this is way too much for me
Same for me.
I have been thinking of that. What is exactly so hard to handle? Why is it so hard to handle another opinion? Or another simplistic outlook to life? Or to politics? Why does that enforce a certain rage?
I find it hard to see a smooth talking lying snake drive people literally to death and destruction. And see what the effect is of propaganda.
My whole life I have been intrigued and mesmerized by WW1. I literally visited these places 10s of times and somehow I could never grasp how it was possible that millions of young boys were sacrificed for political gain. But today we see it playing out. It's this dumb, Zelensky is quite a hot guy and smiles so nice so miss X supports him and Putin is always angry and bad.
I think any citizen if you would ask 3 options:
- Be part of Russia
- Be part of Ukraine
- All out war, where there will be no water supply, no energy, your kids might be killed, you might be killed, and the outcome would be 1 or 2
War would be always last. Always. This is the crime, it's not for the people, never was, never will.
The rage comes from deeper than the situation, it's a frustration from a lot of lies that have been told in life, it's a certain dissappointment, like somebody has been cheating on you all your life and they just never spoke the truth. They lied about war, about money, about work, about relationships and any of my criticism was countered with laughter or aggression.
Getting rid of the system is loosing my belief, somehow dreaming back to when I was 23 and travelling the world being so happy with my passport, the freedom, the money and I felt if everyone just would work just as me they could be so rich. In the end I was travelling on blood money. I long back for it, while I know I can never feel that again.
A new future will have to take shape. A new life. A new outlook. I can't live with resentment forever, I need to let that go.
What would god have me be?
Does he want me resentful and angry at the system, at the crooks. Or does he want me to give life a new shape? Built a new system? Find the hope in his son again?
I think it's the latter.