Unrelated gay family member is "getting married"

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
Background information - an unrelated extended family member came out of the closet a few years ago at about 41 years old. I posted about it here, in a now deleted thread before the forum was reorganized.

This guy was always a bit timid, never very good with women and had only one girlfriend I knew, who was very overweight and downright mean. He's a bit sloppy appearance wise, overweight and not exactly a dapper dresser. Him going gay struck me as giving up by "discovering" who he really is, especially at such an advanced age. Even his brother, who's been out of the closet since college, seemed a bit hesitant to accept it. It was made all the more easier for both of them to live this way as since leaving home they've always been in an urban setting surrounded by sin and nonstop "pride" messaging.

Fast forward and he's posting a picture of a ring in a box given to him by the other (much younger) guy on Instagram. I sure as hell don't want to click "like" on that, especially since he knows years ago (before he came out) my thoughts on the whole homosexual dead end lifestyle. We occasionally see each other and I'm civil to his "lifestyle partner" but obviously I'll never accept the road he's chosen.

Curious about thoughts on how to address this? I'd rather just ignore it - anything other than approval will fall on deaf ears and cause strife.
 

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
It's frustrating, because I know it's nothing but a combination of massive social engineering and possibly endocrine disrupting chemicals doing a number on his testosterone combined with already low self esteem.

There's no amount of direct counseling by me that could change any of it, but I still wonder what makes someone one day decide to recognize they're on the wrong path and seek help. Going against the natural order will not end well without repentance.
 

eradicator

Peacock
Agnostic
Gold Member
Do not go to the ceremony. Even if this is a non blood related relative, if it was me, I'd still send them a wedding gift if I ever had any positive relationship for the relative. Otherwise just don't mention it and if you're at a family function with them be civil and if you don't think you can be civil then don't go to any family functions where they will be.

That said, it almost sounds like your relative isn't even gay at all but adopted this lifestyle because he couldn't get laid with women. You almost seem to be hinting at it.
 

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
Do not go to the ceremony. Even if this is a non blood related relative, if it was me, I'd still send them a wedding gift if I ever had any positive relationship for the relative. Otherwise just don't mention it and if you're at a family function with them be civil and if you don't think you can be civil then don't go to any family functions where they will be.

That said, it almost sounds like your relative isn't even gay at all but adopted this lifestyle because he couldn't get laid with women. You almost seem to be hinting at it.
I am doing more than hinting it, I am flat out suggesting he pretty much gave up on girls. Like I mentioned it, his own (very gay) brother even thought it was odd that his brother joined the team at the advanced age of 41 or so.

I can be civil with them, I've met his... partner... before and I never flip out or get preachy. I agree with your suggestion, thanks. I'll send a gift but find a reason not to be in town on the actual date of the ceremony, which shouldn't be too hard.
 

BasilSeal

Kingfisher
Trad Catholic
Gold Member
Unless you are regimented and routinely send gifts in response to all invitations, I wouldn't feel particularly bad about not sending one. Personally, I would not send one and there is no obligation to do so. Any expectation of gifts is actually a corruption of proper (wedding) etiquette. Gifts should always be given freely.
 

Max Roscoe

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
That said, it almost sounds like your relative isn't even gay at all but adopted this lifestyle because he couldn't get laid with women.
My first thought when clicking on this thread is "I question whether this person is even gay" because gay marriage is not even something most gays want, and it indeed it appears he is just going along with the trend. I have one gay acquaintance who I see once every year or two. He has zero interest in gay marriage or any of the social movement stuff, which is more of a hobby for woke activists than it is any real desire from the gay community.

The majority of "gayness" now I believe is forced or created by media (the same way they can encourage other destructive behaviors like interracial coupling, drug use, hedonism, careerism, etc).

Of course there is a certain number of people in a society who are attracted to members of the same sex (as I said, these are now the minority in our society). The traditional way society always taught these people to behave is to refrain from their temptation, the same way any of us are taught to refrain from our weaknesses, whether that is drug use, fornication, immoral attraction to children, gambling, cursing, or any other mortal temptation. Heroin probably feels great but I'll never try it. The lack of moral standards and resorting to "if it feels good do it" is one of the biggest failure of western civilization.

Of course, it's a far more evil act to convince people who do not even have this same sex attraction to "turn gay" / non binary / etc, and I've seen it happen to several friends.
 

Gimlet

Pelican
The majority of men who practice homosexual sex were initiated into it. (See Crowley, Hollywood demons etc) And their first taste is how they always do it.. So a kid who was sodomized by an older male will always be a "bottom". And a kid who is led to sodomized an older male will be a "top". The whole identity/title of "gay" is nonsense. No one's identity should be based in sexual urges. Your family member was probably convinced to let a male perform oral on him, and since the taboo has been reminded ved by society he went with it.
 

Raskolnikov

Robin
Orthodox
The whole identity/title of "gay" is nonsense. No one's identity should be based in sexual urges. Your family member was probably convinced to let a male perform oral on him, and since the taboo has been reminded ved by society he went with it.
EXACTLY! That's what I try to start any conversation about this off with. You are not your urges, that's a very disgusting and demeaning idea of human nature. Usually, you have to kick in the door right at the start and explain that "born this way" is an idiotic trope without any evidence supporting it, and then question what people mean by "natural", because they always bring it up. If animals doing it means it's natural, then naturalness can impossibly infer a moral good, because animals also practice cannibalism, rape, murder and infanticide.
The classification of people struggling with homosexuality as a societal group or community is just pure Saul Alinsky type subversion and has zero grounding in reality. And telling people who struggle with something "this is just who you are, deep down" is one of the most horrible things you can say. Sexual abuse victims often obsessively reiterate things that happened to them in their mind, if you tell them that's just how they are and they should lean into it and others have to accept it you are basically creating a recruitment mechanism for ritual sexual abuse. I guess that is in fact what the oligarchs are trying to do anyway.
I would say that I think it's immoral and I can in no way support it. "Gay marriage" is an inversion of a sacrament and deeply sinful. I would not even send a gift, I would just send a letter stating my honest opinion and offering support in case of repentance.
 

rainy

Pelican
Other Christian
I wouldn't address if it were me. There is too much going on in this world to inject ourselves into individual circumstances we may or may not agree with, as long as they aren't really harming others.

Now we could agree there's variations to the word "harm" and whether gayness is harmful overall to society. But pick your battles. This is a family member. What's the benefit of making of scene? Ask yourself, what is the reaction to my action. Is there an action I can take here which will be a positive to those involved? I doubt it. Just like going to battle with a jabbed family member isn't likely to yield a positive result.

I completely disagree with being gay but there are far bigger fish to fry than creating an issue around someone's wedding. If it were me I'd wish them well and move on.

Make sure your own house is in order. Make sure those you are responsible for are taken care of. Save the energy of getting involved with individuals for confronting harm, like child abuse.

I'd also say, and I believe this is forgotten at times. The final judgement comes from God. He created us. So much of what we do is between God and ourselves. That goes for everyone. Don't play God. Everyone has their own path, their own experiences and at the end, God will have his say. Not you, I or anyone else.
 

Max Roscoe

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
If it were me I'd wish them well and move on.

Make sure your own house is in order. Make sure those you are responsible for are taken care of.
The final judgement comes from God. He created us. So much of what we do is between God and ourselves. That goes for everyone. Don't play God. Everyone has their own path, their own experiences and at the end, God will have his say. Not you, I or anyone else.
Judge not lest ye be judged.
We are all sinners. I would like to think my sins are less severe than sodomy, but that is for God to judge.

I would also refrain from openly condemning. At least not on the "wedding day" -- you are not going to convince anyone to stop the ceremony, you will just anger them. I agree with the wishing well, and just writing them off from your life going forward. Honestly we are so clown world at this point I think you would just confuse someone if you criticized a gay wedding--most churches support them!
 

Good_Shepherd

Woodpecker
Orthodox Catechumen
Background information - an unrelated extended family member came out of the closet a few years ago at about 41 years old. I posted about it here, in a now deleted thread before the forum was reorganized.

This guy was always a bit timid, never very good with women and had only one girlfriend I knew, who was very overweight and downright mean. He's a bit sloppy appearance wise, overweight and not exactly a dapper dresser. Him going gay struck me as giving up by "discovering" who he really is, especially at such an advanced age. Even his brother, who's been out of the closet since college, seemed a bit hesitant to accept it. It was made all the more easier for both of them to live this way as since leaving home they've always been in an urban setting surrounded by sin and nonstop "pride" messaging.

Fast forward and he's posting a picture of a ring in a box given to him by the other (much younger) guy on Instagram. I sure as hell don't want to click "like" on that, especially since he knows years ago (before he came out) my thoughts on the whole homosexual dead end lifestyle. We occasionally see each other and I'm civil to his "lifestyle partner" but obviously I'll never accept the road he's chosen.

Curious about thoughts on how to address this? I'd rather just ignore it - anything other than approval will fall on deaf ears and cause strife.
Just dont ever approve of their lifestyle, dont say congratulations, dont call it a marrige and dont call the sex partner a husband, you can still be nice to them and talk when around them but dont ever make it clear that you accept it as a norm they must always be aware when around you that its not, hopefully it will help yhem repent in the future you at least got to be the person in their lives that going to help them, thats love
 

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
The majority of men who practice homosexual sex were initiated into it. (See Crowley, Hollywood demons etc) And their first taste is how they always do it.. So a kid who was sodomized by an older male will always be a "bottom". And a kid who is led to sodomized an older male will be a "top". The whole identity/title of "gay" is nonsense. No one's identity should be based in sexual urges. Your family member was probably convinced to let a male perform oral on him, and since the taboo has been reminded ved by society he went with it.
Except that he fell for it much later in life. I knew he had a bad porno habit before all of this - probably got steered into it by the incessant commingling of sodomite behavior in that venue. They have been legitimizing sodomy to teach everyone that a hole is a hole, etc. Combine that with the life he led which was basically that of an urban homosexual anyway and it probably wasn't hard for him to rationalize his way into this "discovery" of being gay.
 

Raskolnikov

Robin
Orthodox
Except that he fell for it much later in life. I knew he had a bad porno habit before all of this - probably got steered into it by the incessant commingling of sodomite behavior in that venue. They have been legitimizing sodomy to teach everyone that a hole is a hole, etc. Combine that with the life he led which was basically that of an urban homosexual anyway and it probably wasn't hard for him to rationalize his way into this "discovery" of being gay.
I lived in Berlin for a while and I legitimately saw an acquaintance of mine maneuvering himself into homosexuality. He used to be a normal guy from the suburbs, with normal crushes on girls he knew, was maybe a little shy to talk to them, went to drug excess parties frequently and then one night while we were at a big druggy club he told my then-girlfriend that he wasn't sure if he should make out with a very feminine looking gay guy adjacent to the group. Months after I had broken up with the girl and moved away, I heard that he was going to fetish parties, where they wear those weird leather outfits, doing who knows what. The whole thing took place over a period of perhaps 2 years or so.
Truly one of the most slippery of slopes.
 

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
I lived in Berlin for a while and I legitimately saw an acquaintance of mine maneuvering himself into homosexuality. He used to be a normal guy from the suburbs, with normal crushes on girls he knew, was maybe a little shy to talk to them, went to drug excess parties frequently and then one night while we were at a big druggy club he told my then-girlfriend that he wasn't sure if he should make out with a very feminine looking gay guy adjacent to the group. Months after I had broken up with the girl and moved away, I heard that he was going to fetish parties, where they wear those weird leather outfits, doing who knows what. The whole thing took place over a period of perhaps 2 years or so.
Truly one of the most slippery of slopes.
Dr. E. Michael Jones refers to Berlin as ground zero for social engineering for a reason. It's got to be the gayest city in the world, and it was quite literally designed that way after WW2 as revenge by the Jews. Even Germans from other parts of Germany think Berlin is over the top in that regard.

I have another acquaintance who spent time there in college, joined the arts community and whaddya know, eventually he "discovered" he was gay too. His parents were distraught, and to this day his extended asian family (the older members, anyway) are in denial.
 

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
Just dont ever approve of their lifestyle, dont say congratulations, dont call it a marrige and dont call the sex partner a husband, you can still be nice to them and talk when around them but dont ever make it clear that you accept it as a norm they must always be aware when around you that its not, hopefully it will help yhem repent in the future you at least got to be the person in their lives that going to help them, thats love
I got the invitation for an "engagement party" today, but fortunately I may be occupied that day anyway so can politely RSVP. Still no word on the "wedding" yet.


Of course, it's a far more evil act to convince people who do not even have this same sex attraction to "turn gay" / non binary / etc, and I've seen it happen to several friends.
There's actually a term for this that they use when trying to get young teens to "discover" they want to be trans. They call it egg hatching.
 
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Pointy Elbows

Kingfisher
Orthodox
There's actually a term for this that they use when trying to get young teens to "discover" they want to be trans. They call it egg hatching.
So they can call it "egg-hatching," but if we call them "groomers" then we are hateful? That's par for the course. Not sure if "hatchers" sounds better than "groomers." Maybe some catchy twitterati can make it stick.
 

Good_Shepherd

Woodpecker
Orthodox Catechumen
I got the invitation for an "engagement party" today, but fortunately I may be occupied that day anyway so can politely RSVP. Still no word on the "wedding" yet.



There's actually a term for this that they use when trying to get young teens to "discover" they want to be trans. They call it egg hatching.
You could actually even say "sorry guys I dont see your relationship as a valid marriage so unfortunately I cannot attend the engagement or wedding due to my religion, but you guys are still welcome around me and we can talk" something along those lines if you want to say that its up to you. Even Ben Shapiro who is not even a Christian did not attend the gay wedding or engagements of one of his friends I forgot his name he is also famous, he said because he does not agree with or support same sex marriage so thats why he cant attend he said
 
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