AlreadyGone
Sparrow
cut em off like a anchor stuck on a rock. Always.
The Only Rule For Ex's
- Thread starter jariel
- Start date
I see three things in this thread.
1. Support for a general rule (there are very few exceptions to the rule that you shouldn't try to get back together with your ex) which is a good general rule. Generally there are MAJOR reasons you shouldn't be with her or have her around. Major incompatibilities at minimum.
2. Belief that if a woman went and had another relationship (or a couple relationships) that she is just taking other dick and not worthwhile for anything. This I don't understand. Sure, if she went and slept around a ton and acted like a slut I could see you looking down on her, but just about every girl you sleep with has slept with someone before, so really, this attitude seems really insecure.
3. A lot of obvious emotional hurt bubbling through. When you look at exes, as others have said you have to take the rose colored glasses off and look at it in a logical/thoughtful way. In most cases there are serious reasons not to be with the girl again. If that's the case, great. Don't be angry that she's trying to get back with you, just tell her you're done and move forward. Ignore her if she continues.
I've got a couple friends who are exes. Sure, I don't really see them that often, but I have a good positive relationship for both of us when we do spend time together. Most exes fall under the general rule. If I treated these women like dirt just because they stopped dating me I wouldn't have the benefit of them in my life. Sure, not a huge benefit, but a benefit nonetheless.
I would date a couple of my exes again if they were willing, but the reason it doesn't happen is because they know that I won't be exclusive with them or have a real long term prospect with them.
One of the biggest reasons that I wouldn't normally date many of my exes is because the girls I date become younger relative to my age, so why would I want to date an older girl? I'd rather "marry them off" as calihunter said. I've had five exes who are married or close to married.
I'm against the grain in this regard since I mainly go for MLTR or LTR when I can find quality girl(s), so my advice/experience won't be tailored for a lot of guys here.
1. Support for a general rule (there are very few exceptions to the rule that you shouldn't try to get back together with your ex) which is a good general rule. Generally there are MAJOR reasons you shouldn't be with her or have her around. Major incompatibilities at minimum.
2. Belief that if a woman went and had another relationship (or a couple relationships) that she is just taking other dick and not worthwhile for anything. This I don't understand. Sure, if she went and slept around a ton and acted like a slut I could see you looking down on her, but just about every girl you sleep with has slept with someone before, so really, this attitude seems really insecure.
3. A lot of obvious emotional hurt bubbling through. When you look at exes, as others have said you have to take the rose colored glasses off and look at it in a logical/thoughtful way. In most cases there are serious reasons not to be with the girl again. If that's the case, great. Don't be angry that she's trying to get back with you, just tell her you're done and move forward. Ignore her if she continues.
I've got a couple friends who are exes. Sure, I don't really see them that often, but I have a good positive relationship for both of us when we do spend time together. Most exes fall under the general rule. If I treated these women like dirt just because they stopped dating me I wouldn't have the benefit of them in my life. Sure, not a huge benefit, but a benefit nonetheless.
I would date a couple of my exes again if they were willing, but the reason it doesn't happen is because they know that I won't be exclusive with them or have a real long term prospect with them.
One of the biggest reasons that I wouldn't normally date many of my exes is because the girls I date become younger relative to my age, so why would I want to date an older girl? I'd rather "marry them off" as calihunter said. I've had five exes who are married or close to married.
I'm against the grain in this regard since I mainly go for MLTR or LTR when I can find quality girl(s), so my advice/experience won't be tailored for a lot of guys here.
AneroidOcean said:
So you think women sit by idly after your relationship is over, waiting for the moment to get back with you?
Come on, anybody who's legitimately a part of this community would never believe such foolishness.
The problem isn't that she went and had other relationships after you, it's the fact that goes off and does that, and then when those end, she comes back.
She comes back, AFTER they end.
Do you not comprehend that?
jariel said:
I understand that jariel and I think it's important to emphasize women's nature, definitely.
What I was trying to get at I think casio stated better:
casio said:
There's a lot of hatred towards women and I'm sure some of it is deserved, but it seems guys get really bitter/jaded when focusing on that just creates more bitterness and negativity. Not all women come back to a guy because they thought the grass was greener on the other side. Life is less formulaic than that.
YoungBlood
Sparrow
I believe that relationships become dysfunctional when the genuine desire is gone.
Most men in relationships, (including players) start to negotiate this desire and like Rollo says, "You can't negotiate genuine desire." Once you negotiate it, things start to fall apart. Men negotiate desire by taking girls on dates, doing her a lot of favors, or any behavior that sub-communicates you're doing something to earn sex as a reward.
A good marker of how healthy a relationship is how many times she initiates any sexual advances on you. If it turns out that you're doing all the work, she doesn't genuinely desire you and the relationship is based on something other than her feral, primal sexual needs.
This is a red pill that many guys must know and one that too many look over by saying, "Oh, well I'm the man and I'm suppose to take charge!!" While that is true, a woman who is really into you will take charge in letting you know she's down for some sex.
We can now see why girls stray off and wander onto other men given this knowledge.
Most men in relationships, (including players) start to negotiate this desire and like Rollo says, "You can't negotiate genuine desire." Once you negotiate it, things start to fall apart. Men negotiate desire by taking girls on dates, doing her a lot of favors, or any behavior that sub-communicates you're doing something to earn sex as a reward.
A good marker of how healthy a relationship is how many times she initiates any sexual advances on you. If it turns out that you're doing all the work, she doesn't genuinely desire you and the relationship is based on something other than her feral, primal sexual needs.
This is a red pill that many guys must know and one that too many look over by saying, "Oh, well I'm the man and I'm suppose to take charge!!" While that is true, a woman who is really into you will take charge in letting you know she's down for some sex.
We can now see why girls stray off and wander onto other men given this knowledge.
YoungBlood said:
Youngblood you speak like a wise old man.
If its on a scale from 1-100, shall we call an "Interest Level Scale", and her interest for you dips below 50, you are done. At 100 she is clambering for sex with you, at 75 less so, at 50 and below she just doesn't care. As they cross below 50 there is no need to reach out again, because she frankly could care less about you anymore.
I am guilty of this, this past week. My ex was so sexually charged, she would get wet more than any other women I ever knew, and we would have sex all the time. I dumped her maybe a dozen times. The last time I broke it off, I told her I would never marry or have babies with her, she pissed me off so much. I went dark on her and she kept texting and calling. But it stopped after three weeks with no reply from me. I finally reach back out to her after 5 weeks and she says shes moved on and to not contact. I actually missed the connection we had, the girl was pretty good, I just wasnt ready and frankly dont want to be exclusive. My birthday came around and I missed her.
YoungBlood said:
I want to put this to the test then.
Usually I'm a sexual guy when I text my main HB, sometimes she'll grab my dick, but mostly I'm kissing her spanking her and one thing leads to another.
Think this is a bad idea for test ?
-Stop being sexual with jokes, see if she keeps saying sexual thing
-Don't make any moves on her and see how she reacts ?
How would you guys test this, to see how into you she is ?
I'd love to gauge her interest in me from a purely sexual way. See if she makes any first moves with me.
Every10GivesMeA10 said:
I have some latent affection for every woman I've been involved with, even the ones that cravenly left me and left me heartbroken. It's just part of that emotional memory.
I've never gone back to an ex, but that's not a personal rule as much as a combination of (a) those who left me moving on and never making a run at me again and (b) me being done with the ones I dumped, that's why I left them.
It's interesting to see the different guy perspectives here. I think the message guys might need to hear is that it's OK to have some of those feelings still, the problem comes when you carry a oneitis for someone who isn't coming back or when it hardens you against getting back in the game.
jamaicabound
Pelican
Overall I agree with this sentiment. Everytime I've ever gone back to an old relationship it's only a short matter of time before you realize okay my memories of this were better than reality or I remember why I left this.
I think there are a small number of situations where you didn't appreciate what you had til it was gone or even something like the timing was off on the realtionship ie one person was focused on career at that time, moving to different destinations but not far enough along for either person to rearange their life for the other.
It's kinda funny I remember an ex of mine would always tell me we should take a break and I should go date toher girls for a while. She would also jokingly say when we break up and you date a few younger girls...my ex was a few years older than me.. she was like your gonna realize I was pretty laid back and easygoing with you, they are gona be making you do this that and the other or wanna meet family. Well I gotta say she was right. My next girlfriend I wound up finding to be much more needy and not nearly as independent. I need someone who's fairly independent as I'm busy with work and my business and also enjoy some time to myself.
I think there are a small number of situations where you didn't appreciate what you had til it was gone or even something like the timing was off on the realtionship ie one person was focused on career at that time, moving to different destinations but not far enough along for either person to rearange their life for the other.
It's kinda funny I remember an ex of mine would always tell me we should take a break and I should go date toher girls for a while. She would also jokingly say when we break up and you date a few younger girls...my ex was a few years older than me.. she was like your gonna realize I was pretty laid back and easygoing with you, they are gona be making you do this that and the other or wanna meet family. Well I gotta say she was right. My next girlfriend I wound up finding to be much more needy and not nearly as independent. I need someone who's fairly independent as I'm busy with work and my business and also enjoy some time to myself.
Crownife said:
I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting an ex for a daytime catch-up, as long as there are no hard feelings from the breakup. If you find yourself getting really emotionally into it, or she seems to be lining up some kind of revenge/retread kind of game, you might want to excuse yourself, say you enjoyed this, and walk away for real.
jamaicabound said:
It's funny how when we say "independent," we usually mean a girl who can entertain herself and is non-needy. When you hear girls (esp educated ubran girls) say "independent," what they mean is bitchy and standoffish and "I'm not like those cheerleader sluts who always have to have a man on their arms." It's like a way of rationalizing their loneliness as a positive. I've heard girls also say it to mean "I get paid and don't need a man's money," but of course when they get a man they don't mind spending his cash.
I had the opposite of your experience - I dated a really needy kind of girl, and got tired of her constantly wanting me by her side. Next gf was pretty independent, but to such a degree that she was averse to us integrating our lives together.
jariel said:
Yep. Just told my ex to leave me the fuck alone. Breaks up with me, twice, then leaves the city for the summer. While heartbroken at start, I started hitting the gym and increased my value even further. When she comes back to the city and to her boring 9-5 life, I start getting emails from her and she's constantly posted up in front of a restaurant next to my apartment, probably trying to see if I moved on yet. A lot of nerve indeed.
That's why I completely agree with the don't ever go back rule. There's a reason you broke up. Especially if she was the one breaking up, she'll lose respect for you for taking her back - basically she can do anything she wants, and you'll take her back. Besides, who knows how many other B====D she's had in there. Not my thing. Rather learn from it, move on and then apply it to a healthier, better, relationship.
Crownife said:
Your ex is on Tinder. So it's likely she's getting plowed by randos she's met off the internet. Is this really a girl you want to continue to associate with?
I suspect you are on RVF because you want to be better than that. Think about whether you miss her or just miss her devotion to you while you were together.
And then get on with your life: taking girlfriends back who've been on Tinder is like lending your favourite T-shirt to fat dude and getting it back washed...but all stretched out.
keysersoze
Robin
What happens when your ex was literally your best friend? I've never seen eye to eye with anyone else the way I have with her.
Be both know its over, and it ended because the spark/passion died. But you know what? When I hear a certain album/song that I know she'd love, I'll send her a quick text about it, we'll discuss it, and she'll do the same for me.
If there's a great friendship, there's no reason to piss on it because you got bored fucking each other. Being mature and civil is the way to go.
Be both know its over, and it ended because the spark/passion died. But you know what? When I hear a certain album/song that I know she'd love, I'll send her a quick text about it, we'll discuss it, and she'll do the same for me.
If there's a great friendship, there's no reason to piss on it because you got bored fucking each other. Being mature and civil is the way to go.
JJ Roberts said:
Interesting.
Could you give me some pointers here? My own Google search threw up some blue pill pages.
If not 2.0, what are you "using" then?
Couls you link to a couplke of relevant posts? Im unfamiliar with the term "Sex 2.0" (or any version whatsoever) It might be something new to me, it might be something Ive been doing for years. I just might now it under a different name.
germanico said:
Maybe you have signatures turned off so they don't display. In his signature he has:
I haven't personally been able to pull this off, but I think it's the ultimate form of having a harem (if you don't care if the girls fuck other dudes), where the girls all know that there are others explicitly and are okay with it.
I personally am selfish I suppose and I want to have multiple girls in my harem that are exclusive to me. Is that hard/rare? Sure. It's still what I want. Even if that's somewhat ego driven, I really care about my health and try to avoid risk in that area, so at least from that perspective, I don't think I could do it even if I managed to unfence my ego or whatever JJ would consider it.
It's definitely an interesting take on relationships.
keysersoze said:
http://www.returnofkings.com/43491/25-reasons-your-girlfriend-is-overrated
Your ex isn't your best friend, or your soulmate. That's all you rationalizing why you should go back and be her emotional cookie.
Think twice about it man. There's a reason it all ended. I have an ex that gets really well along with my little sister, but I haven't spoke to her in 4 years because, well, there's a reason it ended.