What Are The Biggest Red Flags When Courting?

get2choppaaa

Hummingbird
Orthodox
If she comes from a broken home you need to avoid her like the plague.

If you want to weed-out the feminists take her to a strip club on the first date. If she starts bitching about oppression and how all of the patrons in the club are rapists & abusers you'll know that she's fully indoctrinated.

If you want to weed yourself out from any quality woman, offer to take her to a strip club and see how quickly she walks out.

This is a joke right?

Have you not seen Taxi Driver? When he takes her to the porno film?

You're trolling broseph.
 

TheosisSeeker

Sparrow
Orthodox Catechumen
If she comes from a broken home you need to avoid her like the plague.

If you want to weed-out the feminists take her to a strip club on the first date. If she starts bitching about oppression and how all of the patrons in the club are rapists & abusers you'll know that she's fully indoctrinated.

Does a woman of God go into one of these establishments of sin? If she passes your test and goes do you really believe she is marriage material? Past is past but if she or you are going in the present while trying to forge a relationship with God you are on the wrong path.
 

Kitty Tantrum

Kingfisher
Woman
Catholic
Seems like T-shirts are the new pointy elbows.
- Men who don't wear collared shirts all the time - red flag.

- Women who don't wear heels all the time - red flag.

...

Seems like a straight-up aversion to peasants/working-class people who don't buy into consumer identity/aesthetics and status-signaling.

Counterproductive preferences, seems out-of-touch, considering what most people here claim to want in a spouse.

My husband has a couple pairs of slacks and a few nicer button-down shirts that are appropriate for church, weddings, funerals, etc. - as every man ought to - but 95%+ of his wardrobe is suitable for dirty/manual labor and outdoor living (basic t-shirts, rugged pants, some jeans, plaid cotton button-downs for layering/warmth).

I can't think of a single man I've ever known who "only" wears collared shirts, who would be qualified to lead me in any kind of life I'd want to live. "Cubicle-dweller skills" are worthless to me, so a man dressing like a cubicle-dweller is a major red-flag. Soft hands on a man is another huge red flag. What do you even DO with your time if you don't have at least some callouses? Is buttoning your shirt and tying your tie the hardest physical thing you do every day? Do you even shine your own shoes????

I've had too many "men" end up looking to me to "do something" in times of... even quite mild hardship/inconvenience/danger. IT DOESN'T WORK. If you are "softer," more averse to hard labor, and less suited to living in primitive conditions than a small woman... sorry... looking pretty and well-dressed doesn't compensate. :laughter:

Ladies: if a man looks at you in wonder and appreciation because you were able to step up and do what SHOULD HAVE BEEN the man's job, where he proved ignorant or incapable... you should not feel "appreciated." You should be gravely concerned.

Beware of pretty boys who have been trained up to adhere to corporate aesthetics. They'll promise you a life where neither of you has to do the dirty work. This means they are planning to not know HOW.
 

Starlight

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
- Men who don't wear collared shirts all the time - red flag.

- Women who don't wear heels all the time - red flag.

...

Seems like a straight-up aversion to peasants/working-class people who don't buy into consumer identity/aesthetics and status-signaling.

Counterproductive preferences, seems out-of-touch, considering what most people here claim to want in a spouse.

My husband has a couple pairs of slacks and a few nicer button-down shirts that are appropriate for church, weddings, funerals, etc. - as every man ought to - but 95%+ of his wardrobe is suitable for dirty/manual labor and outdoor living (basic t-shirts, rugged pants, some jeans, plaid cotton button-downs for layering/warmth).

I can't think of a single man I've ever known who "only" wears collared shirts, who would be qualified to lead me in any kind of life I'd want to live. "Cubicle-dweller skills" are worthless to me, so a man dressing like a cubicle-dweller is a major red-flag. Soft hands on a man is another huge red flag. What do you even DO with your time if you don't have at least some callouses? Is buttoning your shirt and tying your tie the hardest physical thing you do every day? Do you even shine your own shoes????

I've had too many "men" end up looking to me to "do something" in times of... even quite mild hardship/inconvenience/danger. IT DOESN'T WORK. If you are "softer," more averse to hard labor, and less suited to living in primitive conditions than a small woman... sorry... looking pretty and well-dressed doesn't compensate. :laughter:

Ladies: if a man looks at you in wonder and appreciation because you were able to step up and do what SHOULD HAVE BEEN the man's job, where he proved ignorant or incapable... you should not feel "appreciated." You should be gravely concerned.

Beware of pretty boys who have been trained up to adhere to corporate aesthetics. They'll promise you a life where neither of you has to do the dirty work. This means they are planning to not know HOW.
It’s barely June… does that mean White Boy Summer is called off??
 

Despoina

Pigeon
Woman
Orthodox
I hope you to not find my tone offensive or harsh with providing the following commentary:
Nope, it’s all good.
What I find interesting that you use a lot of fancy words and colorful text for word salad that essentially amounts to a “Karen” level argument of “I don’t like her tone”. Because you really didn’t say anything of substance. Again you didn’t address any specific point just a point on the tone of “neutrality”. Okay point taken.
It is what is.

You admit the source material was valid. Article is based on the source material. It seems you don’t like the way it is presented. (It should have been a review!) Okay noted. Forgive me.

Moving on here’s some good advice for single women looking to marry from an Orthodox Gerondissa:

 

Shedlight11

Sparrow
Woman
Other Christian
I can't tell if you're trolling me here.

iu


There is plenty of information about how modern dyes are toxic that the western "scientific establishment" doesn't want you to know.




There are specific bicycle handle bars for sale these days which are marketed as "non-toxic, anti-shedding". The itself fact that there is a demand for such products indicates that "conventional" handle bars shed toxic chemicals. Personally I am skeptical of anything produced in China


If you don't want to wrap around the handle bars with like kerchiefs, you can just buy wooden ones, no problem.

iu


If a woman would consider me literally crazy for bringing up such serious concerns, then that's a red flag.

If you don't know me, who are you to judge? How can you say anything about "terrible trauma on the first date" or "family issues"?

If you've lived through the last two years, and still have a shred of belief in western medicine?

"Weird church cult" sounds like something that an atheist would say.
 
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Shedlight11

Sparrow
Woman
Other Christian
I can't tell if you're trolling me here.

iu


There is plenty of information about how modern dyes are toxic that the western "scientific establishment" doesn't want you to know.




There are specific bicycle handle bars for sale these days which are marketed as "non-toxic, anti-shedding". The itself fact that there is a demand for such products indicates that "conventional" handle bars shed toxic chemicals. Personally I am skeptical of anything produced in China


If you don't want to wrap around the handle bars with like kerchiefs, you can just buy wooden ones, no problem.

iu


If a woman would consider me literally crazy for bringing up such serious concerns, then that's a red flag.

If you don't know me, who are you to judge? How can you say anything about "terrible trauma on the first date" or "family issues"?

If you've lived through the last two years, and still have a shred of belief in western medicine?

"Weird church cult" sounds like something that an atheist would say.
Another way dye is used that absorbs into skin is through receipts! That's one of the biggest ways because people don't even think twice about it. Not sure what the argument is over and nor do I want to involve myself, but I do agree that dyes are extremely toxic whether they are ingested or absorbed through the skin. There are many studies to show that dyes impact children's behavior in such a negative way. They make autism symptoms and ADD way worse. Also have personal experience working with kids. Your skin is the largest organ. Anything that goes on it is absorbed directly into the bloodstream and can penetrate cells and cause MAJOR damage. That is why certain sunscreens have been causing cancer for years... But that's a convo people are not ready to have. Pigmented fruits are for sure a safer dye alternative. It is pretty much the same for all chemicals; plastics, metals, pesticides/herbicides, fragrance, etc.
 
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messaggera

Pelican
Woman
Other Christian
essentially amounts to a “Karen” level argument of “I don’t like her tone”

For those who do not think tone is significant in dialogue, perhaps consider being open-minded that tone is used
“to contribute to the establishment of a constructive dialog.”

How ironic.

LONDON — The Russian Orthodox Church scolded Pope Francis on Wednesday for using the wrong tone after he urged Patriarch Kirill not to become the Kremlin’s “altar boy,” cautioning the Vatican that such remarks would hurt dialog between the churches.

The Russian Orthodox Church said it was regrettable that a month and a half after Francis and Kirill, the patriarch of Moscow and All Russia, had spoken directly, the pope had adopted such a tone.
“Pope Francis chose an incorrect tone to convey the content of this conversation,” the Moscow Patriarchy said, though it did not explicitly mention the “altar boy” comment.

“Such statements are unlikely to contribute to the establishment of a constructive dialog between the Roman Catholic and Russian Orthodox Churches, which is especially necessary at the present time.”[article link]

Thou, O Christ, art Thyself the fulfillment of all good things! Fill my soul with joy and gladness, and save me, for Thou art all merciful. Lord have mercy. Amen.
 

Number one bummer

Kingfisher
Other Christian
Gold Member
The average list of red flags for women is nearly eliminated as long as the woman is nice, weighs less than the man, and does not want to kill her children.

The averages list of red flags for men descends into debates over dressing like an 17th-century-tzarist Mormon and covering bicycle handles with rags.

There is probably a deeper meaning in this.
 

Starlight

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
The average list of red flags for women is nearly eliminated as long as the woman is nice, weighs less than the man, and does not want to kill her children.

The averages list of red flags for men descends into debates over dressing like an 17th-century-tzarist Mormon and covering bicycle handles with rags.

There is probably a deeper meaning in this.
Men are more inconsistent than they want women to believe? I mean, those “average red flags for men” that you sited are ones posted by other men, not women… Women aren’t the ones debating over “17th-century-tzarist Mormon and covering bicycle handles with rags.”
 
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get2choppaaa

Hummingbird
Orthodox
The average list of red flags for women is nearly eliminated as long as the woman is nice, weighs less than the man, and does not want to kill her children.

The averages list of red flags for men descends into debates over dressing like an 17th-century-tzarist Mormon and covering bicycle handles with rags.

There is probably a deeper meaning in this.
Haha astute reflection, though I think it's better enumerated in the following:

Group 1 correct base priorities.
For most men, a woman not being fat, not crazy, is religious and subservient and wanting to be a mom that loves her kids is enough..

Group 2 foolish base priorities.
Assumed all the above but places arbitrary things into importance it shouldn't have...such as apparently not seeing the necessity bicycle handle coverings and wearing clothes with dye or ever using color shampoo that dies your hair is a red flag.

These men in group 2 are going to wedge themselves out of relationships quicker than you can say weirdo. Group 1 however has the basic framework down and is consistent.

But since this was posted in the lady's forum....
What say ye ladies? Do you agree about dyes/bleach (which my wife says is very bad for ladies but i digress) and wooden handles? Or does that all seem over the top?

The question should really be what are things you think are red flags in men... Since we already are pretty simple for the most part about things.
 

Pray_Everyday

Robin
Woman
Other Christian
But since this was posted in the lady's forum....
What say ye ladies? Do you agree about dyes/bleach (which my wife says is very bad for ladies but i digress) and wooden handles? Or does that all seem over the top?
Can only speak for myself, of course, but I agree that it is important to avoid harmful chemicals, like dyes, that can be absorbed through the skin, and wooden bicycle handles are probably safer. If a man did not care about these matters, and was not willing to learn, it would make a marriage difficult, as I'm quite health conscious.

That said, as I think you said in one of your earlier posts, if someone is not married yet they don't know the difficulty of putting those principles in practice in actuality. Example: we bought our first child, as a newborn, a cetain brand of car seat because we read that it didn't use harmful flame retardant chemicals. She hated it, and refused to ride quietly in the car until we ended up getting a cheap regular car seat months later. Sometimes there's only so much you can do...
 

Starlight

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
But since this was posted in the lady's forum....
What say ye ladies? Do you agree about dyes/bleach (which my wife says is very bad for ladies but i digress) Or does that all seem over the top?.
There is a thread touching on that regarding hair
And it’s not “over the top” imo. It’s a real concern… Especially since our (female) endocrine system’s are very sensitive and how these chemicals can build up over time in a persons body. I try to avoid extra plastics/chemicals as much as I can (I’m not a puritan but I try) and I never even thought about my bike handles at all until @Stoyan mentioned it and I ride my bike pretty much everyday to get around. (So thank you, Stoyan for that). Usually, I wear biking gloves anyway to keep my hands from getting calloused but I never once thought about how my bike handles might leach chemicals into my body. Guess I’m just a RWH (right wing hippie) :squintlol:
 
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Shedlight11

Sparrow
Woman
Other Christian
My father straight up told my mom she wasn’t allowed to work. And she didn’t.
It's a dream for a man to tell
me not to work, so I can take care of the house and kids. My mom had it the same way.
There is a thread touching on that regarding hair
And it’s not “over the top” imo. It’s a real concern… Especially since our (female) endocrine system’s are very sensitive and how these chemicals can build up over time in a persons body. I try to avoid extra plastics/chemicals as much as I can (I’m not a puritan but I try) and I never even thought about my bike handles at all until @Stoyan mentioned it and I ride my bike pretty much everyday to get around. (So thank you, Stoyan for that). Usually, I wear biking gloves anyway to keep my hands from getting calloused but I never once thought about how my bike handles might leach chemicals into my body. Guess I’m just a RWH (right wing hippie) :squintlol:
Agree.These harmful dyes and fragrances can cause infertility issues and are endocrine disruptors. So can parabans.If men want healthy wives, babies and pregnancies, I think this is something they should care about. If someone did not see that these things caused health issues that would indeed be a red flag for me.
 

Max Roscoe

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
I'm going to trigger some more with my ultra-strict rules.

1) Her car -- should be a reasonable vehicle, not a luxury car. It should also be clean and tidy. One of the last dates I had pre-covid, was an impromptu dinner with a girl I had met a few times before. When I walked to her car, she had to remove inches of fast food wrappers, paper, and trash from the floorboard so I had a place to sit. Instant next. If the car is a new or luxury vehicle, she will have the expectation of an even newer and better car when with you.

2) Her best friend - This is one of the biggest tells. Is her best friend a stable, positive, kind person? Is she a party animal with tattoos? Is she always losing jobs, having personal crises, etc.? This is one of her largest influences, and women are easily influenced. The best friend should be calm, stable, and ideally, happily married herself, as this is the behavior you want her to model.

3) How disagreeable is she? I recently met a friend's new (Eastern European) wife. She was attractive physically, and rather easy to talk to, but mildly critical and argumentative just in general typical discourse. I noticed this just in half an hour of small talk. Nothing offensive, but it seemed she was being contrarian just for the sake of attention, and it was enough to raise a red flag for me. If this is her "best face" she is putting forward publicly, how pleasant will she be on a day to day basis?

4) Her career. A lawyer is an instant next. You want to marry a professional argument - maker? I look for a job which is naturally feminine and congruent with the traits I admire in women: teacher, daycare worker, dog walker, social worker, nursing, rehabilitation aid, etc.

5) No hobbies. One of the first questions I ask people, and especially women, is about their hobbies. "Oh I don't know" or something absurdly bland like "I like music" means they have no interests they independently pursue, and no particular drive or motivation. A passion for something, anything really, as long as it's not destructive, is what I look for.

6) How often she smiles or laughs. 'Nuff said!

7) At least one valuable skill or talent that will supplement your life. I don't expect everyone to be a great chef, or love doing laundry or have a passion for exercise, but by the time a woman becomes an adult, she *should* have at least one skill that you value as a man. Whether it is a household chore, entertainment, or a common activity you can do together, there should be something. Remember in times past, all women above a certain class were taught singing, dancing, or piano. Has this woman developed any skills of her own?
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
I'm going to trigger some more with my ultra-strict rules.

1) Her car -- should be a reasonable vehicle, not a luxury car. It should also be clean and tidy. One of the last dates I had pre-covid, was an impromptu dinner with a girl I had met a few times before. When I walked to her car, she had to remove inches of fast food wrappers, paper, and trash from the floorboard so I had a place to sit. Instant next. If the car is a new or luxury vehicle, she will have the expectation of an even newer and better car when with you.

2) Her best friend - This is one of the biggest tells. Is her best friend a stable, positive, kind person? Is she a party animal with tattoos? Is she always losing jobs, having personal crises, etc.? This is one of her largest influences, and women are easily influenced. The best friend should be calm, stable, and ideally, happily married herself, as this is the behavior you want her to model.

3) How disagreeable is she? I recently met a friend's new (Eastern European) wife. She was attractive physically, and rather easy to talk to, but mildly critical and argumentative just in general typical discourse. I noticed this just in half an hour of small talk. Nothing offensive, but it seemed she was being contrarian just for the sake of attention, and it was enough to raise a red flag for me. If this is her "best face" she is putting forward publicly, how pleasant will she be on a day to day basis?

4) Her career. A lawyer is an instant next. You want to marry a professional argument - maker? I look for a job which is naturally feminine and congruent with the traits I admire in women: teacher, daycare worker, dog walker, social worker, nursing, rehabilitation aid, etc.

5) No hobbies. One of the first questions I ask people, and especially women, is about their hobbies. "Oh I don't know" or something absurdly bland like "I like music" means they have no interests they independently pursue, and no particular drive or motivation. A passion for something, anything really, as long as it's not destructive, is what I look for.

6) How often she smiles or laughs. 'Nuff said!

7) At least one valuable skill or talent that will supplement your life. I don't expect everyone to be a great chef, or love doing laundry or have a passion for exercise, but by the time a woman becomes an adult, she *should* have at least one skill that you value as a man. Whether it is a household chore, entertainment, or a common activity you can do together, there should be something. Remember in times past, all women above a certain class were taught singing, dancing, or piano. Has this woman developed any skills of her own?
-messy car,
-friends you don't like,
- too disagreeable for your liking,
- has no interests
- doesn't laugh or smile enough
- not skilled enough at things a person values
I am sure there are some men out there with messy cars, a few bad friends, no hobbies, don't laugh and smile enough, have no talents etc. but they are great guys and should not be passed over because of it.
 

Thomas More

Crow
Protestant
-messy car,
-friends you don't like,
- too disagreeable for your liking,
- has no interests
- doesn't laugh or smile enough
- not skilled enough at things a person values
I am sure there are some men out there with messy cars, a few bad friends, no hobbies, don't laugh and smile enough, have no talents etc. but they are great guys and should not be passed over because of it.
I'm surprised at this answer! I would think a woman would be put off by this, regardless of how Godly or secular she was.
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
I'm surprised at this answer! I would think a woman would be put off by this, regardless of how Godly or secular she was.
These are some red flags I would be concerned about -
Does he respect her intimacy boundaries?
Does he call to keep in touch on a regular basis?
Does he ask about her day and actually care what she says?
Would he go out of his way to help her or someone she knows if their car broke down?
Does he have an obsessive compulsive personality disorder?
Is he taking medication to control his schizophrenia?
 
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