel almost like a dream.

It's not only the physical but also the emotional quality of women that is depreciating in the west.
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
It has been 7 months since we break up with my ex-fiance and recently, she´s on my mind a lot.
I must say, that I really do enjoy my life now and meet a lot of girls and bang decent amount of them. But none of them is close to her. I don´t want to pedestalize her, but that´s how it is, in terms of look and it terms of how she behaves towards me. I know what do I bang now or how do girls I meet look like, so I can say, I am not pedestalizing her, just evaluate my results. Of course there will be next girl and there are a lot of "temporary" next girls, but maybe she was the best I could do. By the time we met, I was having a time of my life, finished school, got a job that makes every girl wet, was in shape of my life. And now I don´t have these things and also can´t find a girl of any acceptable quality. Both in terms of looks and values.

It´s being said, that you always should go for better. But when it comes to looks, only very small amount of girls has body like her. And that´s the most basic "quality", but very important. I don´t want to settle with worse. But this fact disqualifies 29/30 girls. And we all know, that good girls is about much more than looks...

She was that kind of femine girl, who loved her role as a woman and was were decent in all ways. She broke up with me, because I was into other girls and I broke her heart (she thought I cheated on her). We are in touch, and meet sometimes and I always could feel, that in her heart she wants to be with me. But now she´s getting colder.
 
She's getting colder because you're getting warmer (i.e. you're being a beta by obsessing over her, chasing her, and being generally pathetic). Perhaps you're not directly chasing her, but judging from the fact that you're in contact and from this post, you're really crazy about her.
The desperation always manifests itself subconsciously, women are great at sniffing it out.

That's why you can't seem to score a lay when you have a dry spell and do nightgame while nervous and under pressure to fuck someone.

Since we're in the No Contact thread, you and we all already know you shouldn't come back to this girl, making most of your post irrelevant.

I'll assume you just needed to vent, and that is ok, brother.

Now, stop thinking about this girl and move on. Yes, you usually don't find a girl on par with the last LTR right away, but that's just how life goes.

That is precisely why you must meet and screw many girls, in order to find the next great one!

No matter how feminine and traditional and gorgeous and blahblahblah she was, that fucking bitch dumped you - case closed. You should not spend one more second thinking about her.

If you think that she was the ceiling of pussy quality in your life...
Yeah? You get it?
Don't limit yourself.
You're going to get leaner, meaner, smarter, richer, and you're going to punch through that fucking ceiling and through the next floor and the next one and through the God damned roof, in 5 years' time when you're fucking supermodels you'll be laughing about this bitch.

That's the attitude. Assume it.
 
Just found out that my ex wife is pregnant. I don’t care for her at all but I was going to text her to say congrats. I’m posting here instead.
 
This thread needs a revival.

Saw my first girlfriend today, and the only girl i've ever been in love with, after nearly 2 years of no contact. Seems like she's taking her Masters Degree at the same university that i am. She looked exactly the same, but it was weird seeing her again. Some memories came back to me that i had forgotten, how much we had fun together, the memories we shared, the inside jokes only we understood, despite the relationship being overall toxic and shitty at the end. I kind of shook for a moment, like a knot tightening in my stomach. We had eye contact for 3 seconds then i cut it and walked the other way trying to avoid her. Feels a little weird even now sitting and writing this down.

Reminded me of the days where i was a blue pilled beta and had no experience with game/life/relationships, compared to now 2 years later where i've been through so much and i feel like i've grown into a man... Made me feel proud and realize how much i've changed for the better. But it also made me miss this feeling of being in love or having that someone in your life that tick all the boxes, which is getting harder and harder the more this society gets further fucked up by feminists, SJW and social media. Oh boy, what an emotional roller coaster.
 
firat113 said:
This thread needs a revival.

Saw my first girlfriend today, and the only girl i've ever been in love with, after nearly 2 years of no contact. Seems like she's taking her Masters Degree at the same university that i am. She looked exactly the same, but it was weird seeing her again. Some memories came back to me that i had forgotten, how much we had fun together, the memories we shared, the inside jokes only we understood, despite the relationship being overall toxic and shitty at the end. I kind of shook for a moment, like a knot tightening in my stomach. We had eye contact for 3 seconds then i cut it and walked the other way trying to avoid her. Feels a little weird even now sitting and writing this down.

Reminded me of the days where i was a blue pilled beta and had no experience with game/life/relationships, compared to now 2 years later where i've been through so much and i feel like i've grown into a man... Made me feel proud and realize how much i've changed for the better. But it also made me miss this feeling of being in love or having that someone in your life that tick all the boxes, which is getting harder and harder the more this society gets further fucked up by feminists, SJW and social media. Oh boy, what an emotional roller coaster.

Currently in no contact with ex of 2 year LTR.

About 3 weeks in.

I see her often since I'm still in my small hometown until the end of the year, she didn't cancel her membership at the gym I work out at and she's purposely been going when I go I think.

I don't look in her direction, don't think about what she's doing and get into my workout to avoid letting my thoughts wander.

I'll start to think stuff like,

"She's gonna text me later on after seeing me"

or

"Maybe I should see how she's doing"

When those thoughts come up I cut them out immediately and I have to remind myself that the path is forward and not backward.

Breaking the no contact will only weaken you.

I'm happy and improving my life... and I know that she is still on the same track she was when I left her.
 
@The Golden God

Stay strong man, the first few weeks are the worst. I remember with this girl i was complementing breaking no contact all the time. Thinking a whole bunch of scenarios in my head where things would go right, and we'd be back together, back then not knowing that relationships end for a reason, despite how much you love a person, sometimes circumstances don't allow you to be together or you're not mature enough to deal with a relationship. I remember i would think shit like, what if i gave her another chance? what if she would change for ME? what if i went back and worked on her? Not realizing that if a person wants to change, they would already have done it, you can't change someone against their will.

It was hard as fuck because we had a few classes together at uni. I would see her almost every day and she would glance at me and look away. I managed to get through 2 months of no contact, and it was tough but worth it, i was slowly forgetting about her until she pulled her move of staring at me for 10-15 seconds straight and smiling at the end. My friend kept asking me, what's the deal between you two? Why is she staring you down like that? I saw it as a sign that she missed me and wanted to talk to me again. But that she didn't want to take the step, so i had to do it. But i didn't want to break no contact. A few days later she made a whole new facebook and put up a bunch of cute pictures of her and a bikini picture she never had before. She sent me a "poke" on facebook (not sure if you can still send those). I instantly knew this was for me, since i had blocked her all over social media.

One day at class we were forced to be in the same group and i finally decided i would talk to her. I asked if she wanted to talk for a minute after class and she instantly blew me off turning her head to the side. All those signs she was giving out just so she could get the validation that she needed from me knowing that i still had feelings for her and was not yet over her? Sneaky sneaky bitch. Girl game. But what did i know back then? I fell straight into the trap.

Friends were referring me to the classic "just go fuck 10 other girls" and you will forget about her, despite me having all my emotions on this girl. You could say oneitis but you could also say some fucking strong feelings involved with the this one. First one always hurts like a fucker. I didn't even want to look at other girls, all i wanted was for her to talk to me, since i was on no contact and would absolutely not break it until she did. Back then i believed in "closure", which i now think is bullshit and is just an ego trip to have your validation sealed. Last thing i ever heard from this girl was an attempt to get in contact again, with her new facebook on new years eve, she sent me a picture of her posing in a black dress that i had bought her for her birthday. I opened it and wrote, " You're beautiful". Big mistake, but this was the last communication between us.

Love makes you blind man, you don't think rationally at this point. I don't know how strong of feelings were involved in your past relationship with this girl, but you seem to have the knowledge and game to deal with this thing way better than i ever did, so good on you. I am sure you will get through no contact. After this, it's been nearly 2 years now, and i don't plan on breaking it. But at the same time, i had a thought...

Not sure if im just being emotional right now, after seeing her today, but i thought 2 years is a long time, and she's a good person and a good girl, i wonder what it would be like to talk to her again, see if she also matured now that we've put all this shit behind. Not to get back with her or anything, but just to have a normal conversation, a chit-chat about how she's been and catch up. Kind of miss our talks. Did you ever talk to any of your exes ever again?
 
firat113 said:
@The Golden God

sometimes circumstances don't allow you to be together or you're not mature enough to deal with a relationship. I remember i would think shit like, what if i gave her another chance? what if she would change for ME? what if i went back and worked on her? Not realizing that if a person wants to change, they would already have done it, you can't change someone against their will.

This was a big part of my break from this girl. If you go up to the top of the page in this thread you will see a brief explanation of what lead to the end of us. We got back together for a short amount of time after I had posted that, and she would not give up with questioning me and my intentions.

She would end up having hysterical emotional fits asking me if I loved her, if I could be faithful to just her, if she was enough for me.

We mutually agreed to end things after a big fight on a sunday morning... she said she was going to her parents and she didn't things were going to work out and I agreed. I left the house to go to the gym for 3 hours, then went to a friends to hang out while she went to get her stuff from my apartment. Haven't talked to her since.

She did have potential and I had strong feelings for her because she was different from the girls I had dated before. She was cool to be around, motivated to succeed (if only in a small town sort of way) and did things for me like my laundry and cleaning the house.

What ended up happening I can admit is almost entirely my fault. Over time I was less interested in her and she kept showing cracks in her character. I would often wonder if I was doing the right thing being committed to her when I could be out taking the world for everything it had... after all I had plenty of time to settle down and no reason to skip through the phase of my life I should be exploring and learning.

firat113 said:
Not sure if im just being emotional right now, after seeing her today, but i thought 2 years is a long time, and she's a good person and a good girl, i wonder what it would be like to talk to her again, see if she also matured now that we've put all this shit behind. Not to get back with her or anything, but just to have a normal conversation, a chit-chat about how she's been and catch up. Kind of miss our talks. Did you ever talk to any of your exes ever again?

I have talked to my exes again after breaking up. I don't recommend it because I feel like it isn't worth degrading myself, but I've done it out of motivation to get laid in the past.

For example, I hit up with the girl that I dated before my ex a few months after breaking up while home from a break in college when I wanted to get laid.

I had to fake like a gave a fuck about her to get the bang, the sex was mediocre and I had to deal with her trying to get me to talk about "how things used to be" constantly for a few weeks to try to get me back.

I wouldn't recommend lowering yourself for sex from an ex that you have moved on from... especially if you know they are the type to latch on to you and try to get you to commit to them again "just like old times".

Maybe it's a part of living the player lifestyle, but I can't seem to win on a situation where I swoop back in after leaving a girls life.

These girls get connected to you in a deep way (if you're on top of your game) that they will always crave in their life after you, and they will really chase you when you come back and shit will get ugly when you dip back out.

Some guys don't care (myself included in the past) and are down to reap the easy sex when exes come calling, and we get on to...

Sociopath Game: How to Play it Right

The only option you have after initiating no contact after a relationship to ends is to wait.

You DO NOT want to be the one to break no contact first. Like advice in other threads will support, being the first to break no contact frames you as the one who is chasing her. It's possible to do it after breaking contact, but takes a lot of acting and I don't want to get into it.

For success you want her to break no contact to hit you up.

She might do this because she gets into an emotional mood and she wants to talk to you about things (rare).

She might break no contact in an indirect way - I had a girl message me months after breaking up to send me a meme on facebook with a long explanation "Hey I saw this and just thought I would send this to you because..." (most common)

Or you will end up crossing paths in some way. (pretty common as well - but doesn't mean much soon after the break up)

There are of course things that you can do to make it more likely it will happen but I don't care about going out of my way to run into any exes and for your own well being I would advise avoiding going down that route as well.

When a girl reaches out to you after a break up she is doing it as a feeler EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Basically, all that you need to do is run don't fuck it up game with a few exceptions.

Avoid getting into conversations with her about your past relationship.

Inside jokes, memories, and catching up on things will make conversation easy and you need to focus on building back familiarity you have lost from not being in contact.

Trust me... the only thing that she is thinking about the entire time you meet up after a break up is "how things used to be".

Don't indulge her by talking about these things, you're an improved man and you are set on making new memories and experiences without being caught up in the past. Tell her that if she demands to talk about your past relationship.

Escalating and sex are moot points since you should remember how to push her buttons and warm her up to sex.

I try to act casual and cool after hooking up which is easiest with girls who are committed to keeping a strong persona. They may be hoping that you show them indicators of interest in some arrangement with them after sex but they will not say anything as long as you don't. They're scared to be rejected and will find resolve in saying nothing and going home to cry while telling her friends how "men ain't shit"...

For other girls who wear their hearts on their sleeve (or are desperate) get ready for clinginess and pushing her out the door. If she really can't take a hint, probably a few days of needy texts trying to get you to talk to her.

Deal with the remaining situation in a way you seem fit... but don't needlessly commit to something you don't have to. Especially if you know you're not going to follow up with a girl, because all you will be doing is guaranteeing further hostility and needy behavior from her.

I have never had a situation where I've gone back to an ex and banged her and wanted to pick back up where I left off. So I have to leave my advice at that.
 
I'm glad you could use it man.

Everything is about keeping the right frame... even if it sucks waiting for a girl you want to get in touch with to break NC.

Just tell yourself that it is better to get it when it comes back around than it is to go out and chase it.

And far easier.

Pussy has a pretty high return rate... you'll realize that after seeing how well handling these situations like this works.

The catch 22 is you'll start to not want it after dealing with the same shit over and over.

I know I'll do it again eventually though... it's too easy not to
 

griffinmill

Kingfisher
The Golden God said:
You DO NOT want to be the one to break no contact first. Like advice in other threads will support, being the first to break no contact frames you as the one who is chasing her. It's possible to do it after breaking contact, but takes a lot of acting and I don't want to get into it.

For success you want her to break no contact to hit you up.

I've been strict now contact for 7 months with a girl I cared deeply for. What she has done in that time is use a fake instagram account (I had blocked her main accounts) but, crucially, used her own picture, to check out my Instagram stories on a routine basis (she hasn't done it though for 2 months now).

Knowing I'd see her, and with the intelligence to stalk me anonymously if she wanted, I presumed this was a canny way of her trying to get me to break NC or to at least stay on my radar.

I stayed strong.
 

getdownonit

Kingfisher
Gold Member
^ Well done. I've had girls pull the fake IG account BS and try to stir up drama. It's pathetic and obvious what they're doing. No contact and she'll move on sooner or later
 
griffinmill said:
The Golden God said:
You DO NOT want to be the one to break no contact first. Like advice in other threads will support, being the first to break no contact frames you as the one who is chasing her. It's possible to do it after breaking contact, but takes a lot of acting and I don't want to get into it.

For success you want her to break no contact to hit you up.

I've been strict now contact for 7 months with a girl I cared deeply for. What she has done in that time is use a fake instagram account (I had blocked her main accounts) but, crucially, used her own picture, to check out my Instagram stories on a routine basis (she hasn't done it though for 2 months now).

Knowing I'd see her, and with the intelligence to stalk me anonymously if she wanted, I presumed this was a canny way of her trying to get me to break NC or to at least stay on my radar.

I stayed strong.

Girls aren’t used to strong men with tight game these days.

I’d say 99% of men are not game aware.

A strong 75% of men are what we would refer to as straight up beta males.

Even if you are just starting out with a mediocre understanding of game, with an ability to control the frame of the relationship and dominate your woman as a masculine man... it’s more likely than not the first time she’s had it.

After you leave a girl it will fuck with her for years, even decades.

After experiencing how she is supposed to be, in the true feminine, weaker relationships are not going to cut it for her.

She will demand a man that can control her... and she will be thinking of her time with you.

Watching to see what girls you are with, trying to get into your peripheral, trying to reach out to you.

The fake Instagram was definitely a way to spy on what you are doing so you can be absolutely sure feelings are strong with her.

I make it an absolute LAW to not look at my exes social media. I haven’t seen it once since breaking up.

Out of sight, out of mind...
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
This in not much about no contact, but it involves my ex-fiance and I want to know opinion of somebody else.

Me and my ex broke up this March. It was because she was suspicious on me for acting longer time weird. So she looked to my phone and the rest you can gues..
Few months before, it was Autumn, she got into financial problems. I must say, she never sucked my money, willingly was paying 50/50 and sometimes invested even more. But she got a new job and didn´t earn normal money for months. She had a stable income at insurance company and changed to company, where were different terms and she couldn´t get into it. So she told me, and we started to immediately think, what to do. She could go back to previous company, but her boss offered her some "change" and she decided to try it for some months more and she accepted, because she has this attitude and would feel like giving up. When she finally changed the job, she got girls problems and had to go to surgery.
During these few months, she humiliatedly asked me for money she needed to survive. But at this phase, I was preparing to leave my military job job and was stacking up money for survival. I decided to do so in September and had 5 months to build some base money. I was living almost like a monk. I was sleeping in sleeping bag on the old folding armchair in my office, minimalizing spent money and eating only food on discount. I´ve stacked nice money, but big part went to support her.
It´s important to say, that since beginning she always talked about taking a loan from me, precisely tracked every unit of the money. I was always telling her, that I don´t want the money back, I said "once you don´t have, next time it can be me". And the most importantly, I counted on her as a future mother of my children and wife and I didn´t have need to take money from her.
Even after breakup, she started to talk about giving me my money back. Honestly, I was thinking, that break-up would be just temporary thing.

Now it will be 9 month since breakup. We have been meeting each other, but now it had faded, from her side. When we met, she always acted like perfectly she lives, but as I know her and there were still some emotions between us, she always confessed, that she still struggles with money.

I got proper job since June and until June I spend significant amount of saved money to survive. Now I have stable income, not really bad, but I have struggle to save something. In comparison to what I saved before, it´s nothing and in case of losing or changing job, I would barely survive.

And I started to think about asking for my money. I like her, she have always been good partner and it was me, who caused the end (I had really issues back then and beside compensating my broken ego with other girls, I also wrote bad things about her to my former best friend). And I wouldn´t want to cause her another problems by demanding money from her........ but in case she have new fucker, let him to take care about her.
 
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