Was anyone else sexually molested when they were a child?


So, I then requested that after I die, could I be taken to the moment of his judgement, so as to be there as my abuser sees the full weight of his sins, so that he does not throw himself into hell in despair.
This is what I spend most of my life being afraid of.
Being the guy that throws himself in, in despair.... seeing the full weight of what ... I should stop writing now.


Gold Member
After we go through any kind of misfortune or trauma there is an unfortunate tendency to engage in all sorts of navel gazing about it. We like to think there is something particularly unique or terrible about our personal traumas, and so we dwell on them endlessly. Repression of memories is simply another form of this. In both cases - dwelling and repression - you are refusing to accept the trauma and deal with it for what it is. You are essentially keeping the wound open and not allowing it to heal.
When I speak about the Schismatic Churches being Dead Vines, I'm not being argumentative. It's from paying attention to the patterns of Observable Reality. I can't be expected to Love God, and go against truth at the same time.

This attitude here - viciously opposed to charity - is exactly what Jesus warns about in the Bible. This is the Pharisee religion: follow the letter of the law whilst not knowing God at all. This is what happens if you view God as Condemnatory Judge, not, as Jesus rightly-teaches, our Loving, Merciful Father. When I say that this mindset - the Freedom of Indifference / Legalistic viewpoint - is spiritual death, this attitude is exactly what I mean.

Jesus came here specifically to correct the Jew's warped nationalistic 'chosen people' perception of who God was - destroyer of their enemies - and knew this attitude would persist:

Not every one that saith to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven: but he that doth the will of my Father who is in heaven, he shall enter into the kingdom of heaven.

His will, not being following rigid and legalistic prescriptions for behaviour and getting puffed up on the sense of your own Holiness, but being able to love one another.

Because that's the way you ascend the grades of prayer. You can't enter Contemplation without understanding He is Love itself.

I'm not really sure what these Schism Bibles must say.

Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha.

(It was that Mary which anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.)

Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.

When Jesus heard that, he said, "Stop whining, life is hard. Get over it."

Scorpion: I am giving you a strong warning here. You do not remotely know God. This is why you were posting threads on how there was nothing *specifically* (letter of the law) forbidding pre-marital sex in the bible, because you do not possess charity to those women who you would destroy by using them as objects for your own sexual pleasure. You hold up the word, not to save but to attack and condemn others, and you will be called to task for this.

Now, you might dismiss me as a Satanist, but if you go to God under Judgement - as the non-believers do - you will be held to those strict legal standards that are laid down under the natural law. If God grants my desire for heaven under Charity, I will be there to, once again, sing of his mercy in the hope of saving you.

Meaning, if someone reads your posts here, and turns away, thinking nothing can be done and they just have to get over it, you will be Legally-Responsible for the damage that arises from your careless words.

I'm writing what I'm writing based on:

- St Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologiae;
- My priest's 30 years experience at treating PSTD and Sexual Abuse, whose intelligence leaves me for dead;
- 49 years of my lived experience suffering under an abuse received so young that I had no conscious way of even forming an image of what happened to me;
- And Jesus himself, who revealed all the knowledge that lead to the healing, and then enacted it via grace.

If you condemn this form of therapy, enacted by Jesus, divinely-revealed to St Thomas, as 'nonsense', you will be held to the legal standards of what Jesus talks about when he says "A house divided against itself cannot stand." His words are harsh for those who don't believe.

For the sake of your soul, repent, and appeal to his Merciful Heart. Pray for His Truth to be shown to you.
Scorpion: I am giving you a strong warning here. You do not remotely know God. This is why you were posting threads on how there was nothing *specifically* (letter of the law) forbidding pre-marital sex in the bible, because you do not possess charity to those women who you would destroy by using them as objects for your own sexual pleasure. You hold up the word, not to save but to attack and condemn others, and you will be called to task for this.
That was Samseau I believe.


how there was nothing *specifically* (letter of the law) forbidding pre-marital sex in the bible,
Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Sex without commitment is lustful, period. I'd put it forward that this passage also forbids masturbation.

If anything that argument scorpion was trying to make should be that marriage is an institution and often entered into without love and exited without death.
But that's a whole different argument.


Gold Member
I'm not sure what I said to produce such a wrathful response, Bosch. Did you presume that my post was directed specifically at you? Because it wasn't. Perhaps my words came across as harsh or uncaring, but that was not what I intended. Rather, I was simply encouraging men to reject the victim mindset, which I believe is toxic and prevents psychological wounds from healing. The intention is not to discount or dismiss anyone's suffering, but to encourage them to look at it from a different angle. The way we perceive and interpret the circumstances of our lives is more impactful than the circumstances themselves. This is not something I just made up to be an asshole to people in this thread. It's the entire basis of Stoic philosophy, which not only has undergirded masculine Western thought for millennia, but which dovetails perfectly with a proper Christian understanding of pain and suffering as well.

The Bible clearly teaches that God is absolutely sovereign over everything that happens on Earth, which includes the evil that befalls men. The Bible also clearly teaches that everything that happens to a Christian in this life contributes ultimately toward good. The entire book of Job is devoted to explaining this concept in excruciating detail. God is sovereign. God allows evil to befall his people in order than greater good might emerge from so that He might be glorified. And it is the duty of man to endure pain and suffering with a joyful heart, relying on our faith and the promise of God that He will not abandon us or test us beyond our capacity to endure.

Now, as for your rebuke that I "do not remotely know God" based on attributing to me a thread that Samseau actually posted (as The Catalyst noted above), well, I think the foolishness of that speaks for itself. Or perhaps you're just saying this because you view me as a heretic for my Protestant theology. Regardless, your tone is one of pride and wrath, and this is obviously unbecoming of a Christian and frankly is beneath you as a man and a longtime RVF poster. You have the zeal of a convert and I do not doubt for a second the power of the transformation the Holy Spirit has worked in your heart - but your theological grounding remains shaky. You have fallen deep into the rabbit hole of Catholic Mysticism and have correspondingly neglected a thorough study of the Word of God. I would encourage you to rectify this error. I can gladly recommend resources if you would like.

I know you have had health problems as of late, and your post here seemed a bit muddled and confused (again, I am not Samseau!). I will pray for your health and that God may grant you the peace of mind which currently seems to elude you.


Scorpion: I am giving you a strong warning here. You do not remotely know God. This is why you were posting threads on how there was nothing *specifically* (letter of the law) forbidding pre-marital sex in the bible, because you do not possess charity to those women who you would destroy by using them as objects for your own sexual pleasure. You hold up the word, not to save but to attack and condemn others, and you will be called to task for this.
No, only I can give "warnings" around here. The fact that you got the wrong person is one reason why I have a rule against these types of attacks. Re-read the forum rules: "Do not emotionally argue with fellow Christians."


The event happened in the past - the trauma is very much alive in the present as physical damage to the brain, nervous and adrenal systems.
I agree. Wound collecting over small stuff does you no good, but it would also be bit fatuous to tell a PTSD sufferer he's just human; cheer up already. If porn can change a brain without striking the cranium, is it such a stretch that other mental trauma could do the same, or worse?

Since turning 40 I definitely noticed old memories surfacing that I'd forgotten for years. Not all of them terrible, but many not so pleasant. Is it from being weak and not praying enough, or is there also some biochemical change that happens to the brain as we age that rekindles mostly bad memories? I'm no theologian or doctor, but one does not necessarily exclude the other.

As others suggested, however you mend your wounds, choose your counselor/therapist/priest carefully. And be especially wary of females in the men's healing business.

RE: Dr. Howard's earlier reference, I would not be surprised if there is a direct link between the women seeking rape fantasy porn and the high likelihood of those women being abuse sufferers and rape victims.


Gold Member
No, only I can give "warnings" around here. The fact that you got the wrong person is one reason why I have a rule against these types of attacks. Re-read the forum rules: "Do not emotionally argue with fellow Christians."
I'm not arguing emotionally, I'm simply turning over the tables in the Temple.

You claim humility. Prove it, and listen.

No, you're thinking in linear time, and wordly, not in spiritual vision: because both members you think I'm mixing up are functionally aspects of the same demonic force, Legion, called to the same correction by Christ. The both are deeply Anti-Charity, and not 'fellow Christians'. Not everyone who says "Lord, Lord"... You claim the Catholic Church is infested by Satanists on one hand - Catholics know them, they're the Modernist Priests - and then condemn me for rejecting what they introduced to the Church - Ecumenism. This is the insanity of doublethink that demonic oppression introduces that you see in the Left, and you are demonically-oppressed. And this is why you can't see the lack of charity that abounds here.

Think on this:

You went against the Natural Law (giving Demons Legal Permission to enter), the Globalist Establishment / Reform Judaism, (giving Satanists entry), the Leftist Feminist Complex (witchcraft), /pol/ and some elements of the Alt-Right who were experimenting with Chaos Magic (Chabbad Kabbalah), and even some aspects of the Manosphere (Pagan Magic). You're despised by a great many people who mess around with forbidden knowledge.

Did you really think they wouldn't retaliate by cursing you and your forum?

Do you think Spiritual Curses are undone just by putting a Cross on the forum header?

Do you only talk about Global Spiritual Revolt against God without actually believing that it's not metaphoric.

Every transgression opens a doorway, and God doesn't always close them by Grace. Sometimes those involved are asked to pick up the Cross.

Note that the Sexual Aspect of Game - transgression of the sixth and ninth commandments - gave permission to Demons of Misogyny and Lust to be allowed to reign here, amongst others. I'm still learning Discernment: I sense...demons of suspicion, paranoia, and, especially, Fear. Possibly more. This is a very bad place.

You're also naive as to the intentions of others. Do you know my Priest has already had to work with two members from here and, through him, Jesus broke the spiritual curses that Jack Donovan, of all people, put on them? Why do you think the guys in the 21 Convention are going weird and splintering into warring factions? I also suspect him of doing the same to Forney and one of Aurini's ex-associates for their repeated mockery of him on their livestreams, for soon after his appearance on their stream - effectively 'say it to my faces, bitches', which they didn't - these guys suddenly escalated into an obsessive hatred of the Catholic Church - including Blessed Virgin Mary - of which Aurini, as the only Catholic bore the brunt of. 17 months later, they haven't yet realised that Aurini mortified his passions with regard to the whole disagreement and embraced humility - let them mock me, I'll say nothing - yet are still obsessively-fighting a battle that, to their demonically-cursed perception, is still ongoing. Meanwhile, we rarely think of them, except to occasionally note the whole abnormality of the whole situation. I've had stalker ex-girlfriends that I'd physically-banged who got over me quicker than this.

Do you understand the Demonic is real?

Do you look into the spiritual background and fruits of those you consider to have enough of a pre-existing audience before livestreaming with them? Do you think controlled opposition wouldn't welcome you in to lead your followers away from God? Why is Jay Dyer so interested in Esoteric Knowledge? How do you know he hasn't dabbled in it, just because he says he's of Christ? If he was any threat, he wouldn't be allowed to build an audience on Youtube to begin with.

You don't understand the Spiritual Law. You're making the mistake of thinking what happened to me on the hill the other night was a psychological experience, and not the extraordinary revelation it was. My Priest was dumbfounded, and said it was Exceptional Genius - it wasn't, it was all there in bits and pieces in the writings of the Saints - and an Exceptional Grace. He's worked in PSTD and Sexual Abuse Trauma for 30+ years and said he had never seen such a fast reintegration.

If it was 'imagination' - a psychological interpretation of abuse leading to an irascible outburst on here as a couple of hours later as a coping mechanism, then I wouldn't have been able to use the Rules of Discernment to perceive that I was seriously demonically-oppressed by 3 pm the next day, and then contacted my Priest about it.

After Deliverance, the Holy Spirit told him what happened, because I just thought it was something to do with the abuse. The Demons who had driven my abuser to throw himself in the river were still out there, causing trouble, and immediately knew the soul they thought they claimed had been lost, and came right for me, having Legal Rights of Entry due to my sexual abuse. This is known as Demonic Retaliation.

I want you to understand this: sex outside of the natural law allows demonic access between sexual partners, meaning, if you haven't undergone the process of spiritual separation from your ex sexual partners, your behaviour can be influenced. This is the after effects of sin: you can be forgiven the sin itself, but there's still a mess left behind, unless you're shown an extraordinary grace. Yes, the Demons will naturally leave on their own as you increase in holiness - they'll despise being inside you - and one forum member here was shown an incredible grace a couple of years back, and circumstances were lining him up for deliverance, when he, like St Therese of Lisieux, was freed in a moment. He's still posting on here, free of the demons, now working on mortification, having no idea how he's spouting perfect theology that took me years to learn, and it's all coming from grace, with him thinking that I'm the expert in the relationship.

You were part of his extraordinary grace, and you'd know how to spot it if you were truly becoming detached from the world. I can also tell you why he was freed in an instance: he carries very heavy crosses with love for his family.


Gold Member
My Priest and I have been quietly delivering members here, behind the scenes, for a while. He was horrified at your recent Lust article, and was going to write you directly, because the method you're advocating to 'repress' sexuality is exactly the method that has created Priests who are sexual abusers across multiple denominations.

Do you know that me working backwards to identify a cause of spiritual desolation in a member - your Jay Dyer interview and your thread posting gossip and slander by a mafia-owned newspaper about Pope Francis - brought that member to a state of suicidal despair that might almost have led him to give legal permission to the demons to enter into Him? These are the fruits of your careless actions. I had to spend 30 minutes in deliverance prayer - a full on spiritual battle for him - yesterday, which exhausted me enough that God then put me into spiritual sleep to repair the cost. Yet, here I was, up at 5 am, spending 40 minutes emailing him, went to mass, got in a rosary, then spent the next three hours offering him spiritual direction. He's going to need Deliverance, and I need to organise it with my Priest. That's the demonic, poisonous fruits of promoting schism / suspicion of the Church, exactly as promised.

I can't keep doing this. I have my own legal duties here.

You think you're already holy. You're a Spiritual Child. You know none of this. The arrogance that got you into so much trouble writing about sexuality has not yet been mortified and repaired, and you've just carried it over to writing about Religion. You need to find Orthodox Priests near you who specialise in breaking Demonic Curses and take on the burden of getting these doorways closed.

My Priest and I cannot carry the burden of the damage you are calling down here, as we have many, many souls who need saving here. In particular, I know the Demons who killed my abuser were only the underlings of something much worse, and that my Priest and I have been tasked to exorcise it. I went back to my old house on Sunday afternoon: incredibly, a man was in her driveway, and noticed me looking at the house. When I said I used to live there as a child - I left there in 1983 - he already knew my name. He called his wife out: my abuser's youngest sister, now grey, same eyes and smile. I said nothing as to why I was there beyond I was just getting a sense of the old house and thinking about going next door.

At one point I said I used to think the house was haunted as a Kid, and said, "Look, I know this is going to sound absolutely nuts, and that's cool, but... are they all right next door?"

She was about to open her mouth, and paused for a second. Then she shook her head, looking slightly confused, like she was just understanding something that had been in front of her for a long time. "No... they're not."

Jesus is healing my Sister. Like me, she doesn't understand that it's not the sexual abuse she remembers that is the problem, it's the sexual abuse she doesn't remember. She had a dream on Saturday night, her and I standing together holding hands in the backyard near the shed, and two child versions of us with them, and we both lifted them up and took them away.

She thinks she's helping me. She doesn't understand that God is showing her her repressed abuse. I mentioned knowing our abuser came to the door the night he killed himself and talked to my Father. He has absolutely no memory of it, I asked him late Sunday night. My Sister said my parents talked about it after he was found dead and they said they thought something from the house had gotten into him.

She was standing there, searching her memory for how she could help me. "He didn't say anything about you. All I remember is that I had been going to a church youth group with [his younger sisters] and he said to Dad that it was really important that I keep going, and to make sure I did."

See how God has already showed her, but she hasn't consciously-registered it yet? And that also I have to have complete trust in Jesus to stand back and let Jesus reveal it to her in his time, not mine?

I live in a city notorious enough that some of its poorer suburbs are nationally-known. There is so much abuse and damage here already that I can't take on the burden of cleaning up this mess. The air here is black and exhausting to breathe, and I cannot tolerate its presence. Your rightful burden, not mine.

With this, under the legal rights of the natural law, I ask the Lord Jesus Christ to spiritually-separate myself and my Priest from the spiritual-burden of correction and deliverance of this forum, and in particular the demons of sexual lust, objectification, misogyny, fear, suspicion, conspiracy, disobedience, paranoia, fear, curiousity, unforgiveness, forbidden knowledge, and hatred of the True Church. I hand these burdens over to the Lord Jesus Christ, who has the strength to bear these burdens, and ask him to bless the burdens. I ask him to kindly enlighten those whose eyes are shut as to their cooperation with demonic legalism and pharisee judgement and ask him to bring down his blessing upon them like hot coals upon their head. I ask him to awaken the rightful owners of these burdens as to their responsibilities for the souls under their watch and ask the burden be taken to the Orthodox Church. I ask thee, Lord Jesus, to blind the demons who would retaliate against me for this action, and I ask you to send them to the foot of your cross, to there be judged by you and then to cast back into hell. I ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and by the merits of his sacrifice upon the Cross at Calvary, of whom I unite my suffering of my own free will. Amen.


The late Marlin Newburn was a prison psychologist who saw a lot of dysfunction, and he said this on a podcast: "Blaming and damning others is the basis for all emotional instability... [It] will destroy you if you engage in it on a chronic basis."

Stuff happens to people in this world that beggars belief. But remember, nothing has ever happened that Christ cannot heal, and this present age is a blip in eternity. Rev 21:1-5


Hey Bosch,

I have a couple of questions if you don't mind :

I was six years old, and had been given drugs without my knowledge.
How do you think you would have reacted if someone told you that "prematurely", that is instead of letting you find it out for yourself ?

He drowned himself in the river when he was 17
Do you think that helped you with "digesting" what he did to you ?

Scratch that: it's already processed.
Do you think you can be back to normal then ?

I mean, I know several people who lived something analogous, and they were all left permanently broken.
I have never seen any of them get unbroken, or even get better at all in fact, despite everything I tried to help them.

This explains why I became a bodybuilder, so no-one would ever, ever dare to mess with me again.
Bonus question to lighten up the mood a bit : will you then stop bodybuilding now that the trauma is gone ? :)

In any case thanks a lot for your posts, they got me thinking a lot about many things.


Weird to see the heavyweights go after each other for seeming non-issues. There are enemies so much bigger in all corners of the room

It's a tendency that plagues every movement opposed to the obvious enemies. They get destroyed by infighting before even a single punch can be thrown

It's true.



Figure out a way to get along could you.

Too many guys in here need your insights and wisdom

Scorpion is human, he said some outrageous things. Can't we keep the focus on those things that were said and correct them? Scorpion, you are way too smart for the things you said, I wondered if you were trolling, or wondered if those statements were a defense mechanism for sick things that were done to you. I don't get it, and honestly dont care that much.

This emotional stuff is nonsense you know. All of the responses here have emotion behind them, how can there really be such a thing as completely dispassonate and impersonal statements from human beings? There's been anger, irritation, pride in all the responses. So? Figure out what of these does or does not belong to you and consider extending an olive branch.

We need you to get along.


Here is a concrete example of a veteran of the Iraq war whose PTSD was cured through psychedelic therapy. The government is highly interested in this, because they could save billions if there was an effective cure for war veterans.

Scroll down to the video on the right. "Veterans perspective on PTSD" to get a 2 minute demonstration.


When you are traveling in an unfamiliar area and your car breaks down, you need to get a mechanic in the nearest town to fix the car. You don’t yell at the car and tell it to be a stoic, car up, and fix itself. You don’t tell the car it has little faith and needs to repent. You go to an auto mechanic to get it fixed. Does that mean religion is irrelevant? No, because you can pray that God guides you to an honest auto mechanic. If you don’t understand this, the Bible says that if you ask, God will give you wisdom.


You don't get it - you're not the car, you're a small screw somewhere no one looks, if you're broken you'll just get discarded and replaced, no one gives a shit.

The army only has soldiers build camaraderie because it makes them more efficient as a fighting unit.
So you go through simulated difficulties with your boys, you become best friends (brothers, even !), then you go overseas to kill and see your "comrades blown up to pieces on the battlefield".

Well I'm sorry but isn't that what you were here for in the first place ? Blow people up ?
Then it happens to yours and suddenly you get all whiny ?

Well see, the people you have in front of you are trying to defend their homelands and families from a technology advanced illegal invader.
You are trying to defend your non-negotiable american lifestyle.
And then you have the balls to complain about it in a thread about innocent children who could not defend themselves while being physically abused.

Yeah, you're not even a very good screw I see.


Well the thread may have diverted horridly off topic, but at least we're still supporting each other--in our ability to have different opinions.

Cannabis isn't a psychedelic. It's psychedelic effects are minimal at best, and that's only if the strain is pure or sativa dominant. Indica strains have almost 0 psychedelic effect. Sativa is the 'mind effect' and Indica is the 'body effect'
these are some of the most popular strains known for psychedelic high--each is full sativa, or a sativa dominant hybrid.

I've used Cannabis to treat a lot my own symptoms of my early Trauma in life (as I try to steer the thread back to topic) And it's been very helpful but is easy to abuse. Regulation is key to avoid becoming an addict.

And regardless of what anyone tries to sell you--it's addictive. I've abused it before even with the best of intentions.
What I would like to see is more research being put into high CBD low THC strains being used for the same purpose. High CBD can often sooth a broken mind.... but again I'm using myself as an example.


The main point of my post was to show one specific example of Trauma recovery. The method isn't important. Trauma is a physical thing - it is stored in the nervous system and facia of the body. So, it is possible to repair - just like a broken bone.

Cannabis is a psychedelic. We are strictly talking about a medical therapeutic use here under the direction of licensed therapists and don't advocate irresponsible uses of medicine.

"Experts consider cannabis a psychedelic drug in terms of its effects and possibly its binding to 5-HT2AR. "

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The main point of my post was to show one specific example of Trauma recovery. The method isn't important. Trauma is a physical thing - it is stored in the nervous system and facia of the body. So, it is possible to repair - just like a broken bone.

Cannabis is a psychedelic. We are strictly talking about a medical therapeutic use here under the direction of licensed therapists and don't advocate irresponsible uses of medicine.

"Experts consider cannabis a psychedelic drug in terms of its effects and possibly its binding to 5-HT2AR. "

"Experts" often can be defined as over-educated under-experienced fools who often don't know what they're talking about, but like to talk just the same. I think the takeaway from that definition is in terms of its effects and possibly its binding to 5-HT2AR
It's not a psychedelic. It's defined that way because of the extremely low possibility of a psychedelic experience which is influenced heavily by the factors I've mentioned.
I'm not an over educated expert, I'm an over-experienced observer.

I've done psychedelics. Pot isn't one of them. Pot is the drug you do when the psychedelic experience from mushrooms, acid, mda.. etc becomes too much for you to handle. Trust me on this one.

I agree completely with you on your first point about Trauma.