The Only Rule For Ex's
- Thread starter jariel
- Start date
BoiBoi said:
No.
She has to find closure on her own, you don't need to break down why you're leaving her, it doesn't matter, because she's not going to change.
She will take her bad habits to the next dude, and he'll find out his own way just like you did.
Burn that letter.
The most powerful letter you can write is to just break it off.
Silence is power.
jariel said:
Jariel, do you think that as men we have a responsibility to correct the rubbish we find along the way? This newer generation has not told lizards how to fix up and they continue to move along with their bad behaviour because betas are not setting them straight. I'm not saying that boiboi should stick around but I've been wondering about this silence game that has been occurring.
I wonder if there is merit to a man telling a lizard why she ain't shyt in a logical, cool and rational manner before going away.
Thoughts?
The time to correct a chick's behavior and help her grow is when you're in a relationship. Once the relationship is over it's no longer your responsibility nor is any advice you offer likely to be taken with real consideration. Think long and hard about what your real motives for wanting to offer advice after the fact are.
BassPlayaYo
Kingfisher
What you see is what you get. The women are not going to change, no matter how much logic you rationally and coolly lay down to them. This is especially true when the women are engaged in bad behavior, have a negative outlook and just plain flat out unhappy and disrespectful.
The other thing is that women are to busy trying to change you.
The other thing is that women are to busy trying to change you.
My theory is that you'll never see a woman's true colors until you break up. I can't tell you how many times myself or someone I know has had their self-esteem absolutely destroyed by their "soul mate" during a breakup - The stronger the love, the stronger the hate. On the other hand, my last girlfriend was always really sweet and never gave me too much shit during the relationship, and so when it came time to move on it was civil with no hard feelings. While I could never be friends with her, I wouldn't mind catching up with her and would be glad to see her if I ran into her.
I used to try and remain friends with exes/try and work things out with them, and all that did was lead to prolonged agony and holding on to hope. Now when things don't work out I cut off all contact. If they contact me I keep it civil and prompt or just ignore them depending on the situation. It's the only way to move on.
But I'm dealing with rose-colored glasses now. The last girl I dated regularly seemed too good to be true, and the short time we were together was intense and felt amazing. Then she went cold on me out of nowhere and became a a completely different person - Very hostile and emotionally manipulative. Then the nostalgia kicked in and I stupidly tried re-establishing contact to work things out and it backfired. So it was back to NC in order to move on. The only problem is a good friend of mine just started dating her almost immediately after I tried to work things out with her, and he hasn't been able to shut up about how well she's treating him. And this is making me nostalgia so hard and it's fucking with my ability to cut her out of my life completely. But I know it's only a matter of time before her claws come out and he's in my position. I also know that the sweet girl I met probably wasn't real, and the cunty behavior is her true attitude. I actually ran into her this weekend, and when she completely ignored me as I tried to say hello it made me realize how much I don't like her. Also, it weirded me out when I saw him kiss her on the mouth that once took a load of my warm jizz. Now that she's with someone I know very well I definitely can't go back, she's damaged goods.
Long story short, you can never go home again. You can't get back to that honeymoon stage if she's been vindictive or hostile towards you, because you know that personality might pop up at any time.
I used to try and remain friends with exes/try and work things out with them, and all that did was lead to prolonged agony and holding on to hope. Now when things don't work out I cut off all contact. If they contact me I keep it civil and prompt or just ignore them depending on the situation. It's the only way to move on.
But I'm dealing with rose-colored glasses now. The last girl I dated regularly seemed too good to be true, and the short time we were together was intense and felt amazing. Then she went cold on me out of nowhere and became a a completely different person - Very hostile and emotionally manipulative. Then the nostalgia kicked in and I stupidly tried re-establishing contact to work things out and it backfired. So it was back to NC in order to move on. The only problem is a good friend of mine just started dating her almost immediately after I tried to work things out with her, and he hasn't been able to shut up about how well she's treating him. And this is making me nostalgia so hard and it's fucking with my ability to cut her out of my life completely. But I know it's only a matter of time before her claws come out and he's in my position. I also know that the sweet girl I met probably wasn't real, and the cunty behavior is her true attitude. I actually ran into her this weekend, and when she completely ignored me as I tried to say hello it made me realize how much I don't like her. Also, it weirded me out when I saw him kiss her on the mouth that once took a load of my warm jizz. Now that she's with someone I know very well I definitely can't go back, she's damaged goods.
Long story short, you can never go home again. You can't get back to that honeymoon stage if she's been vindictive or hostile towards you, because you know that personality might pop up at any time.
jariel said:
^This^ Sometimes when I'm in a shitty situation with someone I'll write them a letter......But never send it. It's a great outlet because you're saying everything you want to say to the person, and addressing the person in the letter, but they never have to see it.
I've been tempted to contact exes and bring closure (Agreeing that things didn't work out, telling them off, etc.) but it's not worth it. You'll hold more power if you're also willing to walk away.
4. Good Sex
Most women out there are not great in bed, but there are still a number of them who are. If you've had enough sexual encounters, then chances are you've had enough "good pussy".
Don't allow yourself to be some pussy-whipped ass dude who is scared of going back out in the world, putting in work so that you can shine and become a better man who can get a better bitch who gives you better sex because she actually wants to be with you, and would do anything to keep you in her life.
These ex-bitches are literally doing things to push you away, so move on to someone who wants to bring you in and not let you go.
[/quote]
^^^^bolded
This is really what it comes down to. Don't get complacent because the sex is great. My thinking and through my experience at least 1 out of 2 girls are freaks and you can basically 'train' them to do whatever you want with the right frame. If you want to shoot loads on her face and shes not into it, be persuasive, try again, and soon enough you'll be dotting eyes and crossing t's.
My point is great sex, or even plain sex IMO is why most fellas out there in the world today stick it out with some chick they hate or that is bad to them. There may have been some wild, passionate nights at the beginning (hell we've all had them), but just remember, there are 3 Billion more out there. Go to med school, start a business, work out --- broads will be flying at you legs open, like big slutty scissors. I'm doing the 3 aforementioned activities only now in my life (age 29) and the biggest reason why I didn't do them previously was letting women get in the way. Stop worrying about them, worry about yourself and the resulting trim you stumble upon will have you like scrooge mcduck in the coin pool.
Most women out there are not great in bed, but there are still a number of them who are. If you've had enough sexual encounters, then chances are you've had enough "good pussy".
Don't allow yourself to be some pussy-whipped ass dude who is scared of going back out in the world, putting in work so that you can shine and become a better man who can get a better bitch who gives you better sex because she actually wants to be with you, and would do anything to keep you in her life.
These ex-bitches are literally doing things to push you away, so move on to someone who wants to bring you in and not let you go.
[/quote]
^^^^bolded
This is really what it comes down to. Don't get complacent because the sex is great. My thinking and through my experience at least 1 out of 2 girls are freaks and you can basically 'train' them to do whatever you want with the right frame. If you want to shoot loads on her face and shes not into it, be persuasive, try again, and soon enough you'll be dotting eyes and crossing t's.
My point is great sex, or even plain sex IMO is why most fellas out there in the world today stick it out with some chick they hate or that is bad to them. There may have been some wild, passionate nights at the beginning (hell we've all had them), but just remember, there are 3 Billion more out there. Go to med school, start a business, work out --- broads will be flying at you legs open, like big slutty scissors. I'm doing the 3 aforementioned activities only now in my life (age 29) and the biggest reason why I didn't do them previously was letting women get in the way. Stop worrying about them, worry about yourself and the resulting trim you stumble upon will have you like scrooge mcduck in the coin pool.
Never parlay when you're on the back foot Mr. Pizdets.
You lost frame when you became the consolation prize/gift basket.
You lost frame when you became the consolation prize/gift basket.
jamaicabound said:
Yeah, or you realize how she's taken on different habits. In my case, after a 6 month breakup, is she'd swear a lot more, suddenly would feel the need to use snapchat and just in general have a way more masculine vibe and less of the girly naive vibe that she had initially when we first met. It's what keeps me from ever messaging her again
jariel said:
I want to add
5. Children
There is nothing that will stress your relationship like having kids. It'll fuck up your sex life, fuck up your finances, and it adds to the nostalgia, and you'll frequently see her at her best (if you did a decent job picking a mother for your children).
You'll keep staying in it saying it'll be easier when the kids are older.
Ask yourself, are you modeling commitment and dedication, or are you modeling to your kids that committed relationships are misery?
-----------
I'm not writing this to ask for advice, but I'm putting in a personal note so that you know this isn't just theory. This is real experience.
I've been divorced a couple months. My oldest is a teenager, and she's by far taking it the hardest. I really worry about her. The middle one is taking it better, but it's still hard for her. She misses me a lot sometimes. She went through a bedwetting phase again (she's 10). The youngest does pretty well. She misses me sometimes and gets sad but she deals with it.
My kids think a husband & wife kissing is weird.
They think I abandoned them because I'm the one who moved out.
My kid has a friend who has extreme anxiety problems that started after her parents split up. Another friend who attempted suicide after her parents split up.
I have a co-worker whose parents divorced when she was 25 - she's about 40 and she said it still hurts.
And now I think back to when things really got bad, when my youngest was an infant. Or back in 2012 when I told her I wanted a divorce but backed off mostly because I wanted to stay together "for the kids", and I realize that all I did was make it worse.
RockHard said:
Valid point, yes people will definitely rationalize things because of the kids.
I didn't mention that one because most of our guys here are unmarried and without children.
Most of this advice is based on people who are in relationships, but they're not married.
I have never been married, so I try to not speak on that, we have guys here who are who are better sources of information on how the game changes when you are married and/or do have children.
Thanks for your contribution.
xxMarco
Robin
Welp I fucked up. I contacted my ex again. I dumped her about a month ago for the second time. We were just always fighting and the relationship was starting to stress me out. We broke up on good terms.
Fast forward to this weekend I met a girl at the club but for some reason I kept comparing her to my ex. Not physically but mentally, the ex is more mature and old, club girl just turned 21 and doesn't really have any future plans. I decided to reach out to my ex to catch up and probably rekindle our relationship, maybe I wasn't trying hard enough and I was unreasonable in a few things and we can work things out if I tried. Reminiscing about the times we had and how maybe its time I settle down and stop wasting my time with club bitches.
Big fucking mistake. I text her and turns out she quit the job where I met her at last week and went to work at a nightclub as a bottle server. Then she says she's been dating an amazing guy that is everything she has ever wanted yada yada yada. They're getting really serious and planning their life together. Whole different person then the girl I knew.
I read this thread about 5 times before contacting her. Damn do I feel stupid now.
Fast forward to this weekend I met a girl at the club but for some reason I kept comparing her to my ex. Not physically but mentally, the ex is more mature and old, club girl just turned 21 and doesn't really have any future plans. I decided to reach out to my ex to catch up and probably rekindle our relationship, maybe I wasn't trying hard enough and I was unreasonable in a few things and we can work things out if I tried. Reminiscing about the times we had and how maybe its time I settle down and stop wasting my time with club bitches.
Big fucking mistake. I text her and turns out she quit the job where I met her at last week and went to work at a nightclub as a bottle server. Then she says she's been dating an amazing guy that is everything she has ever wanted yada yada yada. They're getting really serious and planning their life together. Whole different person then the girl I knew.
I read this thread about 5 times before contacting her. Damn do I feel stupid now.
Bone Hammer
Chicken
[Draft post removed by moderator.]
Bone Hammer
Chicken
Just broke it off with my ideal LTR type girl. I'm hungry now- huge weight off my shoulders.
Checking out this thread just reinforced what i accomplished today.
This is a hell of a community. I look forward to contributing to the forum thats given a young dude so much value.
Checking out this thread just reinforced what i accomplished today.
This is a hell of a community. I look forward to contributing to the forum thats given a young dude so much value.
