Top ten red flags

[Elipe]

Hello, since I am not allowed to create a thread and want brotherly advice here i go. I am 27 year old man, I met a beautiful Christian woman on christian mingle who is just 19. We started talking 5 months ago just over the phone where we spent hours and hours facetimeing, laughing having serious convos etc. After getting to know each other she wanted all i wanted. We finally met in person about a month ago. I made her my girlfriend that night. We been pretty much un separable since then

That being said since then her past came out and her mask slipped a bit and then i heard about past trauma. She has attempted suicide in the past a few times, has a manipulate mother that physically abused her, never met her real father and moved out immediately at 18. She also has mentioned that when she was a child her cousin forced her to perform oral sex on her. Most concerning that caught my attention is that when she just turned 18 she hooked up with 34 year old man. She was open about and says she deeply regrets it and felt disgusting and even started crying. She said they went to 2nd base but didn't have sex. Despite all this she still is a virgin and that was a major thing we discussed before meeting her. We both want to wait till marriage and we haven't done much other than kiss since. I am not perfect and have a past filled with sexual immortality so I don't expect a perfect woman but I also do not want to fall into a bad situation either.
One thing i noticed as well is that she is controlling or attempts to be as a shit test. She started an argument with me because i didn't want to upgrade my iphone. Im not strapped for cash but i see no reason to buy a new one. Frugality goes over her head. She also HATES kids, when i am the complete opposite. That was a major red flag for me. She is very verbally intelligent for her age and put on a great act (hope it wasnt) on the phone. She is also very jealous and can be rude to others at times. She is a good girl deep down but very very very clingy furthering my belief that her virginity is valid. She is a christian but not super serious but as in more of a facebook christian. She has said multiple times she wants to go to church with me but we havent had the opportunity yet because i refuse to go to her new aged rock concert kumbaya non denominational mega church. I am not a rich man so it cant be money. I do make her laugh, I am decently attractive and a pretty confident man but thinking about how obssesed she is of me i scratch my head. I get texts often and she is super affectionate.

It feels good to vent but my main questions are; is this trauma too much to look past? Am a dealing with a manipulative woman? is it her age? or is she just a good girl who had a rough past? I have been pretty lonely, got out of a bad relationship with a really good girl but also a rape victim so i am usually somewhat lonely. I prayed to our lord before being introduced to her to find a beautiful nice christian woman to multiply with and spread the word of God and It felt like he delivered. Is it worth it to try and guide her?
I want to make sure i am not being blinded by a young attractive bubbly female.

Let's count the red flags.

1. Massive sexual trauma in the past.
2. Abusive mother.
3. Daddy issues.
4. Ran away from home ASAP at 18.
5. Makes really terrible decisions like hooking up with a 34 y/o man, probably stemming from said daddy issues. Probably wanted a surrogate father figure.
6. Controlling
   6a. What gets me is the argument over you not upgrading your iPhone. That's a HUGE red flag for me. Since when are women supposed to be such technophiles that they actually care about the MODEL of your smartphone? I expect this from nerdy men... but women? Weirdo alert.
7. Goes to new-aged rock concert kumbaya non denominational mega church. Unless she acknowledges Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, she is nothing more than a woo-woo spiritualist with silly woo-woo beliefs about a God that works more like the Force than the Living God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel. This is another massive red flag.

Pray on it, but I'm definitely leaning toward "RUN AWAY" and trying again for another woman. This one is probably more trouble than she will be worth.

 

[Mathewsghost]

Let's count the red flags.

1. Massive sexual trauma in the past.
2. Abusive mother.
3. Daddy issues.
4. Ran away from home ASAP at 18.
5. Makes really terrible decisions like hooking up with a 34 y/o man, probably stemming from said daddy issues. Probably wanted a surrogate father figure.
6. Controlling
   6a. What gets me is the argument over you not upgrading your iPhone. That's a HUGE red flag for me. Since when are women supposed to be such technophiles that they actually care about the MODEL of your smartphone? I expect this from nerdy men... but women? Weirdo alert.
7. Goes to new-aged rock concert kumbaya non denominational mega church. Unless she acknowledges Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, she is nothing more than a woo-woo spiritualist with silly woo-woo beliefs about a God that works more like the Force than the Living God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel. This is another massive red flag.

Pray on it, but I'm definitely leaning toward "RUN AWAY" and trying again for another woman. This one is probably more trouble than she will be worth.

I hear you I have always been a forgiving and empathetic person and it tends to harm me more than anything

 

[fortyfive]

She wants to travel to India and be a writer.
Ten years later, she is still living in mom's basement, never traveled anywhere, and didn't write anything.
When you are in her presence, you have a feeling that you did something horrible even when you did nothing.
Kids and dogs don't like her, and they can't explain why.
She doesn't like kids and dogs, and she can't explain why.
If you are happy, when she is not, she is offended.
If you are sad, when she is happy, she is offended.
Your jokes are always inappropriate, even when you think they are funny.
No matter what's going on, it's your fault.

 

[KiwiInBudapest]

She was open about and says she deeply regrets it and felt disgusting and even started crying. She said they went to 2nd base but didn't have sex.

So hold on a bit. "Second base", is this really what I think it is? i've never heard that term.

But if it's the hole that I think it is then don't be fooled, buddy. That's just an rationalization, if a woman has taking it in that hole, she's not a virgin.

Also, sure, "game" is pretty pointless on higher quality women but making someone your girlfriend on the first night just isn't a good idea, I think. You made it far too easy for her.

As it sounds to me this girl has just a tiny little bit of potential, just because of her young age and that she's a Christian. And at least she could look back at her past and see the mistakes she have done (or perhaps it wasn't all genuine but just an attempt to be seen as more pure to you?). But clearly she got a lot of work to do before you should even start to consider becoming more serious with her. Hating kids, being rude to people and all this trauma is not something you change over night, you're looking at years. That anti-kids thing could just be that phase you see a lot of women around that age have but it's far from the ideal with a woman who loves them and can't wait to have them.

TLDR; as it sounds to me it's just going to be too much hard work but I don't know all the details you do and she's extremely young and it depends how much you are willing to put up with for the next coming years.

 

[SingularityOne]

Hello, since I am not allowed to create a thread and want brotherly advice here i go. I am 27 year old man, I met a beautiful Christian woman on christian mingle who is just 19. We started talking 5 months ago just over the phone where we spent hours and hours facetimeing, laughing having serious convos etc. After getting to know each other she wanted all i wanted. We finally met in person about a month ago. I made her my girlfriend that night. We been pretty much un separable since then

That being said since then her past came out and her mask slipped a bit and then i heard about past trauma. She has attempted suicide in the past a few times, has a manipulate mother that physically abused her, never met her real father and moved out immediately at 18. She also has mentioned that when she was a child her cousin forced her to perform oral sex on her. Most concerning that caught my attention is that when she just turned 18 she hooked up with 34 year old man. She was open about and says she deeply regrets it and felt disgusting and even started crying. She said they went to 2nd base but didn't have sex. Despite all this she still is a virgin and that was a major thing we discussed before meeting her. We both want to wait till marriage and we haven't done much other than kiss since. I am not perfect and have a past filled with sexual immortality so I don't expect a perfect woman but I also do not want to fall into a bad situation either.
One thing i noticed as well is that she is controlling or attempts to be as a shit test. She started an argument with me because i didn't want to upgrade my iphone. Im not strapped for cash but i see no reason to buy a new one. Frugality goes over her head. She also HATES kids, when i am the complete opposite. That was a major red flag for me. She is very verbally intelligent for her age and put on a great act (hope it wasnt) on the phone. She is also very jealous and can be rude to others at times. She is a good girl deep down but very very very clingy furthering my belief that her virginity is valid. She is a christian but not super serious but as in more of a facebook christian. She has said multiple times she wants to go to church with me but we havent had the opportunity yet because i refuse to go to her new aged rock concert kumbaya non denominational mega church. I am not a rich man so it cant be money. I do make her laugh, I am decently attractive and a pretty confident man but thinking about how obssesed she is of me i scratch my head. I get texts often and she is super affectionate.

It feels good to vent but my main questions are; is this trauma too much to look past? Am a dealing with a manipulative woman? is it her age? or is she just a good girl who had a rough past? I have been pretty lonely, got out of a bad relationship with a really good girl but also a rape victim so i am usually somewhat lonely. I prayed to our lord before being introduced to her to find a beautiful nice christian woman to multiply with and spread the word of God and It felt like he delivered. Is it worth it to try and guide her?
I want to make sure i am not being blinded by a young attractive bubbly female.

It looks like you are aware of the flags. The question I have for you is “do you want to endure those flags?” If it’s a “yes,” what do you think could be some consequences that could be encountered?

I just got out of a relationship with a girl with worse trauma than her (maybe “different” is the right word actually). Worse rape history. I must say that if she isn’t willing to get therapy and work through her shit then it will be a hard road. Is she willing to work through her shit is the real question here? And also, how is your faith? Loneliness is something I can sympathize with as I am still healing from my breakup. However, I would really reflect on where that loneliness is surfacing from. What are your thoughts after reading what I just said?

 

[Mathewsghost]

Hah

It looks like you are aware of the flags. The question I have for you is “do you want to endure those flags?” If it’s a “yes,” what do you think could be some consequences that could be encountered?

I just got out of a relationship with a girl with worse trauma than her (maybe “different” is the right word actually). Worse rape history. I must say that if she isn’t willing to get therapy and work through her shit then it will be a hard road. Is she willing to work through her shit is the real question here? And also, how is your faith? Loneliness is something I can sympathize with as I am still healing from my breakup. However, I would really reflect on where that loneliness is surfacing from. What are your thoughts after reading what I just said?

HMm I was always an introverted kid so literal loneliness isnt too much for me too handle. Getting "redpilled" is what brought back my childhood introverted ways. I am surrounded by people that dont share my world views or faith. I get along with many guys at work but just on a surface level cant relate too much to their weekend binges and that random hooker they brought over anymore. That along with being 1,000 miles away from my family and working constantly it causes me to feel isolated. I think I am just under-socialized at this point. I Enjoy going on discord and forums similar to this. Maybe i need to leave the city always felt clear out in the woods.

 

[scarfaceantonio]

If she is both then yes, definitely a red flag. If she got vaxxed because of peer pressure and/or misinformation but is open to the discussion of why getting vaxxed is a bad idea, understands your reasoning and accepts her mistake, she may have some qualities in her. Remember that women give in way more easily to peer pressure than men do.
However, if the goal is to get married and have children with a vaxxed woman I would reconsider this because chances are high that she won't be able to give birth or live long enough to do so.

AMEN!

 

[SingularityOne]

Hah

HMm I was always an introverted kid so literal loneliness isnt too much for me too handle. Getting "redpilled" is what brought back my childhood introverted ways. I am surrounded by people that dont share my world views or faith. I get along with many guys at work but just on a surface level cant relate too much to their weekend binges and that random hooker they brought over anymore. That along with being 1,000 miles away from my family and working constantly it causes me to feel isolated. I think I am just under-socialized at this point. I Enjoy going on discord and forums similar to this. Maybe i need to leave the city always felt clear out in the woods.

What does your Church community look like?

 

[wiseape]

Redhead

 

[Hail Jesus King]

1) is a feminist.
2) is not a Christian
3) father is not present
4) is/was promiscuous
5) dress like a prostitute
6) don't like children and babies
7) not virgin
8) has bad relationship with family members
9) use drugs
10) she's atheist

Should have put atheist higher up but I was to lazy to fix it. Women (mainly) can not handle atheism they become insane. Also, I would add if she's obsessed with having a career.

 

[Magnus Stout]

Hello @Mathewsghost ,

The posters above have already correctly identified the red flags. I want to focus on this: she lives an incoherent life; this is most often a result of deep trauma and/or personality disorder(s) (likely BPD or bi-polarism). Examples: she is superficially religious but not deeply religious; she claims sexual purity but is not; she wants marriage but no kids; she claims to be loving but is controlling, etc...

Men are protectors. Our egos are triggered when a female sends off the "in need" signals (humorously, like the bat signal for Batman). Wisdom can descern the difference between women that (1) can be helped from those (2) we cannot help. Your girlfriend is in the second camp.

Without deep introspection on her part (likely through supernatural Grace) and addressing her issues, she should not marry or have children. Otherwise, she is a ticking time bomb, a worst case divorce/custody-rape woman. As lonely as you may feel, this relationship can lead to far worse.

Be wary of the "Christian" dating sites (ex: often frequented by wolves-in-sheep's clothing). It would not hurt to add some real life venues to your mate search as well. Also, there are other good posts on this forum about having an "abundance mentality." Essentially, do not put any woman on a pedestal; her attraction to you will increase in proportion to your ability to pass her sh!t tests (a fitness test to see if you have the courage and strength to call her out on her willfull bad behavior). This is why the old school rule says: make your mission your mission (never a woman).

Good luck!

 

[SingularityOne]

Hello @Mathewsghost ,

The posters above have already correctly identified the red flags. I want to focus on this: she lives an incoherent life; this is most often a result of deep trauma and/or personality disorder(s) (likely BPD or bi-polarism). Examples: she is superficially religious but not deeply religious; she claims sexual purity but is not; she wants marriage but no kids; she claims to be loving but is controlling, etc...

Men are protectors. Our egos are triggered when a female sends off the "in need" signals (humorously, like the bat signal for Batman). Wisdom can descern the difference between women that (1) can be helped from those (2) we cannot help. Your girlfriend is in the second camp.

Without deep introspection on her part (likely through supernatural Grace) and addressing her issues, she should not marry or have children. Otherwise, she is a ticking time bomb, a worst case divorce/custody-rape woman. As lonely as you may feel, this relationship can lead to far worse.

Be wary of the "Christian" dating sites (ex: often frequented by wolves-in-sheep's clothing). It would not hurt to add some real life venues to your mate search as well. Also, there are other good posts on this forum about having an "abundance mentality." Essentially, do not put any woman on a pedestal; her attraction to you will increase in proportion to your ability to pass her sh!t tests (a fitness test to see if you have the courage and strength to call her out on her willfull bad behavior). This is why the old school rule says: make your mission your mission (never a woman).

Good luck!

Good stuff. 100% agree. What would you say is the best way to learn how to pass sh!t tests with a Christian mindset?

 

[Magnus Stout]

Good question, @SingularityOne .

Be wary of any single script of how to do "it." The best I can do is give a frame of mind to overcome those challenges: (1) uphold the truth and ruthlessly call out bad behavior in a (2) light-hearted (charismatic) manner. Even Jesus did (so, no problem reconciling with Christianity).

For me, first part is far easier than the second part. The way in which you do that is highly-correlated with the social sexual hierachy (alpha/sigma, beta, delta, gamma, omega). I think of charisma as the ability to remain likable while saying hard truths and/or facing challenges. A good example of an Alpha passing a test:



Here is another example (lower status, lower charisma working man Delta) but Manly as well (this test was aimed at being a good husband and father):



Women are essentially testing men for that ability. Their tests are annoying, but I have learned to accept (and not blame) their programming. Keep pushing yourself but learn to be comfortable in your skin. We can't all be Alphas. The real battle is learning to master yourself before others.

Finally, being confident of our enternal life to come should allow us to walk without fear. That disposition is compelling to women as well. Being a Christian doesn't mean being a doormat.

 

[SingularityOne]

Good question, @SingularityOne .

Be wary of any single script of how to do "it." The best I can do is give a frame of mind to overcome those challenges: 1) uphold the truth and ruthlessly call out bad behavior in a 2) light-hearted (charismatic) manner. Even Jesus did (so, no problem reconciling with Christianity).

For me, first part is far easier than the second part. The way in which you do that is highly-correlated with the social sexual hierachy (alpha/sigma, beta, delta, gamma, omega). I think of charisma as the ability to remain likable while saying hard truths and/or facing challenges. A good example:



Here is another example (lower status, lower charisma) but Manly as well (this test was aimed at being a good husband):



Women are essentially testing men for that ability. Their tests are annoying, but I have learned to accept (and not blame) their programming. Keep pushing yourself but learn to be comfortable in your skin. We can't all be Alphas. The real battle is learning to master yourself before others.

Finally, being confident of our enternal life to come should allow us to walk without fear. That disposition is compelling to women as well. Being a Christian doesn't mean being a doormat.

Yeah, #2 definitely is the more difficult compared to #1. That’s a great video that shows what both combined looks like I think. Thanks for that.

I think their tests are there to see if one can provide and protect them. So, their tests are for seeking safety in the long run I think (among other things).

Would you say that mastering oneself and being confroatabel in your own skin are synonymous? If so, how would you say to start doing that if a man is struggling with this foundation that undergirds #1 and #2 above?

100% on your last paragraph. Always a fantastic reminder. The feminization of men has really left that part of the message out of the gospel in the mainstream. Thankfully there are men that exemplify that trust in the Lord in the Saints. But, I wonder how many Saints that were married had to utilize the skills we as men have to learn today when they were seeking wives and exemplifying strength to their wife/family/connections/etc.

 

[Magnus Stout]

Yes. A sh!t test is brillant if you think about what Mike Tyson said: "Everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face." Conflict reveals who we really are. Women can't really ask a Man if he will be brave, strong and determined--she must see to know.

Mastering oneself/being comfortable: You begin mastering yourself be seeing your faults and weaknesses without input from your ego (which we mostly use to make us feel more important/smarter/better than others). By way of analogy, Socrates grew very wise because he began assuming he knew nothing (shrunken ego) and would ask of others, "why?" Another example is Confucian wisdom: keeping our egos in check, striving for mastery & excellence, while living with virtue.

Spiritually, you can think of Men and Women as living along a vertical and horizontal axis. Men are concerned with Truth and Excellence in things (the vertical axis). Women are more concerned with community and temporal issues (the horizontal).

Part of accepting yourself is not telling lies (the current "acceptance" dogma). Rather, it is for your spirit to recognize and accept your lot in life, but with zeal to accomplish your Divine mission (like the parable of the talents). God ensures everyone can make a completely unique contribution in their time and place. Your first mission is to seek the Answer to your life's mission (ask and ye shall receive).

Then, you work relentlessly to accomplish your mission. The essence of your individuality (and attractiveness) will shine through in that process. This is why you can't simply read a script (fake it) to become attractive: some men are born that way, but most are made attractive through that journey ("becoming a Man").

Here's a White Pill illustrating these points:

 

[SingularityOne]

Yes. A sh!t test is brillant if you think about what Mike Tyson said: "Everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face." Conflict reveals who we really are. Women can't really ask a Man if he will be brave, strong and determined--she must see to know.

Mastering oneself/being comfortable: You begin mastering yourself be seeing your faults and weaknesses without input from your ego (which we mostly use to make us feel more important/smarter/better than others). By way of analogy, Socrates grew very wise because he began assuming he knew nothing (shrunken ego) and would ask of others, "why?" Another example is Confucian wisdom: keeping our egos in check, striving for mastery & excellence, while living with virtue.

Spiritually, you can think of Men and Women as living along a vertical and horizontal axis. Men are concerned with Truth and Excellence in things (the vertical axis). Women are more concerned with community and temporal issues (the horizontal).

Part of accepting yourself is not telling lies (the current "acceptance" dogma). Rather, it is for your spirit to recognize and accept your lot in life, but with zeal to accomplish your Divine mission (like the parable of the talents). God ensures everyone can make a completely unique contribution in their time and place. Your first mission is to seek the Answer to your life's mission (ask and ye shall receive).

Then, you work relentlessly to accomplish your mission. The essence of your individuality (and attractiveness) will shine through in that process. This is why you can't simply read a script (fake it) to become attractive: some men are born that way, but most are made attractive through that journey ("becoming a Man").

Here's a White Pill illustrating these points:

That is a man.

This all makes sense. It’s a major reframe to a whole new mode of life.

One part I’m confused about regarding what you said above is the “not telling lies” and the “acceptance” dogma. Could you explain what you mean by that more?

 

[Parmesan]

Might as well just rename this post: every girl in western society 16 years of age or over.

 

[Magnus Stout]

@SingularityOne : what about not telling lies / acceptance dogma?

Lying: Telling the truth about the world is hard. Not telling lies about yourself is even harder. For all their faults, it is refreshing that women are instinctively repulsed by gamma men (alpha pretension without alpha goods). Gammas lie (who is the father of lies?). Gammas are allergic to physical conflict (where there is a real cost to be paid for convictions). Gammas tell you what you want to hear but plot behind your back. Gammas are outwardly repulsive because they are inwardly very ugly: spirituality, they exhanged the Truth for a lie. The best way to improve in this world (and the next) is to begin loving and defending Truth.

Acceptance dogma: This is the current inversion of morality that seeks to punish truthtelling in the name of "equity." Examples: fat acceptance, various sexual deviants, etc... Problem: excellence and the Good are very hierarchical. Acceptance dogma does the same spiritually as communism did materially: it reduces things down to a grey, formless blob (hell-on-earth).

 

[Hail Jesus King]

Might as well just rename this post: every girl in western society 16 years of age or over.

It means you need to accept a woman with red flags or be alone. Unless you're a Chad.

 

[prisonplanet]

1) is a feminist.
2) is not a Christian
3) father is not present
4) is/was promiscuous
5) dress like a prostitute
6) don't like children and babies
7) not virgin
8) has bad relationship with family members
9) use drugs
10) she's atheist

Should have put atheist higher up but I was to lazy to fix it. Women (mainly) can not handle atheism they become insane. Also, I would add if she's obsessed with having a career.

Kind of a blend of a few of yours, I think the biggest question is, can she handle a true blue Christian church service? One that will preach a Bible believing (conservative) message? No doubt good preaching will cause offense to the brainwashed masses, but if she will at least stick around with an open mind and afterward have a good conversation with you about it, then she could be a wife. If not, then no way.

The second for me might if she's obsessed with her career. I don't want my wife working at all - maybe a few hours a week helping with kids or volunteering in a kitchen, something feminine in nature that gives her that community vibe they need so much.