What is most important in a wife or girlfriend to you?

What is most important in a wive or girfriend to you?

  • Her psychical attractiveness

    Votes: 24 29.6%
  • having a laid back/relaxed personality( so not being much neurotic)

    Votes: 41 50.6%
  • Her libido scale

    Votes: 5 6.2%
  • how much money she has/makes

    Votes: 1 1.2%
  • other

    Votes: 34 42.0%

  • Total voters
    81
Feminine.

Similar faith.

Appropriate age (I'm 37 so ideal girl would be around 24 to 33).

Appearance (just easy on the eyes, don't need a stunner).

Willingness to follow my lead while also being a good copilot, i.e., not letting me off the hook when I'm legitimately off course.
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
I realized one thing about myself and I don't know, whether I should fight it or not.

I don't like submissive girls. Not being said I'm myself submissive in relationship (in my previous relationships, being with non-submissive girl made me more dominant in that relationshop). But over the last year, as I got into my late twenties, I ran into few girls, just 2 or more years under my age, who seem to be perfect match. Decent history (usually got out of LTR after many years), acceptable looks (with genetical promise of not getting fat) and willing to get into relationship ASAP with the vision of starting family soon. Simply they are looking for some man, by whos side they could live, under his terms. I don't come from good background and didn't choose the best career field, but I work on myself, have good looks and slowly try to build decent life. That's enough to have options.

I don't know if you can imagine what kind of girl I'm talking about, but according to measures of this community, they seem to be the match. But they are super boring. I just cannot imagine existing next to them. They are like abandoned dogs, who wait for some new owner to take care of them.
Seems like I should take charge and use them to build a family with them. But I don't like this role, although I want to start a family soon.

I am naturally attracted to girls, who experienced something in life (not in sexual way of course). Who did some interesting travelling, work in interesting field or something. Definitely not to those type of girls, who stayed in their small home town whole life and don't have any hobbies.

On the other hand, girls I'm naturally attracted to usually have some red flags. Or they might not be interested in settling with me.

I get the best along with girls, who are over 30, which is not okay, at my age. And I tried to date much younger, but again, they are very boring and live empty lifes with no interests (probably because of social media).

I am a bit interested in psychology, so I kind of have an idea, what's going on in my head. But I am asking myself a question, whether I should fight it and risk never being satisfied with a girl of logical choose or just do it the way I feel it (which might end up being with older girl or being single for many more years).
 

Elipe

Pelican
I realized one thing about myself and I don't know, whether I should fight it or not.

I don't like submissive girls. Not being said I'm myself submissive in relationship (in my previous relationships, being with non-submissive girl made me more dominant in that relationshop). But over the last year, as I got into my late twenties, I ran into few girls, just 2 or more years under my age, who seem to be perfect match. Decent history (usually got out of LTR after many years), acceptable looks (with genetical promise of not getting fat) and willing to get into relationship ASAP with the vision of starting family soon. Simply they are looking for some man, by whos side they could live, under his terms. I don't come from good background and didn't choose the best career field, but I work on myself, have good looks and slowly try to build decent life. That's enough to have options.

I don't know if you can imagine what kind of girl I'm talking about, but according to measures of this community, they seem to be the match. But they are super boring. I just cannot imagine existing next to them. They are like abandoned dogs, who wait for some new owner to take care of them.
Seems like I should take charge and use them to build a family with them. But I don't like this role, although I want to start a family soon.

I am naturally attracted to girls, who experienced something in life (not in sexual way of course). Who did some interesting travelling, work in interesting field or something. Definitely not to those type of girls, who stayed in their small home town whole life and don't have any hobbies.

On the other hand, girls I'm naturally attracted to usually have some red flags. Or they might not be interested in settling with me.

I get the best along with girls, who are over 30, which is not okay, at my age. And I tried to date much younger, but again, they are very boring and live empty lifes with no interests (probably because of social media).

I am a bit interested in psychology, so I kind of have an idea, what's going on in my head. But I am asking myself a question, whether I should fight it and risk never being satisfied with a girl of logical choose or just do it the way I feel it (which might end up being with older girl or being single for many more years).
Part of being a man is taking responsibility. Submissiveness is not responsibility, it is avoiding responsibility. You want someone else to take care of you, take responsibility on your behalf. That is not manly, that is effeminate. That is what is called a manchild.

I'm not insulting you. I'm saying this also for myself: I had to step up and take responsibility within my marriage because I have a very laid-back personality where I don't really like to make firm, hard commitments and choices. I hate having to make choices because I tend to second-guess myself and there is probably a bit of fear of failure there. But I find that as a married man, I've had to step up and make decisions, because my wife hates making decisions too and as a woman, she shouldn't be the one making decisions for us anyway. The buck is supposed to stop at me, and I have to catch myself and remind myself of that, so I push through and make the final decisions on things and let the chips fall where they may.

There's going to be more of that pressure when I have kids as well, because I'm going to be responsible for dependents. I well and truly will have no choice but to fully commit to this role. This is the way of men. Our generation, as well as those that follow ours, are horribly neglected as men. We are not taught how to be men, and we are not put through the trials that past civilizations once put young boys through to really make them mature men. The vast majority of millennial and later men are just manchildren, not true men prepared to grab the reins of civilization and drive it on toward a great, purposeful end.

So first above all things, sack up.
 

Jive Turkey

Woodpecker
Part of being a man is taking responsibility. Submissiveness is not responsibility, it is avoiding responsibility. You want someone else to take care of you, take responsibility on your behalf. That is not manly, that is effeminate. That is what is called a manchild.

I'm not insulting you. I'm saying this also for myself: I had to step up and take responsibility within my marriage because I have a very laid-back personality where I don't really like to make firm, hard commitments and choices. I hate having to make choices because I tend to second-guess myself and there is probably a bit of fear of failure there. But I find that as a married man, I've had to step up and make decisions, because my wife hates making decisions too and as a woman, she shouldn't be the one making decisions for us anyway. The buck is supposed to stop at me, and I have to catch myself and remind myself of that, so I push through and make the final decisions on things and let the chips fall where they may.

There's going to be more of that pressure when I have kids as well, because I'm going to be responsible for dependents. I well and truly will have no choice but to fully commit to this role. This is the way of men. Our generation, as well as those that follow ours, are horribly neglected as men. We are not taught how to be men, and we are not put through the trials that past civilizations once put young boys through to really make them mature men. The vast majority of millennial and later men are just manchildren, not true men prepared to grab the reins of civilization and drive it on toward a great, purposeful end.

So first above all things, sack up.
I don't think he was saying he hates responsibility I think he is making the point about not liking girls who are, like he said, abandoned dogs just waiting for a new owner. Imagine spending your whole life with someone who just basically mirrors your own thoughts back to you. They have no initiative or gumption. Obviously no one here is going to disagree that a man should be the leader in the family, but there also comes a point where a woman is so passive as to become almost a ghost. If you have ever dated a girl like this it is uncanny. Always wondering if they are really this bland or if they are hiding their true self away from you. You try to ask them something about themselves and they basically bat the question back at you after some vague answer. You wonder if she has any values, any self-reflection and all these things.

God is the potter and we are the clay. I don't want to build a woman from the ground up. I am fine with a woman following my lead, but the woman he seems to refer to is like a Jewish golemn who can just be programmed. But eventually their literal interpretation of the programming will result in complications.
 

Magnus Stout

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Love (as in being receptively lovable and outwardly loving).

For me the outward lovable part is (1) good physical appearance, intelligent & obedient; the inward part is (2) loving God and others (husband and children).

Women are the best helpers of men (& most attractive) when they choose to be so (not the "strong/independent/empowered" nonsense).
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
@Elipe

As @Jive Turkey, pointed out, it´s not about fearing responsibility. I am not claiming I am perfect and I have got many flaws, but I see responsibility as the most important thing in man´s life. Whether it´s being responsible for family, at work or even for his own actions, it´s something what can fullfil someone. I think it equals purpose. There´s no purpose without responsibility for something.
And actually I am starting to feel stronger and stronger urge to feel responsibility for someone else than just myself.

I think, that @Jive Turkey wrote exactly what I wanted to say, but in much better way.

I understand, that there are many men out there, who only require a woman to be a silent member of household, who take care of everything and give love to children. Nothing more.
But I don´t find myself comfortable here, even though I probably understand, that it´s the best way to have working family. I need a person with big personality.
 

soli.deo.gloria

Woodpecker
Orthodox Inquirer
Gold Member
I do not care for the choices on this poll.

Important:
Loyalty, morality, femininity, a kind and gentle soul with the ability to show genuine love compassion and concern for the husband family and God, willingness to serve and put others first, physical health, libido and attractiveness (sex and attraction on its own is worthless, even harmful, but is an important component of a healthy relationship).

Doesn't matter:
Independence, physical strength, money, high intelligence, education.

I will note some of the "doesn't matter" qualities can be useful in some ways but more often than not it can create problems. A womans most important role is to love support and nurture the family and follow the husband. It is NOT important for a woman to have a career, or interesting opinions on science politics and philosophy, or be a star athlete, or a solider, or a cop, or an engineer, etc. All of those things take away from her primary gift and purpose in life, which is something only a woman can do or be, which is a loving wife and mother.
 
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