Top ten red flags

The_Trigg

Robin
1) Single Mom
2) Divorced
3) Not a virgin
4) Not intending to save herself for marriage (if still a virgin)
5) Tattoos
6) DRINKS
7) Smokes
8) Bad credit score, past bankruptcies or financial problems
9) Overweight
10) SSRI or other drug use

Bonus:
11) Daddy/Mommy Issues
12) Not living with parents
13) Hates Christianity, or is Secular/other religion
14) Hates Patriarchy
15) Hates Men
16) Dominant Personality Type
17) Admits to having one or more abortions
18) Is currently on, or ever has been on, birth control
19) Male Friends
20) Admits to being a prostitute or fantasizing about being a prostitute
21) Single over 25
22) Does not dream of being married with children, puts career above family.
23) Works in industries like waitress, hairdressing where cash tips are received on a regular basis.
24) Went to college, esp to pursue a degree in business, or anything other than education/teaching degree.
25) Piercings anywhere besides single, traditional ear lobe piercing
26) Revealing/Tight clothing when out in public
27) If you go on a date with her and she randomly knows one or more men who happen to also be at the date location.
28) Short hair
29) Admits to having a "slut phase"
30) Masculine/Androgynous
31) Has ever voted for, or supported, any political candidate who supports abortion or any other leftist social cause.
32) Feminist
33) Is older than you
34) Divorced Parents
35) Secular/non-Christian parents
36) Father raised her with "princess" mentality
37) Father ignored her
38) Mother on SSRIs, excessive drinking, or any other psychotropic medication
39) Has traveled extensively
40) Is a different Christian denomination than you
41) Can't cook, or doesn't want to
42) Was ever a stripper, onlyfans, etc (See #23, jobs that routinely receive cash tips)
43) Excessive social media use
44) Has Master's or other advanced degree (or in the process of obtaining said degree).
45) Offers sex before marriage.
46) College drop out.

Not saying she can't have any of these, but like all red flags, the more there are, the worse it will likely be.
#23 *occupations (not industries) like waitress, hairdresser, where cash tips are received on a regular basis.
 

Zeknichov

Sparrow
Remember, red flags aren't deal breakers but they're things to be concerned over. A deal breaker for me would be has kids with another man so it's not a red flag to me.

1. Post-Secondary Education
2. Tattoos that aren't hidden
3. She brings up politics of the liberal variety
4. Piercings anywhere other than earlobes
5. Wants to go back to school or find a better career.
6. Talks down on religion
7. Likes to travel
8. Isn't close with her family
9. Has a large friend group
10. Her vibrators are massive
 

Deepdiver

Crow
Gold Member
Well this appears to be the biggest Red Flag/Dealbreaker of them all:


Here’s What the Study Found
The study in question — which, by the way, isn’t from a news source or media outlet but Pew Research for heaven’s sake — is, when all’s said and done, pretty damning.

Interestingly enough, the study, which is titled Pew American Trends Panel: Wave 64, was dated March 2020 — over a year ago. Yet it took a Ph.D. candidate in political science posting about the study on Twitter for it to garner even a smidge of attention.

The study, which examined white liberals, moderates, and conservatives, both male and female, found that conservatives were far less likely to be diagnosed with mental health issues than those who identified as either liberal or even “very liberal.” What’s more, white women suffered the worst of all. White women, ages 18-29, who identified as liberal were given a mental health diagnosis from medical professionals at a rate of 56.3%, as compared to 28.4% in moderates and 27.3% in conservatives.

"When those raised to think reality is subjective bump up against objective reality, there can be mental health consequences".
 
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1) Single Mom
2) Divorced
13) Hates Christianity, or is Secular/other religion
14) Hates Patriarchy
15) Hates Men
16) Dominant Personality Type
17) Admits to having one or more abortions
20) Admits to being a prostitute or fantasizing about being a prostitute
29) Admits to having a "slut phase"
30) Masculine/Androgynous
31) Has ever voted for, or supported, any political candidate who supports abortion or any other leftist social cause.
32) Feminist

I think you've misunderstood the concept of red flags. Those are not just "red flags", those are complete deal breakers.
 

Enok

Chicken
Did I miss it or are these lists of red flags relevant but not answering the more prescient question: What can be discerned about any way forward or how many red flags can one accept in a woman who may show signs she wants to change course? What must a woman do to overcome the red flags? Does an interested man have any natural role in her finding her way out of the woods?

I just met a young woman, 23, hard life with alcoholic father, full of self doubt, some visible but not egregious tattoos, and I first saw her at an after work bar in my remote neck of the woods. She had a warm body bf up til recently, but when i spoke with her a few times and then wrote her about a vision of life and joy christianity gave me, she became more than interested, she wanted to know the way. We took a long walk and I told her as much as I could about an identity in christ, living from within rather than faith in the world.

A week later she’s still facing the matter she has to fully confront herself, forgive her dad, and give up exes she made into soul pals. She still drinks but less so and has started praying day and night. Would you stay on a path with her or understand she still has too long to go to be a real consideration?
 

jarlo

Woodpecker
Did I miss it or are these lists of red flags relevant but not answering the more prescient question: What can be discerned about any way forward or how many red flags can one accept in a woman who may show signs she wants to change course? What must a woman do to overcome the red flags? Does an interested man have any natural role in her finding her way out of the woods?

I just met a young woman, 23, hard life with alcoholic father, full of self doubt, some visible but not egregious tattoos, and I first saw her at an after work bar in my remote neck of the woods. She had a warm body bf up til recently, but when i spoke with her a few times and then wrote her about a vision of life and joy christianity gave me, she became more than interested, she wanted to know the way. We took a long walk and I told her as much as I could about an identity in christ, living from within rather than faith in the world.

A week later she’s still facing the matter she has to fully confront herself, forgive her dad, and give up exes she made into soul pals. She still drinks but less so and has started praying day and night. Would you stay on a path with her or understand she still has too long to go to be a real consideration?
It's alright for people to have a past, but it should be a past, and not a present. If she had been sober and chaste for at least a year or so, then it might be fine to consider dating her, but that's not where she's at right now. If it's hard for you to meet women where you are, find a way to eventually move at least temporarily to a more densely populated area.
 
Did I miss it or are these lists of red flags relevant but not answering the more prescient question: What can be discerned about any way forward or how many red flags can one accept in a woman who may show signs she wants to change course? What must a woman do to overcome the red flags? Does an interested man have any natural role in her finding her way out of the woods?

These are really good questions.

Roosh had an article where a part of it relates to this:

If a girl has done what you consider a red flag, you know she will not be suitable for a long-term relationship. But when you really like a girl, and emotion starts to cloud your logic, you find a way to transform a red flag into a yellow flag. You ignore the advice of your friends, ignore your own instinct, and start looking for insignificant green flags as counterweights to justify the relationship until it all falls apart.

A woman’s actions do not lie. I repeat: a woman’s actions do not lie. Her words are an unreliable witness and must be ignored. The way she acts and behaves is who she is, not what she says. If her actions tell you she’s not quality material, don’t make her a wife. The problem is that men get so caught up in a girl’s beauty and pussy that they actively try to turn the ho or feminist into a housewife.

I think this is true. Looking back on my own relationships and especially latest ex, I know that I tried to rationalize every red flag and try to turn it into a "yellow flag" just because I liked the girl and really wanted it to work but that didn't change the reality of what she was. It's a hard thing to look at it rationally if you're emotionally involved in the person, you become blind in a way. But it's important to always look at her actions and not her words.

When it comes to your case Jarlo made a good point but I guess it also depends on your age too and what timeline you're willing to give her. Sure, she might become a decent and well-adjusted woman when she's +35 but what is the point of having kids with her then? She'll be too old. But in the unlikely case you see her taking massive actions (and not just saying she is) it might be worth it.
 
One really always does have to be careful of what a woman says. Oftentimes they will say what you want to hear and/or straight out lie. It is really hard to discern, too, in cases, where she says that she is Christian. If she is truly repentant, she may be wife material. For example, I am writing with this Orthodox woman that on the one hand seems really nice and seemingly wants to live this quiet life as a mother, but on the other hand has tattoos and, I think, has had multiple sexual partners. She admits to this and says that she then did not have God in her life fully. It is a weird world that we are living in, because she is probably better than a secular woman, but far from "perfect", whatever that means...
 

jakester318

Sparrow
I'll put my top 10 list of red flags in order of the most severe to least, but nonetheless all are worthy of serious consideration:

  1. Mental illness: if she says she has anxiety, depression, insomnia, and is actively taking medication for any of these things. The best way to sniff this out is to talk about mental illness and ask whether she's ever had any experience with it.
  2. Atheist/Agnostic: maybe this is too obvious but for any guy thinking he can change a chick to become a believer is only kidding himself.
  3. Self-identified Feminist: if she self-identifies as a feminist, you've been warned.
  4. Self-identified Liberal: same as #3. usually they go hand in hand.
  5. Narcissism: overly concerned with her looks, especially fake anything. she only lives for herself, not you.
  6. Drama-seekers: girls that are always caught up in some kind of drama, either their own drama or someone else's drama.
  7. Take me as I am girl: any woman who expects that you should just love her as she is will probably never want to improve upon herself. She doesn't think she has flaws but will probably see all of your flaws.
  8. Gossips: girls that are always talking about someone, especially in a manner that conveys nothing constructive, but just merely to talk about someone.
  9. Messy: dirty girls are lazy and will only be lazier once you get married.
  10. Non-cookers: girls that don't cook have one or more of the previous red flags mentioned. If they tell you that they flat out don't like to cook, that's usually a good indication of a behavioral problem. I'm a guy and I like to cook so why wouldn't a loving and affectionate woman hate to cook?
 

Augustus_Principe

Woodpecker
One really always does have to be careful of what a woman says. Oftentimes they will say what you want to hear and/or straight out lie. It is really hard to discern, too, in cases, where she says that she is Christian. If she is truly repentant, she may be wife material. For example, I am writing with this Orthodox woman that on the one hand seems really nice and seemingly wants to live this quiet life as a mother, but on the other hand has tattoos and, I think, has had multiple sexual partners. She admits to this and says that she then did not have God in her life fully. It is a weird world that we are living in, because she is probably better than a secular woman, but far from "perfect", whatever that means...

you truly have to spend time with this woman to see if she is genuine. I don’t think writing is enough. You have to see her in person multiple times and gauge her behavior and lifestyle. Get to know her friends and family. If they tell you that they can’t believe her transformation(In a good way, not with suspicion) , that she tries to be pious, goes to church every Sunday, etc etc, she may be genuine and repentant of her past life.
 
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