Wedding Tip Thread

Kitty Tantrum

Woodpecker
Woman
I think the big difference is that historically, when people had big weddings with a lot of guests, it would be more like a big community party and probably a potluck.

The modern "standard" for weddings is much more akin to what you'd expect from ROYALTY, historically.

Instead of the community/family pulling together to support the couple and everybody making a contribution to the wedding somehow, the couple hires an army of servants to put everything together and the guests just show up and eat and drink, leave a purchased gift, and go home.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
I think the big difference is that historically, when people had big weddings with a lot of guests, it would be more like a big community party and probably a potluck.

The modern "standard" for weddings is much more akin to what you'd expect from ROYALTY, historically.

Instead of the community/family pulling together to support the couple and everybody making a contribution to the wedding somehow, the couple hires an army of servants to put everything together and the guests just show up and eat and drink, leave a purchased gift, and go home.

Pretty much. The same standards are there, but people aren't pulling together or providing (generally) in the same way, and often get offended if it's outside their norm. But a lot of things are regional-- cash bars, potlucks, etc. are common in some places but not others. It also probably depends on the family itself (some families pull together, others will get quite butthurt if asked to do anything), or some people think *anything* is too much.
 

HKBhusal

Sparrow
Hello, I attended a few friends' weddings in the past couple years. I noticed the hired DJs played commercial music selected to appeal to a broad audience (with genres spanning multiple generations). Nothing wrong with this I suppose, but I was just wondering if there is more value for a live band (playing cover renditions of popular songs)? Do live bands charge more of a premium in general?
Thank you.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
Hello, I attended a few friends' weddings in the past couple years. I noticed the hired DJs played commercial music selected to appeal to a broad audience (with genres spanning multiple generations). Nothing wrong with this I suppose, but I was just wondering if there is more value for a live band (playing cover renditions of popular songs)? Do live bands charge more of a premium in general?
Thank you.

Yes, bands are more expensive. However, shop around. Sometimes students or certain cover bands charge less. Prices can occasionally be negotiated.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
I made my wedding dress, centerpieces, invitations, and guest keepsakes. We bought a case of pretty mini picture frames from the dollar store and printed little inserts with our names and the date for people to take home. All very time consuming, but worth saving the money.

We were fortunate enough to be able to use friends with local businesses to get us deals on the reception venue, photography, DJ, and (cup)cakes.

We both had plenty of household items already, so we used a site (can’t recall the name right now but it was something like Honeyfund) to register for things we could use practically and for our honeymoon- we road tripped to Florida, so we registered for things like gas and grocery gift certificates and specific gifts based on the activities we planned to do (museums and tours). It basically helped pay for half the trip!

It’s definitely best to not have an extravagant wedding. The actual marriage is the important part. We saved money wherever possible, probably the most expensive thing was flowers. I think it was a couple thousand total for about 65 guests. I found out years later that my brother spent $25K on his wedding and they’re still having money/marital problems a decade later...
 

Lamkins

Woodpecker
Woman
Agree.

We did not have a wedding party, just the two of us in front of God, family, and priest.

I made the boutonnieres for my husband, fathers, and my grandfather; along with wrist corsages for the mothers, and my wedding bouquet. Ordered all the wedding flowers from a local distributor and made the pew arrangements and centerpieces too. Our refrigerator was packed with only wedding flowers. Casablanca lilies.

The hardest part for me was during rehearsal with my dad. There was only 5 five us there in the chapel. I broke down crying several times when we went through the part of my father handing me to my husband. My dad means to the world to me, and the handing off really symbolized becoming a wife to my husband.

My dad and I also practiced for months on how to waltz so that when it was time for the father daughter dance we knew what we were doing. My husband and I also practiced in our home dancing. It is a great memory.

During childhood I never wanted to marry - not sure where that came from but remember thinking of that one time while up in a tree as a little girl - while the neighbor girl went on and on about a wedding. Lesson - our plans are not always part of God's plans for us.

Aww, that’s so sweet!

You know, I never wanted to get married either. I wasn’t that little girl who dreamed of a marriage and wedding and children. Even as a teen and young adult I worked for a photographer and developed gazillions of her wedding shoots, and I was still meh about it all.

NOTE TO ALL— I wasn’t being judgmental about my SIL choosing the wedding over the money. Shock is the word. I’d have taken the money, spent $500 on the wedding, then put a down payment on a house. She had gorgeous pro pics taken and a beautiful dress. Everything was lost in Katrina. :(

I hated the reception line! I felt like an idiot standing there while people lined up to hug and congratulate us. And I had my hair and veil pinned up. Each time I was hugged it’d pull my head back by the pins, painfully. If I hadn’t been a spry 22 it’d have thrown my neck out.
 
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Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
Agree.

We did not have a wedding party, just the two of us in front of God, family, and priest.


During childhood I never wanted to marry - not sure where that came from but remember thinking of that one time while up in a tree as a little girl - while the neighbor girl went on and on about a wedding. Lesson - our plans are not always part of God's plans for us.

We didn’t have a wedding party either. Coordinating a gaggle of people (with potential drama) for weeks leading up to the event was not something I felt necessary or relevant. I just had a close friend sit up front who I handed off my bouquet to when it was time to exchange vows and rings.

I also was never a girl who thought about weddings or marriage during childhood. I guess i just assumed I’d marry someday as a grownup but it was never something I focused on. It’s strange if you think about it that so many girls are focused on that... as children. That says so much about society.
Of course, when I was in my early 20’s and met my husband, I wanted to be a wife very much :)
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
I loved my wedding and it was very ‘us,’ but if I could change one thing— I would go back and let my mother throw me a bridal shower.

She had offered and I refused because I didn’t want to be the center of attention and I didn’t want people to feel obligated to buy gifts. I thought it was stupid (I didn’t tell her that). I just wanted the women and people I’m close with to attend the wedding itself, witness our vows, and have a good time together.

I realized with maturity a few years later, that I probably really let my mom down. She wanted to do this thing for me, but it was also super important to her. She’s extremely traditional, and I feel that I robbed her of the one chance she had to be the proud mother of the bride to the women of the family for her only daughter.

Since I’ve become a bit more self-aware and learned some humility, I apologize to her about it every so often. I think I hurt her feelings since it really was about her as much as it was about me. If I could time travel back, I’d let her throw the shower!
My advice to young women- a wedding is often a family affair and if your loved ones want to offer to help in the celebration, let them in.
 
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Vigilant

Woodpecker
Woman
We didn’t have a wedding party either. Coordinating a gaggle of people (with potential drama) for weeks leading up to the event was not something I felt necessary or relevant. I just had a close friend sit up front who I handed off my bouquet to when it was time to exchange vows and rings.

I also was never a girl who thought about weddings or marriage during childhood. I guess i just assumed I’d marry someday as a grownup but it was never something I focused on. It’s strange if you think about it that so many girls are focused on that... as children. That says so much about society.
Of course, when I was in my early 20’s and met my husband, I wanted to be a wife very much :)
I too was never occupied with a wedding. In my thinking, unless one grew up in a healthy Christian community, where marriage is celebrated to God's glory, it just becomes unnecessarily stressful, as well as a vanity.
From 16 on, I wanted to get married, and I was ready, however marriage was discouraged. To me marriage is the most wonderful gift that God gives; to not be lonely and maturing together is never to be taken for granted.
I feel sensitive for anyone who has lost a loving spouse, especially for the elderly.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
I too was never occupied with a wedding. In my thinking, unless one grew up in a healthy Christian community, where marriage is celebrated to God's glory, it just becomes unnecessarily stressful, as well as a vanity.
From 16 on, I wanted to get married, and I was ready, however marriage was discouraged. To me marriage is the most wonderful gift that God gives; to not be lonely and maturing together is never to be taken for granted.
I feel sensitive for anyone who has lost a loving spouse, especially for the elderly.

I don't most of us are ready to get married at 16 (even if we know we want to), and a lot of well-meaning older folk tell us to live our lives. I think in the past teenage girls were at least steered in a proper direction for marriage, with ample opportunities to meet men in a non-sexual or committal way (more like screening than "dating", what was dating then would probably be considered "hanging out" now)
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
We both had plenty of household items already, so we used a site (can’t recall the name right now but it was something like Honeyfund) to register for things we could use practically and for our honeymoon- we road tripped to Florida, so we registered for things like gas and grocery gift certificates and specific gifts based on the activities we planned to do (museums and tours). It basically helped pay for half the trip!

I finally remembered the name of the registry site we used: Wanderable.com

It’s a small business owned and operated by just two women (at least at the time, the business may have grown since) who were very helpful and helped to personalize the experience of working with their site and create a user-friendly profile for guests to gift honeymoon-related items and experiences.
 
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