Was anyone else sexually molested when they were a child?

iOneIndividual

Sparrow
Suspended
Yeah well I "died" too, and guess what I saw ? Nothing.
But that's not enough to make money off of writing a book out of it I'm afraid.
I'd really hate to see this thread devolve into a spiritual debate as to the existence of God.
That conversation can be had elsewhere.
And for the record, I too have 'died' more than once in fact--and while there is an absence of time, that time definitely wasn't empty. I imagine though the living are not entitled to the secrets of those who have moved past the wants / needs of mortality.
 
Can you describe the "releasing method" in a paragraph?
What is your NOW feeling?
Could you welcome/allow that feeling?
Could you let it go?
Would you let it go?
When?

Keep saying each line then repeat for a good 30 seconds to 10 minutes regarding something that you can't let go. For example your boss or someone that pisses you off. Focus on this person and say each line and repeat. You will start to feel emotion in your body moving then when you finally let go, you will feel a little high (released).

You can change the words such as
Could you welcome/allow the feelings of [person] / [emotion]
Could you let [person] / [emotion] go?
Etc...

Another releasing tactic is...

What is at the core of this feeling?
Could I allow myself to go in consciousness to the core of this feeling?
Could I allow myself to dive into this feeling?
Could I go even deeper?

The book goes into different emotions so you can label the correct feeling and let it go. I highly recommend the book! It can be hard at first if you are a person that finds it hard to let go of emotion but over time, after doing the exercises you will start letting stuff go easily instead of holding on to it everyday. It's just like going to the gym or meditation, you have to work on it where I usually do 5 minutes of letting go exercises daily to feel lighter.
 

Rob Banks

Kingfisher
In my opinion (and personal experience), secular shrinks (psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, etc.) are less than worthless.

They are operating from a perspective of philosophical materialism, where the mind is just another part of the physical body and needs medical treatment (i.e. drugging).

Luckily, I've never been through anything as bad as OP has, but I've had my share of serious problems and issues (as I have discussed on this forum) and the secular shrinks only served to drug me, confuse me, and fleece my family and/or insurance company for thousands.

These people take advantage of the most vulnerable (e.g. people who have been through serious trauma) in order to enrich themselves while pushing atheist globohomo Freudianism.

I would not recommend OP go down that road.
 
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Mike_Key

Sparrow
Oh but don't worry, I won't be the one tryint to start such a debate.
I'd hate to see the thread turn into a debate over the supposed benefits of doing drugs though.
I thought that is what already happened. : )

As for me asking about if Horus was a past PUA. I only mean it to say, Praise God that He delivered you, Horus, from that lifestyle.

I think I did read where he said he had not picked up a Bible in 20 years. Good for him.

You don't have to believe in God, but I heard it said, "If you don't, then this is as good as it gets for you." This pathetic planet ...

Cheers
 

Travesty

Crow
Gold Member
I have dealt with some pretty prolonged and quite severe pains in my life where I meet very few that have had similar experiences at my age.

Any wisdom I have gained on the issue is that with a trauma if you ignore or push it away it will come out in other nefarious ways. In your case alcoholism, depression.

It has been my experience if a trauma has not been fully let go parts of it still need to be felt. Felt in your heart, your gut, your soul, the hairs on the back of your neck, to the point you may feel hot, shake, cry, scream out. Talking to friends, a therapist, journaling, thinking in words in your head all of that for me has on its own done nothing. Everything is really only a gateway to let the feelings of the trauma be fully felt in the natural way they want come out and be completely heard and accepted within yourself. None of this deep feeling has to be done in the presence of others.

Sometimes the well of feelings that need to be processed is deep. I believe some wells are too deep to process in a lifetime. I think knowing this in some ways can make the journey easier. Everyone especially in Western countries is brainwashed that there is a fix for everything and quick one at that. I don't believe that.

I believe there are somethings we can just work on processing and letting go. Hopefully with time we can let go more and be revisited less. And the next time we are revisited by a trauma we have the courage to let it be felt and processed by our heart and soul so more may be let go. Fear of the feelings the trauma generate is what stops us from letting them in.

I imagine our deepest feelings as an ever flowing river. Many and especially therapists want to sit on the edge of the river bank and observe it. Talk about it. Study it. At least that brings this river into our consciousness. I believe those healthiest with their emotions are not sitting on the bank watching, happy when it is calm, and upset, scared, and screaming about it when a deluge comes and floods the plain. Instead they are wading in the river waist deep constantly comfortable with it. A happy day the water is calm like a man fly fishing in Montana and it is beautiful. When a trauma resurfaces it is like a horrific flood with debris. The man brave enough to stay in the river grabs onto a tree branch and holds on strongly, feels it, and let the feelings that need to come out wash through him and then can then let go of those feelings more easily over time. The man expects another flood to happen and when it does he will be stronger and hold onto the branch and be more at ease as it washes through him. Life is a never ending cycle of calm then flood.

The man that does not recognize the river or refuses to wade into it instead has built a dam. That dam at some point can no longer hold the water. The dam breaks and the man is washed away completely. He acts out in negative ways in life or is tortured by thoughts replaying horrible things. He did not confront the genuine feelings. He did not have a chance to let anything go. If he stays trapped in this cycle the dam is rebuilt and the water will eventually break it again with another horrific flood.

I know stoicism is a pillar philosophy of this forum. In my experience it is not an answer to processing trauma. It will lead to early heart attack, stroke, or dysfunctional negative behavior that may ruin relationships. I think stoicism is a great way to survive a traumatic event while it is in motion. Once the traumatic event is over, or there is a time where one can rest from it I think there is more.

Often feeling emotions is considered feminine, when in fact I think when men say "have control over their emotions" really should be "is not afraid of, faces, and lets go of emotions". The ability to healthily fully feel and let go of emotions may be one of the most masculine traits there could be because it keeps your mind clear and your spirit high. Women often when trying to feel their emotions have to act out and let everyone else know about it. They want someone standing on the river bank holding their hand while they are halfway in the water.

Men need to survive and thrive in the river alone the vast majority of the time or with God's helping hand.
 
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Horus

Ostrich
Gold Member
Sorry that I haven't replied much in here. I've read everything and it's a lot to take in.

The biggest struggle that I'm having is guilt. I know that probably doesn't make sense, but the reason I've suppresed it for so long is that I feel so guilty about it.

It happened when I was about eight I think. The guy was probably about twenty. I remember thinking he was so cool. He had a really nice bicycle, and he would impress me by showing off his Walkman and showing me high denomination bills which I'd never seen before. Of course in hindsight this just proves how much of a loser he was, but eight year old me though he was the coolest person I knew, and I was flattered that such a cool guy wanted to be my friend.

If he had forced me to do what he did, I think I would find it easier to deal with. But he didn't. I was a fully willing participant. Not because I was sexually attracted to him - I don't think even at that stage I had developed attraction towards girls. But here's the really perverse thing and what makes me so angry at him and myself. The sick thing is that it felt really good and I enjoyed what he did to me. It happened perhaps 30 times, and each time was consensual on my part. (Yes I know that an eight year old can't consent, but you know what I mean).

And I told nobody about it, not only because he told me not to tell, but because I obviously knew it was wrong. But here's another perverse thing. At the time I worried that if anyone found out it would be me getting into trouble.

Again if he had forcibly held me down to fondle me, my anger would be solely directed at him. But he didn't and I enthusiastically allowed him to do it, and that's why I'm equally angry towards myself, as perverse and irrational as I know that is.

Thank God my earliest sexual experiences didn't lead me to doing this to other boys. And thank God this didn't wire my brain to desire homosexual experiences when I was older. I know that the abused often become abusers, and that abused boys often become homosexuals as a result of their earliest sexual experiences wiring their brains that way. Thank God that didn't happen to me.

I remember he would always make a major point of letting me watch him ejaculate, and he was always so proud of it. What a fucking loser he was.

It's always been my dirty, shameful little secret. I was terrified anyone would find out and they would think I was gay. (Back then it wasn't cool to be gay). Once I was in high school and developed an attraction towards girls, I knew with 100% certainty that I was heterosexual. But there was always this memory in the back of my head that I was so ashamed about. I think in high school I avoided developing close friendships because I was terrified that the more people would know about me, the more likely they would find out that I willingly let a man suck my dick when I was eight years old. And I was even more terrified that my parents would find out, and I think that's the stage I distanced myself from them, something that has continued to this day. I know that if I told my parents about it now, they would be fully supportive and sympathetic, but I'm still so ashamed that I remain very distant to them. Three decades on and its still my dirty, shameful little secret.

I had a weird freak out a couple of weeks ago when I wrote this post, something that's never happened to me before. Everything suddenly came flooding back and I was overwhelmed. But I'm calm now. Still very angry but calm. I think if I hadn't drowned myself in alcohol for the past twenty years that freak out would have happened sooner. But I'm starting to understand that it was a very necessary freak out.
 

Travesty

Crow
Gold Member
But I'm calm now. Still very angry but calm. I think if I hadn't drowned myself in alcohol for the past twenty years that freak out would have happened sooner. But I'm starting to understand that it was a very necessary freak out.
As far as my trauma experience in general goes, I think that is a really good sign. That calm and peace of letting go is the right direction to acceptance.

And as I said before may you work through this over a period of time, then maybe 15 years down the road the feelings flood back again out of the blue. Expect that may happen instead of not expecting it then going into an emotional denial spiral. If it needs to come again down the road let it. Even deep feelings we have for a time are temporary and they will pass through you and let go, they just need to be heard at times.

One thing I learned that really helped with fear and acceptance is in the English language we say "I'm angry". "I'm calm". "I'm anxious". "I'm afraid". This language indirectly makes us bind feelings to our core identity. A better way to think about it is I have feelings of anger passing through me. I have feelings of anxiety passing through me. I have feelings of fear passing through me. I have calm feelings passing through me.

Having an open house for these emotions and see them as temporarily passing through them lets them go on their way. Sometimes they may last hours of even days but giving them a voice to be felt is what lets them leave and lets you return to an uplifting life.

The guilt you mention for the events that happened is a main source of what is blocking these feelings because it makes you believe that you should not have any of these feelings. This all should never have happened. You cannot judge feelings they are their own beast. We cannot control emotions and feelings themselves. We can however definitely control how we behave and act in front of others in the moment when we have feelings and emotions passing through us. Many man especially have an adverse relationship with having feelings. They are not an enemy to evade, block, and run from. They are natural to us as humans and are there as friends to guide us and give us wisdom and a sense of peace about the world and ourselves. If we treat them with respect and learn how to interact with them they make us better at connecting and communicating with other people, especially women and children who are often unknowingly in that river of emotion and are looking for a helping and understanding hand out on the riverbank to hold because they are not equipped to handle the floods of emotion on their own.

Just knowing you having feelings of guilt and letting those feelings of guilt be felt will open to other feelings such as anger like you said, which are getting towards the core accepting a traumatic event.

I used to have a lot more feelings of guilt and anxiety that I was blocking and holding back. My mind was saying "Why are you being a bitch about all this? Why are you letting this get to you? Why are you being weak? What's wrong with you? If you keep living this way your life will be a waste, you have so much more potential." The mind sadly in logic through and inner dialogue is really an enemy holding us back. If I have feelings of guilt or anxiety now instead of overthinking and critiquing them in my head I simply admit to my mind "It's okay to having feelings of anxiety they'll pass through me just let them." If it takes 1 minute fine if it takes 5 hours fine. I am going to let them be felt and go about my day as best I can. Usually the feelings don't take long to be felt and go away. I feel it in my stomach, my throat, my chest, the back of my neck, my soul.

Overtime the feelings came less and less, and let go faster and faster. The more ready I have been to feel any emotion the calmer my mind has been. And another bonus is for positive feelings I am more ready to accept them as well like being joyful about the small things rather than block those feelings from coming through out of a sense of cynicism or guilt.
 
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Oberrheiner

Kingfisher
If he had forced me to do what he did, I think I would find it easier to deal with. But he didn't. I was a fully willing participant. Not because I was sexually attracted to him - I don't think even at that stage I had developed attraction towards girls. But here's the really perverse thing and what makes me so angry at him and myself. The sick thing is that it felt really good and I enjoyed what he did to me. It happened perhaps 30 times, and each time was consensual on my part. (Yes I know that an eight year old can't consent, but you know what I mean).
IMHO this is the part you do not understand and thus cannot come to terms with.

You did not willingly participate - he manipulated you so that you liked what he did, this is called grooming (and it is unfortunately much more common than any normal man would imagine).
This is why minors cannot legally consent, they do not have the tools required to resist such manipulation at their disposition.
So you should not feel shame or feel guilty about what happened, you're the victim here.

Also (based on how you described him) it is likely that he was a victim too in his own time, probably of the same things.
Except you broke the cycle, and he didn't.
You should feel proud of that, if anything.
 

Samuel

Newbie
To take this post back to the main and tragic topic.
The only person who can truly help someone with this burden is Christ, only He knows your personal struggle, only He is able to help one bear such a burden.

The Bible, however offers us some clarity on what awaits the kind of person that would defile a child (Mohammad) -
Jude 1:7
Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

Strange flesh = queer. That's your faggots, queers and dykes - statistically 16 times more likely to abuse children,
They are recruiters, not reproducers, so yes most of them where molested likewise, but does that excuse them? No - they defile the flesh, despise dominion, speak evil of dignitaries and are, according to Romans 1:30, HATERS of God, full of ALL unrighteousness.

A subject most misunderstood biblically, are the Sons of Beliel, that is the devil - John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him

Yes, we should forgive our enemies, but no we don't have to forgive Gods enemies -

Psalms 139:21-22
Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee?
and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
I hate them with perfect hatred:
I count them mine enemies.

There is a time to love, and a time to hate, a time of war and a time of peace.

Whoever did this to you, will suffer the vengeance of eternal fire, vengeance belongs to God, He will repay.

Curse whoever did this vile deed, pray for his grisly death often, spit on his grave when God takes him down into the pit, but seek peace with yourself.
Cleanse your own hands, seek peace with others, practice fervant charity, serve in your local Church, love your true neighbours, be the light of the world, preach the gospel to every creature - if you are still breathing, God can still use you.

Godbless
 

Samuel

Newbie
.. and that's precisely the irreconcilable difference between jews and christians.
Well my Bible tells me to sing to myself in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs - that's a commandment from the New Testament.
So I sing,
Psalms 109:5-10

5 And they have rewarded me evil for good,
and hatred for my love.
6 Set thou a wicked man over him:
and let Satan stand at his right hand.
7 When he shall be judged, let him be condemned:
and let his prayer become sin.
8 Let his days be few;
and let another take his office.
9 Let his children be fatherless,
and his wife a widow.
10 Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg:
let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.

- King David, a man after Gods own heart.
 
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pitbullowner

Kingfisher
In my opinion (and personal experience), secular shrinks (psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, etc.) are less than worthless.

They are operating from a perspective of philosophical materialism, where the mind is just another part of the physical body and needs medical treatment (i.e. drugging).

Luckily, I've never been through anything as bad as OP has, but I've had my share of serious problems and issues (as I have discussed on this forum) and the secular shrinks only served to drug me, confuse me, and fleece my family and/or insurance company for thousands.

These people take advantage of the most vulnerable (e.g. people who have been through serious trauma) in order to enrich themselves while pushing atheist globohomo Freudianism.

I would not recommend OP go down that road.

Of course. I opened up to them when I was...15? My father forced me to go there. My stepmother did as well. Secular shrinks are agents of the devil I believe. Willing or unknowingly.
 

iOneIndividual

Sparrow
Suspended
I'd hate to see the thread turn into a debate over the supposed benefits of doing drugs though.
I thought that is what already happened. : )
To clarify once again, I was never condoning the recreational use of drugs, I was debating if marijuana was a psychedelic. I debate I eventually condeded my point on allowing my mind to be changed because I can admit when I'm wrong.
At one point for one post I linked an article linking a study researching if psychedelics had any benefit to ptsd sufferers.

If you think that condones abuse of drugs, stop taking aspirin, treating open wounds, and never touch an antibiotic again. They might be drugs offering benefits from doing them.
 

Rob Banks

Kingfisher
Of course. I opened up to them when I was...15? My father forced me to go there. My stepmother did as well. Secular shrinks are agents of the devil I believe. Willing or unknowingly.
The concept of secular shrinks never made sense to me.

I'm supposed to tell my deepest personal problems to this person who is not a friend or family member? And this person cares about me and wants to help?

Oh wait, they only "care" because they are being paid? But I'm supposed to ignore that and pretend this person truly cares...

And by the way, these deep issues relating to the meaning and purpose of my life, they're actually not important. The strong emotions I feel are just caused by a "chemical imbalance." Nothing that can't be fixed with a pill.


That was my thought process when I was 13 and my parents first took me to a shrink. The whole thing seemed weird.

The whole concept of a stranger being paid to pretend they care about my personal problems was off-putting to me from the beginning.
 

iOneIndividual

Sparrow
Suspended
The concept of secular shrinks never made sense to me.

I'm supposed to tell my deepest personal problems to this person who is not a friend or family member? And this person cares about me and wants to help?

Oh wait, they only "care" because they are being paid? But I'm supposed to ignore that and pretend this person truly cares...

And by the way, these deep issues relating to the meaning and purpose of my life, they're actually not important. The strong emotions I feel are just caused by a "chemical imbalance." Nothing that can't be fixed with a pill.


That was my thought process when I was 13 and my parents first took me to a shrink. The whole thing seemed weird.

The whole concept of a stranger being paid to pretend they care about my personal problems was off-putting to me from the beginning.
I've gone through a few therapists in my day. I've come to find the whole experience of rehashing the same old story to produce two things: a desensitization to my own feelings to some degree when talking about it and a general resentment towards people who act sympathetic in general, my experiences of this only being offered to me by people being paid to do so now racking up.

A few things I will say about it I find positive in my current situation:
The one I have now is very affordable. 40 / hr.
She's got a political alignment that isn't identical with my own but overlaps with it. I could be her friend and enjoy her company.
She asks me to submit feedback on her performance every session
I treat it like what I understand it to be now: a tool. She's a sounding board for my own thoughts and my thought process more importantly. Nothing more.

If you can find a way to approach it that way: not a friend, not a doctor, just a tool for you to use as you see fit; you'll find it more useful.
I have anyway. It took 8 shrinks to get here, but I got here.
 

pitbullowner

Kingfisher
I've gone through a few therapists in my day. I've come to find the whole experience of rehashing the same old story to produce two things: a desensitization to my own feelings to some degree when talking about it and a general resentment towards people who act sympathetic in general, my experiences of this only being offered to me by people being paid to do so now racking up.

A few things I will say about it I find positive in my current situation:
The one I have now is very affordable. 40 / hr.
She's got a political alignment that isn't identical with my own but overlaps with it. I could be her friend and enjoy her company.
She asks me to submit feedback on her performance every session
I treat it like what I understand it to be now: a tool. She's a sounding board for my own thoughts and my thought process more importantly. Nothing more.

If you can find a way to approach it that way: not a friend, not a doctor, just a tool for you to use as you see fit; you'll find it more useful.
I have anyway. It took 8 shrinks to get here, but I got here.
I found 1 Christian therapist that helped me out, but that's it. I pray you find a Christian counselor that puts God as the forefront of their work
 
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