Top ten red flags

murmurmur

Sparrow
A woman who seeks her moms approval for everything and isn’t a independent thinker for herself.

I dated a few women like this. I’m in my mid 20s though. But man it’s annoying.
What's wrong with this, if you can take her under your lead?
 
My generation is obsessed with porn because it has been pushed on us for our entire lives. Playboy was considered glamorous, soft porn was shown to us in television and movies. The movies Barbwire (which is just soft porn) and that one where Demi Moore plays a strippers came out in the 90s when we were kids.

As did Boogie Nights. I suppose my generation can be blamed for glamorizing porn. When I was a kid and John Holmes died of AIDS a hopeless drug addict who was responsible for the Wonderland Murders people simply thought...what a dirty business.

I remember the video store had an entire wall dedicated to it. Thats why. It was there, and it was normal, like baseball or other pass-times.

In the days of Blockbuster Video, you had to rent the X-rated tape and then return it and the cashier girl and everyone else knew you had been beating off to porn and it was embarrassing. When my teenage girlfriend wanted to watch a porn, I remember having her rent it.


Also the format changed. If my grandfather wanted porn when he was 18 or 19, he would have had to drive to the seedy part of town to buy a magazine. If my dad wanted it, he would have to drive to a strip mall and buy a VHS tape.

Prior to the internet, the only place you could purchase hardcore pornography was sex stores. No stores in any mall sold hardcore porn. Licensed sex shops did. Or you could go to an adult movie theater but this had risks. The guy next to you would be jacking off. Hookers would often accost you.


If I wanted it at that age I would boot up kazaa or some other file sharing program and I could have multiple videos without leaving the house. Now if a kid wants it he can access HD video on the internet and stream it right away. It requires less thought and effort to access, and there is an infinite amount now. All for free.

Still does not explain why Gen Y would rather watch porn than have sex with their wife. Ungodly sex acts. WTF fantasizes about DOUBLE-ANAL?

Part of it is also that many more women are consuming porn than is normal. The majority of pornography consumers are men, but, women are a growing % of porn users. So if something becomes normalized for one gender, it's normalized for the other. Furthermore, the men can't really judge the women for creating the products that they consume, so now porn is no longer shameful for the women involved.

No man who consumed porn in 1990 would have married a woman who did porn. Society in 1990 when I was sixteen judged a woman who did porn to be a white trash whore from a sad background.


Also, it's not just shot by skeezy mafiosos anymore. Onlyfans and websites like it allow for any girl with a smart phone (all of them) to shoot porn in her bedroom.

And why do so many Gen Y women want to do this? Its kind of like the Epstein case. Yes, the guy was a sleaze and his accomplices were sleazes but what kind of 15 year old girls go to an old perverts house and have sex for $200. That would have never happened in 1989 when I was in the ninth grade. Why are Gen Y women so shameless, so bereft of morals?

I'm also surprised that you say you don't know any Gen Xers that are pornography consumers.

There are and always have been. But remember it was harder to be a porn addict and you were considered a real pathetic bastard if you went to sleazy movie theaters and jerked off.

I know a bunch, they are just less loud about it.

It is astonishing how open Gen Y are about being porn addicts who beat off to porn like some kid who found his Dad's hustler. Gen X porn addicts would deny it. They would keep their magazines and tapes carefully hidden. They did not go around admitting to everyone that they jacked off to porn. It was considered totally pitiful. A step above exposing oneself in the park.
 

!!!???!!!

Sparrow
Gen Y prefers porn to real relationships because odds are their first exposure to sex/sexuality was pornographic in nature. That is to say, they were probably jerking off before they had sex, maybe even before they kissed a girl. And slowly you become desensitized/jaded, and you need more and more extreme porn just to get off. That why things like double anal/gangbangs etc are becoming popular. Also Gen Y doesn't have wives lol, we are considerably less likely to get married, probably due to economic factors but also from watching our parents and other generations go through brutal divorces. Seeing my mom wreck my dad really made me avoid marriage.

You keep saying that back in 1990 no one would have married a porn actress, I keep telling you why that is no longer the case. Porn has become totally normalized.
 
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Gen Y prefers porn to real relationships because odds are their first exposure to sex/sexuality was pornographic in nature.

Most people see a girly magazine before they get laid. But back when I was young, pornographic consumption was an adolescent obsession. Lots of guys were obsessed with porn and masturbation at 15, but once they started getting laid they grew out of this.

That is to say, they were probably jerking off before they had sex, maybe even before they kissed a girl.

That's nothing new.

And slowly you become desensitized/jaded, and you need more and more extreme porn just to get off.

To a Gen X, it is one thing to see a centerfold and another to see the borderline gay stuff like two men's penises touching in a woman's mouth.

That why things like double anal/gangbangs etc are becoming popular.

Once more, borderline gay stuff.


Also Gen Y doesn't have wives lol,

True. Gen X usually married by age 30. In 1990 if you were a man of 30 and unmarried you were considered very strange.

we are considerably less likely to get married, probably due to economic factors

Living at home at age 30 makes it tough to get married.

I suppose it makes pornographers wealthy.


but also from watching our parents and other generations go through brutal divorces. Seeing my mom wreck my dad really made me avoid marriage.

Could be.

You keep saying that back in 1990 no one would have married a porn actress, I keep telling you why that is no longer the case.

Well, back in 1990 when I was 16 nobody would marry a woman with 10 tattoos either, except a biker.

And back in 1990, an entire high school homeroom full of girls would not have gone over to Epstein's house to prostitute themselves for $200.

And no woman would have claimed to be bisexual in 1990. Being a lesbian was regarded as disgusting, not arousing.
Male homosexuals were stomped in public.

Anybody who smoked pot regularly after college was regarded as a complete loser in 1990. Now its acceptable to be completely stoned in public and not be fired from your job but lighting up a cigarette is considered a terrible filthy habit. Back in 1990 lots of people smoked cigarettes but anyone who smoked pot as an adult was considered a lowlife loser.

Well, yes, things were different in the nineties.



Porn has become totally normalized.

I think it is pitiful for grown men to admit jerking off to porn all the time or being porn addicts. Much less marry a porn star. But that is a generational thing. I'm Gen X-born in 1974.
 

kel

Pelican
But it is odd for me to hear that Gen Y men who have access to sexual partners are addicted to porn. When I was a young man, you used porn because you could not get a sexual partner.
Not exactly the same thing, but I used to worry that I was "coming down" with erectile dysfunction as it'd take some concentration and direct stimulation to get it up. But, I could always get it up and go indefinitely once I did. I realized that it was years of overstimulation. I spent years banging, every degenerate thing you could imagine, so after that having relatively vanilla sex with just one "normal" girl... I had to send my mind elsewhere, remember the degenerate stuff I'd done to get my motor running enough for the girl I'd picked up that night.

I suspect these guys have a problem sorta like mine, they just can't act out on it, they can't up the ante any IRL so they go to porn. They've been overstimulated by porn, their girlfriend can't compete (she's probably not helping matters, but that's another story).
 

!!!???!!!

Sparrow
That's exactly it kel, if you check out forums about nofap or pornography addiction you have guys in their teens/20s/30s talking about how they suffer from ED with their partners, but not when they consume pornography.

I also get the feeling that they have rewired their brains into thinking that sex is something that is observed from a third person perspective rather than something one actually engages in.
 

Days of Broken Arrows

Crow
Gold Member
I've written about how rare porn was in the '80s when I was young. When I was in fifth and sixth grade, I lived near a kid who would sneak looks at his dad's Playboys and share them with me and some other friends.

But no one was doing this by ninth grade. The only place you could get dirty magazines was at the convenience store. And we definitely DID NOT buy them there, because the clerks knew our parents or our brothers or someone.

That meant going out of town. But if you did that, you still had to look the clerk in the eye. Who wanted to do this? Plus, they'd "card" you, and if you were underage, there was the fear they'd call the cops. Back then, cops had little to do but bust you for crap like speeding and skateboarding (!!) so it was not a leap to think they'd step in if you tried to buy porn underage.

And so, I went through all of high school and most of college without seeing ANY porn. At all. It was actually easier to date a girl and have actual real sex. I kid you not.

My first exposure to a porn movie came when I was 21 and the dorm I was in had some sort of "theme night" and they showed a dirty movie. It done ironically and people laughed at it and cracked jokes. Some guys from the dorm showed up in bathrobes, Hugh Hefner-style. No one took any of this seriously or participated in what we now call porn culture.

Why? First of all, it was inconvenient, as noted. Second, there was MAJOR stigma. If you liked porn, you were a loser nerd.

Finally, there is one point that gets overlooked. Back in the '80s, people paired off in high school and college and married soon after. Women were family-oriented, not raised to waste money, time, and ovaries in idiotic "grad school." They wanted marriage practically the day after college graduation and kids in the next year or two. There was no time or desire for porn when you were part of a couple from age 18 (or younger) onward.

It's an entirely different world now.
 
I don't have a lot of deal-breakers but they're more difficult to overlook especially now that I'm older.

Smoker. Many women are smokers and it's automatic no.

Single mom. Also hard now that I'm in my 50's. Only caveat I would make is if you had adult kids and we were just casually involved. You have a 20 year old that lives in another state? Maybe. You have an 8 year old and the dad is around all the time? Nope.

Loud, bossy man haters. You know the type. No thanks. I'm a grown adult that is capable of conducting my own life. I don't need another mother I don't listen to. Also any feminist SJW's. Way too emotional and unstable.

That really narrows it down doesn't it...
 

PixelFree

Woodpecker
Long term psychoactive medication (such as anti-depressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, Valium, Xanax, Benzos), not seeing anything wrong with this and with no path or plan to get off them.

Addiction to drama / rage / short fuse (or from a family that loves shouting matches and constant fighting).
 

Days of Broken Arrows

Crow
Gold Member
Hey, I have another one: An over-dependence on psychologists or various "therapists."

I understand people go through problems and seek help. But it should be finite. I know women who have gone to shrinks for decades and/or are part of these bizarre women-only groups where they do nothing but hash over problems.

There is a whole sort of "therapy culture" that has evolved and women seem to be both the providers and the customers. Again, I think this has a place in the short-term. But if all you do in the long-term is discuss your problems, you end up becoming self-absorbed and you start seeing the world only in terms of conflict.
 
There was a point where I assumed psychologists' regular job was to help people overcome psychological problems, but from what I've seen they're altogether too often just a new addiction for someone who already has enough problems.
I'd assume the whole profession was a scam were it not for a couple of people I've seen who actually benefited from it.
 
Yoga Pants outside of yoga - She is either lazy or loves attention or both
Or she's fat. One of the main reasons (if not the main one) women love yoga pants is the compression effect. Any woman looks MUCH slimmer and firmer in yoga pants. Watching a woman take off her yoga pants is like watching a dam open.
 
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The quarantine has given us all some extra time at home, and I was able to dodge a bullet by committing any additional time or resources to someone I ultimately was not aligned with due to red flags I previously had not seen.

What are some of the obvious (not so obvious) red flags all must pay attention too?

1. Lack of relationship with her mother
2. Addicted to retail shopping
3. Does not cook
Good starter list! I NEVER KNEW HOW IMPORTANT COOKING WAS
 
Loud, fat, and bossy man haters. You know the type. No thanks. I'm a grown adult that is capable of conducting my own life. I don't need another mother I don't listen to.
I've a cousin like this. After one of her long term boyfriends dumped her, she resorted to plan B and married a fella off the computer from Tunisia. A lot of my relatives were concerned as men in that country apparently treat women terribly, and that he was just looking for a citizenship to our country. Anyway, it turns out he's a nice guy. I feel a tad bit sorry for him though when he gets bossed around.

These kinds of women seem more likely to smoke in my experience too.
 
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