My red flags for women to watch for in men, slightly more than 50.
1- He expects sex on the first date.
2- He sends you dick pics as one of the first messages, and you never asked for genital pictures.
3- He asks you for nudes, at any time, especially before you even meet for the first time.
4- He suggests a first date at a bar.
5- He suggests a first date at his house, a hotel, or a motel.
6- He HATES all of his female relatives and doesn’t get along with any of them. He does not speak to his mother, his grandmother(s), his aunts, his sisters, he hates them all. It is understandable if a man doesn’t talk to his one of his aunts because she is a crazy old bigot or if he cannot get along with his mother because she is nasty, or he cut off one sister because she is an active heroin junkie and a low-level dealer and he cannot have that in his life, but if he is disowned/estranged from ALL of his female relatives, that is a huge red-flag. He also seems to generally and generically refer to all women as “whores,” “c---s,” “bitches,” “sluts,” “skanks,” “slags,” “cum-guzzlers” or some other vulgar vile language which reveals he basically just hates women for being women.
7- None of his life stories add up. He claims he was in the French Foreign Legion but he barely speaks more than a few hundred words in French and he has neither the Kepi nor any pictures of himself in uniform. He claims to be a doctor but he doesn’t seem to know the first thing about human anatomy and you cannot find him on any database of licensed physicians. He claims to be an attorney but he doesn’t know civil procedure from criminal procedure and he is not listed as an active licensed attorney with any state supreme court attorney directory.
8- He has convictions for violent felonies that cannot be adequately explained. “Joe Smith and Bob Jones drugged my sister and raped her, so I caught up with Joe Smith, got him on the ground, and stomped his face and jaw until I broke his jaw and left him a bloody mess, I got a felony assault charge for it, oh well, it happens.” Okay, that makes sense…. Compared with, the red flag of, “I beat a guy with a tire iron in an argument over a parking space.”
9- He is a chronic drunk, alcoholic, he shows up for the first three dates drunk, and he gets drunker on the dates.
10- He drives drunk or while clearly intoxicated.
11- He is actively using narcotics and invites you to join him for a line of coke.
12- He thinks you owe him a blow job because he bought you a hamburger or a pizza on the first date.
13- He lives by the “I want sex within the first three dates” rule.
14- He badmouths all of his exes, “crazy bitch,” “whore,” “slut,” “fat ugly bitch” and has nothing pleasant to say about any of them. It would be normal for him to refer to his recent ex as, “a real fine woman, an elegant classy woman, but she wanted to go to California to do her masters and we had to go our separate ways” and if asked about a woman who cheated on him, his first serious girlfriend, he might say, “she was a real psycho-bitch so to speak, she cheated on me with six different guys in one week, it was like she had a personality disorder or something, I don’t know, it was crazy shit.” Those would be normal. But if he HATES all of his exes, has nothing nice to say about any of them, and continually trashes them, watch out.
15- Every woman he has ever been with was a disaster and he incessantly complains about them, he accepts no responsibility for any role he played in any break up.
16- His displays of emotion are shallow and seem forced. He can turn on the water works at the drop of a dime and just as quickly switch it off.
17- He repeatedly forgets his wallet and expects you to pick up the tab.
18- He demands sex and makes it clear, “put out or we’re done.”
19- He is divorced and has no children but still hangs around his ex-wife.
20- He keeps in frequent contact with all of his ex-girlfriends.
21- He never takes you anywhere on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, and if he does it was on 30–60 minutes notice. This suggests you are a side piece and he is either married or has a long-term relationship and he is with her on the weekends.
22- You have been dating for several months and have never seen where he works or where he lives.
23- He is fairly wealthy and he takes you to a bare-bones apartment that has almost no furniture [it is possible he is married and has a house somewhere and this apartment is where he takes his side women]
24- He is late and doesn’t apologize, and he has no good reason to explain his lateness.
25- He is disrespectful to waiters, janitors, serving staff, hostesses, and random people.
26- He is cruel to animals or dismissive of their value and their rights and needs.
27- He love-bombs you and talks about “destiny,” “fate,” and how “you are the one,” and that “we are meant to be together” in the first 10–20 dates. If this happens on the first date, RUN. It is even a red flag on date 10.
28- He has no hobbies or interests outside of watching professional sports as a spectator and playing video games.
29- He takes 2–3 days to message you back, probably because his “bros” are telling him, “keep her waitin’ bro!”
30- He is rapidly jealous, possessive, and controlling, telling you after the first date that you can’t wear a skirt and telling you whom you can and cannot talk to.
31- Your friends around town tell you he has a reputation as a player, user, abuser, manipulator, creep, stalker, etc. They might be on to something.
32- He calls you up at weird hours after only a few dates. The day after the first date he calls you at 3:00 am.
33- He confides a lot in you, very early on. He tells you on the first date that he was just treated for syphilis because, “my cheating bitch ex-girlfriend two-timed me and got me infected.” This is plenty reason to immediately end the date and ghost him.
34- He has a history of domestic violence charges that cannot be adequately explained. “Read the police report and the charging document, she pushed me, I pushed her, she hit me, I hit her back, it was a mutual screw up, we were both drunk” that is troubling but nowhere near as problematic as, “I fractured her skull with a baseball bat.” [aside- I did encounter a case with charges of attempt murder and felony assault where a drunk man fractured the skull and broke the arm of his girlfriend as a result of his beating her with a baseball bat- additional aside, she wanted the prosecutor to drop the charges so she could get back with him, she got back with him, and then later he killed her with another bat]
35- He has mommy issues and wants you to mommy him.
36- He has no clue what he wants in life.
37- He talks about marriage on the first date or the first few dates.
38- He talks about how you should have children with him, on the first date or the first few dates.
39- He won’t respect your boundaries in terms of how many weeks/months you want to wait to get to properly know each other before even considering sex.
40- He travels to a lot of sex tourism hot-spots [ALONE, or with 1–2 other men], Fortaleza in Brazil, parts of Thailand, parts of the Philippines, Tijuana in Mexico, various places throughout Latin America, certain parts of Las Vegas.
41- He frequently travels and has nothing to show for it in terms of the complete lack of any photographs of museums, art galleries, lakes, rivers, bridges, mountains, country villages, etc.
42- He has no job, no car, no ambition, and no prospects of having any of those things.
43- He asks to borrow money from you on the first date.
44- He is still obviously hung up on his ex, whether ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.
45- He asks you to be a Friends With Benefits.
46- He seems fundamentally superficial and fake.
47- He is heavily in debt from reckless spending, gambling, poor investments, etc.
48- He doesn’t seem to have any friends and it is questionable if he can meaningfully bond with another human being.
49- He laughs at the misery of others, he sees a handicap person fall out of a wheelchair and he laughs or snickers. He sees a fat person tip over in a motorized cart and he laughs or takes a picture to post on social media.
50- His social media seems very bland, basic, almost like a template of fake respectability with the obligatory several selfies, a name, alma mater, and birth-date, but it doesn’t seem to be a reflection of a real man with a real life.
51- He seems to be too good to be true, he tolerates bullshit from you and you wonder, “why isn’t he calling me out on this bullshit, what is going on?”
52- In passing he mentions that other women have complained he is needy, violent, belligerent, demanding, a bully, fake, lazy, shiftless, whatever it may be. If plenty of other women are concerned he is a lazy shiftless drunk with no ambition or a belligerent demanding violent drunk with a gambling problem, he probably is.
53- He tells too much about his past, too early/too soon.
54- He never reveals any details about his past.
55- His past seems like bullshit and he talks about how he was “with the Navy Seals, but on super classified missions, I can’t talk about it or I’d have to kill you” but he doesn’t seem to be in Navy Seal shape. He may claim he was a secret agent with the CIA or still is, but, “I can’t talk about it.”
56- You learn that he has previously engaged in revenge porn and posted or circulated nude/risque/compromising photos of past girlfriends when those relationships ended.
