Sharing this story here cause I dont have posting privileges yet but need to get this off my chest:
Match on Tinder with some 21 year old. Okay sure she's young but that's not always a problem in this part of the world. More importantly: tall, slender, very good looking, no tattoos, no piercings, tasteful photos, in school (starting grad school this year in something reasonable).
I'm traveling back and forth so we text for about two weeks. Everything good, she says she's not a party girl, doesn't drink, isn't vaxxed, has a good relationship with her father and mother (not divorced) and generally hints at looking for something serious. She lives a few hours from me, but I have friends in her town so I tell her I'm looking to drop by very soon over there and we can meet face to face. She is very enthusiastic about this.
Fast forward to the first date: all goes very smooth. We like each other very much, she's shy, timid and feminine, seems like she has long-term potential. I take her out to a nice resto, walk along the beach, light kiss goodnight, tell her I can see her in a couple of days again. Only thing that came out is that when I asked her why she didn't drink she said "I used to but then... something happened." I assume the typical story of getting drunk and having a regret-filled one-night stand. It doesn't really shock me as long as she has clearly learned from her experience. I give a knowing laugher and paid it no further mind.
Second date, we go bowling and arcades. She bumps into a number of kids she sees at her job as an animator at a summer camp, she seems extremely motherly and caring. I really felt like I was starting to fall in love.
Then we go for a walk downtown. She bumps into an old friend of hers who was wearing her stewardess uniform. I understand she used to work as a stewardess herself. This sends a very small potential alarm in my head cause young stewardesses are somewhat known for being "free spirits" when they're hopping destinations.
We continue our walk and she tells me she has to go to a friend's party in a few hours. I say:
Me: "Cool, is it a birthday party?"
Her: "Not quite"
Me: "Oh? What is it then?"
Her: [pause, she didn't want to answer but I playfully proded] "It's kind of like an anniversary"
Me: "Wedding anniversary?"
Her: "More like celebrating her 1 year of sobriety"
Me: "Oh so she was an alcoholic?"
Her: "No it was... Meth" [red flag for sure at this point]
Me: "Oh you have friends who were on Meth, you hang out with cool people then" [Sarcasm]
Her: "Yeah haha.."
Me: [At this point I feel due diligence is in order] "So let me ask you, have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Her: "Nothing serious" [red flag]
Me: "Oh okay so just... casual stuff?"
Her: "Yeah exactly" [Yellow alarm has now been set off, but she's just 21 years old, how bad can it be]
Me: At this point I pull the inevitable question I have gotten used to ask: "Ok cool. No problem, so let's be real, how many men have you been with?"
Her: [pause] "Uhhh... not sure I can answer"
Me: "It's all good, don't worry, I'm not judgemental" [lie on my part but I need to get the info]
Her: "Well actually... I'm not sure"
Me: "No need to be an exact number, just approximately"
Her: "No well I mean I don't remember" [Red alarm]
Me: "What? Just throw out some interval, between this and this number"
Her: "[Pause] I think somewhere between 100 and 200"
Me: "Hahaha, you're funny. Nice one"
Her: "No...it's not a joke"
My heart sank, I got dizzy. We were holding hands and I just became extremely stiff and let go. She tried to find my hand again but it was limp. I asked her how this was possible, she said that she herself was on meth for over a year but she's turned a new leaf and has been clean for a year save a relapse in may. Says she doesn't remember all the guys that banged her while she was high.
I can just imagine her getting thrown around the room like a sock for anonymous meth heads to cum in, condom use not obligatory. Or her blowing dudes for a hit. I feel like throwing up at this point.
I told her I needed to sit down. We found a cafe. She tells me not to worry, that she's not the person she used to be. She had an almost defiant smile and seemed surprised at my extremely visible disappointment that I did not try to hide. After making sure she wasn't fucking with me, I wished her good luck and parted ways.
TL;DR: Sometimes the red flags aren't that obvious at first... Do your due diligence, but you might still get trust issues.