Trying to fnd an LTR but keep dating below low quality women

Georges89

Sparrow
I come here earnestly in search of advice and help.

I'm 31 now, and well into an age where I believe I should be starting to settle down with a woman, with a view to start a family in the next few years.

I live in a big city in the UK and there are a ton of foreign women around. In addition, I've always been more attracted to 'foreign' women. I'm talking chinese, south east Asian, European, mixed race. I've never really been attracted to 'plain' English girls in the same way.

Now, I probably know, at least at a superficial level, what my problem is. Recently (especially due to COVID) I've been using online dating. I actually have reasonable success on there, although I got banned from Hinge a while ago so I'm now on Bumble, which is no way near as 'user friendly' given you current search for ethnicities that you're attracted too specifically. I digress. What I often 'end up' doing, is dating a girl who isn't from the UK, doesn't have a visa, and doesn't speak English natively / has a strong accent.

And when I end up discussing this with my close friends I quickly realise that I can / should be able to do much better. I'm a home-owner too, so the 'stakes' are really in the girl's favour if she marries me, not only does she get a passport but shares my fortune longer-term in context of a marriage.

So like I say, I think I've already 'answered' my own question. Date girls who already have a passport and have been in my country long enough to get one, and hence have a level of stability here, and probably speak better English (native level) and would be better to communicate with vis a vis a foreign born girl / one who has only been here for a couple of years.

The problem is, I keep on seemingly make the same mistakes online. I find most English girls online are not that attractive, and then the ones that are, tend to be hard to match with. So the 'foriegn pool' seems to be better. Not only the non passport holders, but the international girls I connect with seem to be more attractive, and that is partly because I am better attracted to them anyway, but their quality just seems to be higher. Anyway, I seem to run the risk, all the time, of matching with foreign girls, going on dates for the sake of it, and then a few more dates I start to realise, wait a minute. Does she even have a passport or right to remain?

And ultimately, whilst I believe I will settle with a non-English girl, the thought of being with a girl who has a very strong accent just seems sort of wrong when I look at the investment (time and money) my parents made in me. I realise a native level profeciency (alongside permenant residence here) are two non-negotiables. Anyway....it;s sometimes easier said then done online. Unless you are being careful, its easy to start to think 'oh she is nice' and this time it will be different, and just thinking in the very short term of a date and having some fun....

I feel a bit like a drug addict, contuining to date these women who aren't suitable for me. I know logically what I'm doing is hindering me and keeping me from finding a woman who is suitable for me, but I find it difficult to move from the 'knowing' of that to the actual implementation....

Anyway..just my thoughts, I appreciate any thoughts or advice. Like I say, I kind of 'know' where I'm going wrong, but its a question of actually changing that I find hard.
 
Be very careful in vetting these women, accent or not, so that you don't end up losing your house in an ugly divorce, down the road. My brother had to take out a huge loan, to stop his wife, who was divorcing him, from forcing the poor guy to sell the house he had owned before they were ever married.
 

kamoz

Kingfisher
Gold Member
What ethnicity are you? It's best to stick to your own kind for cultural and family best fit.
If you can you should, but that’s not always possible (and this guy is in the UK - give him a break!). Your first priority should be to find a Christian woman and to lead a Christian life (assuming you are Christian, if not, then whatever your value system is, but Christianity is the best safeguard in my opinion). Then try to find someone culturally similar. I can see alt right/white nationalist men who in their desperation to sire white children end up in bad marriages or no marriage at all. Of course the same can happen if youre overly attracted to a race different from your own and blindly prioritize that.

OP I understand your predicament. The girls that you feel are of the quality you want/deserve are unreachable because they don’t like you back or give you time of day, but you are able to “date down” enough until you have success. A lot of people here can sympathize with that, it’s the modern dating market.

“Only God can find you a good wife” is a very true statement. Of course this doesn’t mean don’t do anything and let the cards fall as they may. You have to take action - but don’t let it consume you. Be the best man you can be - stay fit, gain confidence, etc. Continue to look around, there’s nothing wrong with dating apps. So many girls use them nowadays that this does include a small percentage of high quality girls. Not sure if you go to church, and you shouldn’t go solely to find a woman, but I will say offhand that the likelihood of you finding someone there is probably unlikely esp in England.

The last point I will make is that “you can’t always get what you want” when it comes to finding a wife. In other words you need to determine what features/aspects you can do without. You obviously must be attracted to whoever you marry, and she has to take care of herself, but are there certain physical features that you particularly like? You will probably come across good marry able women that don’t have that. Maybe the tits or booty isn’t the right size, the hair or skin tone not the right color, etc. Basically how bad do you want to get married, have a list, know what you’re willing to do without.
 

Georges89

Sparrow
I much appreciate all the replies.

I am Christian in the sense that I was baptised at birth and went to a Christian school, although it was more by default then by choice. However over recent years I have become somewhat closer to my Christian roots. The pandemic has obviously put a stop for the time being to meeting girls IRL, let alone meeting girls in a church environment, although that might be possible again in a few months.

I guess I realise there are some non-negotiables for me. 1) Having a passport or indefinite right to remain 2) having a native level of English or being able to confidently converse with others in English. That isn't exactly setting the bar that high, but at least that settles the particular issues I've been having. It's funny as when you become a home-owner, the quality of woman becomes more important as there is obviously more in it for the average woman, and obviously when the relationhip is too lop-sided in her favour, it's a bit of a concern for me. A girl with no family money and no passport is a case in point.

The problem is, when you're on the apps, you don't always know what their situation is or their level of English, although you can often guess. But my point being is that it can be very easy to be swiping and casting a wide-ish net for the purposes of getting some conversations going and then before you know it, you're speaking to a handful of matches, some of whom might be some different countries etc, which is fine, but its then being strict enough with myself to ask the question about their situation and be honest with myself about the relationship. Although you can infer a lot about how long they have been here, their level of English etc. So it shouldn't be that hard, but it can be easy enough to 'forget' your rules especially when you are bored and looking for a match.

Recently, as lockdown was eased a bit here, I met a few, and started meeting an Asian girl who I've been dating up until now. Now, she is a good cook, and likes to do the washing up and in many ways would probably make a good wife. But I have a nagging feeling I'd be settling with her. She wasn't educated in the UK, and I'm not fully aware of her visa situation although I'm guessing she doesn't have citizenship, and lastly her English is quite so so. I can't imagine her able to keep up a conversation with my family over dinner. And the nagging feeling / voice tells me, I could do much better. Objectively speaking, I could find a UK born girl who would simply make a much better partner in many respects. For me, I think finding a woman who can actually 'fit in' and get on with my family would be important, and at the very least be able to hold a conversation at family meetups. Fundementally, I do beleive when it comes to marriage we have to find someone that our family would approve of, otherwise it will only be harder down the line.

I think its having the maturity, patience and rationality to only pursue / meet in real life those who tick the above boxes (not to mention the usual red flags that one has to be aware of). Part of me wishes I could take a chance on a woman who didn't have a passport etc but at the same time, I just don't know / think its worth the risk, especially once you have something to lose in the way of a property.
 
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I'm on the younger side here, but it seems like the online dating market doesn't have many women left in your age bracket and requirements list. I'm really skeptical of online dating, especially since I think there's going to be an online dating frenzy with lonely folks looking for a relationship when nations start opening up.

I'd say wait out the closure, then start expanding your circles into where church girls are also likely to be, like book clubs, artistry groups, and dance circles.

Then again, hey, I'm young. Take my thoughts worth a grain of salt. I'm sure there's guys with loads more wisdom than I on this board.
 

Redcrus

Pigeon
You must be doing something right to even meet these women - most online dating apps/sites are a wasteland. Finding women off there has been near impossible for me. Its been the usual story - catfishing, fakes, and stuck up self-entitled women with a hugley inflated opinion of themselves. 99% of 'profiles' are not even worth the effort:poo:

White women are a waste of time, unless you're looking for just a shag, but I can see you're not. As others have said stick to women from your ethnic origin, but don't risk it if she isn't a permanent resident. The pain and trouble will be too much later and Asian women make great actresses and can be extremely manipulative and greedy. Best to play your cards safe and hold out for an educated girl born in the west. Easier said than done of course, but you seem like a smart guy and you have that on your side :like:
 
I live in a big city in the UK and there are a ton of foreign women around. In addition, I've always been more attracted to 'foreign' women. I'm talking chinese, south east Asian, European, mixed race. I've never really been attracted to 'plain' English girls in the same way.
Of course you aren't. Move to a white country that still has its head on its shoulders and you never will consider race-mixing again. I would miscegenate with a different white race, such as Semites - these (pure blooded and white) Arab women are from another dimension -. but their culture is still quite different, which makes them not my preferred option. They have more culture than we Westernes, so whatever is left of our "culture" will be rooted out completely, if not in our lifetime, our children sure will inherit the mother-culture.
 
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Mr Freedom

Sparrow
This might sound like doom and gloom but the anglosphere is almost finished for quality women.

In my old daygame days I even used to go up to Single white woman who were 6s and 7s and they would just reply with a very snarky borderline argumentative attitude. I don't even bother anymore. They are probably content with having tonnes of beta orbiters to choose from or probably even okay with stooping down to lesbianism. Who needs a man right?

Race mixing will become the norm in the anglo-sphere and the west due to the entitled nature of Western Women. Of course this will be whitewashed by mainstream media who will claim that it's due to men becoming more "woke". Of course there are good white western women out there but the numbers are thinning out as each year passes. I think the UK is one of those rare countries were even the Black girls are more approachable (at least the non ghetto one's anyway) than the local white women.

In recent years I have seen more white men with ethnic women whilst I vividly remember growing up in the 90s and it was usually the other way round. hmmmm...
 
"This might sound like doom and gloom but the anglosphere is almost finished for quality women."

Things may be tough out there, but as they say, "it only takes one," if you are looking for a serious girlfriend or a wife. But just be sure to carefully vette your woman, because you don't want to become a victim of divorce rape. And in the West, the woman holds the power to make or break you, on a whim. In my case I met someone via Facebook, and then relocated to the Philippines.
 

aeroektar

Pelican
The quality of women in the west (east coast USA in my case) is extremely low. They aren't even close to the ugliest or worst genetically, but by far we have the most spiritually broken/morally corrupt women on earth and the worst obesity problem. Those two factors alone have almost laid waste to society and the ability to find a women who will make a suitable wife and mother.

OP makes it sound like he is dating illegal immigrants who got off the boat last week. I wish I had the same women running around where I live, I'd pick one of those women, shitty accent and all, over a normie white girl or ethnic who was raised in our broken culture.

At this point, I'd much rather start with a women who was raised in a far more conservative culture removed from the west. The best example of this that I've found is vietnamese women, but I've also met and dated great girls from other parts of Asia and EE. The foreign born women I've met in the US who have been there a while attending school or other pursuits have all been somewhere along the path of succumbing to the cultural rot. Still better then women born in the west.

The best bet for us is probably to meet a woman through church. A poster recently shared this video of a church that's not all that far away from where I am and there's other conservative churches like it in my region. This is all a huge unknown for me and a bit intimidating but it's the last option before I decide to go abroad to find a wife.

URL='https://www.facebook.com/SaintBenedictCenter/videos/293971994852349/'][/URL]
 

Muscovite

Pigeon
Every time I've met a woman worthy of more than a one night affair, it was when I wasn't looking for one. It's uncanny how it actually works.

I've been married for over 10 years now. I met my wife on a night out when a friend had to bribe me with free drinks all night just to get me to go out. I'd pretty much given up trying at that point.

Before marriage, I'd met a few women through online sites, but it just never felt right. Even if I found her attractive, I knew it wasn't gonna work.

I'd say dump the apps and online scene and get a new hobby where you actually go out and have a chance of meeting someone "naturally".
 

Blade Runner

Woodpecker
The quality of women in the west (east coast USA in my case) is extremely low. They aren't even close to the ugliest or worst genetically, but by far we have the most spiritually broken/morally corrupt women on earth and the worst obesity problem. Those two factors alone have almost laid waste to society and the ability to find a women who will make a suitable wife and mother.

OP makes it sound like he is dating illegal immigrants who got off the boat last week. I wish I had the same women running around where I live, I'd pick one of those women, shitty accent and all, over a normie white girl or ethnic who was raised in our broken culture.
I liked the whole post, but these are good distillations of what's going on.

From my experience, the smv difference - real or perceived - with dating other races as a caucasian is so large that you'll actually get a woman who behaves how she should. I have no problem with dating any race of woman, it's just that serious and long term ramifications are a big undertaking for me, if I were to consider marriage to a non-caucasian, race and a culture-wise. The way I see it, you can only get this similar behavior in countries where women are poor/not spoiled - and that creates also a caution of tradeoffs - but generally they are much more appreciative and tend to be more traditional.

Most western women who aren't fat get so much attention, and have for so long, that they are near impossible to deal with as long term partners. And as we've said, the only way to nip that in the bud at this point would be to marry them young --- but again, the culture is still here dragging everyone down. Oh yeah ... last thing ... humility only sets in (if it even does) when they get really old and are already leftovers, which of course no one wants. Around every corner there's another angle to slap the western man in the face.
 

ivanverr

Pigeon
The problem is, I keep on seemingly make the same mistakes online. I find most English girls online are not that attractive, and then the ones that are, tend to be hard to match with. So the 'foriegn pool' seems to be better. Not only the non passport holders, but the international girls I connect with seem to be more attractive, and that is partly because I am better attracted to them anyway, but their quality just seems to be higher. Anyway, I seem to run the risk, all the time, of matching with foreign girls, going on dates for the sake of it, and then a few more dates I start to realise, wait a minute. Does she even have a passport or right to remain?
There are quite a few attractive English girls in the UK, and that applies to online dating too, even though I guess it depends on which area of the UK you live. But in a big city, whichever it might be, you have plenty of options, even with the locals. I live in the UK and even though I am not British, I have often matched attractive English girls online and dated them subsequently. The problem is not their looks, the problem is their culture. I would never marry a British girl, as there really are better options when it comes to wife material in Europe.

But the point I wanted to make is: the foreign pool only seem better to you because you think you can stand a better chance with them. In other words, you are hooked on to the ego trip of them "dating up" by choosing you. You don't want to take on the responsibility of having to compete with other men for the ever-saturated attention of English girls. Let go of that and focus on what really is the best approach long-term.

And ultimately, whilst I believe I will settle with a non-English girl, the thought of being with a girl who has a very strong accent just seems sort of wrong when I look at the investment (time and money) my parents made in me. I realise a native level profeciency (alongside permenant residence here) are two non-negotiables.
But why? Those two criteria are absolutely useless when it comes to invest in a potential future wife. Language proficiency can be improved, and visa issues can be solved by marriage itself. As long as you can understand each other and you can communicate, I don't see any problem. If you truly believe these are deal-breakers I would start questioning your real motives. Focus on important features such as good character, good values, as well as caring and feminine attributes.
 

Mr Freedom

Sparrow
"This might sound like doom and gloom but the anglosphere is almost finished for quality women."

Things may be tough out there, but as they say, "it only takes one," if you are looking for a serious girlfriend or a wife. But just be sure to carefully vette your woman, because you don't want to become a victim of divorce rape. And in the West, the woman holds the power to make or break you, on a whim. In my case I met someone via Facebook, and then relocated to the Philippines.
It's not even just a case for finding a wife

For example when running "game" in a city in the UK and you hit women up with compliments there is a good chance you will get positive responses from ethnic chicks and negative responses from your local English chicks.

I put negative in bold because I can't even count the amount of times I have either been or have seen other single guys on the receiving end off a "fuck you", "go away you bastard" or some snarky argumentative "what do you want" from a local English woman when someone tries to court her even when using a socially calibrated opening compliment. It's gone so bad that I know of many British men who tell me that they have stopped approaching English women full stop.

I am not talking about pua clowngame here but actually calibrated approaches with the intent to having a long term relationship down the line.

Surely something is not right when men are not willing to approach you? The funny thing is here I bet most of those women are single as well or maybe even up for a pump and dump after a wild Saturday night. It's almost like these woman want to crush the soul of any man who dares make a move on them.

I don't think people in general (and some cases men even on this forum) appreciate how much a decent response from a women (even if she has no interest in having a relationship with you) can do to a confidence of a man. A simple thanks or a smile from a lady you interacted with can do so much good for your soul. It will also increase your confidence to talk to women and build up your experience and understand them better so that you can end up marrying one down the line of course.

It's no wonder many British men today are lost or can't even approach a woman without being drunk. Imagine living your whole life not being able to court women because a large number of them want to bust your balls at every opportunity. This might be a generalisation on English women but then again I do believe there are some truths to be discovered in every generalisation.
 
It's not even just a case for finding a wife

For example when running "game" in a city in the UK and you hit women up with compliments there is a good chance you will get positive responses from ethnic chicks and negative responses from your local English chicks.

I put negative in bold because I can't even count the amount of times I have either been or have seen other single guys on the receiving end off a "fuck you", "go away you bastard" or some snarky argumentative "what do you want" from a local English woman when someone tries to court her even when using a socially calibrated opening compliment. It's gone so bad that I know of many British men who tell me that they have stopped approaching English women full stop.

I am not talking about pua clowngame here but actually calibrated approaches with the intent to having a long term relationship down the line.

Surely something is not right when men are not willing to approach you? The funny thing is here I bet most of those women are single as well or maybe even up for a pump and dump after a wild Saturday night. It's almost like these woman want to crush the soul of any man who dares make a move on them.

I don't think people in general (and some cases men even on this forum) appreciate how much a decent response from a women (even if she has no interest in having a relationship with you) can do to a confidence of a man. A simple thanks or a smile from a lady you interacted with can do so much good for your soul. It will also increase your confidence to talk to women and build up your experience and understand them better so that you can end up marrying one down the line of course.

It's no wonder many British men today are lost or can't even approach a woman without being drunk. Imagine living your whole life not being able to court women because a large number of them want to bust your balls at every opportunity. This might be a generalisation on English women but then again I do believe there are some truths to be discovered in every generalisation.
Perhaps you should try a singles meetup group, where they do hikes, volunteering, dinner gatherings, etc.,. so you can meet women who want to meet men... Or attend a church with a good singles group. Or use a dating website like E-Harmony, which focuses on giving you just a few people at a time, so you can really get to know each other. Quality over quantity. There is no magic bullet, but these ideas might help you. Just don't let negativity get you down.

What is your opinion of modern Australian women? I remember being in my early twenties, and my mother, raised in NYC, advised me to stay away from them, should I meet one, because her memories of them were not so great. She said they tended to be very abrasive, similar to what you say about the current UK females.
 
"This might sound like doom and gloom but the anglosphere is almost finished for quality women."

Things may be tough out there, but as they say, "it only takes one," if you are looking for a serious girlfriend or a wife. But just be sure to carefully vette your woman, because you don't want to become a victim of divorce rape. And in the West, the woman holds the power to make or break you, on a whim. In my case I met someone via Facebook, and then relocated to the Philippines.
How do you like the Philippines? Do you have kids if you don't mind me asking?

I don't think I could live in the Phillipines long term, even though I'm attracted to filipinas and I respect their culture.
 
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