kazimierzdabrowski
Sparrow
We had two "final talks" about a month after the relationship ended, both about a month apart. The first time I approached it with the mindset that my dread game and no vulnerability (she made it a point to tell me some deeply personal and quite messed up things that happened to her in life quite early in our relationship, my response was "Where was your dad when you grew up? Oh. That's why.") was what caused it to end. I'd heard from a friend that she considered me to be a boy toy for her use, and when I confronted her with that she went into a million poor-mes about past relationships. Not much more to say about that other than I got tired of listening to it and walked out. She followed me the entire walk to the nearest transit, doing a complete 180 with her personality and kept asking me what's wrong, why are you walking away, are you mad at me, talk to me. Sent her home at the bus stop with a "Goodbye, but we both know I'll be hearing from you again".
Two weeks later I got a ping text from her and replied "We had our good times but whatever you were going to say, the answer is no.". I was still in the process of getting over it and did not want to go back into the fray. Cue two whole weeks of her calling and texting nonstop demanding to talk to me. The first night I was getting calls until 2 AM. After two weeks of this I decided to meet. This time I went in with a mindset of "I am nobody's toy or rental, if you want my time you have to work on your own mental issues because that's not my job either". She told me how unique and special I was, how she didn't care if I wanted to see other people, how she just wanted me back and wanted the way things were back. "We had such a connection, don't you want that again?" Cue one week later and oh-em-gee she can't see me this week because of a last minute multi-week girls trip to Europe. Delete, block, no contact (unfortunately broken a few times when in a less than positive mental space).
I suppose the moral here is that with these thrill seeking, urban ingenue types there is no functional form of dread game other than silently turning and walking away. Anything less just makes her bored which just means she'll cue up a branch to jump to. Her life consisted of richboy orbiters, BGBFs, party drugs and alcoholism 4-5 days a week while working in a helping profession and telling me about how much she loved kids. Good riddance.
I'll write up another reply connecting to more of your post but I'm quite out of time at the moment. All I can say is that you cannot help them and if you go codependent ("It's my task to fix you") with a externally projecting borderline (this girl in my case was on the lower end of the spectrum and quite quiet, kept the anger inside) you're in for a terrible ride. Read some BPD forums to hear AFC stories of "Wife has been hitting me infront of kids for 15 years, should I tell her to stop?" and "Should I accept other partners when she splits on me?" Or read reignitethefire for a game-oriented take that boils down to "walk away and don't take it personally".
Two weeks later I got a ping text from her and replied "We had our good times but whatever you were going to say, the answer is no.". I was still in the process of getting over it and did not want to go back into the fray. Cue two whole weeks of her calling and texting nonstop demanding to talk to me. The first night I was getting calls until 2 AM. After two weeks of this I decided to meet. This time I went in with a mindset of "I am nobody's toy or rental, if you want my time you have to work on your own mental issues because that's not my job either". She told me how unique and special I was, how she didn't care if I wanted to see other people, how she just wanted me back and wanted the way things were back. "We had such a connection, don't you want that again?" Cue one week later and oh-em-gee she can't see me this week because of a last minute multi-week girls trip to Europe. Delete, block, no contact (unfortunately broken a few times when in a less than positive mental space).
I suppose the moral here is that with these thrill seeking, urban ingenue types there is no functional form of dread game other than silently turning and walking away. Anything less just makes her bored which just means she'll cue up a branch to jump to. Her life consisted of richboy orbiters, BGBFs, party drugs and alcoholism 4-5 days a week while working in a helping profession and telling me about how much she loved kids. Good riddance.
I'll write up another reply connecting to more of your post but I'm quite out of time at the moment. All I can say is that you cannot help them and if you go codependent ("It's my task to fix you") with a externally projecting borderline (this girl in my case was on the lower end of the spectrum and quite quiet, kept the anger inside) you're in for a terrible ride. Read some BPD forums to hear AFC stories of "Wife has been hitting me infront of kids for 15 years, should I tell her to stop?" and "Should I accept other partners when she splits on me?" Or read reignitethefire for a game-oriented take that boils down to "walk away and don't take it personally".