Top ten red flags

TL;DR: Sometimes the red flags aren't that obvious at first... Do your due diligence, but you might still get trust issues.
So, so true. I've heard stories, and even experienced knowing someone for close to a year before their true personalities started to become apparent. Its honestly a bit unnerving certain people can be this fake. You dodged a bullet. Good on you probing and asking these sorts of uncomfortable questions -- it likely saved you a ton of time & potential hearthache!
 

NoMoreTO

Hummingbird
Catholic
In addition to this, she was his little princess. Nothing was ever good enough for her.

A princess is indeed a red flag. To me someone with humble beginnings and a realization that work is part of life is a real benefit.

I always gravitated towards women who had jobs when they were in high school, whether scooping ice cream or working in a factory, when they work young it changes things.

I've noticed that women who do not work until after university are insanely difficult in terms of the princess mode. Usually being this insulated from the outside world comes from having a rich daddy who spoils them.
 
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ph80

Pigeon
Orthodox
Sharing this story here cause I dont have posting privileges yet but need to get this off my chest:



Match on Tinder with some 21 year old. Okay sure she's young but that's not always a problem in this part of the world. More importantly: tall, slender, very good looking, no tattoos, no piercings, tasteful photos, in school (starting grad school this year in something reasonable).

I'm traveling back and forth so we text for about two weeks. Everything good, she says she's not a party girl, doesn't drink, isn't vaxxed, has a good relationship with her father and mother (not divorced) and generally hints at looking for something serious. She lives a few hours from me, but I have friends in her town so I tell her I'm looking to drop by very soon over there and we can meet face to face. She is very enthusiastic about this.

Fast forward to the first date: all goes very smooth. We like each other very much, she's shy, timid and feminine, seems like she has long-term potential. I take her out to a nice resto, walk along the beach, light kiss goodnight, tell her I can see her in a couple of days again. Only thing that came out is that when I asked her why she didn't drink she said "I used to but then... something happened." I assume the typical story of getting drunk and having a regret-filled one-night stand. It doesn't really shock me as long as she has clearly learned from her experience. I give a knowing laugher and paid it no further mind.

Second date, we go bowling and arcades. She bumps into a number of kids she sees at her job as an animator at a summer camp, she seems extremely motherly and caring. I really felt like I was starting to fall in love.

Then we go for a walk downtown. She bumps into an old friend of hers who was wearing her stewardess uniform. I understand she used to work as a stewardess herself. This sends a very small potential alarm in my head cause young stewardesses are somewhat known for being "free spirits" when they're hopping destinations.

We continue our walk and she tells me she has to go to a friend's party in a few hours. I say:

Me: "Cool, is it a birthday party?"
Her: "Not quite"
Me: "Oh? What is it then?"
Her: [pause, she didn't want to answer but I playfully proded] "It's kind of like an anniversary"
Me: "Wedding anniversary?"
Her: "More like celebrating her 1 year of sobriety"
Me: "Oh so she was an alcoholic?"
Her: "No it was... Meth" [red flag for sure at this point]
Me: "Oh you have friends who were on Meth, you hang out with cool people then" [Sarcasm]
Her: "Yeah haha.."
Me: [At this point I feel due diligence is in order] "So let me ask you, have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Her: "Nothing serious" [red flag]
Me: "Oh okay so just... casual stuff?"
Her: "Yeah exactly" [Yellow alarm has now been set off, but she's just 21 years old, how bad can it be]
Me: At this point I pull the inevitable question I have gotten used to ask: "Ok cool. No problem, so let's be real, how many men have you been with?"
Her: [pause] "Uhhh... not sure I can answer"
Me: "It's all good, don't worry, I'm not judgemental" [lie on my part but I need to get the info]
Her: "Well actually... I'm not sure"
Me: "No need to be an exact number, just approximately"
Her: "No well I mean I don't remember" [Red alarm]
Me: "What? Just throw out some interval, between this and this number"
Her: "[Pause] I think somewhere between 100 and 200"
Me: "Hahaha, you're funny. Nice one"
Her: "No...it's not a joke"

My heart sank, I got dizzy. We were holding hands and I just became extremely stiff and let go. She tried to find my hand again but it was limp. I asked her how this was possible, she said that she herself was on meth for over a year but she's turned a new leaf and has been clean for a year save a relapse in may. Says she doesn't remember all the guys that banged her while she was high.

I can just imagine her getting thrown around the room like a sock for anonymous meth heads to cum in, condom use not obligatory. Or her blowing dudes for a hit. I feel like throwing up at this point.

I told her I needed to sit down. We found a cafe. She tells me not to worry, that she's not the person she used to be. She had an almost defiant smile and seemed surprised at my extremely visible disappointment that I did not try to hide. After making sure she wasn't fucking with me, I wished her good luck and parted ways.

TL;DR: Sometimes the red flags aren't that obvious at first... Do your due diligence, but you might still get trust issues.

Holy crap that's quite a lump of coal in your stocking!

I've definitely been with girls that turned out to have all of these "skeletons" in their closet once I got to know them better. And they are often the most beautiful ones, too. It's sad, but I think there just isn't any reliable way to keep them in check in this society.
 

MartyMcFly

Kingfisher
Other Christian
Sharing this story here cause I dont have posting privileges yet but need to get this off my chest:



Match on Tinder with some 21 year old. Okay sure she's young but that's not always a problem in this part of the world. More importantly: tall, slender, very good looking, no tattoos, no piercings, tasteful photos, in school (starting grad school this year in something reasonable).

I'm traveling back and forth so we text for about two weeks. Everything good, she says she's not a party girl, doesn't drink, isn't vaxxed, has a good relationship with her father and mother (not divorced) and generally hints at looking for something serious. She lives a few hours from me, but I have friends in her town so I tell her I'm looking to drop by very soon over there and we can meet face to face. She is very enthusiastic about this.

Fast forward to the first date: all goes very smooth. We like each other very much, she's shy, timid and feminine, seems like she has long-term potential. I take her out to a nice resto, walk along the beach, light kiss goodnight, tell her I can see her in a couple of days again. Only thing that came out is that when I asked her why she didn't drink she said "I used to but then... something happened." I assume the typical story of getting drunk and having a regret-filled one-night stand. It doesn't really shock me as long as she has clearly learned from her experience. I give a knowing laugher and paid it no further mind.

Second date, we go bowling and arcades. She bumps into a number of kids she sees at her job as an animator at a summer camp, she seems extremely motherly and caring. I really felt like I was starting to fall in love.

Then we go for a walk downtown. She bumps into an old friend of hers who was wearing her stewardess uniform. I understand she used to work as a stewardess herself. This sends a very small potential alarm in my head cause young stewardesses are somewhat known for being "free spirits" when they're hopping destinations.

We continue our walk and she tells me she has to go to a friend's party in a few hours. I say:

Me: "Cool, is it a birthday party?"
Her: "Not quite"
Me: "Oh? What is it then?"
Her: [pause, she didn't want to answer but I playfully proded] "It's kind of like an anniversary"
Me: "Wedding anniversary?"
Her: "More like celebrating her 1 year of sobriety"
Me: "Oh so she was an alcoholic?"
Her: "No it was... Meth" [red flag for sure at this point]
Me: "Oh you have friends who were on Meth, you hang out with cool people then" [Sarcasm]
Her: "Yeah haha.."
Me: [At this point I feel due diligence is in order] "So let me ask you, have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Her: "Nothing serious" [red flag]
Me: "Oh okay so just... casual stuff?"
Her: "Yeah exactly" [Yellow alarm has now been set off, but she's just 21 years old, how bad can it be]
Me: At this point I pull the inevitable question I have gotten used to ask: "Ok cool. No problem, so let's be real, how many men have you been with?"
Her: [pause] "Uhhh... not sure I can answer"
Me: "It's all good, don't worry, I'm not judgemental" [lie on my part but I need to get the info]
Her: "Well actually... I'm not sure"
Me: "No need to be an exact number, just approximately"
Her: "No well I mean I don't remember" [Red alarm]
Me: "What? Just throw out some interval, between this and this number"
Her: "[Pause] I think somewhere between 100 and 200"
Me: "Hahaha, you're funny. Nice one"
Her: "No...it's not a joke"

My heart sank, I got dizzy. We were holding hands and I just became extremely stiff and let go. She tried to find my hand again but it was limp. I asked her how this was possible, she said that she herself was on meth for over a year but she's turned a new leaf and has been clean for a year save a relapse in may. Says she doesn't remember all the guys that banged her while she was high.

I can just imagine her getting thrown around the room like a sock for anonymous meth heads to cum in, condom use not obligatory. Or her blowing dudes for a hit. I feel like throwing up at this point.

I told her I needed to sit down. We found a cafe. She tells me not to worry, that she's not the person she used to be. She had an almost defiant smile and seemed surprised at my extremely visible disappointment that I did not try to hide. After making sure she wasn't fucking with me, I wished her good luck and parted ways.

TL;DR: Sometimes the red flags aren't that obvious at first... Do your due diligence, but you might still get trust issues.
Unless I am mistaken, Tinder only shows photos and age and location and has nothing about hobbies and interests, religion, pet peeves, etc... If this is true, it means that Tinder is extremely shallow because people are focusing on looks alone. Why even bother to set up a random date with a person you don't know anything about?

However, I think it is not good to ask about past sexual partners though and if asked, people should refuse to answer. Even if she stated '1' and it was an honest answer, you will wonder who the man is and the situation and you still might have doubts about her answer. Definitely don't ask who the person is. If a woman answers '100', you will likely not trust her even if she turned towards the straight and narrow path.

Some dating apps seem better than others. I think dating apps where only photos are shown are the worst offenders (Tinder) because the focus is only physical attraction (it matters but it should not be 100%) and dating apps known for controversial photos that encourage debauchery are almost as bad (OKCupid) because this encourages bad values. Women on dating apps focused on longer term relationships are more likely to be better. Even if they are not perfect, they might be at least making efforts to be better.
 

OrthoMexicano

Sparrow
Orthodox Inquirer
Sharing this story here cause I dont have posting privileges yet but need to get this off my chest:



Match on Tinder with some 21 year old. Okay sure she's young but that's not always a problem in this part of the world. More importantly: tall, slender, very good looking, no tattoos, no piercings, tasteful photos, in school (starting grad school this year in something reasonable).

I'm traveling back and forth so we text for about two weeks. Everything good, she says she's not a party girl, doesn't drink, isn't vaxxed, has a good relationship with her father and mother (not divorced) and generally hints at looking for something serious. She lives a few hours from me, but I have friends in her town so I tell her I'm looking to drop by very soon over there and we can meet face to face. She is very enthusiastic about this.

Fast forward to the first date: all goes very smooth. We like each other very much, she's shy, timid and feminine, seems like she has long-term potential. I take her out to a nice resto, walk along the beach, light kiss goodnight, tell her I can see her in a couple of days again. Only thing that came out is that when I asked her why she didn't drink she said "I used to but then... something happened." I assume the typical story of getting drunk and having a regret-filled one-night stand. It doesn't really shock me as long as she has clearly learned from her experience. I give a knowing laugher and paid it no further mind.

Second date, we go bowling and arcades. She bumps into a number of kids she sees at her job as an animator at a summer camp, she seems extremely motherly and caring. I really felt like I was starting to fall in love.

Then we go for a walk downtown. She bumps into an old friend of hers who was wearing her stewardess uniform. I understand she used to work as a stewardess herself. This sends a very small potential alarm in my head cause young stewardesses are somewhat known for being "free spirits" when they're hopping destinations.

We continue our walk and she tells me she has to go to a friend's party in a few hours. I say:

Me: "Cool, is it a birthday party?"
Her: "Not quite"
Me: "Oh? What is it then?"
Her: [pause, she didn't want to answer but I playfully proded] "It's kind of like an anniversary"
Me: "Wedding anniversary?"
Her: "More like celebrating her 1 year of sobriety"
Me: "Oh so she was an alcoholic?"
Her: "No it was... Meth" [red flag for sure at this point]
Me: "Oh you have friends who were on Meth, you hang out with cool people then" [Sarcasm]
Her: "Yeah haha.."
Me: [At this point I feel due diligence is in order] "So let me ask you, have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Her: "Nothing serious" [red flag]
Me: "Oh okay so just... casual stuff?"
Her: "Yeah exactly" [Yellow alarm has now been set off, but she's just 21 years old, how bad can it be]
Me: At this point I pull the inevitable question I have gotten used to ask: "Ok cool. No problem, so let's be real, how many men have you been with?"
Her: [pause] "Uhhh... not sure I can answer"
Me: "It's all good, don't worry, I'm not judgemental" [lie on my part but I need to get the info]
Her: "Well actually... I'm not sure"
Me: "No need to be an exact number, just approximately"
Her: "No well I mean I don't remember" [Red alarm]
Me: "What? Just throw out some interval, between this and this number"
Her: "[Pause] I think somewhere between 100 and 200"
Me: "Hahaha, you're funny. Nice one"
Her: "No...it's not a joke"

My heart sank, I got dizzy. We were holding hands and I just became extremely stiff and let go. She tried to find my hand again but it was limp. I asked her how this was possible, she said that she herself was on meth for over a year but she's turned a new leaf and has been clean for a year save a relapse in may. Says she doesn't remember all the guys that banged her while she was high.

I can just imagine her getting thrown around the room like a sock for anonymous meth heads to cum in, condom use not obligatory. Or her blowing dudes for a hit. I feel like throwing up at this point.

I told her I needed to sit down. We found a cafe. She tells me not to worry, that she's not the person she used to be. She had an almost defiant smile and seemed surprised at my extremely visible disappointment that I did not try to hide. After making sure she wasn't fucking with me, I wished her good luck and parted ways.

TL;DR: Sometimes the red flags aren't that obvious at first... Do your due diligence, but you might still get trust issues.

I ask then not be judgemental of woman like this. That number and drug very high like her during time, but I ask if man with 100s of women God maybe not send him pure wife. Most likely woman like this maybe end up with promiscuous man. In bible God make prophet Hosea marry prostitute for him saved. Woman like this may save man if God will.
 

BiggNastee

Kingfisher
Unless I am mistaken, Tinder only shows photos and age and location and has nothing about hobbies and interests, religion, pet peeves, etc... If this is true, it means that Tinder is extremely shallow because people are focusing on looks alone. Why even bother to set up a random date with a person you don't know anything about?

However, I think it is not good to ask about past sexual partners though and if asked, people should refuse to answer. Even if she stated '1' and it was an honest answer, you will wonder who the man is and the situation and you still might have doubts about her answer. Definitely don't ask who the person is. If a woman answers '100', you will likely not trust her even if she turned towards the straight and narrow path.

Some dating apps seem better than others. I think dating apps where only photos are shown are the worst offenders (Tinder) because the focus is only physical attraction (it matters but it should not be 100%) and dating apps known for controversial photos that encourage debauchery are almost as bad (OKCupid) because this encourages bad values. Women on dating apps focused on longer term relationships are more likely to be better. Even if they are not perfect, they might be at least making efforts to be better.
Funny. I have a "date" tomorrow with a girl off tinder. Definitely red flags but who am I to judge. I have them too. I've talked to her about the stuff I only read about on Roosh. She seems to get it. Pray for me
 

just a human

Robin
Atheist
Sharing this story here cause I dont have posting privileges yet but need to get this off my chest:



Match on Tinder with some 21 year old. Okay sure she's young but that's not always a problem in this part of the world. More importantly: tall, slender, very good looking, no tattoos, no piercings, tasteful photos, in school (starting grad school this year in something reasonable).

I'm traveling back and forth so we text for about two weeks. Everything good, she says she's not a party girl, doesn't drink, isn't vaxxed, has a good relationship with her father and mother (not divorced) and generally hints at looking for something serious. She lives a few hours from me, but I have friends in her town so I tell her I'm looking to drop by very soon over there and we can meet face to face. She is very enthusiastic about this.

Fast forward to the first date: all goes very smooth. We like each other very much, she's shy, timid and feminine, seems like she has long-term potential. I take her out to a nice resto, walk along the beach, light kiss goodnight, tell her I can see her in a couple of days again. Only thing that came out is that when I asked her why she didn't drink she said "I used to but then... something happened." I assume the typical story of getting drunk and having a regret-filled one-night stand. It doesn't really shock me as long as she has clearly learned from her experience. I give a knowing laugher and paid it no further mind.

Second date, we go bowling and arcades. She bumps into a number of kids she sees at her job as an animator at a summer camp, she seems extremely motherly and caring. I really felt like I was starting to fall in love.

Then we go for a walk downtown. She bumps into an old friend of hers who was wearing her stewardess uniform. I understand she used to work as a stewardess herself. This sends a very small potential alarm in my head cause young stewardesses are somewhat known for being "free spirits" when they're hopping destinations.

We continue our walk and she tells me she has to go to a friend's party in a few hours. I say:

Me: "Cool, is it a birthday party?"
Her: "Not quite"
Me: "Oh? What is it then?"
Her: [pause, she didn't want to answer but I playfully proded] "It's kind of like an anniversary"
Me: "Wedding anniversary?"
Her: "More like celebrating her 1 year of sobriety"
Me: "Oh so she was an alcoholic?"
Her: "No it was... Meth" [red flag for sure at this point]
Me: "Oh you have friends who were on Meth, you hang out with cool people then" [Sarcasm]
Her: "Yeah haha.."
Me: [At this point I feel due diligence is in order] "So let me ask you, have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
Her: "Nothing serious" [red flag]
Me: "Oh okay so just... casual stuff?"
Her: "Yeah exactly" [Yellow alarm has now been set off, but she's just 21 years old, how bad can it be]
Me: At this point I pull the inevitable question I have gotten used to ask: "Ok cool. No problem, so let's be real, how many men have you been with?"
Her: [pause] "Uhhh... not sure I can answer"
Me: "It's all good, don't worry, I'm not judgemental" [lie on my part but I need to get the info]
Her: "Well actually... I'm not sure"
Me: "No need to be an exact number, just approximately"
Her: "No well I mean I don't remember" [Red alarm]
Me: "What? Just throw out some interval, between this and this number"
Her: "[Pause] I think somewhere between 100 and 200"
Me: "Hahaha, you're funny. Nice one"
Her: "No...it's not a joke"

My heart sank, I got dizzy. We were holding hands and I just became extremely stiff and let go. She tried to find my hand again but it was limp. I asked her how this was possible, she said that she herself was on meth for over a year but she's turned a new leaf and has been clean for a year save a relapse in may. Says she doesn't remember all the guys that banged her while she was high.

I can just imagine her getting thrown around the room like a sock for anonymous meth heads to cum in, condom use not obligatory. Or her blowing dudes for a hit. I feel like throwing up at this point.

I told her I needed to sit down. We found a cafe. She tells me not to worry, that she's not the person she used to be. She had an almost defiant smile and seemed surprised at my extremely visible disappointment that I did not try to hide. After making sure she wasn't fucking with me, I wished her good luck and parted ways.

TL;DR: Sometimes the red flags aren't that obvious at first... Do your due diligence, but you might still get trust issues.
Quite typical girl for my part of the world - eastern Europe (post Soviet). I would say - these types are not for normal man. Leave her for a) naive simp - nice guy, who will never even ask her a single question about her past
b) for some ex drug addict / alcoholic.
Problem is that these types often are really attractive, and normal guys can easily fall in love with them - they are like characters from some of the Hollywood movies about youngsters. Attractive, but not the princess type. They literary "create feelings" in almost every guy who have some interaction / date with her. Because they often look good and act in kinda "normal ,down on earth way".
But actually - very, very damaged inside. And at some point, they can return to their previous lifestyle.
 
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