Trying to fnd an LTR but keep dating below low quality women

PixelFree

Kingfisher
They all have a few red flags. However, you asked her not to go out drinking with a person who has sexual interest in her, she went despite your asking her not to, there by demonstrating her sexual interest in him. Not only a red flag, but a huge deal breaker. She will pull this shit in the future on you.
Agree. Not a good sign. A girl who loves you, is ready for an LTR and worthy of an LTR will not even want to do this.

They will try to play dumb - call you 'controlling', say 'don't be silly, he doesn't like me!' or 'I'm not interested in him!'. Sometimes I really wonder if they believe their own BS.

Just don't be needy, domineering or angry about it. Calming state something like 'If you want go drinking with other men who are sexually interested in you without me, then I don't think we're ready for an LTR', 'I don't think we'd work out'.

Hidden secret - she actually wants you to do this to her, subconsciously. For you to desire her in this way. Previously I had been like 'yeah, sure, have a fun time!' (to be all non-needy) and found out this actually hurts good, honest, genuine women. As Waverer says, they see it as the problem that it is.
 

JamalH

Newbie
I've been talking to a 28 year old. She seems down to earth and generally nice. Interested in long term partnership and success. Only thing is, she is chubby. I'm guessing around 20lbs overweight. Her mom is skinny so I don't know if it will get worse for her.

Is this something I compromise on? I don't need an attention grabbing 8+, but somewhat chubby is something difficult for my superficial side to get over. I am skinny and in shape.
Depends on what you're into. I prefer thin, feminine women, so I wouldn't compromise that.
 

JamalH

Newbie
Just don't be needy, domineering or angry about it. Calming state something like 'If you want go drinking with other men who are sexually interested in you without me, then I don't think we're ready for an LTR', 'I don't think we'd work out'.

Hidden secret - she actually wants you to do this to her, subconsciously. For you to desire her in this way. Previously I had been like 'yeah, sure, have a fun time!' (to be all non-needy) and found out this actually hurts good, honest, genuine women. As Waverer says, they see it as the problem that it is.
Thanks for the advice! I will do this.
What does a good, honest, genuine woman think if I dont get jealous at all, ever?
 

PixelFree

Kingfisher
Thanks for the advice! I will do this.
What does a good, honest, genuine woman think if I dont get jealous at all, ever?
They will think that you don't like them or don't care for them deeply.

More confident ones may hide this feeling to look tough, the more sensitive ones will be visibly distressed and may even say something.

It's a balance of course - on one hand you shouldn't get sulky, overly angry or bitter, on the other, you shouldn't be completely non-reactive. The vibe you are going for with these conversations is loving father, not jealous boyfriend.
 
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bmw633

Sparrow
I think it's up to you. Does it matter to you what other men think of your wife's looks? I much prefer the breasts, bum and legs of women who are slightly overweight. Then again, 20lbs overweight now may mean 60lbs overweight five years after marriage.
You gotta see for yourself. Women can conceal things in video/ show old photos.

Let us know what you find in person.
 

bmw633

Sparrow
Thanks for the advice! I will do this.
What does a good, honest, genuine woman think if I dont get jealous at all, ever?
Say it from a position of strength, and if she goes anyway, don't be a bitch and cave to her BS.

If you show emotion or act like you care, you lose......
 

JamalH

Newbie
Update: I talked to my LTR and she said all she wanted was for me to get jealous and protective of her. But she said she understands what I want, and wont do that again. She already had this guys number deleted, and she doesnt talk to him at work anymore as he is now an asshole towards her.
 

PixelFree

Kingfisher
Update: I talked to my LTR and she said all she wanted was for me to get jealous and protective of her. But she said she understands what I want, and wont do that again. She already had this guys number deleted, and she doesnt talk to him at work anymore as he is now an asshole towards her.
Nice one! Looks like my hidden secret was correct
 

mubs100

Pigeon
Update: I talked to my LTR and she said all she wanted was for me to get jealous and protective of her. But she said she understands what I want, and wont do that again. She already had this guys number deleted, and she doesnt talk to him at work anymore as he is now an asshole towards her.
Second the other posters who said it's about how you handle it.

All women know deep down that no man would like to be in your situation.

1. You say nothing and pretend not to be jealous: Shows weakness. You are not being yourself and expressing your emotions. She knows you are not happy with it so the question is why are you hiding it? If you are hiding negativity and bottling it up it is because you want something and once you get what you want that negativity will come out as no one can keep it locked up forerver. Shows weakness, dishonesty.

2. You get upset, jealous, afraid, possessive: Could be better than the above, but shows insecurity and possessiveness, could be worse too. The above and this are extremes of the spectrum of negative.

3. You explain that you are not happy with this situation and without getting too emotional and remain in control. Explicitly tell her things wont work between you if this continues: Seems like a good response.

4. You are completely unconcerned and non-jealous because you know the other guy is weak and pussy for his behavour, and you are confident in youself and dont think the girl will cheat with some random dude who cant compare to you. In this situation you will look down on both the girl and the guy, the guy for being a pathetic loser and the girl for not being turned off by his behaviour (chasing a married women from work). You will make remarks how the guy is such a loser and be somewhat turned off by her for her behaviour and association with such a loser. You dont tell her what you want her to do, you just let her know what you think of him (loser, dickhead, scum).

If she says, "I'm going out", you say "oh you meeting that dickhead/fool/scumbag/loser again". Just repeatedly diss him nonchalantly in front of her.

If you keep putting him down, she'll either have to defend him and their friendship, or agree with your frame. This is the test. Its highly unlikely that she'll not agree with your frame, the test is whether you can take this approach.
 
For those that have successfully landed an LTR in the modern era, how do you bring up the "I'm serious about having a relationship" topic?

I'm not talking about proposing marriage on the third date, but I am curious if there's a solid, unambiguous way to signal your intentions early on in the relationship without it being too overbearing. And when the right time to do it is.

Many of my previous LTR's just sort of "happened."
 

GibsMeDat

Pigeon
For those that have successfully landed an LTR in the modern era, how do you bring up the "I'm serious about having a relationship" topic?

I'm not talking about proposing marriage on the third date [...]

Many of my previous LTR's just sort of "happened."
You need to bring it up ASAP. The longer you go pissing about or getting physical, you will no longer have the clarity to judge her character or qualities for marriage. Once you get physical, or even emotional, your judgment is heavily clouded.

I get your grievances -- it seems like with most relationships these days, even months in, you aren't sure if it's "serious" enough to bring it up.

I'd say, on the first or second date, it's appropriate to ask stuff like: 1. what are you looking for in a long term partner, 2. is that something you're even willing to explore right now?

Any girl worth marrying will at least be open minded to these sort of questions, even if she is a bit shy or taken aback at first.
 
Girls online largely fit into one category:

1) seeking attention

Beyond that you are looking at:

2) has banged her way through her social circle
3) refuses to accept what her social circle offers her
4) is not desired in her social circle
5) has no social circle
6) has a limited social circle

6) would be your best bet. In my opinion some of the best fixer-upper (not all, not all, but most) girls are more bookish or detached from modern culture: drinking, partying etc. These girls don't get about much and don't react flirty to advances. They are more conservative-types who live in a society that is wall-to-wall liberal.

Hmm really good point. My current LTR I met on Tinder, but she's Japanese and is a professional ballet dancer. Her english is fine but just not really native level of fluency in talk. Almost.

Because of that and her dancing, her social circle is mostly a few girls and gay dudes.

In almost every way she's been the ideal LTR type. This may be for her wanting to lock down a guy as she's getting "older" (26). Or she could just be a good catch.

Very true about this though. Any attractive and high quality (mentally/spiritually) girl that has a robust social circle is never going to waste her time on dating apps. You might get lucky and catch one lacking in the social circle department.

I do also see sometimes that you can catch high quality girls in short window periods where they've outgrown a previous social circle and you can fill the gap.
 
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